Be Gentle

Remember not everyday is filled with rainbows and butterflies. Some days are full of aches and scars. They require a little more heart expansion. Others require forgiveness. While still some allow you to feel the bliss from humanity and how we are the collective of something much bigger than ourselves.

Be humble. Be available to sit with all that arrives. Don’t let it paralyze you. Be gentle. You are meant to always show up and rise to the occasions of your life. But…please take care of yourself.

Today I heard of a distant friend who took her life this week. She was always there for everyone. She never ever shun away from listening or taking time to help another. From the outside you would’ve thought she never ever worried.

And that’s the thing about depression. That’s the thing about empaths and how we take on the woes of the entire world. If we aren’t careful we lose ourselves in the process.

There are days that compile several emotions from all corners of the heart. The world doesn’t prepare us for those moments of pure joy and heartache that happen simultaneously. The heartbreaks are so intense that you feel you cannot survive. They are invaluable experiences that force us to move into compassion without judgment. Huge heart pulls. Those days are truly sucky.

I ask that on those roller coaster emotional days you truly be gentle with yourself. Don’t discard the emotions. Don’t bury them. Don’t try to process them all at once. Go be with you in the same loving manner you provide for those you love.

Just be. Life is preparing you for such an incredible strong journey. Reach out to others in your circle. Be authentic and don’t let shame and guilt dictate your decisions.

Believe me, tomorrow may just be the best day you will have so far. Don’t judge your future by the experiences you are having today. Don’t criticize the moments because you fear them. Don’t carry them alone because of how others may see you. They aren’t walking your path. You might be giving them an experience they need for their own journey.

May you always be led by faith and grace. Things always have a way of working out. It requires you to shift perspective. It may require some time alone to figure it out. Your higher self always asks of you to show up and be gentle with you. And in that process you will see things in a different light.

Recognize Your Love

Do you want to have more love in your life? Really? If you think the love is OUT THERE you are not living with love. Look in the mirror…that’s the purest form of love in your life. Love is staring back. DO NOT let another year come and go while waiting for the “great love of your life” to walk into your presence. Embrace the one in you. You are here for a purpose. You are here to create, embrace and give. If you are expecting someone else to do this for you…you are missing out on your life’s number one purpose.

You are exquisite, beautifully designed, gorgeously detailed to the core…God don’t make junk! You create the joy and love in you. Please feel it.

I keep walking around places and I see others declaring their unworthiness, their unlovableness, and all their lack of ness. You are all there is. Your body is an outfit, a costume of sorts, it’s not who you are. You are the BEing who resides in it waiting for the light of self awareness to sparkle and share.

I wish you could see what I see in you. I wish for one second, even the homeless man sitting on the corner of a building wrapped in a broken blanket, would see that his greatness is inside waiting for HIM to call on his own loveness and oneness.

Love is always always always the answer. I don’t care what the question is…the answer will always be LOVE. Have a delightfully beautiful day. I LOVE YOU!!!!!

Fear of Success

fear of failure

I don’t consider myself a fearful person. I don’t live based on worrying about things that I can’t control (which is mostly everything in life). But, for a long time I have been hiding a fear that, until a few days ago, didn’t show itself into my awareness. I have been fearful of success. I have stopped myself so many times because of not hurting anyone with my career choices. It wasn’t until a few days ago when I was redoing my blog and giving it a new face-lift that I said to my husband, “It was time to do this. I don’t know why I haven’t taken care of this before.”
My husband immediately answered, “You have been paralyzed by the fear of success.” I pulled away from the computer and looked at him across from the dining room table. He was right. I have stopped growing with my writing career so I wouldn’t hurt anyone else. I feared that if I succeeded others might not love me or accept me. I feared that my success would alienate others who didn’t know their own worth. I feared losing those who had self-worth issues because they would somehow feel less with my success. I fear the idea of what succeeding would create for those who needed me around them.

Here is what I know about success and others: Anyone who can’t handle your joy, progress, abundance, or growth has an issue with their own ego. They aren’t really part of a healthy support system. To me, seeing others succeed is a drug of choice. I love to watch them rise and move forward. I get a high from being able to witness triumph and advances. If I can help them with words of encouragement, I feel like I have had a massive dosage of Oxytocin. I feel their joy and their vibrations. It’s a place I love to be, surrounded by those who move forward and align with their purpose.

I’ve had an inkling about this but sometimes it takes someone else to point it out. Every time someone has given me an opportunity for growth I have stopped myself in the past. I would start with the best intentions and then stop while returning to the comfort zone. I had this idea of what writing could be and not what is it right now (or what it will become). I had this perception, old programming from childhood, that writing wasn’t going to pay me anything. It was a hobby. I wasn’t going to be Hawthorne, Frost, Poe, Mary Oliver or Elizabeth Gilbert. I had to come to terms years ago that it was just a means to get my feelings out in the open. Through the process of writing I have found myself. I have met hundreds of people who are now in my tribe. If I hadn’t written a word none of these folks would be in my life. And because of those unions, I have finally figured out that what I want is to write stories of how the world moves, feels, and survives. I want to share humanity’s echoes and voices while inspiring others to succeed and overcome obstacles.

Success has an egotistical tone to it. The word itself feels mighty over accomplished when you say it. But, the reality is that success is overcoming all illusions of failure. We have no problem accepting failures, disappointments and heartaches. That, we accept without an issue! We actually expect it! Ah…but to triumphantly engage above and beyond what you can imagine…now that is difficult for most of us to conceive.

My husband has witnessed me at the lowest points and the highest ones. He has seen me move forward tenaciously taking what I want when I put my mind to it. He knows me enough to sit across the table and say those words without judgment. He knows me well enough to know that I understand those three words, “Fear of success.”

I have written about it in my journal the past few days. I have moved on through the root of when the programming began and why I allowed it to become a core belief system. I have seen success many times in my life. I have been very successful in many areas. I have overcome obstacles. I am certain you all have as well. But when was the last time that you sat down and said, “I am going to live my life’s purpose without this nagging fear that is paralyzing me?”

We create excuses for not pursuing our dreams. I don’t have enough money, or time, or help…. We can truly find time when we want something badly. You want to write a novel? Get up early enough to write a page a day. In a year you will have 365 pages. You want to be a hat maker? Go for it. Start today with just scraps of materials. You want to climb the highest mountain? Start walking around the block first. You want to paint and get paid for your art? Start selling your work at a flea market or in front of your house then work yourself into selling on Etsy. You want to be a greeting card maker? Start your own line of cards on a blog. You want to teach yoga? Start substituting at a studio on the weekends.

You know the only thing that stops you from achieving a goal? YOU! You stop YOU! You scare YOU. You fear YOU. You don’t fear success. You fear YOU being successful. Fear is a horrible emotion and when we buy into its darkness we refuse to turn on our inner light to dispel it.

So today, I am working towards my goal. I am going to succeed in writing stories from all corners of the world. I urge you to email me and share what you have overcome in this life. I will be more than joyous to write these into an article and share on my blogs. We all have stories. It’s time you inspire another! Live your truth no matter how difficult it feels. Nothing exciting ever happens in your comfort zone. You have to leave it in order to find change and growth!

Please email me at dharma.1111@hotmail.com

Thank you and I love you!

Apology Epidemic

sorry

There are things we do that diminish our worth to others. One of them is the constant apologizing for what we like, who we are, and what we do. I lived a life apologizing for things that didn’t require an apology. We have personality traits and if you are constantly apologizing to your friends and family for your choices then it’s time to step back and start checking yourself.

I go to bed early. I don’t necessarily go to sleep but I like being in bed early with a book, unwinding, watching a movie or just chilling. For decades this was an issue of ridicule with others who do not go to bed early. However, I get up around 3 or 4 every morning. I could care less if anyone else does it. I don’t judge anyone else for sleeping in. I don’t care. I would spend my evenings giving excuses and apologizing for wanting to have my alone time. It took me years of stressing over it when folks were visiting me. As soon as I started to feel like it was “that time” comments were made and I would feel even worst. One day I realized that perhaps I needed to ask them if they wanted to join me for coffee in the early morning instead of apologizing for what I enjoyed doing every night. Guess what? No one wanted that morning early rise!

There is a horrible apology-epidemic, especially with women. We do so much and when we fall short of doing one thing we begin to apologize. Let’s be clear on something: if you hurt another, apologize. If you do something unintentionally and another has been affected, please apologize. But apologizing for the sake of making someone else feel better while you feel worse, not acceptable! Apologizing to end an argument when you are not in the wrong: no, way Jose! You are not helping that person take responsibility for their actions. You are enabling them and they get used to it.

You like your wine in the evening? Don’t apologize for this. You like to be alone in the mornings? Don’t give an excuse. Your children come first and you rather spend time with them than go to anyone’s house? Do not apologize for loving anyone. Whatever you don’t want to do is your life…don’t do it. “No, thank you!” is sufficient. You do not have to lament over what you don’t want to do. Guess what? You are going to hurt people. People will get butt-hurt over the silliest of things because they want to manipulate you into doing what they want you to do.  Guilt-trips are a cheap way of traveling…. Guess what else? If they love you, they will get over it.

I would say sorry for everything even when it wasn’t anything I did. It was sickening. I still have trouble with certain subjects. These days I will not apologize for the things I like. I will not apologize for who I am. I will not offend anyone with my truth of what I want to do. I’m not asking you to have a “suck-it-up-butter-cup” attitude. I want you to live authentically within your truth. We owe no one an excuse or an explanation for our likes and dislikes (once again, unless you are harming another and then “sorry” just doesn’t cut it).

Stop giving another value before yourself. The other day I called someone “sweetheart” in a middle of a conversation. The woman lost it with me. She put me in my place and I was taken aback. I noted that the term of endearment in the future was a no-no. I didn’t apologize. I call everyone honey, darling, sweetheart, sweetie, etc. I am not going to apologize for who I am. I just noted that it was not welcomed ever again so now I am careful not to ruffle her feathers. This is who she is. I get it. But, this is who I am and when a sweet word slips out I am not responsible for how she perceives it. I will never say anything to another to purposely hurt them. I am conscious of this. When another embarrasses me to make themselves feel better, hey that’s on them. Of course, I will send love to them but I will no longer participate in being their punching bag.

Part of a healthy spiritual life is being honest with those things that make you. You are responsible for you and you alone. It’s not selfish. It’s self care and self love. We love our spouses, our family, our children, our friends, and our pets. We will care for them and make sure they are all taken care of…but the first person you need to care for is yourself. Excessive apologizing doesn’t come across as sympathetic. It comes across as wounded. I know cause this was me for a million years. And, it’s still a work in progress. The more love I give myself, the less I have to apologize for the things I like…including having my alone time in the evening. There is freedom in letting things go without having to walk on eggshells around others. Love yourself with the utmost degree that you love another. Give that invaluable gift to YOU!