Truly Listen to Another


For the major part of my adult life I have rarely heard when someone has told me who they are.  If you really listen to a stranger, a new person in your life, the beginning of a romantic relationship, you will find that they DO tell you who they are…for the most part (some folks are mentally ill and cannot decipher personality traits from their disorder).  Sometimes it isn’t verbal but through events and actions that leave you flabbergasted with questioning, “WTF?”  The fixer in me was always trying to take them by the hand and shake all those negative ideas of themselves.  I wanted to show them what I was seeing.  I wanted them to live to their highest potential of what I THOUGHT was correct.  This is complete and utter b.s. and arrogance.

A few years ago I dated a wonderful man, very briefly, for a few weeks.  On our first hike he kept stopping as we were trekking up this steep mountain terrain and laying down everything that was him.  He basically gave me a rundown of the things that were acceptable, who he was, what he would put up with, and so many other small fragments of his personality.  When we reached the summit I was truly exhausted but so relieved.  He showed me that hour the person he was and I truly listened.  I am so glad I did, because a few days later, in my need to bring out the best in another to my convenience, he stopped me again and reminded me how he laid it all on the line.  He was right.  He was one of the best teachers I’ve ever had in a relationship.  And, although our time together was brief, it was a powerful lesson in listening to another when they tell you who they are.  They know themselves better than anyone.

This relationship taught me about the art of setting boundaries and not getting lost in another person.   It allowed me to step back and watch the past pattern of behavior in wanting to bring another human being into my life to fit perfectly.  In my oblivious state of mind, which is a trait I cannot change, I saw the beauty and perfection of him.  But, relationships take time to evolve, and he fought me from the beginning.  He wasn’t going to change in his early fifties.  He was and is the best version of himself.  Together we would have been the ultimate disaster.  And…knowing this from early on saved us both a lot of grief.

I am aware that people have a diverse multitude of personalities.  They will show different sides to their convenience.  Some people cannot reach the emotional state early on, or ever. I understand that it takes time to learn the truth in another.  Hopefully they know their truth because some folks are just clueless!  This beautiful person showed me to look at myself and be honest with another from the very beginning.  I have taken it upon myself to do just that.  What you see is what you get.  There’s no hidden agenda.  I learned to be upfront in future relationships.  I learned to share my abilities, faults, flaws, and the things I will not tolerate.

Listening with my head rather than my heart, for a little while, allowed me to detach the desire to have a man in my life and see who he really was from the beginning.  I loved that about him.  And, throughout the years in our friendship we have always been to the point with one another.  It’s beautiful to be among a person who knows his truth.

Do yourself a favor and never ignore the words and actions from another when beginning any kind of relationship or friendship.  When someone tells you who they are listen with your mind and an open heart.  Divine guidance is there in those moments that speak truth.  And…always be honest with your feelings.  If it doesn’t feel right…drop it quickly.  You come first and foremost.  Have a blessed day.

Seeing Through Love

The eye of the sea is one thing,

The eye of the foam another.

Leave the foam aside,

See with the eye of the sea.” – Rumi

About twelve years ago in a busy pre-Christmas mall trip with my six kids, I watched a man with his two daughters go into an electronic store. He was a tall blonde man. I overheard his beautiful Irish or English accent as he passed me. Half of my kids went into the store to see the latest gadgets while I remained outside the shop with the three youngest ones. In one particular moment the gentleman inside and I locked eyes. He walked the isles and I stood there looking through the glass, following his every move, something I had never done before. I was paralyzed. His gaze went right through me. There wasn’t anything particular about him. He wasn’t a Brad Pitt or Robert Redford extraordinary-standout of a man. It wasn’t anything ordinary in his looks, but his deep blue eyes brought (and took) me to place I had never been before.

My children came out and we continued onto the next stores. We moved through the busy mall stressed with the holiday craziness. About an hour later, as I was going down the escalator, we crossed paths as he was going up. Once again, his eyes never left mine, bashful smiles exuded both our faces, and all that was needed was the film score to go with this magical moment. All I know for certain was that looking into his eyes was like returning home from a place far away. I have never been able to explain that moment or the feeling of loss that I encountered thereafter. This is how and why I understand Rumi’s words when he writes that to look into someone’s eyes is to see the depth of the world and the depth of the ocean. Once in a while a stranger reaches into the depth of ourselves and forces us to seek beyond the everyday. It is in those moments we recognize the connection of our existence. We are all in this together!

Eyes are the windows to the soul. This is not only a cliché, it is a reality. Sometimes we see just the body. Sometimes we see the soul, the spirit, and divinity reflecting back to us. In one second the world can become a completely different habitat just by a glance. I take the presence of a stare, a look, and a gaze very clearly. The eyes are the unique place where our spirits transfer energy to one another without touch. There have been times, just like the one years ago, that have opened some secret compartment in me. It is difficult to hide our truths and our essence when we truly look into the soul of another.

I notice in our society people avoid eye contact. I hope that we can get over the fear of allowing another to look inside. I am learning to allow another to enter into my world. I pray we can escape the trauma of vulnerability and stare into one another and witness the movement of the sea. It’s beautiful there. No matter who you are. Those eyes…let them see and be the sea to another. Let yourself dive into the depth of a stranger and feel the rocky waters, explore the shallow tides, and bear witness of spirit wanting to be free. Watch the omnipotence smile through the reflection of you. It takes one moment to change how and what we see. Experience the vastness and endless place of the universe through the miracle of our little passages…of our beautiful eyes and finally be free. Only through the eyes of love can we find the Infinite!