The Gift

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Love Notes to Humanity

Yesterday, before my boys left, we stopped at Barnes & Noble. It was crowded with the remains of Holiday folks. I waited by the magazines while the boys looked for their books. I remembered years ago when I moved to Asheville how that store was my saving grace. When the winter hit hard that year I was stuck up on the mountain and my only outlet was to come into town to the bookstore. I had been stripped of all monetary means. A friend and I bought an old motel that took everything I had. She went off to work for the winter and I was left with two teenagers and a deep isolation that pushed my soul into a spiritual awakening.

The mountain taught me invaluable lessons. The motel endorsed those experiences. At the time I didn’t recognize how priceless those obstacles would become. I learned to trust my intuition. I was snowed in more than I could ever imagined. I spent time without electricity and water. And I knew not one soul.

My outlet was coming into town once a week if I could make it down the roads. I packed a bunch of Post It notes and typed up letters. I would sit in a hidden corner of the store and write inspirational notes to put in books and magazines. In the mental health books I would leave “You are magnificent. You are here to make the world brighter.” In the glamour magazines, especially those for teenagers, I would leave something along the lines of “You are more beautiful than any photo shopped girl here. You are here to make a world a better place.” And on and on I would go around and just post the little love notes around the store. It filled me up with joy.

The letters I called, “Love Note from the Universe” I would fold and place in the windshield of cars in the parking lot. Those were longer. And deeper. I would watch from the second floor of the store as people would grab them. Some would open them up and read them, always checking around to see if they saw anyone. Many times they were thrown on the grown or crumbled up in their car.

I had the time to do these things. I have lost my way with busyness the last few years working full time, raising small children, taking care of lives (especially mine). They aren’t excuses. It’s just the way it’s been. It’s a different journey now, but yesterday I ached to start again doing those things that touched the core of me: going to the homeless shelter and having coffee; taking books to the VA Hospital; gathering stories from all walks of life. I ached for a moment so deeply for those simple acts of kindness that my chest felt like it cracked open. I gasped for a bit of air and recognized my soul’s call. I know it well!

This new year I plan on being more present with humanity. I vow to write Love Notes to Humanity and share all the stories from around my world. We are united by the act of connections, feeling acknowledged, listening, and knowing we are not alone on this journey.

The other day I was getting in my car from the supermarket. It was drizzling. An elderly couple was in front of my car. He held the umbrella and was trying to get his partner into the car. It was sweet to witness. I wondered at that moment how many years they had been together. He actually kissed the top of her fragile hand when she got in and closed her door, getting a bit wet then slowly dragging his feet to come around to the driver’s side. And without words, their story became mine. Love Notes for Humanity. Their actions became the driven force to go home and be gentler, more loving, and accepting of whatever was to come with all the buzzing from the holidays. A few times this week I have returned to that elderly couple in my memories. I smile thinking of their lives. And I am blessed to have them now become part of mine.

You are part of mine by just being here. Never, for one moment, do I take that for granted. I love you. May you also begin to collect and create love notes in your life from all of humanity. We need more of that!

On Being a Mother

My sons came home for the holidays. They always do regardless of where they are. I’m grateful for this. They are amazing men. They gave me the reason to mother them and so many others.

I was told from early on that the likelihood of me bearing children was minimal. The older I got the less the chances. So I showed the doctors that I don’t take no for an answer. I had Nelson at 20. Patrick at 22. Several miscarriages and lots of health issues didn’t stop me from bringing these two souls into this world.

We grew up together. I was a single mom for a long while with them. When I left their father he ran the opposite direction and never saw them again. We nurtured each other. We grew up learning the ins and outs of parenting.

These boys taught me unconditional love, patience, letting go, humor, and how to be a conscious soul through a very human experience. Their love for me and each other has been magical.

When I began adopting children they never complained. They opened up their hearts and shared their home with little strangers. My sons, not once, asked me to please stop. They never felt jealous or pushed aside. And even now with two little ones at home all I witness is unconditional love and tenderness. They are my heroes.

They go back home today. This mama heart is tender this morning. I will miss their pure intelligence and intellectual conversations. Their laughter. Their own banter that’s hysterical most of the time. I will miss their inspirational and motivational pep talks to me about how I need to be sharing more stories and creating a forum for the world to learn from One another. They are techie. I’m not and they show me this and that…sending loving thoughts while challenging me to think outside of my comfort zone.

My head starts to feel overwhelmed but they truly are looking out for my best interest.

You know when you recognize your job as a good parent? When your grown children want to come home and just be with you. I’ve done my best and they’ve exceeded any kind of desire I’ve had for them as adults. Happiness comes out in every laughter and tear. Every touch and hug reminds me that I’ve been so deeply blessed with love. True love without ever judging or criticizing my choices. And I have done the same for them.

Be gentle with your children. Allow them to do whatever they need to do in order to learn and evolve. It’s not our jobs to get in their way. Our only job is to be there to love. And love is all there is….

The Unfolding

My life has been unfolding lately in ways I never imagined. I am meeting like-minded individuals who are energetically pushing me to be more of me than any other time in my life. I am leaving the safety of my comfort zone and truly reinventing a new self. That’s not the right word: “reinventing.” It suggests that I have not been me all along. I am “recharging and reconnecting” to parts of me I had forgotten. And, this is magical in ways I had only dreamed of when I create space for manifesting the life I desire. I’m meeting empowering souls who cheer me on and expect nothing from me but to just share space. I love this!

When I let go of old patterns I began to make space for this. When I forgave myself and others, I began to create a path to get here. It didn’t happen overnight. It started in the summer of 2015. I had to really recognize how I consciously played a role of the “fixer and caretaker” in so many lives. I had to stop and remove that label. It’s great to help others, but in the process I wasn’t helping me. I wasn’t happy. I was quite annoyed, hurt and deeply unsatisfied with how things were playing out. I accepted how I enabled many folks around me by constantly mothering them. They had their own journey to travel and they needed to do it without me. Now, as a woman who loves to love wholeheartedly this isn’t an easy task. I let go. I struggled with not fixing the alcoholics, the drama, and all others who (I felt) needed to be loved. I had to, for once, shut it down and concentrate on me healing myself.

Loving someone doesn’t require that you stop loving yourself. Loving someone doesn’t give you the right to stop their growth. When we love it is whole. You begin to accept all the crap that those around you embody because that’s part of their spiritual growth. You begin to not take this personally. And…so I let go. In the process I lost many friends and family members. The year 2016 was one of the most challenging years of my grown-up life. But, guess what? I learned powerful lessons and released the old programming of people pleasing. Now, two years later, I have made sacred space for those who are in alignment with my soul. I have allowed new energy that doesn’t require me fixing or saving. I am able to be me without apologizing or trying to mold to the masses.

You are a magnet to all that you have around you. If you don’t like how things are appearing in your life, please step back and make some radical changes. It doesn’t have to be as drastic as walking away from it all in one shot. Or it might just have to be…I don’t know! I did that too several times in the past. But, I can promise you that by taking responsibility for your choices and actions you are allowing Divinity to create a new adventure for you. Listen to your soul. If drama is constant in your life…shut the damn play down. QUIT the production. You can create a new play and recruit new actors. Your life is yours to create to the highest form of love.

Windows

Hello loveys! Please be aware that Social Media is a window into people’s lives. It’s not the entire house or building. It’s a small window decorated for you to see whatever that person wants to show you. You cannot create an entire life based on those windows. Some views are negative and destructive. Others purely enlightening and refreshing. But, they are pieces of a whole.

Your life is yours. You get to choose how you show up and express it. These windows are opportunities to give others hope, love and support.

I’ve deleted many who didn’t lift me. I’ve blocked those windows that brought my energy to a whispering notion of UGHHHH! I come on to these little windows for daily inspirations. There is enough shit out there. The last thing I want is to fill my little brain with more of that. I’m all about the beauty of decorated windows.

Let’s utilize these moments for teaching, motivating, inspiring, humor (oh, yes more laughter pls) and connecting through higher consciousness.

What a wonderful tool we have for raising vibrations…giving love…helping those who are having a rough time. This forum is magical that way.

I love you. But, also remember that when you look in my windows you are only seeing a small part of my whole. It’s not the full story of me. I am the most imperfect person I know. Don’t judge based on my unicorn and fairies. Have a blessed day. ~m.a.p.

Never Compromise Your Truth

Never compromise your happiness, or your truth, in order to make someone else feel better. Never do something that goes against your gut. Never ever doubt that gut feeling that tells you to say,”No, this does not feel right!”

“No” is a complete sentence. Their anger is not a reflection of you. It’s an issue with them if they cannot understand. Sometimes you must say “no” to someone in order to say “yes” to you. And that, darling, is imperative for your soul’s evolution.

Today rise above what others have told you that has kept you from being free. Say “no” to all that old programming. You are magical. You are magnificent. You are absolutely the most delicious you there will ever be. And I am freaking honored to have you sharing the world with me.

Be Proud of You

My darlings, be proud of who you are. Accept and embrace your flaws, wrinkles, curves, cellulite, and bodacious-ness. Each part of your body is a reflection and projection of your inner-ness and wisdom. I had someone make a comment a few days ago about my weight..that now that I’ve lost some I look better. I laughed because I guess with extra weight I don’t look well (I must look like shit)…but I am still me. The me inside doesn’t change with the weight. I have been up and down the spectrum of heavy to thin to heavy again. I am still who I am regardless of my exterior. I have lived a life in my younger years worrying so much about the size I was wearing in a society that was constantly judging me based on the number on the scale. And for what? I am flawless in my mission to love, not just others, but especially myself as I am today. I am healthy. What do I care if I have to get new jeans today and tomorrow give them away?

God don’t make no junk!

You cannot live a life dieting and full of self-loathing. No make-up in the world will make you perfect. The mask eventually has to come off. Love yourself. Because when you do another will align with your worth. If you want to enhance your beauty, go ahead but be happy with the overall parts of you. Allow those parts of you to show you who and what needs learning. We are each others’ reflections and it’s not fair to anyone that we are living based on being small, medium, or large. It’s insane!

Each dimple in my body is there as a reminder of something powerful. Every scar on my breasts has taught me that I’ve survived powerful lessons…that I’ve overcome some incredible challenges. Each thought from my rape continues to inspire me to be more loving with those parts of me that used to feel ugly and disgusting. Every thought, movement, and freckle is an endless composition of what’s behind me and all the elements that are still ahead to finish a work of art with my name on it. I am a composition in the making until the day I die. I don’t want anyone remembering me for my beauty. F*#k that! I want them to say, “That woman cracked me up and lifted me in moments of darkness.” I am not gonna be remembered for my weight, and neither are you. Superficial behaviors are lower vibrational issues and I refuse to live in that realm.

I can promise you from working with elderly folks that they don’t remember what size they were…they don’t care. They remember their first dance, their child’s birth, the first kiss, and everything that is meaningful…not that they went from a size 4 to a size 14. That’s so irrelevant when you are near death.

I can no longer hate a wrinkle because I have laughed, cried, rejoiced, and suffered with the awareness that each path has brought me here. I am a mother. I am a lover. I am a wife. I am a daughter. I am a sister. I am a friend. I am a student. I am so many labels and, yet, I am none of that but the essence of Oneness. So, sweethearts, no more comparing yourself to the pages of photo shopped ads, or celebrities who sensationalize something that is completely superficial. You have the power to shift and create your awareness. Do it! No more self-hate. No more comparing yourself to the exterior of others. What are we showing our daughters, nieces, sisters, and young friends? We must elevate consciousness and move beyond all of this. It starts with you, me and them. You are precious, priceless and perfect just as you are.

The magic in your life starts the moment you accept you. All of you. And in that moment others begin to witness an extraordinary light that is love. ~m.a.p.