You are Part Butterfly

I read somewhere this week that butterflies can’t see their own wings. They have no idea how magnificent and beautiful they are. They don’t know that they hold magic in their colorful wings.

Imagine that?!

Maybe, just maybe, you are part butterfly. You aren’t able to see your beauty or how magnificently miraculous you are. It’s all in you and you just can’t access it, but others around you see you. They see the divinity in you… moving along, exchanging energy, loving life, and feeling that yummilicious compassion that ties us together.

It’s okay! You are part butterfly. That’s it!!!
So, continue spreading your wings. Keep loving yourself. Continue showing up.

We see you. I see you. You are exquisite, graceful, and created in the image of Source!

I love you!

Millie

Your Voice

You have a voice.

You ARE the voice.

Have you found yourself diminishing your voice, or holding back from speaking your truth? Can you remember when and where you gave up your voice?

I went down to Newnan, Georgia, this weekend to this amazing metaphysical store/community called House of Light. It’s located about a half hour, or so, south of Atlanta. My cousin lives there and the community of women is magnificent. They have become my tribe throughout the years! We always get together and create magical moments. Each one of these women have divine gifts. Every single time I gather with them something comes up trying to find its way into the light of healing.  

This weekend it was about my voice. I have felt huge discomfort speaking in front of people. It’s not that I don’t have anything to say (‘cause I always have something to say when I am among like-minded souls). It has to do with my lack of worth in coming across as someone interesting. I also fear that my language skills sound like I am an idiot. After all these decades there are still English words that are hard for me to pronounce and it stops me from truly feeling like I can be eloquent in front of others.  

My ego starts to pull and push this question, “Who wants to hear what you have to say, Millie?”

I began to understand something in the last four days: I am my voice. The power of my words heals while allowing others to also feel heard.  

When I was young, I suffered from horrible laryngitis. It would appear when I had to talk in front of the class, or read something out loud. In my family, children were meant to be seen and not heard. And, ironically, I picked partners in my life, who reinforced the same type of message. “What can you possibly say that’s interesting?”

Now fast forward to the last few years, and anytime someone has asked me to be a guest on a show, or a podcast, or speak in a larger group, I get sick to my stomach. I would rather sit back and just be in the background. If you have been reading my blogs, or messages, for some time you recognize that I love stories. I enjoy sharing them. And, if you were to sit in front of me one-on-one you would also hear me share the beautiful messages of people from all walks of life. And, unlike my writing, I can be a bit of a comedian in my delivery. I will always try to make you laugh.

As I was in my many sessions with clients this weekend, someone said, “Not only did I get a reading, but I also got a comedian.” That cracked me up! I forget that my presentation can be silly at times.

I have lost my voice and my ability to speak up for most of my life. I also believe that many of you have also allowed others to diminish your voice. It’s time we tell our stories, and our truths, out loud even if our voices shake. We all have something amazing to share with others. We are the voices of the past, present and future. We have to step into our light.

Our voices together shift and change the world. Speak up! Let’s be heard. I am ready to use this Puerto Rican one, dressed in my middle age costume. I am ready to truly step into the next chapter of my life. This weekend I released the traumas of all those who I allowed to take my voice away. I gave them that power. Truth be told, I have had my share of narcissists dictating my worth for far too long. It’s time to step into my own vibration.

I am ready! Are you?

I love you. May you recognize those who shut you up, or down, as folks who were afraid that what you had to say would overpower them. There is nothing more powerful than being heard and speaking up for what you believe in.

Always and forever,
Millie

Horse Intuition


My ex and I bought a beautiful property in South Florida many years ago that was owned by a trainer for a local race track. When we purchased the five acres from the German man, he had several horses there that he had rescued from being put down. These were horses that no longer raced or had been injured.  There was one particular quarter horse that was about two years old that needed a home. We decided to keep him there. The man told us that the horse could not be mounted. He was scared of everything and had no problem showing his anger with kicking or biting. In his very thick German accent he said, “Horse be like dog. He cannot do nothing but walk around. Horse is not good for riding. You want to stay with horse make sure he has food and space to roam.”
 
I named the horse Keanu because he had the most beautiful almond brown eyes that showed a deep wound. There was a brokenness that reminded me of the actor.
 
As we demolished the small house and began rebuilding our ranch home the horse lived in the stables and on back of the property. He had over an acre to roam around as he pleased. I would go see him, feed him, and he would not come to me. We respected one another. He was a big horse and I was constantly in a rush, moving through life in hyper speed. I did not have the pace or intuition that leads my life now. At 32 years old I had two speeds, go-go or go faster. But over the first few months Keanu would just stand back and observe. He observed the six children running around the property. He saw the other animals we had there. There was a lot going on between making a pool and rebuilding the property to livable conditions. At times I would walk by him and start to talk to him. Within four months he would sneak up on me and nudge me with his nose. I would turn slowly and eventually he allowed me to touch him. Many months later I would walk with him around the property as he would keep his distance from me and I learned to just share uninhibitedly with him. 
           
Yesterday a very good friend of mine was sharing something about her husband. I stopped her in the middle of her story and said, “Oh, my God I had a horse just like your husband.” 

She looked at me a bit puzzled. I said, “I haven’t thought about that horse in so many years, but your husband has been beaten down so much in his life that it requires structure, trust and patience to be able to allow him to open up slowly.” Her eyes opened widely, “Yes. Yes. Oh, you understand!” 
 
As I was falling asleep last night I began to think of Keanu. There was one particular memory that stood out and at the time I didn’t understand why I would remember it the way I did. I had a horrible day and I went to the ranch to feed the animals. I shared with him the incident that happened with a client in Colombia. The horse came up and began to push me with his nose. He was forceful. I got out of his way and he continued to do it in a matter of showing me that I had the power to stop the excessive negative thoughts. I stood my ground as he moved erratically, running around me, pulling his legs close and back. I was afraid he would kick me no matter how long I kept saying his name. Then when I looked into his eyes and yelled, “Stop it. Stop this please!” The horse stopped and became motionless. My heart began to race faster. I didn’t know if I turned away from him, I would be safe.
 
I began to think of what the German man had said to me about his temper. I didn’t know anything about horses. I began to walk away from him and he came behind me and nudge my arm with his mouth without really biting me. I began to pet him, holding him in an embrace that I had never done before. I realized he wanted me to stop belittling myself (either that or he was extremely tired of my stories). He wanted me to stop abusing and allowing another to abuse me the way he had been abused in the race track. He had sensed my sadness, desolation, and frustration…I am sure for many months.
 
Keanu and I were friends for a few years until 9/11 when we lost all our money and I had to give him up. He had become mellower, loving, and did allow some people to ride him. He needed to trust and be trusted. That day, with my story, brought our abuse and self-worth into perspective. He had my back. I was able to have his.
 
If you want to see the essence of another in pain, take a deep look into their eyes, but don’t be shocked when you see your reflection staring back. Our energies are endless. Animals can feel us. Plants pick up on it. Other folks can feel the presence of something not being right. In a way we are all like Keanu, fractured and not able to trust so easily when we have been beaten down. We require gentleness, patience, and the deep understanding that no matter what we will be okay. We all just need compassion and love to bring us back to life. 
 
I love you,
Millie

The Release

release woman

A few months ago I met a woman in a store in Downtown Asheville. She walked passed me and I gasped at her angelic beauty. I introduced myself and we began a sweet friendship that has evolved into a magical connection.

She’s a healer. A massage therapist and Reiki practitioner (among other things).  I saw on Facebook that she was sharing a special Heart Chakra Therapy/Massage for the month of February. I made an appointment with her for last Tuesday.

Kelie is fabulous. Her energy is soothing and loving. I can always use a little healing and energy to the heart department. But, what I didn’t expect was the intense opening after I left her place. I expected a little relaxation, perhaps a few tears, but never the deep conscious awareness of a massive shift.

Tenderness and intuition are a marriage of astronomical proportions. I give a lot of me to others. I am well aware of how I spend my days sending love. I also keep a lot to myself, especially old wounds. I think I release them but when I get a healing treatment like this it comes up and I am well aware that our cellular memories run profound.

They get stuck and create new spaces in our physical bodies. The emotional body gets jacked up. The spiritual body feels stumped. The misalignment is sometimes subtle but sometimes it manifests in severe diseases and ailments.

I spent Tuesday night sobbing, curled up in fetal position throughout the night. I was visited by guidance. I cut energetic cords of things that no longer serve me. There were moments of lucid dreaming, returning to the past, unraveling conversations that have created themselves into unnecessary experiences.

What was I creating with these stories through lack of self-worth?

I am always fascinated by how touch heals us. A massage, a few crystal stones, aromatherapy and tenderness can catapult a release that has been stored away in a small Pandora’s box. The moment it opens up it sure feels like all hell breaks loose.

We are always one decision away from healing and releasing. I know I must process things first. I tend to hold on to things and forget that I have them there. Every so often they sneak out with a song, a conversation, and the memory transports me back to the past. Then I rethink, re-shift, and readjust my sails. What I forget to do is truly release and let go of them completely.

I get help. I go to someone else who isn’t part of my stories. I’m amazed how the Universe aligns those sweet healers in my path. And then…bang…it happens and I am recreated into a beautiful newness of trust and light.

This is also the work I am creating with clients. Story tending and sharing helps grab those old experiences in order to release. We create magic together. I love being the student witnessing the journey.

It’s truly sacred and full of love. For everyone involved.

I love you!

I urge you to check out Kelie’s website: https://www.rubyrosesanctuary.net/

 

 

 

Life is Epic

I woke this morning sick of my stories, the drama I repeat, and the never ending struggle to find peace among the storms that are not real but living in my little head. It’s sickening. This BEing and just allowing is not for sissies. No one said that the spiritual walk was meant to BE a walk in the park! It takes massive amount of discipline and I don’t follow orders very well…even when it’s from the esoteric world. So…I got up…did my meditation…had to stop right in the middle and said, “F*@k this crap! I can do this. I have manifested incredible experiences in this lifetime. I can let this go and move on without this struggle. This is my own ego creating this shit! I am more than this scene, this stage, and this production!!!” I got up from the sofa, went outside in the cool morning and saluted the four winds. Now feel like I can keep going without this intense production that hasn’t aired in any stage but mine…

We have the complete capacity and power to change our thoughts. In those moments I feel the swirl of energy directing me into joy, faith, and love. The heart opens up when I let go of the toxic stories I retell myself. It’s just a shift in perception. I promise.

Aren’t you sick of your same old stories, drama, struggles, and total bullshit (because it is just crap)? Then change the channel…tune into the mass consciousness of love…for you and the world. Get out of your head. Get out of your way…you got this! Onward and outward, darlings….take one breath at a time and move through your knowing. Have a blessed day!

You are Worthy

I want to tell you something that it’s hard for you to hear or accept: you are worthy. You are worthy of love. You are worthy of happiness. You are worthy of freedom. The shit you carry around, all those dark secrets that eat into your soul, attack your worth. You cannot go back in time no matter how much you power your thoughts. No matter how angry you get. No matter how much shame you hold. No matter who you blame. You cannot go back there. So stop sabotaging your future. Stop the insanity of negative self talk. Stop punishing your soul for all that has happened. What good is it bringing you? Your worth is a product of what you believe. You believe you are great…you will reach greatness. You believe you are lovable…you will find love. The monsters you carry around full of shame are stopping this moment and your future. No more hustling for your worth. Let it go. Find love. You are worth it.

Awareness of Self

I was driving from the supermarket this afternoon and the DJ on the radio mentioned that Nia Vardalos and her husband of 25 years are getting a divorce. They are the creators of the movie, based on their experience, My Big Fat Greek Wedding. Now, I don’t know why the news hit me so hard. I don’t know these people. I’ve only watched the movie a few times and watched her on several other comedies. But it hit me. My heart felt the thump. Why?

It’s the 25 years. It’s the being with someone a quarter of a century to then have it end. This is what I know, being in your 50’s forces you to look at your life differently. You recognize that the clock is ticking faster. You stop tolerating the things that irritated you. You begin to find deeper meaning in life. People start to question their purpose and desire to feel a sense of newness. They begin to shed old skin and reinvent themselves. Sometimes the partnership cannot handle the changes. Relationships tend to either work through the midlife crisis or end.

I find it fascinating. I met a woman who got a divorce in her 80’s. She said she couldn’t be unhappy one more day. She wanted to feel free for once. It’s never too late to do what you desire.

I believe it takes work, commitment, consideration and profound awareness to stay together when things feel different. Millions do it. Some are happy. Others not so much. Communication is essential. Ego needs to take a backseat. We want to evolve and feel loved. We want to know we are seen and heard by our mates. It’s an awareness of self.

I wonder if she will make a movie now called My Big Fat Greek Divorce?

Never Compromise Your Truth

Never compromise your happiness, or your truth, in order to make someone else feel better. Never do something that goes against your gut. Never ever doubt that gut feeling that tells you to say,”No, this does not feel right!”

“No” is a complete sentence. Their anger is not a reflection of you. It’s an issue with them if they cannot understand. Sometimes you must say “no” to someone in order to say “yes” to you. And that, darling, is imperative for your soul’s evolution.

Today rise above what others have told you that has kept you from being free. Say “no” to all that old programming. You are magical. You are magnificent. You are absolutely the most delicious you there will ever be. And I am freaking honored to have you sharing the world with me.

Sacred Spaces

Sundays….

They were not very welcoming a few years back. Sundays meant an entire day of cleaning a motel/retreat center especially during spring and summer. Now Sundays are about being still. I try to give this day a sacred space of not doing much.

This morning in meditation something came up about sacredness. The same sacredness I give to Sundays I am required to give to everything. Especially those things that annoy me.

A woman tore me a new one this week on this personal blog page. She apparently was tired of my “goodie touchi stories.” She said no one can be this kind all the time. She said I was a pretend-fake Christian and I made up stories to get paid for writing. She went on to tear into my ego like a hungry predator. I didn’t let her. I sent her a private message and asked her for a simple solution: “unfollow me and don’t read my stories.” That simple! Then I proceeded to tell her that I loved her. I thanked her for being on my page, taking the time to read my words, letting them rattle her, and then writing to me. Because she reminded me again that I am not here to make everyone happy. I’m not the Happy Fairy Queen. She was my teacher. I told her I was here if she ever needed to unload.

But for a few hours I allowed her anger to shake me up. I heard the voices of family members, old lovers, and distant friends. “Who left you in charged of stories, Millie? Who do you think you are?”

I didn’t share with her that I make no money from my stories. I didn’t tell her that I never ever pretend to be Christ. I did not bother to tell her that I wouldn’t know how to make up a story because life is always better than fiction. I didn’t say anything that would hurt her because hurt people lash out to get attention. Even if it’s negative. But I was hurt for a tiny bit. And then I wasn’t.

Sacredness comes from really allowing your truth to shine regardless of how others react. I will continue to show up in life and love wholeheartedly. I will continue to write my observations. I will continue to try and connect as many souls as I can. I will serve with my heart and apply it to all I touch. If that makes others uncomfortable then that’s part of the journey.

Sacred spaces aren’t just real places or retreats. They aren’t just in vacations. Sacred spaces are Sundays, meditations, walks, and everything that allows us to reconnect to divinity. May you find yours today. I love you.