A Pilgrimage

Today I went on a pilgrimage. My husband took the kids and I headed up my favorite mountain. It’s been a while since I have been alone. All alone with my thoughts.

This mountain is the place that for many years I would hike during summer rain, ice, snow, and every other weather condition to help
with severe anxiety. I lived down the mountain and for years it was my daily commune with God. The higher I trekked the easier I felt the Divine. I released so much of my old life up there.

This was the place I broke several ribs, sprained my chest cavity falling on ice and ended up in the ER. Another time it was where I fractured my tailbone. I can’t remember the many times I sprained my ankles. The trail and I had many battles. Sometimes I won. Other times I was well defeated and I learned some powerful lessons. It was the mystical place I stargazed at night and played with my kids during hard times when I had very little money. I had many galactic experiences up there. Bearwallow Mountain pushed me to begin writing with openness about myself and nature. It was the place I took my husband on our second date and where, on Christmas Day nine months later, I asked him if he would ever consider marrying me to which he answered, “Sure, why not?”

And years passed before we married and during that time those hikes helped me heal so much of an old self that was strangling me. I hiked in order not to run. I hiked because while I was climbing that mountain I was living in the present. I was grounding myself in order not to hurt myself.

The terrain up there pulls me. The vast space on top of the mountain calls my soul. The smell of cow manure is like coming home to comfort. The decomposing of the earth is intoxicating. In a bizarre way all my senses are heightened and I come alive like no other place. Today I needed to go home alone. And while I was up there I realized that on this day ten years ago I came to these mountains for the first time. Two months later I would be calling them my home.

So I sat on my favorite boulder and spoke to God. I cried while feeling the world’s grief. The beauty was breathtaking. I began asking for the best possible outcome for my kiddos. I felt the cool wind go through me with assurance. A baby calf came up real close while I was meditating. We startled each other when I moved quickly. And I giggled like a little girl. It was pure joy to feel the simple ease of the moment.

Up there I felt my soul open up again like it had years ago. Memories flooded since it’s been a while I had been there. I found many heart shaped rocks to add to my collection. There is magic and connection there and I was reminded to not wait so long for another return. It’s free therapy that enlightens my spirit.

The mountain always offers me a sacred journey inward. It holds intimacy and rawness. Today it supported me once again. And it reinforced what I always believe: it is compassion and gratitude that bring us to ourselves. It is release and forgiveness that allow our return to spirit. And, it is love that makes us, creates us and embodies us at all times…all this through the earth. Nature heals us. We become aware of our small presence in this world. Nature is our connection to the Divine and to each other. The divine is the love that we are and continue to learn from.

Sacredness in Holding Space

The Sacredness of Holding Space During these Moments…

Holding space for someone during these times is a privilege. It is about walking along their side without judgment, not making them feel inadequate and allowing their essence to feel free to just be. We are all on an emotional rollercoaster even if we are all about faith, love and light. We are still human and our emotional bodies do get affected.

These times are offering the opportunity for unconditional support with patience and sacredness that does not always come easy. But, we are learning. We will be learning many powerful lessons together.

Whether or not you feel anxiety and fear it is still very real for many. Your job is to stay open with an open heart. We will find that holding space is truly the only thing we can do for another while recognizing the frailty of life and all we take for granted. Compassion and kindness; altruism and acceptance; unconditional love and mindfulness should be on top of our lists.

The act of holding sacred space is important in all relationships, especially now. We are in need of these sanctified moments that express in silence to another, “I am here for you. There is nothing to do. I see you. I feel you. I hear you. I acknowledge your life.”

Holding space is about being present without distractions and allowing another to feel Divinity through the eyes of your love.

What incredible moments are being presented for us to love and respect each other! We are all under the same experience. This virus doesn’t care about race, gender, religious beliefs, political agenda, or anything else that discriminates us. We are to hold each other in pure sacredness and acceptance without judgment for how we show up through it all.

I love you. You are not alone and I will continue to remind you.

The Now

There are three days very important in our lives: yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

When we focus on yesterday we get lost in regrets, excuses, resentments, and bitter sweet memories for not having been more…. We relive the things we cannot change.

When we focus on tomorrow we are overcome with uncertainty, anxiety, doubts, and an array of unsettling emotions for what’s to come and how to handle it. We lose ourselves in trying to manipulate and control the outcome of what isn’t here yet.

But, when we focus on today, this very moment, without dragging yesterday or borrowing from the future, we get to live fully in the magic of what is…evolving in the NOW. We don’t have to anticipate or feel guilt. We move through everything that is and isn’t. Joy and grace become vehicles for accepting.

Which day are you living constantly? How is that working out for you?

The Sacredness of Presence

I was able to watch the sun come up today driving kiddos to school. It was later than usual. And those aha moments began to gather. I breathed deeply at the traffic lights. I inhaled the sun peeking. I exhaled to the awareness of presence. I teared up at the beauty all around me in these mountains and I recited my prayers of gratitude.

Who you are today is a compilation of every past experience. And, you are nothing of what you will be tomorrow. That’s the beautiful mysticism of understanding the evolution of the soul.

You are the universe embodied in a human vehicle. You are a zillion cells and infinite years old. Things change every second. I urge you to pay attention.

I’ve been wealthy. I’ve been poor. I’ve been a follower. I’ve been a teacher. I’ve been an avid student. I been a mother. I’ve been a wife and a lover. I’ve been angry and happy and lost and found. I’ve been broken and pasted back together mending in my private times. None of those labels will define my tomorrow because I am ever changing…but they have defined the soul I’ve become at this moment. Every single challenge and experience has molded me. It’s never the end. We are semicolons pausing and quickly beginning a new phase. Every single day.

Just as the sun rising and the night returning…You get to restart and reinvent yourself over and over. It’s a divine privilege. It’s your human right.

So don’t let the stress of tomorrow overshadow the sacredness of presence now. You will never be this young again. You will continue to grow in spirit and the moment you become aware of your power life will begin to shift.

I love you. Be present. Make it a point to stop, have a conscious breath, and taste your life for what it is. Whether it’s good or bad it is your life. And you can change it whenever your accept that this is not a prison life sentence. It is truly a magical experience of endless proportions.

~m.a.p.

Divineness in Allowing and Accepting

💜💜💜

Several years ago I had a huge pond. On the yuckiest and muckiest part of the pond a lotus garden sprung up every year. Out of the mud a flower of enlightened beauty would emerge.

Like you…

Like me…

It was through the area of pure abandonment that this would appear in the most vibrant pinks and purples near the willow tree that waited patiently for its birth.

There is divineness in allowing things to emerge from struggle and yuckiness. It’s in the precious battle through darkness that we evolve. It’s a sacred union of truly releasing the ego to divinity.

The lotus doesn’t ask permission to bloom. It just grows. And all the pods around it watch the flower come alive. The buds begin to rise and when they open up it is as lovely as watching a birth.

That’s what we are here to do. Just allow and accept the divine in you to emerge from yuckiness. Allow your soul to free itself from judgment and criticism. Accept all parts of you that make you magnificent.

You are not alone. Be the lotus that rises from the muck and change the world with your radiance.

New Energy of Love

The first night in a new house is like being with a new lover. You listen to the noises attentively. You touch things with new eyes. You notice as much as you can hold in your senses. You study the forms and shapes of everything around you. You begin to hold space for it and the gifts the energy will bring. You gently feel the sacred gratitude making mental notes of what is and what isn’t.

There is love pouring out of you with dreamy expectations of the future. There is acceptance without judgment. There is desire and ideas of what you will do together, who you may entertain and what will keep you safe. This is when the magic begins in any relationship. The unknown is ecstatic.

Each picture you hang, each plate you put away, builds to the excitement. You are enticed by the novelty, the unknown, and the purity. It’s a blank canvas, and like a lover, it needs attention for you to be mindful of every inch of exploration.

Some houses have ancestral histories, traumas, that are seen months later through unrevealed issues. They start to retaliate with problems while others feel as if you arrived to a place of complete belonging. They hold energy inside their walls. Like a lover, patience and acceptance are required. You cannot heal without permission. A house needs love. It needs time. It requires peace without pushing or pulling too quickly.

On that first night you allow for the magic to enter. You create from a place of vulnerability. You put down your hair and begin a new journey. You speak to it with loving intentions. Like a new lover…you dive into that space with uncensored love.

You mold into the space until you are one.

In return it will welcome you with complete bliss. It is home….

You are finally where you belong.

~m.a.p.

Sacredness of Ceremonies

There is sacredness in ceremonies, in gathering with others to bless and heal. Circles, fire, chanting, prayers, meditations, cleansing and other rituals are there to maintain a sense of creation through divinity. When two or more gather there is manifesting on all levels and realms. It’s mystical!

The Sacredness of Ceremonies allows me to ground myself beyond words. Rituals and gatherings raise my frequency to more love and infinite abundance. Judgment disappears. Vulnerability unfolds. When I moved to these mountains years ago I dreamed of a tribe that would support me and my heart. It was slow to arrive since I kept growing spiritually and was disconnected from many who were not on the same journey. It has taken some time but in the last few years I keep meeting the most intuitive and amazing people. I am so blessed to have found so many folks during this time, and it continues to grow with like-minded individuals who are connected to their spiritual truths. These are teachers, students, and true guides from all walks of life. My soul is filled with joy and humility because what I’ve asked for continues to expand. I am touched by stories, experiences and wisdom from so many sages.

And I am loved. That love is constantly being paid forward. It’s purified through the acceptance and knowing that I am receiving messages through others and their stories. I am in awed of what appears when I no longer try to control the world around me.

If you don’t have a tribe please find a way to create one. Take time to connect with others. Social media is excellent for this. Find groups and interact. Your soul isn’t meant to be alone. If you live far from others there are ways to connect through technology.

Be blessed and continue to manifest your desires. You grow through each little wish made to the heavens. You are magical. I love you. ~m.a.p.

The Ego is a Lunatic

Why do we sometimes allow spirituality to take a backseat? Why do we ignore the soul’s desire to spend quiet time alone? We start placing others’ needs before our very own.

I had forgotten what it was to live in that hectic pace until recently. I have to remember not to compromise my spiritual needs over the physical ones. I have to remind myself that the discomfort of certain things lately is all a matter of perception. Nothing is real but how I observe and own it.

I feel that the reason we forget to take time to contemplate is that we think it isn’t necessary every day. We can perhaps squeeze that time in the shower, driving, or right before sleeping. Spiritual nurturing requires time and effort just like physical work, career, family catering and entertainment.

Spirituality is the center of the soul. When we avoid those moments of centering, we are doing a huge injustice to ourselves. We become imbalanced.

What can possibly require us to avoid quiet time? Avoidance. Fear.

Fear of the unknown, anxiety, and the ego fighting the endless battle of narcissism create scenarios that don’t really exist. Finding a place, making a small space, or even just stopping for five minutes allows the spirit to center itself. Nothing is that important that we cannot meet the needs of our spirit to be still. NOTHING! Believe me that when the soul asks, you need to listen.

I have forgotten this with so much going on. The constant irritation of trying to make more time has reminded me to breathe and meditate right now. There is no appointment. Things cannot be postponed. My physical body has been calling for it through exhaustion. I am not ignoring it. I cannot handle the pain and move forward to stillness through avoidance. I know my stubbornness gets in the way of my spiritual growth like a mosquito attacking me in every direction. It’s incredible how something so small and annoying can get the blood boiling. But just like a mosquito, I can choose to slap it away. Silence, meditation, prayer, hiking, yoga…whatever you can find to escape the ego, is necessary for balance and harmony. Ego will keep you busy with shit that is unimportant. I promise. Shut it down. The soul needs to recharge and find stillness. It’s not just during sleep. Spirit needs to find connection with the universe during waking hours as well.

May you find a space that can bring you to inner peace. Pausing throughout the day (many times if needed) brings my spirit to a place of awareness, serenity, and self love. My humanness and relationship with others is enriched by the conscious connection with Divinity. It just takes one step in front of the other and deep breaths…then I find God echoing through all of me.

Answers come when we let go and make room for them. While we try to control the outcome we cannot hear. The only way is to step out of the mind and be led through the essence of my heart. In that space is where truth lies for me!

Sacred Spaces

Sundays….

They were not very welcoming a few years back. Sundays meant an entire day of cleaning a motel/retreat center especially during spring and summer. Now Sundays are about being still. I try to give this day a sacred space of not doing much.

This morning in meditation something came up about sacredness. The same sacredness I give to Sundays I am required to give to everything. Especially those things that annoy me.

A woman tore me a new one this week on this personal blog page. She apparently was tired of my “goodie touchi stories.” She said no one can be this kind all the time. She said I was a pretend-fake Christian and I made up stories to get paid for writing. She went on to tear into my ego like a hungry predator. I didn’t let her. I sent her a private message and asked her for a simple solution: “unfollow me and don’t read my stories.” That simple! Then I proceeded to tell her that I loved her. I thanked her for being on my page, taking the time to read my words, letting them rattle her, and then writing to me. Because she reminded me again that I am not here to make everyone happy. I’m not the Happy Fairy Queen. She was my teacher. I told her I was here if she ever needed to unload.

But for a few hours I allowed her anger to shake me up. I heard the voices of family members, old lovers, and distant friends. “Who left you in charged of stories, Millie? Who do you think you are?”

I didn’t share with her that I make no money from my stories. I didn’t tell her that I never ever pretend to be Christ. I did not bother to tell her that I wouldn’t know how to make up a story because life is always better than fiction. I didn’t say anything that would hurt her because hurt people lash out to get attention. Even if it’s negative. But I was hurt for a tiny bit. And then I wasn’t.

Sacredness comes from really allowing your truth to shine regardless of how others react. I will continue to show up in life and love wholeheartedly. I will continue to write my observations. I will continue to try and connect as many souls as I can. I will serve with my heart and apply it to all I touch. If that makes others uncomfortable then that’s part of the journey.

Sacred spaces aren’t just real places or retreats. They aren’t just in vacations. Sacred spaces are Sundays, meditations, walks, and everything that allows us to reconnect to divinity. May you find yours today. I love you.

Sacred Presence

I had a rare day while being in a state of complete presence. I am here but I am not. I have lifted myself through something odd and divinely lovely several times while staring at the rain fall, sitting by a friend, talking about things of the past and realizing the rawness of life.There has been frailty. There has been huge awareness.

We move through cycles of what was and what is. And, somewhere in between lies the illusion that these things make us whole and become our stories. Your story might be raw and full of pain, or it might consist of happiness and delightful moments. You have been embraced by love and lovers (past and present), but in the end it is this very second that glues us together. You have lost a loved one to death or just the ending of a relationship and it hurts like hell but you are still here surfing the ebb of deep waters. This is Sacred Presence.

This is raw and vulnerable ability to stay here and share while connecting to another by saying, “I am here for you. You are not alone. I understand. I have experienced something similar. Or, I haven’t and it is beautiful how you are moving with grace, strength and faith.” Yes, these are the moments that make us whole through the veil of life.

Keep searching for your truth. It isn’t always pretty or perfect or without some hurt…but it is your truth. These are the things that have created your humanness to continue expanding in our world. And how MARVELOUS you are, darling! You are lighting your journey. Go be all that greatness you are meant to be!!!! Mucho love. ~m.a.p.