I woke to loving me.
I found me aching to unknown feelings.
My chest felt tight.
I had a difficult time breathing.
And my inner voice whispered kindly,
“It’s time. Love yourself for once.
This is not about anyone else.”
I relaxed. I let go. I released.
In the process I felt the light
beaming from the heavens
activating the cells in my body
to care and love and give to me.
We are here for love.
Yes..to love others.
Yes…to learn from the world.
But…mostly to return to Source
through our own acceptance and awareness
that we are the love we are constantly chasing in others.
I love me.
I will continue this love
for as long as my soul has existence.
Truth is quiet
pressing against the walls
hoping you take notice
and find the strength to open up
and let the air of life inside.
Truth isn’t lurking in the shadows
but it is the light
of forgotten images
while You make up stories
masquerading a façade,
trying to fit into the world and expectations.
Truth is patient
waiting for you to take it,
to call for it,
and dance in harmony.
It stands, swaying to the music of your spirit,
watching you reject it over and over
until one day
you can’t avoid the light that it brings
and you must take Truth
into you as when a mother embraces her newborn child – engulfed in all the love
through the divinity in you.
I have a family member who loves to call me and gossip about people I don’t even know. Whenever I don’t answer the phone, because I am at work or busy with life, she leaves me these long nasty messages that sound like someone in an insane asylum. Most of the time, when I do speak with her, I let her go on her one-sided conversation. There have been times that I just want to say, “Hold please! Let me buckle up as we are about to get on the bipolar expressway.” I sit there with the phone glued to my ear listening to ramblings that create a sense of anxiety for me….until recently when I stopped all communication.
Let’s be f*cking honest here! If someone is not raising your vibes to a loving and healthy standard, they really don’t need to be entertained. You can, amicably, speak with them. You can be gracious in loving them from a distance, but by no means do you need to own their toxic energy because no matter how hard you try to break their cycle of negativity it isn’t going to happen. I am reminded that you have no say in what another person is thinking or feeling. They have to figure that out on their own.
We are so ingrained to HAVE to be part of everyone’s life when it comes to family. But, you don’t. You can sit with that person and truly entertain them to the best of your ability and they still will not see the goodness or the help you are providing. And, this isn’t about being acknowledged. This is merely about being respected for your worth. There will always be naysayers, victims, master manipulators and martyrs. Archetypes are there for a reason. We get to choose how we act and react to their stories.
In my case, with this particular family member, I had to just write a letter after her last voice mail (about me going to hell for not calling her back) that basically pinpointed that I would not tolerate the disrespect any longer. If she couldn’t be in my life with love and support then it was better that she wasn’t. End of conversation.
Sometimes we come across folks who need to be heard. I am great with that. Now, when the same conversation keeps coming up over and over and they want you to drop everything to listen, you have be honest with them and yourself. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over while expecting a different result. I am not a saint and my patience gets in the way of being generous with my time when it isn’t reciprocated.
I have been in the middle of conversations when I have said something lighthearted and it has been offensive to another. I get told off. I have to step back and say, “Oh, okay! So this is where we are going with this. Yay. I am ready for the ride. Let’s get on the f*cking wagon of self-hatred, criticism and self-pity.” I have to be careful to keep my facial expressions in tact cause I might say nothing but my face has its own language.
You don’t have to partake in every argument, judgment, and decision another human has…even when they are your grown children, parents, siblings, family or friends. You don’t have to sit and agree. “No!” is a complete sentence. And, there are many other ways of deviating from the drama. The moment you get sucked into negativity and toxic forums you are dedicated to make a decision to stay or leave. You get to decide.
Many years ago I had a spiritual mother/friend who was in the hospital having hip surgery. I happened to call at a moment that a nurse was checking on her and they were getting her out of bed. The hospital phone rang and I believe the nurse thought she would pass it to my friend. Her response before even seeing who was on the line was, “Just because it rings, doesn’t mean you have to pick it up.” Until that very moment it never occurred to me in my 30’s that if the phone rang I could just ignore it; that if the doorbell rang I did not have to answer; or if someone expected me to do something that I could say “no!” I was programmed to be overly responsible and that moment taught me that you have a choice in everything. She didn’t even know it was me and made the nurse hang up. It was a lesson about what is important and what isn’t. You don’t have to answer every single piece of nonsense out there. You are not responsible for listening to bullshit that has nothing to do with you. And, even if it was about you, and you aren’t in accordance with the criticism, you can always thank that person and walk away, hang up or let them know that you are to be respected. Arrogance and intolerance are characteristics that when fed grow into monsters.
Start to put yourself first. Respect your time, space and energy. When you do this those folks have no way to get to you. You can act and react however you want. The bullies and narcissist will disappear when they know that they can’t manipulate you. You aren’t going to fix the world unless you put yourself on the highest level of self-respect. You are worth so much and if you can’t see it they can’t either.
We absorb our surroundings. We are constantly being bombarded with crap from others. It’s your choice to stop the madness. You get to decide what and how you participate in this world. Shift your perception and recognize that the lessons come from people who rub us the most intense way through feelings. Learn from them about what and who you are…but don’t own their shit. Forgive what you cannot change since you have a hard time letting go.
It’s not selfish to love yourself and demand respect. You are not anyone’s punching bag. You are required to stand and provide self-love. That’s compassionate. That’s kindness.
Sending love out to all!
We have been reprogrammed in this techie era to believe that our worth is based on “likes,” “stats,” “comments,” and “views.” But, we are not any of these things. People resonate with you because of how you act and react. They look at your examples…not your pictures or your words. Character is still the number one quality in a person by how you treat another. So NO you are not the amount of likes that shows up on the screen. The real “likes” come from inside.
I write because I must. I wouldn’t dare post all that I write. I write because it’s in my veins, the words make my heart jump with joy, and I need to get them down. I write because it’s a lifeline to my spiritual practice. I don’t write to impress, be accepted, or have an ego boosting. This is not part of the process when I sit with the laptop at 3AM on the sofa typing away in the dark as a muse cheers me on. Most of the time I have no clue what has transpired. I don’t have to. It’s my way of meditating, contemplating and creating from a place of divine wisdom.
So, when someone points out that I have an X amount of likes on a page…I gasp. I don’t know what that is or what it needs to be. I don’t care. I share my words because I understand that most of the people feel this sense of loneliness with their emotions. I share because it’s a connection between one soul and another. And, because of those connections I have made some lasting friendships that have pulled me out of many personal dark times. Writing has done that for me. It has introduced a world of like-minded folks who care. I love my underdogs, misfits, hippies, introverts, tree-huggers, and geeks. I can relate to the odd balls because I am eccentric. I don’t belong in a box. And this extension of letters, words, and sentences has allowed for me to interact with a world that needs inspiration. I need the inspiring words of another when I read their thoughts. I need to confirm that I am not crazy…that what I am feeling is part of the human experience.
Don’t sit and stare at a screen to see who pushes “like.” Don’t wait around to figure out if you are accepted. Screw it. Write because you got some incredible wittiness to share. Write because your love and humor can touch one person. Write because if you don’t a part of you withers and that’s a death I avoid. Write because you have something your soul needs to share. It doesn’t matter if it’s liked or not. I think when we come from a space of love and truth everyone understands. It’s a place of authentic power. And those words empower another.
Thank you for the constant love and support. I appreciate all the wonderful thoughts. But, my friends, worth is not determined by how many folks stop by your page, your blog, or your articles. Worth is determined by how YOU live and see your own existence. If at the end of the day when you place your little head on a pillow you can answer “yes” to these questions you have lived a powerful life: Did I love myself to the full capacity? Did I make someone smile? Did I raise the vibration to those around me with a bit of joy? Did I do good today? Did I love wholeheartedly? Am I safe?
We are in this technology time together. Let’s use it to raise consciousness with good. Let’s utilize the magnitude of connection to a loving awareness that brings us to a place of pure divinity. Let’s make this magical gathering of tech-time a forum and platform to make the world a better place. You do not have to buy into the negativity. That’s your choice. Create and allow others to express themselves. Have a great day!
When someone says that you are impossible, unlovable, not worth anyone’s time…anything negative or degrading…please believe them. Believe what they say to be true to THEM. Believe that in those words they are showing you a part of their own ugliness and insecurities. Also believe that they aren’t worth your time. Those who say they are brutally honest can be brutal bullies. DO NOT own what they say…do not inhale it into your spirit. You do NOT acknowledge any of it because it’s not your truth. Don’t take in the lies. You know your authentic self better than anyone else. However, DO remember what they tell you, forgive them and get rid of the negativity. You DO NOT need that toxic energy in your life. You are magnificently beautiful. Never let another person’s bullshit become yours. We are all struggling in our own ways and it takes a hurt person to hurt another. Compassion and kindness are contagious. Show them what that looks like…always. Success isn’t about money…it’s about living your life with integrity, love and truth!
A sweet wise woman this past weekend shared some magnificent insight into our psyche. She said that “we all have markers…like mile markers in our lives that become significant points of reference.” These markers define major parts into our psychological health as they contribute to all the choices and how we react in the future. I understand these events in our lives. They start from the moment we are born and we work to either avoid them or feed them. If you are abandoned by a parent as a child that pivotal moment becomes a marker. You may spend the rest of your life feeling the abandonment with relationships, strangers, or other events. That particular mile marker leads the path to others. So how do we let go of the markers?
I believe we do it by consciously realizing they exist. They are lessons along the way but they don’t light the way unless we keep repeating similar issues. It’s like getting off a freeway and getting back on to pass the same mile marker over and over. We can fall into this place of hopelessness that does not allow us to surpass that mile. Then the next question is how do we consciously become aware if we don’t realize that they are there? Some of these markers are way back in childhood. But, you do know they are there in the subconscious when the same drama continues to unfold with different actors.
Living a life full of conscious awareness is not easy. We have to take responsibility for our lives and everything that happens in it. We cannot blame the world for what happens, will happen or never happens. We have choices. These choices are part lessons and part programming. The spiritual process of letting go requires shutting up the ego and living by faith…the knowing and accepting those things that aren’t in the comfort zone. It’s a matter of accepting the ugliness, the failures, the shame, the disgust and also all the wonderful experiences. We are made of duality. We need the dark in order to have the light and vice versa.
A simple definition for insanity is repeating the same thing over and over while expecting a different result. Detect the projections of others and your participation! Accept your responsibility in your story! Reject the same markers of dramatically filled egos! You got this. You do NOT have to continue living through past markers. You have the power to change the programming and move forward into a life that’s free of hurt and loss. We are not meant to struggle in such a way that we become paralyzed to the freedom of self-love and self-acceptance. Our worth is NOT suppose to be sacrificed. On the other side of this backward mind belief is JOY waiting to be embraced. Your authenticity is powerful and you are the only who can get you there…stop looking at the rear view mirror…you don’t live there anymore! Check out the beauty ahead!!!
I woke this morning sick of my stories, the drama I repeat, and the never ending struggle to find peace among the storms that are not real but living in my little head. It’s sickening. This BEing and just allowing is not for sissies. No one said that the spiritual walk was meant to BE a brisk-cool walk in the park! It takes massive amount of discipline and I don’t follow orders very well…even when it’s from the esoteric world. So…I got up…did my meditation…had to stop right in the middle and said, “F*@k this crap! I can do this. I have manifested incredible experiences in this lifetime. I can let this go and move on without this struggle. This is my own ego creating this shit! I am more than this scene, this stage, and this production!!!” I got up from the sofa, went outside in the cool morning, saluted the four winds and now feel like I can keep going without this intense production that hasn’t aired in any stage but mine.
We have the complete capacity and power to change our thoughts. In those moments I feel the swirl of energy directing me into joy, faith, and love. The heart opens up when I let go of the toxic stories I retell myself. I release shame, guilt and any freaking resentment that has been attached to those one-woman acts. It’s just a shift in perception. I promise.
Sitting with a friend yesterday she said, “I wish I knew what I don’t know!” It’s amazing how those words have stuck out even throughout the night. We have a knowing and certainty at times that guides us into the most amazing places. At other times the same knowing tells us that we are missing something that we should know but we cannot reach it. It’s frustrating. Our humanness battles with divinity and spiritual processing. It’s a constant battle of patience and expectation. But, when that feeling comes up I am aware I have to remember that God is in charged. I have to believe that if I follow synchronicity and make no rash decisions I will be better than okay. I keep my mantra, “Okay, God, this or better!”
Aren’t you sick of your same old stories, drama, struggles, and total bullshit (because it is just crap)? Then change the channel…tune into the mass consciousness of love…for you and the world. Get out of your head. Get out of your way…you got this! Onward and outward, darlings….take one breath at a time and move through your knowing. I like to believe wholeheartedly that mysticism is birthed in those in between moments of not knowing what I should know. It’s in those moments like this morning when I declare enough of the same insanity and drama. I am always cradled in spirit. I see the first step onto the dark stairwell…the rest is moving through blinded faith.