The Release

release woman

A few months ago I met a woman in a store in Downtown Asheville. She walked passed me and I gasped at her angelic beauty. I introduced myself and we began a sweet friendship that has evolved into a magical connection.

She’s a healer. A massage therapist and Reiki practitioner (among other things).  I saw on Facebook that she was sharing a special Heart Chakra Therapy/Massage for the month of February. I made an appointment with her for last Tuesday.

Kelie is fabulous. Her energy is soothing and loving. I can always use a little healing and energy to the heart department. But, what I didn’t expect was the intense opening after I left her place. I expected a little relaxation, perhaps a few tears, but never the deep conscious awareness of a massive shift.

Tenderness and intuition are a marriage of astronomical proportions. I give a lot of me to others. I am well aware of how I spend my days sending love. I also keep a lot to myself, especially old wounds. I think I release them but when I get a healing treatment like this it comes up and I am well aware that our cellular memories run profound.

They get stuck and create new spaces in our physical bodies. The emotional body gets jacked up. The spiritual body feels stumped. The misalignment is sometimes subtle but sometimes it manifests in severe diseases and ailments.

I spent Tuesday night sobbing, curled up in fetal position throughout the night. I was visited by guidance. I cut energetic cords of things that no longer serve me. There were moments of lucid dreaming, returning to the past, unraveling conversations that have created themselves into unnecessary experiences.

What was I creating with these stories through lack of self-worth?

I am always fascinated by how touch heals us. A massage, a few crystal stones, aromatherapy and tenderness can catapult a release that has been stored away in a small Pandora’s box. The moment it opens up it sure feels like all hell breaks loose.

We are always one decision away from healing and releasing. I know I must process things first. I tend to hold on to things and forget that I have them there. Every so often they sneak out with a song, a conversation, and the memory transports me back to the past. Then I rethink, re-shift, and readjust my sails. What I forget to do is truly release and let go of them completely.

I get help. I go to someone else who isn’t part of my stories. I’m amazed how the Universe aligns those sweet healers in my path. And then…bang…it happens and I am recreated into a beautiful newness of trust and light.

This is also the work I am creating with clients. Story tending and sharing helps grab those old experiences in order to release. We create magic together. I love being the student witnessing the journey.

It’s truly sacred and full of love. For everyone involved.

I love you!

I urge you to check out Kelie’s website: https://www.rubyrosesanctuary.net/

 

 

 

Life is Epic

I woke this morning sick of my stories, the drama I repeat, and the never ending struggle to find peace among the storms that are not real but living in my little head. It’s sickening. This BEing and just allowing is not for sissies. No one said that the spiritual walk was meant to BE a walk in the park! It takes massive amount of discipline and I don’t follow orders very well…even when it’s from the esoteric world. So…I got up…did my meditation…had to stop right in the middle and said, “F*@k this crap! I can do this. I have manifested incredible experiences in this lifetime. I can let this go and move on without this struggle. This is my own ego creating this shit! I am more than this scene, this stage, and this production!!!” I got up from the sofa, went outside in the cool morning and saluted the four winds. Now feel like I can keep going without this intense production that hasn’t aired in any stage but mine…

We have the complete capacity and power to change our thoughts. In those moments I feel the swirl of energy directing me into joy, faith, and love. The heart opens up when I let go of the toxic stories I retell myself. It’s just a shift in perception. I promise.

Aren’t you sick of your same old stories, drama, struggles, and total bullshit (because it is just crap)? Then change the channel…tune into the mass consciousness of love…for you and the world. Get out of your head. Get out of your way…you got this! Onward and outward, darlings….take one breath at a time and move through your knowing. Have a blessed day!

You are Worthy

I want to tell you something that it’s hard for you to hear or accept: you are worthy. You are worthy of love. You are worthy of happiness. You are worthy of freedom. The shit you carry around, all those dark secrets that eat into your soul, attack your worth. You cannot go back in time no matter how much you power your thoughts. No matter how angry you get. No matter how much shame you hold. No matter who you blame. You cannot go back there. So stop sabotaging your future. Stop the insanity of negative self talk. Stop punishing your soul for all that has happened. What good is it bringing you? Your worth is a product of what you believe. You believe you are great…you will reach greatness. You believe you are lovable…you will find love. The monsters you carry around full of shame are stopping this moment and your future. No more hustling for your worth. Let it go. Find love. You are worth it.

Awareness of Self

I was driving from the supermarket this afternoon and the DJ on the radio mentioned that Nia Vardalos and her husband of 25 years are getting a divorce. They are the creators of the movie, based on their experience, My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Now, I don’t know why the news hit me so hard. I don’t know these people. I’ve only watched the movie a few times and watched her on several other comedies. But it hit me. My heart felt the thump. Why?

It’s the 25 years. It’s the being with someone a quarter of a century to then have it end. This is what I know, being in your 50’s forces you to look at your life differently. You recognize that the clock is ticking faster. You stop tolerating the things that irritated you. You begin to find deeper meaning in life. People start to question their purpose and desire to feel a sense of newness. They begin to shed old skin and reinvent themselves. Sometimes the partnership cannot handle the changes. Relationships tend to either work through the midlife crisis or end.

I find it fascinating. I met a woman who got a divorce in her 80’s. She said she couldn’t be unhappy one more day. She wanted to feel free for once. It’s never too late to do what you desire.

I believe it takes work, commitment, consideration and profound awareness to stay together when things feel different. Millions do it. Some are happy. Others not so much. Communication is essential. Ego needs to take a backseat. We want to evolve and feel loved. We want to know we are seen and heard by our mates. It’s an awareness of self.

I wonder if she will make a movie now called My Big Fat Greek Divorce?

Never Compromise Your Truth

Never compromise your happiness, or your truth, in order to make someone else feel better. Never do something that goes against your gut. Never ever doubt that gut feeling that tells you to say,”No, this does not feel right!”

“No” is a complete sentence. Their anger is not a reflection of you. It’s an issue with them if they cannot understand. Sometimes you must say “no” to someone in order to say “yes” to you. And that, darling, is imperative for your soul’s evolution.

Today rise above what others have told you that has kept you from being free. Say “no” to all that old programming. You are magical. You are magnificent. You are absolutely the most delicious you there will ever be. And I am freaking honored to have you sharing the world with me.

Sacred Spaces

Sundays….

They were not very welcoming a few years back. Sundays meant an entire day of cleaning a motel/retreat center especially during spring and summer. Now Sundays are about being still. I try to give this day a sacred space of not doing much.

This morning in meditation something came up about sacredness. The same sacredness I give to Sundays I am required to give to everything. Especially those things that annoy me.

A woman tore me a new one this week on this personal blog page. She apparently was tired of my “goodie touchi stories.” She said no one can be this kind all the time. She said I was a pretend-fake Christian and I made up stories to get paid for writing. She went on to tear into my ego like a hungry predator. I didn’t let her. I sent her a private message and asked her for a simple solution: “unfollow me and don’t read my stories.” That simple! Then I proceeded to tell her that I loved her. I thanked her for being on my page, taking the time to read my words, letting them rattle her, and then writing to me. Because she reminded me again that I am not here to make everyone happy. I’m not the Happy Fairy Queen. She was my teacher. I told her I was here if she ever needed to unload.

But for a few hours I allowed her anger to shake me up. I heard the voices of family members, old lovers, and distant friends. “Who left you in charged of stories, Millie? Who do you think you are?”

I didn’t share with her that I make no money from my stories. I didn’t tell her that I never ever pretend to be Christ. I did not bother to tell her that I wouldn’t know how to make up a story because life is always better than fiction. I didn’t say anything that would hurt her because hurt people lash out to get attention. Even if it’s negative. But I was hurt for a tiny bit. And then I wasn’t.

Sacredness comes from really allowing your truth to shine regardless of how others react. I will continue to show up in life and love wholeheartedly. I will continue to write my observations. I will continue to try and connect as many souls as I can. I will serve with my heart and apply it to all I touch. If that makes others uncomfortable then that’s part of the journey.

Sacred spaces aren’t just real places or retreats. They aren’t just in vacations. Sacred spaces are Sundays, meditations, walks, and everything that allows us to reconnect to divinity. May you find yours today. I love you.

Be Proud of You

My darlings, be proud of who you are. Accept and embrace your flaws, wrinkles, curves, cellulite, and bodacious-ness. Each part of your body is a reflection and projection of your inner-ness and wisdom. I had someone make a comment a few days ago about my weight..that now that I’ve lost some I look better. I laughed because I guess with extra weight I don’t look well (I must look like shit)…but I am still me. The me inside doesn’t change with the weight. I have been up and down the spectrum of heavy to thin to heavy again. I am still who I am regardless of my exterior. I have lived a life in my younger years worrying so much about the size I was wearing in a society that was constantly judging me based on the number on the scale. And for what? I am flawless in my mission to love, not just others, but especially myself as I am today. I am healthy. What do I care if I have to get new jeans today and tomorrow give them away?

God don’t make no junk!

You cannot live a life dieting and full of self-loathing. No make-up in the world will make you perfect. The mask eventually has to come off. Love yourself. Because when you do another will align with your worth. If you want to enhance your beauty, go ahead but be happy with the overall parts of you. Allow those parts of you to show you who and what needs learning. We are each others’ reflections and it’s not fair to anyone that we are living based on being small, medium, or large. It’s insane!

Each dimple in my body is there as a reminder of something powerful. Every scar on my breasts has taught me that I’ve survived powerful lessons…that I’ve overcome some incredible challenges. Each thought from my rape continues to inspire me to be more loving with those parts of me that used to feel ugly and disgusting. Every thought, movement, and freckle is an endless composition of what’s behind me and all the elements that are still ahead to finish a work of art with my name on it. I am a composition in the making until the day I die. I don’t want anyone remembering me for my beauty. F*#k that! I want them to say, “That woman cracked me up and lifted me in moments of darkness.” I am not gonna be remembered for my weight, and neither are you. Superficial behaviors are lower vibrational issues and I refuse to live in that realm.

I can promise you from working with elderly folks that they don’t remember what size they were…they don’t care. They remember their first dance, their child’s birth, the first kiss, and everything that is meaningful…not that they went from a size 4 to a size 14. That’s so irrelevant when you are near death.

I can no longer hate a wrinkle because I have laughed, cried, rejoiced, and suffered with the awareness that each path has brought me here. I am a mother. I am a lover. I am a wife. I am a daughter. I am a sister. I am a friend. I am a student. I am so many labels and, yet, I am none of that but the essence of Oneness. So, sweethearts, no more comparing yourself to the pages of photo shopped ads, or celebrities who sensationalize something that is completely superficial. You have the power to shift and create your awareness. Do it! No more self-hate. No more comparing yourself to the exterior of others. What are we showing our daughters, nieces, sisters, and young friends? We must elevate consciousness and move beyond all of this. It starts with you, me and them. You are precious, priceless and perfect just as you are.

The magic in your life starts the moment you accept you. All of you. And in that moment others begin to witness an extraordinary light that is love. ~m.a.p.

Secrets Kept

secrets

“I thought about how there are two types of secrets: the kind you want to keep in, and the kind you don’t dare to let out.” – Ally Carter

Secrets have a cost. We all have them because of taboo, shame, guilt, intimacy, embarrassment, and self-worth issues. Meantime, while they sit inside gaining energy, they eat away at our psyche. Ego feeds them with remorse and negativity. Secrets often times have a huge price to them. And even though we are entitled to keep things to ourselves, there are those little secrets that still nag for release. There are those small disclosures that eat at us in disgrace. Unfortunately, the longer they are kept in the closet the larger they become.

Sometimes, in the middle of nothing in particular, I return to a specific memory. In that memory I can conjure up the emotions of that time, with the person, and the things exchanged. I realize I have never been one to dig for secrets, including my very own. The reason my exes could cheat so easily was due to the fact that I never checked them. I never went through their things. I never followed them, until I was ready to face the moment of truth. Then there was no going back. I am completely oblivious to my surroundings, and when in my own bubble, I try to stay there out of fear.

What I’ve learned, through journaling and past therapy, is that avoidance is a form of keeping secrets. If you can’t be willing to dive into the heartache and discomfort then the secret continues to lie inside. Sometimes the best way to keep a secret is to pretend there isn’t anything to keep. Is it a form of delusion? Is it clinical and psychological avoidance of sorts? Is it survivor instincts repressing the deep and emotional pain? I don’t really know why we keep certain things inside.

I don’t have many secrets. I can’t really say there is anything badly enough to keep eating at me. The few things gathered in a basket of shhh, are more personal things about love and relationships. Some sweet intimate memories must remain inside forever. They are mine to hold and cherish alone.

The shame from my rape at 18 took eighteen years to be released. It had become an inconceivable shameful event that created many self-esteem issues. Once that was purged, I was able to allow for restoration and restitution. I was able to free myself from the monsters. Now there isn’t much inside that can control my psyche with oppression, only secrets of the loving kind. The secrets that are filled with shame birth a new identity in us. Those things that are due to infidelities, stealing, lying, sexual indiscretions, rape, abuse and much more, are the ones we need to allow release. The letting go of such “monsters” allows for divinity to step inside. Forgiveness is easier when it is for someone else. Real forgiveness, however, starts inside. The past has allowed each one of us to get here. We learn from our mistakes. We are better because of the lessons gathered along the path of life.

Skeletons in the closet serve no purpose unless you are decorating for Halloween. We are created in the light of Spirit. In that light all secrets are diminished. Let go and realize that you are not your secrets. You are evolution of such experiences. Good or bad, they have brought you to the awareness of today.

“And when at last you find someone to whom you feel you can pour out your soul, you stop in shock at the words you utter— they are so rusty, so ugly, so meaningless and feeble from being kept in the small cramped dark inside you so long.” – Sylvia Plath