Returning to this World


Last night the rain shivered beneath the moon

and I fell asleep staring at the silhouettes of trees

dancing across the field, lost in the wind of chances

until I drifted without thoughts and illusions

into a dream land that called my name from the other side.


This morning I returned to this world,

woken with memories of another life I left behind

and as I stared into the morning light

a quiet whisper left me without doubts:

my thoughts are the small journeys

that bring me back to reality

and I am exactly where I am supposed to be.


I return to this world surrendering to the universe.

Some days there is peace of mind.

Some days there is utter chaos.

Some days I thank God for the rain inside

that washes over me and fills my spirit

with such certainties and assurances.

The dreams intertwine with past lessons;

the past intertwines with the disillusions

and then I am back to this reality:

This is my one-and-only spectacular life.

Back to Me

I fell into you

like a diver jumps into depth



and magically

as if the cosmos found the place

where treasures lie

right inside of you and me.

I found you

as you were desperately

searching for me,

and once again

we are lost out at sea.

Poseidon created a giant wave

to bring you safely back

and I’ve put my mermaid fins,

swam to your side,

listening to you share

the truth of all your past

with vulnerability.

Now you finally let the salt waters

drain you,

clean you,

and make way to an open

receiving heart.

I am here to hold your hand,

clear your tears,

and love you as you are.

Love hasn’t had time elapse

as you and I become one

again and again.

I want to stay a while in these waters,



holding on to one another,

riding the waves to the shore

where we can eventually

stand and walk

to the world of the unknown

without any anchors holding

us down ever again.

Seeds of the Soul

It’s been several challenging weeks away from technology with the exception of a few emails. Spending time away from social media has allowed me to find the simplicity in life. I’m not quite back as I cringe surfing my computer.  I have witnessed changes in me and worked on strengthening my beliefs.  I have enjoyed the entering of fall. I love the way the cool autumn breeze has touched me lately.  I leave the windows opened just enough to feel their tenacious mischief in the night, tickling parts of my hair and skin.  I love how every morning there is more color and leaves on the ground crackling with movement and ending the cycle of another season.  There is a season to everything and watching the leaves fall becoming mulch defines the ending of this season of exhaustion.  Somewhere in the midst of these months I lost myself inside of me.  It’s as if a seed was planted with hope for growth but nothing sprouted.  I have been stuck in the dirt.  And, now as I observe the window of the world I see that I stopped watering the seed.  It’s been me…no one else to blame.  In moments like this I am quickly reminded of life and its precious commodities.  Life is fragile.

Yesterday our 19 month old kitty cat, my mate’s best buddy that he raised from birth, died on the road in front of our place.  I have engraved an image of a gentle giant digging up a hole in our woods to bury his sweet friend.  I will forever remember the way he caressed him as he placed him in the dirt and then scattered the soil over him under a beautiful tree. I will hold in my memory the way he walked away, head down, holding in an inexplicable pain for this event.  It is said that grief is that last act of love we provide those we have loved.  The deeper the grief the more we have given of ourselves.  I don’t know if this is what’s been coming up for over a month and now with this loss it has magnified itself into an unseen force.  Perhaps this is the sadness that engulfs me in the middle of the night choking the core of me.  I don’t know.  But, something has been missing, a vastness of space and time I cannot recapture.  It could be middle age regrets for not having done more, cared deeper, forgiven quicker or released instantly.  Letting go is a lesson I’ve acquired throughout the years.  It hasn’t always been this way.  I don’t want to dwell on the sadness.  I want to let the choking come and go, honoring its presence and awareness with love.  Grieving in silence is part of our humanity.  We don’t have to do it but sometimes we must travel those places alone.  It’s okay.  It’s always okay because it is our picking.  In letting those moments come and go I realize that I get to choose the suffering entering and leaving.  It doesn’t choose me.  And, that alone is enough to accept the grieving process for yesterday and bring joy for today.   In gratitude lives the truth of who we are. Sometimes we have to dig deeply and restart with another seed to sprout and grow.   Other times we have to dig and bury the things we love with all our hearts.

Now with the loss of a pet and friend I sit feeling the numbness of it all.  We have gone through this before.  It is always deafening in the depth of unspoken words.  My heart goes out to Matt.  My heart goes out to my daughter who found him as she was heading to work.  My heart is stretched and properly signaling the change in our home.  Things are shifting, changing and pushing lately in a way that seems to forget about time.  I am consciously staying present.  It has been a few weeks of intense lessons.  Just like the falling leaves I have allowed things to fall out as well.

I continue to count my blessings.  The days come and go, feeling the changes in the air, and praying for strength to weather the diversities.  The beauty of fall is in the scarves, sweaters, and warm socks to shelter the spirit.  “Pumpkin everything” becomes the theme.  I indulge in the small things like gathering seeds for next year, cleaning the garden and allowing nature to sleep for a while.  I love the way that decomposed soil welcomes me with all this rain.  I love the way I can sense rain before a forecast.  I love that I can still smile at the dance of trees in the forest.  And, I love that I can bring myself out of this funk when I allow myself to play.  Whether it is grieving, releasing, guilt, shame, or loss there is no act of human emotion that cannot be modified through the heart and the higher consciousness of love.   I am grateful for friends who know how to touch the core of my sadness and hold a cup of hot chocolate to get it out in the open allowing me to remember…this is real life.

 “Don’t judge each day by the harvest you reap but by the seeds you plant.”~ Robert Louis Steven