Be still


“Live life as if everything is rigged in your favor.” – Rumi
The universe conspires in your favor. Everything that happens is for your betterment whether for a life lesson or a conscious choice you made to enhance your spirit. If you listen closely to your soul you will notice when you are making a mistake. Is it your ego wanting this? Is it your soul’s yearning to do that? If you live your life, as Rumi expresses, what you accomplish is through love and joy. It’s part of your journey. It becomes a certainty in faith. I know in my past that when I kept hitting walls, seeing signs or crashing against barricades that I should have stopped pushing myself to get those things my ego “needed.” Looking back I know exactly what those things were but I didn’t care. My tenacious character didn’t accept failure (even when it wasn’t failure but the Divine expressing the truth that it was not a situation for my betterment). We tend to complicate our lives. When we get out of the way and allow the Divine to lead things are easier, smoother, lovelier and definitely in your favor. Life is not made to be a constant struggle. We create the struggles with what we think we need, desire, and manipulate. Sit long enough to feel God and allow the guidance. Your path, your life, your destiny…is all rigged for YOU!

Morning Prayer

That first hour of light
Introduces day
To the foggy mountains
Desperately trying to
Mark the sunrise.
I sit in darkness
Guided by a candle
And incense burning
With a cup of tea
Warming chilled hands.
Silence visits me,
And no thoughts tug
Anywhere in my
Cerebral cortex.
I stare out wards
Then inwards.
I am the light,
The mountain,
The room,
And the vastness
Of infinity.
Another day allows me
To partake of its
Divine gifts.
How very blessed I am….

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Quiescence

It has taken me

a lifetime

to understand

the nothingness…

the silence that comes

from the depth

of earth,

of you,

of me

because the vastness

in its emptiness

somehow stood frightened

of the awareness.

In this hollowness

created of infinite

divine wisdom

I comprehend

who I am,

what I am,

and

the finality

that I am not….

 

The Sum of my Being

Things I know for sure

are mapped out

in a geographical atlas

of love. The past has planted itself

in harsh terrains

over places that my heart

has chosen to forget…

but only for moments.

The geography of love

is measured by the distances

between what I gave

and what was left behind

through vast rivers of tears,

down valleys of disappointments,

into landscapes of forgiveness.

The lifeline of me is an illustration

that’s neither here or there

calculating winnings and losses

which have molded me into

some mystical monument at this time.

I have provided virgin territory

for another explorer

to conquer in me,

settle into my continent,

while allowing the outer

ocean waters of life

to gently touch the shores

of my heart

so I can give back what I know for sure:

the sum of my being.

Silent Voice Within

I listen to the silence
shortly overpowered by
thoughts. It stops. It moves.

It comes and goes without obstruction.
The quietude of nothingness
gets distorted. I stop.
I swallow in the memories
that prickle and pain me

without recognizing their origin.
The chaos of it stops me
from continuing
the serene path of joy

while packing, clearing,

moving on to the next stage of life.
I pause, not erasing it all
or stopping the forces
but allowing the tears
to trickle gently down…and out.
Each one takes a little suffering
and then it all disappears.
I can breathe again. It hurts
no more,
no less,
not anything. I am back to me
with a wet smile on my face
and the honoring and gratitude
from my spirit
that this too shall pass

once and forever

when I stop holding

betrayal even while forgiving;

self-criticism even while accepting;

and grant the gift of unconditional love

for me

for once…

for all.

Serenity of One

Hush.  shhh!

Listen. ahhh!

Honor this moment in time.

Silence is my companion

echoing through the space

of this house.

It sits drinking light

watching the incense burn

dancing through its smoke

fluttering to the candle’s aura.

The prayer wheel turns,

round and round,

circling the world,

sending out

to the masses

wishes of hope and peace.

The fireplace crackles,

bringing warmth

throughout

and I feel the sacredness

loving me gently.

In this stillness

there is absolute

certainty

of blessings,

lessons,

being.

This presence is all there is

and I close my eyes

to go deeper,

infinitely,

profoundly,

into the abyss

of my spirit.

With each moment

of breath,

the heart gently vibrates

and I exhale

as awareness takes me

until I am cradled

in the arms of divinity

and

I

finally

become…

One.

The Sound of Silence

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Silence is the language God speaks, and everything else is a bad translation.” – Father Thomas Keating

As I write this I sit on my sofa listening to the birds chirping outside. The silence of my house echoes through and through me. The gift of time for myself. Spring and summer are hectic times here. Family and friends gather, and guests are everywhere. I love this time. But, I also love solitude and quietness. Our Great Dane is on his bed near me, every so often picking up his head and letting me know that at some point we must venture outside. His deep sighs remind me to take my own deep breaths. It rained last night and the smell of the earth’s nectar has been intoxicated. There is life pumping outside and inside of me. I can hear the sound of life everywhere.

I spent a large portion of my life being awaken each morning to chaos. If it wasn’t the yelling of fear in my own head then it was the external noises of someone who had no peace and had to wake the house up whenever he was up. It was a time of complete mayhem with kids running around and schedules that needed to be met. Time didn’t seem to be relevant to anyone. I have spent the last few years of my life waking up to peace in these mountains. I open my eyes, say my prayers, light candles and sit in silence for a little bit. I go with the rhythm of the morning. I need this space, solitude, and grounding. I need to hear God in those initial moments of returning to this world from the dream state. Anything else, just like the above quote, is a horrible translation for me. And, I know this is ironic: I am a chatterbox during the day. I will make conversation with anyone or anything. I have been known to talk to the trees, the fish, and the rocks. But, my mornings are sacred. I need to go to the windows and look outside and see how the day will receive me. I need to breathe in the entrance of daylight. I require serenity in those first moments of entering a new day with gratitude for still being able to walk the journey. I need to breathe in deeply and let my spirit know that I am grateful for everything.

As I continue to write this I can hear the rattling of leaves with the wind. The frogs are active around the pond, the fist are circling waiting to be fed, and the sun is ready to burst light in this entire valley.  It is a beautiful mountain morning. I am blessed for so many things, but especially the silence of my spirit as I hear God loud and clear. I can’t understand how so many folks avoid this with music and television and the constant distraction of chit-chat inside of their heads. I cannot comprehend how anyone moves into a new day without listening to the voice of quietude before the rest of the loved ones wake. How can you recharge? How can you allow for the Divine to speak? I can’t imagine day in and day out avoiding this peace for the mind, body and spirit. Once you’ve tasted peace it is very difficult to avoid it.

May you allow inner guidance to bring you to a place of silence each day so you can touch the Divine. May you take notice that you are here on borrowed time and make that time count. Open your heart and let love guide you through this spiritual journey into the unknown. It is there that you will find truth, grace and faith. Make it a practice to allow your soul and physical body some sacred moments of peace. You will marvel at the changes in your life. Have a great one!

Resilience

morningI am dragging butt this morning. I had one of those beautiful uneasy filled nights were everything comes to visit and not even meditation can help. It’s part of being human and releasing. It’s part of being in touched with the dark as well as the light. In the light of day it’s all forgotten but while the night wrestles … it’s excruciating to experience the loneliness of trusting your knowing without seeing the signs.

Speaking of signs as I was making my way into town for groceries there is a yoga studio on our road. The sign read RESILENCE. I passed it and thought, “Is this a new method of connecting to silence through yoga? Hmmm, that’s a new one.” I went through the supermarket with that thought, again so distracted that I forgot a few items (third time this week). How does one enter into re-silence? Is there a way to quiet the quietness? What exactly does that entail? I had all these thoughts in my head and as I was driving back up the road I re-read the sign and it says, “RESILIENCE.” I forgot the “I” in it. HaHa! I forget the “I” in a lot of things. But, it made me realize that when we do forget the “I” of ego we re-enter silence. We don’t get the chit-chat of doubt, anxiety and fear. Isn’t that something? I struggled through a night full of many I’s.

So the word today…the sign I have needed ismorning2 “resilience.” It’s in that adjustment and flexibility of allowing things to come and go that I keep moving into with faith. Resilience is part of that silence. It’s in part resistance, tolerance and the mystical walk of staying within my powers of truth. And here are some pics of the ride back up the mountain as you enter into “resilence” through “resilience.” Have a blessed day, sweet souls!

Love and Forgive

forgiveness

I have a daughter who is 27 years old.  She arrived into my life at almost 12 years of age from Romania.  She was set in her ways, a blank canvas to me since there was a huge language barrier between us.  She arrived into a home and family that lived by structure.  She had no choice but to adhere to the public school system and all the rules in school and at home.  But what happens to someone who is entering puberty and has a life changing event?  What happens to the past and where do you place it?  How does one “fit” into this new atmosphere, geography and ethnicity?  How many secrets condemn you and break your trust in others?  When she was 18 she was going to harm me and her siblings and I had to institutionalize her.  Those weeks (and what followed) nine years ago were one of the most difficult ones of my stories.  She and I have never been the same.  Even though she was in the hospital for 3 weeks it wasn’t enough.  She stopped taking the medicine and never received further help for her disorders.

We rarely communicate but not a day goes by that I don’t pray for her, send her love and ask God to give her guidance for her and her children.  A troubled fragmented mind can’t see things for what they were.  She has felt betrayed and unloved.  She has felt her siblings pushed her away.  I can’t speak for them but I know that when you have played with the Devil it’s hard to get back to Divine normalcy and accept someone who is still living in that playground.  They speak of her as if it was a horror film as they share stories of events, multiple personalities, and Devil worshipping.  I explain and ask them to let it go.  They all have their own thought processing.  They all have their reasons for holding on to the dangerous moments of the past.  In time I hope they make peace with it all.

How does one move on through life’s events when the faith in humanity gets tested?  I believe through love, forgiveness and letting go.  I have reached out to her on several occasions and have been returned with a reminder to not enter that space of having her near me. “She is dangerous!” I hear this constantly in my spirit.  “Wherever she is at continue to send her light and love.”  And, I hear it loud and clear.  But as a mother, thoughts come and go because I want to help her as any mother would. This is our job to protect the ones we love but we cannot take on the world with someone who is not willing to receive the help. She refuses to see a professional or get assistance of any kind.  She has no idea she’s mentally ill.  She can’t see it and won’t receive any help unless it is money.   She lives in an inconceivable amount of darkness that my light cannot reach.   And unfortunately she attracts those like her as well.

I rarely share the stories of my children.  They are my chapters filled with pages of love, lessons, and experiences.  They have gone through childhood, puberty, adolescence, and adulthood.  My children are precious, every single one of them.  And, for whatever reason my soul attracts the fractured, hurt and destitute.  Now years later I understand that of all my children she was the one who taught me about faith.  There were nights that the heavy energy in my house was so dense that all I could do was sit on the floor in the dark and pray.  I worried about my other children, I worried about myself, and I worried about things most people don’t ever have to think about.  We were exposed to spiritual warfare on a daily basis.  Where there is light there is also darkness trying to extinguish it.  In those days I would walk around with a Bible and she would mumble laughing that “it wasn’t going to save me.”

But, just like that things come to head and we are all asked to love and forgive.  We are asked to feel compassion for the ones who have not seen light, and those who entertain the darkest forces possible.  I witnessed dark and light every day and it helped me open up to the many realms around us.  My heart learned to love even deeper because of her.  My soul learned to forgive even faster because of her as well.  She was the epitome of opposites in a house full with gifts of love.  She rejected love, grace, God and compassion.

Remember that when you love it is for you.  You love because it feels like you are part of the world.  You forgive for you as well.  You feel the weight of darkness being removed.  We choose our thoughts and our experiences.  How we re-think those moments in the past determines if we are paralyzed or free in the future.   We all have similar stories of unimaginable acts that would make for a Lifetime channel mini-series.  But those are not the things that stay with us.  What should stay with us are the lessons learned and the moments of joy.  My daughter is gorgeous and she is a child of the Divine. Whether or not she takes the light into her soul is not important because we all have duality.  I have enough love to send her to make up for the dark she sees in the world.

We are all connected.  How you think of me becomes a reflection of you and vice versa.  Think love, freedom, grace, hope, faith, and all the goodness there is in each one of us.  Because when we begin to focus on the negative or the darkness we are left with anger, resentment, fear and hatred.  It’s not worth housing those in the mind, body or spirit.  Say the words, “I love you and I forgive you” to yourself and let those words transport themselves into the world.  I feel you.  I love you.  We got this! You are not alone in your process even though you feel that your stories are too much to bear.  Let them go! Mucho love!