It’s Getting Real

Without busyness a lot of our shadow self emerges. Things we’ve not dealt with come up and out. They get magnified. We are confined with others who are also experiencing their own shi(f)t.

I am sure there will be many separations and divorces when we return to our previous lifelines. There will be many who may find themselves picking up a vice (or two) in order to suppress the event. There may be abuse involved and lots of low vibrational challenges ahead.

Take a breather. Return to this memory. Step back from it all. Recognize truth. You will be triggered by your partner, kids, parents, friends, neighbors and the media. You will be rubbed and irritated by the confinement and the lack of routine. You may even fantasize of how different your life will be once you have your previous life back.

That other life will now be completely different. You will question your purpose here. You may be dreaming of how to reinvent yourself professionally. You will also recognize that simplicity is your new reality. You didn’t need all the heavy distractions.

This is your life. There is no returning to that other one because your experiences now are forcing a split in timelines. You will never be the same.

Deal with the dark side of your personality. It’s time to ascend and in order to do so you can no longer put that side of you on hold. You can no longer neglect healing it.

The struggle is real. You will emerge through a complete metamorphosis. It isn’t pretty. It is definitely uncomfortable. But… sigh … I feel you will choose the best outcome for you and your family.

Be safe. Heal the past and work on releasing it. Forgive yourself. Forgive others. That irritation creates a crack that is allowing light to enter.

I love you.

Existential Crisis

The first three months of 2020 I was writing… A lot. And I was keeping a gratitude journal each evening on my phone. When the schools let out weeks ago I stopped. Not because I wasn’t grateful for our health and for the ability to be safe with our kids, but because time was no longer available in the same manner. Now when I do have spare time I am beat.

I’ve raised six children basically on my own before this second act. Those six are grown and gone to have their own lives. This time it’s two little ones and a husband. And I look at them with joy and wonder. Many times in disbelief that at almost 52 years of age I have chosen this mothering job again. I take it seriously. And the state of the world feels heavier because they are so young…and I am much older.

Time has stopped. And I am living (as many of us are) in a loop. Just like the movie Groundhog Day, I have no idea what day it is. It’s like an ongoing weekend without the ability to physically connect with others and be in places that bring us joy.

I miss my Starbucks chai latte with no water. I can make it at home but it’s not the same as speaking to the Barista while the chocolate croissant is being heated.

I miss interacting with strangers daily everywhere without the risk of getting sick.

I miss driving. Today I got in my car after a week just to pull my eyebrows and chin hairs. It was lovely. I didn’t leave the driveway. The mirror and light in there make a difference. I miss doing this while I waited for my daughter to get out of school before. You know THAT before. Before the world stopped being the same!

I miss the human touch of friends. I miss hugs and kisses. I have them at home but sometimes, in rare moments, a friend can truly reach the depth of my soul with a hug. No words needed. It’s the most fantastic yummilicious exchange of energy.

Don’t get me wrong…I am forever grateful. For so much. I am deeply aware of how fortunate I am. Yet, I am struggling with an immense sadness. As we all are.

This is a shit show. It’s okay to say that out loud. While I know this is not just about the virus, but a massive shift in our humanity, I am mourning the life I had just a month ago. I am mourning the lives of so many. I am feeling such denseness for the turmoil, the lack of readiness, the uncertainty and the truth. Combine that melting pot of emotions with other things and, yes, it can be a tad much at times.

Every year I pick two words as my intention for the year. I picked “adventure and travel.” Oh, it’s an adventure alright. Daily! And I travel all day long from the kitchen to the living room to the bathroom and laundry room. There are several other rooms I explore. Every few days, when it’s not raining, I travel to the far end of our property to talk to myself in quietude. That’s the moment I am not cooking, or picking up crap from the floor, or sanitizing little hands. It’s just me and God. And boy, Am I keeping Him busy with my talks!

There are projects to be done. There are books to be written. Cabinets to be painted. There is a lot that I can be doing when I have those ten minutes of peace. But truly…I don’t feel like that’s important. I rather sit in the sun. I rather read a passage from a book that brings me to sacredness. I rather do nothing because in the nothingness lies peace. In that vacancy I get to feel the illusion of it all and it’s beyond tolerable.

There is an entire world experiencing loss and ambiguity. I’m grateful for my little bubble in the country setting. But, it is emotional fuckery, physical carnage and chaotic spirituality. (And yes, I am using more “sentence enhancers.” If not now then when the fuck)?

We cannot deny ourselves the emotions. And when I get on social media to escape, I read of others moving through similarities. This helps me connect and disconnect simultaneously. It allows me not to feel lonely in my own loneliness of seclusion.

I laugh. I cry. I shake my head in disbelief at times. I sometimes get angry. I even mumble a few things at the screen. But, ultimately I get to be here to keep a little bit of my sanity in tact. I get to witness the best of others.

Who knew that 2020 was really about seeing the world through new lenses? We’ve had to adjust and redefine our lives. We’ve had to purposefully let go of our dreams for the time being. We’ve had create a new state of reality. It’s a gigantic pause like never before. A pause to dive inward and pull out old traumas and triggers. It’s a pause to heal…globally. It’s not just this viral event. It is an existential crisis of the soul.

I promise you that it will be okay. I say this constantly. Sometimes I actually believe it. I thank you for being here with me. For taking the time daily to sit together and fill these pages with love, humor, and important messages. You are an extension of my life right now.

This year is a game changer. We will emerge from the flames with some massive badassery. I have no doubt.

Be safe. Be love. Be authentic. Be faithful. Be compassion. Be the best you there is.

Find Joy in the Midst of Chaos

Hello, darlings. How are you all doing? It’s some intense times. I’ve had to truly allow the “feels” to come and go. I feel all sorts of emotions at different times of the day depending on what I’m engaging and entertaining.

I ask that you be diligent in your mindfulness and presence. Reach out to others during the stress.

What I do know is that these times are about connection, especially with your immediate family. It’s about returning to simpler times. And we will have plenty of it coming up as we may get quarantined.

Love one another!

Get your house projects done if you can. Finish writing your book. Create that piece of art work you’ve put off. Get your Christmas greeting cards filled out. Purge your closets. Figure out how to make toilet paper out of recycle stuff. Do whatever you need to do to stay mindful and present with your thoughts.

But for the love all that is good please find humor. Laugh. Dance. Do your yummilicious shifting. No more judging others. No more hate.

Anxiety will rise. Fear can visit often. It’s all okay. You truly aren’t alone. There is shi(f)t of unknowns right now.

I am grateful for each one of you. I love you.

Our Infinite Connection

You are one freaking miracle consisting of millions of cells that exploded to create a universe in you. You are a world alone bumping and connecting with other worlds. Not for one moment think that your world is insignificant. You have been programmed to believe that you are small but you’re huge. You are infinite. You will continue to live even after you are no longer in this incarnation.

And guess what you are here to do?

You are here to love and learn and love some more. You are here to experience all aspects of humanness. This is not a test. It’s not suppose to be a gigantic struggle. You are suppose to rise and help create for others.

Every single event, challenge and obstacle is here to expand your consciousness. You are here to touch hearts and teach what compassion is. You get to do that through your examples and power. Do not give your power to another. Do not hand your magic to anyone. It’s yours! You hold on to it and make this world a better place. We are now remembering why we came. And it’s all about love, connections, forgiveness, expansion and grace. I love you.

Choose Wisely

The psychology of spirit is pretty simple. Think good and good will arrive. Think negative and most likely you will get it. Think of thinking either and one way or the other you will get the negative. Negativity is a lower frequency. It takes a lot more to create and manifest from higher frequency. Positive energy requires joy and trust.

There are moments that truly push us to the edge of our spirituality. There are others that put us back on track. And, yet in other circumstances we are reminded that these are always, “Good times!” I don’t care how bad it gets because the truth is that we are here placed on this earth to learn, evolve and love in the process of living. With or without our awareness we are here to have a good time.

Be mindful of what you think when you are having a pity party. Be clear on how long you will allow the party to go on. Don’t let a bad day turn into something that will clearly become some kind of victimization attitude. This life is not created for that. These are, indeed, great times. Obstacles appear as reminders that you can overcome anything. Each challenge is an opportunity for growth and expansion.

If you don’t show up to your highest spiritual capacity take a look at what is holding you back. Most likely it’s you. You are holding yourself back from moving forward. No one else is to blame.

Always take full responsibility on how you act and react. It’s time you stop the victimization or martyr mode. Time is wasted on such dysfunctional behaviors.

Enjoy the spaces between the highs and lows. Enjoy the not knowing until you do. You are growing, darling! It isn’t always easy. So just be. Let’s make these moments good times. These are extraordinary times and we get to decide what holds us, what keeps us, and what lets us go. Sending blessings to you!

Show Up and Don’t Give Up

It’s time to shift your awareness and perspective. It’s time to truly be the most amazing version of yourself. The world needs it. It needs you to heal and help others heal.

To blame others for my full participation in the drama is moronic. I cannot blame someone for me staying in a toxic relationship. I can blame my inability to move away from the fear and manipulation from that person while giving away my power. But he or she were not holding me captive. My perspective of the obstacle was my enemy.

I cannot blame someone else for screwing me up in business. I participated knowing that person’s character. But I did it anyway.

Most of the obstacles, events, and experiences that we believe are happening to us (while in victim mode) are happening through us.

Read that again if you can’t grasp it!

You have created a life that is comfortable even in the discomfort. You know it fully. You might hate it. You might be stuck in the past beating yourself up for mistakes and then taking it out on the world. You continue to blame everyone around you. But I can assure you that when you spiritually connect to your truth you will figure out that no one is to blame for many of the things you endure. Your past determines a lot of your future choices so be mindful of the journey. You get a tremendous opportunity, daily, to shift gears and make something out of your life.

Have courage. Rise above the victim mentality into something that teaches you invaluable experiences.

And yes, there are cases of abuse and violence that you didn’t ask for, or consciously attracted. There are diseases and so much that we don’t get a say on. There is still bad in the world.

We have duality in our lives. We move through the dark into light a million times. We get to choose how, when, and where.

Blaming everyone else for not having the right job, or being in a shitty relationship, or not having enough money is truly inexcusable. Pointing fingers at everyone else instead of moving inward and finding the answers is pure avoidance.

You have the power to change your circumstances one step at a time. When you leave the victim mode you will begin to take control of your life. Trust in your capacity to manifest. Believe in your innate and divine ability to set healthy boundaries. Most of us were not taught this early on. It’s all about reprogramming your wiring. Show up. Keep going. Manifest your desires. You are in control of your thoughts. Start to shift into a higher vibrational frequency.

You’ve got this!

Rise Above

In the last month and a half I have made some difficult decisions as I had to be true to what my soul was expressing. I have spent a lifetime avoiding my desires while feeling guilt and shame for another.

Do I do this? Do I do that? What if I do this, will it affect this person? Oh…it’s just easier to do that which feels right. It’s time to be authentic to what I will or will not do. And it’s magical. It’s important to remember the stories of past events and return to the present with full awareness of the lessons.

Virginia Woolf said, “You cannot find peace by avoiding life.” Life needs to be acknowledged in its complete presence. It needs the wisdom of time, gratitude for each breath, and love for each connection. If you allow it, life will break you and then stitch those parts into a more remarkable being. When you let life guide without the fears of the unknown, through faith and trust, it will give you everything you have wanted and more…while being fully present with joy.

This is the adventure. This is the gift of living.

We are who we are because of the stories from the past. It’s in recognizing what we care to do with joy and what we won’t tolerate any longer that the magic begins to create through fairy dust particles of miracles. Things open up to align with your gifts and wishes.

Every road into memories and events allows us to figure out where we came from and how we got here. It becomes an unconscious clearing in mind, body and spirit.

Allow yourself to feel alive in those solitary moments when the reminder of living is magnified. Give your soul permission to visit and revisit the parts of you that need mending. Then may you return to the present with a full understanding of how awesome you are! Be embraced by Divinity!

Rise, darling! Rise to your soul’s yearning. Become all that you are meant to be but have forgotten for some time. You are the alchemist of your desires.