Whispers from Divine

On August 5, 2015 By Moments with MillieIn Essay3 Comments

I love guests who sit and I can ask for their stories. This week we’ve had a couple and their two adorable children staying in the cottage. Today after Bobbie and I spread gravel on the driveway I asked her to sit for a minute with us. She shared that she’s a Lutheran Pastor. So of course I had to ask her if I could get intimate with her by asking a few valuable questions. Shelly looked at me and said, “I will try my best to answer.”

“What is God?” I asked.

She was taken aback for a split second. “Oh, wow, God is….there is no definition. God is everything good but He’s the all.” She smiled and her face lit in such a way that I could feel her passion for faith. She continued with a few adjectives, description and stopped enough to compose herself. I think I caught her off guard with that question. But…her answer is invaluable.

“What does the world need more of?”

She answered, “These are really good questions. The world needs more good. More of God. More of love and honor and faith. The world needs so much of what is available but most don’t get it. We live in such a rich society. It isn’t until you go elsewhere that you realize how privilege we really are in this country.”

I asked her about her sweet husband. He works for a non-profit organization. He travels to Haiti. They, as a couple, lived in Haiti for a while before having their children. She described her experience as humbling and priceless. Kent writes Christian books about such experiences. I was in awed of her humility, the way she shares her smile along with her faith, and the way love exudes them both when they are in each others’ presence. There is a connection of respect, awareness, and spirituality. Once she shared I understood what I was witnessing for days when they would walk the property.

I ask these questions a lot to strangers who I feel will be receptive to them. I love the answers. But hers was so openly available. She didn’t hesitate. She immediately expressed with her hands and her light brown eyes the love for God. There is magic and mysticism in those who walk in awareness of Spirit. There is certainty even in the unknown.

I recently read somewhere that the essence of faith was being satisfied with all that is Divine/God in us. I am paraphrasing since I can’t remember the exact wording and who quoted this. Heck, with my memory I probably have screwed up the entire quote. The point is that we might not like the lessons but they are there for the highest evolution of the soul. What do we need to release? What are we needing to learn? How many times do I need to go through the same drama? When do I start to surrender to the unknown?

Spirit moves us through each touch of a stranger, a hug from a friend and an act of kindness when you don’t need anything in return. Character is our strength through allowance of love. The essence of faith is not in prayer and then trying to control the situation. The essence of faith is in complete surrender to whatever the Divine has for us. The more good you do the more good returns. This cycle of life is about loving to the infinite degree and trusting that which cannot be seen to guide us. You are all AWEsome! Let go and let your intuition guide you through the whispers of divinity!

Answers from the Heart

On December 8, 2014 By Moments with MillieIn Poetry1 Comment

Between tears,

minor heart de-fragments,

and laughing psychotically

at the irony

of what a young girl

had wished for so long ago,

I must find the serenity

in the sweetness of experiences.

I remember finding an entry

in a worn-out journal

written by a lost depleted girl,

missing out in life

and the secrets of connecting

to others…

“All I want is to fall in love

as many times as possible

in this lifetime.”

With each person who enters

the door into my spirit

I fall intensely and profoundly

into the depth of the unknown,

the universal secrets of truth

and unconditional love –

to be captivated wholeheartedly,

tenderly, and openly

for moments,

days, weeks….

No regrets are created,

or accepted

to the willing existence

when the abyss

gives way to

experiencing the authentic

spirit of another

in becoming a stepping stone

to the path of my totality…

the divinity in my world…

and the Oneness is all.

Ripple-less

On September 14, 2014 By Moments with MillieIn Poetry1 Comment

Flawless green humps seen in distance

under the loud silence

surfing the earth

as God sits and watches

the serenity of the land.

Ripple-less melody under the fog

escape in the horizon

washing and clearing

the echo of nature.

This magnitude of knowing

peace and faith

allows for release.

How can one stand above the world

without feeling the omnipotence

wonder of existence?

The vastness,

the vacancy,

the void-ness,

reaches inside of spirit

and awakes everything.

The peaking of morning,

the scoop of evening,

is the flow and essence

of every part of life here.

It is the ALL in the universe…

the everything of anything…

the complete I AM.

The Myth of Us

On November 30, 2013 By Moments with MillieIn Poetry2 Comments

Snow falls hard.

Whiteness equally distributes

throughout the pond.

I raise the blinds

letting the light illuminate you.

I nuzzle under your space,

burrowing into oblivion

as you gather my heat

watching serenity pounding

against the sweaty windows.

I raise your arm to wrap you

around like a coat

feeling foreign…

I’ve never experienced this before.

The beauty of the outdoors

is nothing like the one inside

as I inhale

taking your smell through the pillow,

your nose caving into my hair,

your breath warming my neck.

I want nothing else.

I can’t imagine the many memories

this will conjure up

in the future

when I lay witnessing

snow falling,

erasing the past

while making room

for the myth of you

and me

forever….

Finding Peace in Discomfort

On November 24, 2013 By Moments with MillieIn Essay12 Comments

It is 18 degrees outside. That’s what reads on my computer screen. I don’t know. To me it might as well be -5. I am allergic to the cold weather. Why do I live on a mountain, you ask? Well, we came during spring and moved in summer. I never experienced the cold. Had I been here during a 25 degree morning it would’ve been the end of my expedition to Western North Carolina! God had other plans.

I come from a tiny island in the Caribbean. It is always warm. I was raised in South Florida. Sixty degrees for us Floridians is like 20 degrees for everyone else. We get out the jackets, scarves and boots. I know I am acclimating to this weather after three years because when it is 50 degrees here I am in tank tops and shorts.

I have been told that my problem with cold weather is the lack of clothing. I don’t like to bundle up. I hate wearing layers of material. The other day as I was winterizing my closet and I was changing my sundresses to another space I became rather discontented. I don’t enjoy the thick sweaters on my skin. I don’t like the amount of extra crap rubbing on me. It just isn’t a part of my DNA. I like flowing and light fabric on me. I love feeling the sun on my shoulders, arms and legs. I like to get up and go and not worry about hypothermia.

This morning’s blog is not about complaining. It is about acceptance. We will always complain about something or other when it doesn’t align with our comfort. It can be about a job. It can be about a relationship. It can be about a new pet. Whether or not you embrace the issue is not as important as making peace with it. Is there a difference? You betcha! I can embrace a person who is annoying me and still feel nothing. The moment I find peace in their presence…then I am embodying their entire spirit. See the difference? It is about making peace with everything around you. You don’t have to like it. But, if you accept the discomfort and learn from it then you have given yourself the permission to find serenity. Our egos have a hard time letting go of discomfort. The ego will nag about it. It will create drama, twist and turn, churning the simplest issue into the most complicated event. Ego will always participate in the large spectacle of narcissistic behavior. “Look at me. I am so freaking tired of this and that! Woe is me! Can’t you see how miserable I am!”

The cold is just like any other uncomfortable emotion. It doesn’t feel good. Depression, sadness, anger, anxiety, fear, and helplessness are unpleasant feelings. We complain about them, sometimes allowing them to stay with us for a while. But, just like the cold, there are options to eliminating them. The ego will fight that rationale to no end. “No, I’m not going to the doctor! Nope, I am not going to talk to someone! Absolutely, no way, am I going to address this crap!” The emotions become waves of icy water passing through. Just like hypothermia there can be casualties.

I have to go outside to drive my daughter to work in this wonderfully delicious Siberian weather. As I venture to the unknown wilderness of discomfort I will make peace with the achy bones, runny nose, and the shattering of my teeth. It is only for a short while. What’s three to four months in a lifespan? Really not bad! Imagine all the discomforts we allow for ourselves in our lifetimes! Think of all we “put up with” for years when we have choices we can make to change.

I love these mountains. I love the seasons (minus the winter) but I can live with the cold. However, I refuse to live with anything else that brings me discomfort. I won’t tolerate long periods of putting myself through chaos. Peace and tranquility are my roommates now. Go bundle up and enjoy this day. Keep warm and make peace with those things that you know are only momentary. Mucho love!

Big City, Little Country

On November 10, 2013 By Moments with MillieIn Uncategorized6 Comments

My cousin from South Florida drove up with a friend from Puerto Rico to surprise me this past week. They went horseback riding the next day and somewhere on the mountain trail her car keys fell out of his pocket and got lost. She’s got one of those cars that uses an electronic key. So the only key available is now somewhere in the mountains of Western North Carolina. We checked the miles of trails over and over and nothing. This man was beside himself. He was wound up pretty tightly. A city boy stuck in “deliverance” land didn’t go well with him. What was to be a short three day visit was going to turn into something much longer. The angrier he got the more I saw parts of me. I know the drill with city folks since I was one myself. It is truly difficult to let go when you have never been taught to do so.

“Hey, perfect time to smell the roses!” I say this as we are standing in a field full of horse crap. “What roses?” He asked with such exasperation after hours of carefully going up and down the mountain moving leaves and tediously searching pathways. “I mean, smell the horse shit!” He looked at me as if I was nuts. In his constant sarcasm and arrogance I explained to him that there was a reason for losing the keys. Everything happens for a higher purpose. He is in gorgeous country land, 360 degrees of mountain views. He is in a place of artistic explosion. For miles the only thing the eyes can witness is pure beauty and divinity. And, yet, not once did could he stop and stare out to intake the magic.

It took him a while but he did begin to let go with lots of hesitation. I love these types of personalities (since I was one in the worst way). I get to witness firsthand the walls slowly crumbling and the affirmation of childlike-playfulness taking over. It is marvelous! His city arrogance began to unfold. I had to hold my breath at times as he not only felt guilty for losing the keys but now having to find a way to fly out of here to be at work on Monday. His anxiety was painful to experience. And, then something happened. He allowed himself to get lost in the moments of this country side.

“Sometimes, you find yourself in the middle of nowhere, and sometimes, in the middle of nowhere you find yourself.” Every turn and trail we took allowed us to move inward. If the worst possible scenario was that the keys were lost in the woods, then I knew it wasn’t the end of the world. I understand completely why people have to go through drastic measures to break down. It is in those moments that we regain clarity through simplicity. The only thing that matters is the present moment (in his case was finding the darn keys). Things get put in perspective. Moments get highlighted. You can’t solve anything, yet everything gets diluted and distributed to a place of peace. This wasn’t easy for this poor guy. So many emotions came up and outward. As we walked my cousin and I began to take pictures. His type “A” personality couldn’t believe we weren’t looking for the keys every single second. He kept pulling out his phone so we could see the picture and remember what the key looked like.

Being lost is sometimes the only way to find oneself. This trip wasn’t planned. He ended up here because my cousin asked him to join her since he was in Orlando visiting. But, he needed this right now in his life. He needed to surrender all control. In a moment of frustration he looked at me and said, “You don’t understand I am a control freak. I need to control everything. I feel out of my element.”

I smiled and said, “You? No way…a control freak! I hadn’t noticed. Very little to control here, huh?” It was hard for him to release and last night when he finally did it was therapeutic. There are moments in life that bring clarity into our lives. I believe he had quite a few of them while here. Because there was nothing he could do until he could leave today the many issues that had been bottled up came out. And, it was there that a window to peace arrived. His personality was able to relax. Oh…how grateful I become when I witness what this place instills in others. What a blessing! This man went home torn between wanting to stay and the duties back home. I think had he spent a few more days he would’ve experience the gifts of serenity. When he hugged me to say goodbye he thanked me for “putting up with his neurosis.” Little does he comprehend that we all have pieces of neurosis and evolving. After all we are spiritual beings having human experiences.

“When looking for the path of peace one comes to realize that peace is the path.”

Simplicity in Serenity

On October 14, 2013 By Moments with MillieIn Essay21 Comments

I read a quote today from Susan Abrams Milligan: “When writing the story of your life, don’t let anyone else hold the pen.” Powerful words! How many times do we allow another person to dictate our worth? How often do we change our thinking, our moods and our decisions because of another? Usually we do this in relationships, especially women. We do allow another to determine an unhealthy dependency. I decided a few years ago that I would not let anyone hold the pen. I spent a lifetime with others abusing my emotional state in order to take control. I made a point of not only holding the pen, but making sure there’s no other form of writing aids. I am the only one who could write the story of MY LIFE.

This past Saturday afternoon Matt and I sat for a bit looking at the pond in the retreat center. My cousin snapped this photo without us knowing. It speaks volumes to me of how I feel with this man, about this man, and for this man. We have this simplicity of allowing, loving, and accepting that I’ve never known before. We can sit for a long time next to each other without uttering a word. Every so often we will smile, ask for a kiss, touch one another lovingly, but return to the book, the story, or whatever else we are doing. The easiest way for me to explain is that he’s the wave and I am the ocean floor. We fit without expectations or needs but we flow together. Because we love the outdoors, books, movies and writing we share a mutual respect for solitude, serenity and space.

The picture also happened to be taken minutes before we moved to the red chairs on the dock. I took my cell phone out of my back pocket so it wouldn’t fall in the water but somehow it slipped out of my hands, and dove into a suicide mission never to be seen again (bubbles surfacing as it sunk many feet into muck). I laughed it off because I am the one always telling him to be careful with his phone! This wonderful man went inside the house, changed into shorts, and tried to go into the icy water. I assured him I didn’t need it. I could go get another one. He insisted that he could retrieve it (to get the TMNT cover he had gifted me) until he put his toes in the water and realized no way, no how was he going in! We both laughed. Our laughter is contagious. It is in those moments that I find the simplicity in him and the magnetism it brings out in me.

I used to ask myself, “Is there true love? Is there a perfect person out there for me?” I never doubted the answer. I manifested him years ago but it took time for me to heal, let go, and surrender to my desires. It takes time for dreams to align in perfect Divine order. He is more than I could’ve asked God. In his gentle ways he brings me to the truth of myself. I fell head over heels in love with his intellectual no-nonsense mind that is the other side of everything I am not. I don’t hide or hold back any emotions. He calls me on my crap and I need that. I need people in my life who can keep me in check. I don’t do phony well. I can’t handle superficial personalities. With us, what you see is what you get. There is no guessing what Matt is thinking or what I am contemplating. I definitely have no poker face!

Just like the picture there is a place in our presence that allows us to be together beyond space and time. Moments come and go without the need to force anything. He brings out the best in me without anxiety, fears, or pretenses. We are one of the same. It was a month or so after we began dating that I looked at him and my soul knew instantly that he was the one I had dreamed with all my life. As Emily Bronte once wrote, “He’s more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.”

Winter Dream

On March 6, 2013 By Moments with MillieIn Poetry17 Comments

I felt you

in the witching hours

falling on me,

a vision of white

fluffs,

coldness,

serenity

and hearing the wind

through my ears

somewhere in the distance

of my dream.

You engulfed me,

embracing all naked sentiments

while making me whole…

again

with this wintery morning

in the mountains

of a reverse youth

and smiles.

Severity over Serenity

On September 22, 2012November 9, 2012 By Moments with MillieIn Essay12 Comments

I woke up today to silence. I had only slept two hours the night before last. At around 9:30AM gunshots began on the mountain in front of our property. They lasted until about 8PM. I spent most of my day on edge, ducking past windows, and my nerves horribly tested with each sound of the pistol or whatever the many apparatuses were used. By evening, when friends stopped by, I was ready to have a nervous breakdown. My right eye was twitching, hands shaking and my heart was having all sorts of palpitations. I don’t like guns. As a matter of fact, I am being kind with that statement. I hate weapons.

Violence goes through me in a way that reminds me of oppression, control, blood, anger, hatred, and any sort of emotion attached to death. I don’t like being in a house with guns, or having a conversation about them. I respect everyone’s choices. I understand there are collectors, admirers, hunters, law enforcers, etc. I am also aware that guns don’t shoot themselves. People are responsible. The power in a gun enlarges the egos of those holding it. I don’t know what it is about having the knowledge that you can kill someone to bring out control and emotional distortion of dominion.

So, imagine spending a day when all you hear is gunshots as if you were in a third world country or a war zone. Imagine the energy in my peaceful retreat center when guests wonder what is happening in the mountain. The ordinance in this part of the “country” allows for shooting until 11PM. With each shot in the air, I tried to compose myself until I couldn’t any longer. I became a raging lunatic towards the end. I was cursing, yelling, and practically on the verge of tears. An entire day of those bang-bang-bang-bang broke me down. It came and went in intervals of 10 – 15 minutes of quietness. I was not my happy self. I was someone trying to control the fear of violence in my past: a rape and years of physical/emotional abuse.

I thought about the wars in the Gulf, Middle East, Germany, and all over the world. I thought about the fear and sadness that must be carried over the people and their land. My heart sinks in sadness to think of all our military men and women whose lives have been casualties of war. I couldn’t help but think this morning about how one can survive that type of violence. I am so proud of each one of those who stand for this country with bravery and admiration. I don’t know how they do it. In the end, I don’t know if it has repaired anything in any country. Severity over serenity seem to not cure anything in these times.

I can’t blame the Good Ole Boys for wanting to drink up and have target practice. It’s a free space up there in “them mountains.” I can’t blame the hunters for gaming season and wanting some fresh meat. I am not responsible for world peace. I am only responsible for my surroundings. Unfortunately, when their shooting affects my business then I have a problem. I have an issue with the disruption of serenity on my side of the mountain. I also have to say that I am appalled that no one else in the area seemed to mind those gunshots at all. Are we so used to carrying anxiety, anguish, stress, and anger that we don’t hear bullets flying out of a gun for an entire day? I am to assume that these are also the types of people who have the news channel all day long on the highest possible volume.

We live in delicate times. People are walking around overly stressed, mentally exhausted, and emotionally depleted. Time seems to be accelerating and everything is in sensory overload. We can blame it on the economy, political times, religious absurdities, sexual indiscretions, mental disorders, or whatever else can be conjured up as an excuse so we don’t have to take responsibility for our own thoughts and behavior. We are all responsible for our own lives. Violence in any way (whether mental or physical) doesn’t solve the problems of the world. They add to the creation of fascism, dictatorship and world oppression.

May you find a place in your life to meet peace and pass it on to others around you. I continue to send thoughts and prayers for world peace in my meditations. Tranquility, serenity, a peaceful mind starts with YOU.

**note: As I was finishing this blog I received a call from a grandfather to rent out the cottage for 7 days. He just lost his grandson in the Marines. Listening to his heartfelt words about renting the place for his daughter to have some peace for a few days sent me to a place of grief and compassion. My heart goes out to the Moore and Carl families. Our deepest thoughts and prayers for the loss of your 22-year old Hero. May you find the strength in God to carry you all through these difficult times.