Last night I went out on my back deck while everyone slept. I watched the dance of the fireflies out on my field. I heard the noises of critters in the woods. I took my incense and lit it asking permission from the land and the four directions.
I asked for divine guidance in the solstice. There was serenity as I felt the world around me entering into another night of sleep.
My heart needed the space. It craved for sacredness of ritual and the simple act of lighting a candle was magical. I needed to ground myself in the cool grass.
And just like that I started to unravel. I came undone within minutes being guided through the darkness by divinity.
A middle aged woman started dancing in her back field feeling the energy move from her feet up to her crown. I lost myself in the movement and vastness of the darkness. I returned to me and each sweet breath through mindfulness. I felt the heartbeat of the earth against my own. There were no distractions. At some point it felt like the fireflies and I were in sync to the drumming of my heart.
It was delicious. It was truly empowering to feel my spirit connect to all there is away from the chit chat of a busy mind.
I gave thanks to God. I gave thanks to spirit. I gave thanks to the great mysteries of life. In spite of turmoil moving so close to my heart, I felt blessings from above and beyond. And… still this morning that assurance lingers on.
I have a rebellious nature… at times. I’ve tamed it in the last few years. I am stubborn (to a fault) and I don’t give up easily on the things that make my soul expand. My tenacity has helped me build many lives in this one. It has also cost me heartache at times because I stick to what I believe. When I do give up it is because I’ve lost interest in chasing what didn’t deserve me or barricaded me along the way. When I surrender it is because I have felt the universe tell me to stop, usually because my physical body has been affected.
I suspect I will be that old lady in the future that at family gatherings will say shocking things. I may share way too much about things I’ve kept for myself. I may be interrupted or taken out of the room while pushing a walker cursing up a storm. I know I’ll love hard, and loudly, even if I get angry. I will use my rebellion to fight for those I love forever. I will fight for what I believe… including the underdogs, misfits and those who have lost their way. I will continue to remind them of their light even when mine may be flickering and dimming.
When I leave this earth my children will remember my sarcasm and the way I loved them without an ounce of indifference. They will remember my twisted sense of humor and laugh out loud.
I can still climb a fence. A very, very, short one. I may hurt myself but I will give it my all. What I will never ever get hurt climbing is loving another even when it’s not reciprocated. I will never get hurt climbing the mountain of goals and dreams. I will never get hurt climbing my way through this moment in history because I believe there is magic on the other side.
Our 3 y/o started daycare again today after a three month hiatus. He was as happy to see his school as I was in dropping him off to exhaust his energy. I came home with our 6 y/o to tear my house apart and deep clean it. In the midst of moving furniture and vacuuming I lost my emotions.
I don’t know where they came from. My oldest son and his girl will return home to New York tomorrow and the future emptiness engulfed me. I got him for three months. The first time in over ten years that we had that much quality time together.
So I stopped stripping the living room. I stopped picking up God-knows-how-old cereal from under the sofa. I stopped and allowed for my heart to stop racing.
Today is gloomy outside and inside of me. I thought I would be okay. But, I may not be. It will be a hard mama week. I will return to putting my business back out there. I will find some kind of stability. But the last three months have been (sigh) full of chaos and so many gifts.
I lost myself in the days. I lost myself in little ones. I lost myself in the yard. I lost myself in motherhood. I also found myself in all those things. I returned to a life of what I do best: mother all those around me.
I’m ready for the world to also find itself. For the peace to arrive. For the love to engulf us all. I recognize the shift and how it is well overdue. But, shit, it has been brutal! I recognize now that I have been battling deep state of sadness, perhaps a little bit of depression. Had I not had two little ones I am sure I would have lost myself way down the dark night of the soul.
We all need to be seen, felt, acknowledged and loved. We want to feel connections. And for me that has been the hardest part of the isolation…. Not being able to touch another has been a major test.
I have felt my tribe. I see the world now in a different light when I share openly. I have witnessed who is here and who is elsewhere. The division in our humanity has grown existentially.
I’m hoping the muck in collective consciousness is about finished with this cycle. It hasn’t just been the virus but the anger and hatred that has been unleashed in humanity. I pray we proceed with loving louder in order to heal. I’m ready for the next phase.
Sending love to you today. Be gentle as things are proceeding and evolving. Know your worth and your truth. Remember what you believe is yours but don’t try to push it on anyone else. Holding you from here energetically as I proceed with cleaning some weird stains that are unrecognizable from the carpet. Hugs.
To pretend that we are is not allowing the soul to breathe.
Blacks have felt it forever. Hispanics have too. Jews, Muslims, gays, and everyone who has a label. EVERYONE who isn’t white.
Some of us hide it…. pretty darn well. We don’t let the anger come up.
I feel you, darling. I feel the oppression, the historial sense of rejection. I get it.
We are not okay. We are NOT. Look outside your little world of comfort and truly notice how we are not.
I think of how much work we still have ahead in this country, in this world, in order to finally breathe in the words of comfort: “Ah! I am okay now!”
Black lives matter. How are we still fighting for this right? We’ve come so far on so many other levels.
If love and compassion are the greatest tests for this human experience, we are failing. Miserably! We are so disconnected from why we are here.
But, let’s face it, we have failed as a civilization. The world is always moved through chaos and disaster before it gets better. Wars are created from that egotistical stance.
Peace isn’t that far away. I pray. I send the frequency across the grids of the globe.
I sit with coffee at hand, my biracial children next to me, and I whisper to my soul, “We are gonna be okay. You will be fine. I promise. The world is entering a massive shift, elevating from the darkness!”
And just like that, as if he heard my soul’s plead, my 3 y/o looked up at me and said, “I love you, mommy. We okay.”
Several years ago when I was in the social work field I had a conversation with a co-worker and she shared a story about one of her clients who recently departed our world. We were talking about doing volunteer hospice work if we had money to spare. I told her I was fascinated by the end of life and folks transitioning, especially those who are ready. And for those who struggled, they allowed me to just sit in sacred space and hold their hands. These were precious and priceless moments in my life.
She said one day she went to visit her client and she asked her how she was handling her ending? Her sweet elderly woman, who had been a missionary for many years, a woman of huge amount of faith, said…“I’m moving from one chair to another. Is that not okay?”
I stared at my co-worker. My eyes began to water. That was such an insightful and beautiful analogy of end-of-life transition. I got chills. From that statement I knew she was a woman who had lived with grace.
I feel life is like that: moving from chair to chair trying to find the most comfortable one.
It takes pure divine “knowing” to accept all of it. It’s in the simple awareness that we are just moving from one form of matter into another.
The joy of life is to continue moving from chair to chair while finding the magic of what it holds for our spirit. The trick is finding the greatest chair while playing music and enjoying it as long as possible in complete love and acceptance with a lovely view.
There is a story about a woman who travels a great distance with her son to meet a sage. After an entire day traveling by foot she sees the sage. “I need you to tell my son he cannot have sweets. It makes him sick.”
The sage said to her, “Okay, come back in a week!”
The woman left disturbed, perplexed and angry. She took her son and returned to her village. And even though livid she made the trekking back to see the sage a week later.
When the sage saw her son he immediately said, “Stop eating anything with sugar. Not good for you! Listen to your mother.”
The woman shook her head angrier than a hungry bear waking from hibernation and asked, “Why couldn’t you have done that last week? I travelled so far….”
The sage looked at her and said, “First I had to experience it myself.”
I can’t remember who the sage was or where I read this many decades ago but it has always stayed in my little head. We move through our experiences which form our perspectives. If we don’t experience it it is hard sometimes to understand it. But, I don’t always have to experience things to understand them. I can empathize and sympathize and do my part to understand. I try to put myself in the other person’s shoes.
These words here all bring us to peace and human connection. We might not understand each other. Many live in fear of what they don’t understand and cannot find a way to experience it themselves but I do believe love is the answer.
Take all the time you need to take this in but I will say it again: Love is what will heal this planet. And yes, love with action. But ultimately when things are done through love the shift arrives.
I’m sure I’m not alone in the heartache. We are experiencing a new level of pandemic. And I don’t have a clue how we will greet the weeks or the upcoming months. I’m at a loss. And it’s okay to be here because we may experience a lot more.
Today I am livid. I am angry at the isolation of almost three months. I am exhausted for not having much time alone other than maybe an hour or two a week when I take off. I am hurting for the collective. I am mourning what was and what may become a new life. I don’t know! But I am truly allowing myself the ability to sit with it because I can’t do much else at this point. I am not alone, yet I feel deeply alone in my thoughts.
I sat in my garden yesterday and made this video. However, I must add that violence does not fix violence. And I know, that millions feel that without it nothing changes. I can’t agree. I feel that we are dealing with forces that feed the lower vibrations. So when you continue to feed hate with hate you basically stay in a loop. No resolution.
Destruction of properties doesn’t do anything but fuel the fire. Violence against each other isn’t allowing for resolution but magnifying what we original stand for which is no more racism. We want justice. But justice with more injustice has never worked. The issue is separation and how we meet desegregation.
I don’t know how to fix the virus of hate. We’ve been in a war for thousands of years. This is just another battle. But what is now different is that energetically timelines are splitting and the next several months will see some resolution for many of us. We will find our place. We will use our voices to help. We may not be in the frontlines of the fight but we must continue to raise the frequency of the planet. So much will be coming up and out. We will have to hold each other up. First we must let go of the fear. We must let go of expectations.
Be kind and mindful of people’s perspective. Have compassion for those who do not think like you. You have had your experiences. They have theirs. We will meet somewhere in the middle.
I wish to God that I didn’t feel the anxiety that is moving through my body that arrives from not wanting to feel the chaos. So I will not fight it. I will continue to show up through love. I’ve experienced violence and hate in my personal life and what has shifted the events has always been nonviolent actions and love. My voice has changed the outcome of those personal narratives.
Lightworkers …. this is your moment. This is why you’ve been shedding so much of your traumas lately. This is why you are here. You have been healing in order to help others transition into the higher vibrations. This 3D programming is dissolving.
Please message me if you are struggling. Let me know how we can navigate together. Stay in your knowing. Embrace your love. We are divine beings created especially for these battles. Let’s rise!
For as long as I can remember I have ached to live or travel to the edge of civilization. I have craved to hear stories told and shared from all corners of the world. I’ve wanted to touch and inhale the essence of humanity, the borders of humanness. I’ve been studying empathy, compassion and what moves us to be who we are. I’ve been fascinated by spiritual and philosophical issues. The irony of this has been that I’ve received more than my share the last few months in isolation. I’ve witnessed the evolution of our civilization in the last week. And I marvel at how much I will learn in the near future.
We’ve gone from witnessing horrible and atrocious deaths of black men to partially opening up a country that’s been affected by a killer virus.
The virus has taken backseat the last few days. It’s become about our constitutional civil rights. The fight has been well overdue. Folks who were locked down for months have taken themselves out there for their rights… because let’s face it, whether it’s a disease/pandemic or racism, there is a virus.
One doesn’t care about your race to kill you. The other is a learned behavior and programming that has been around since the beginning of time.
People are dying. From both. The pandemic has nothing on racism that has been killing and torturing people forever. Racism has used religion and politics as part of its ignorance and fear.
These months have allowed me to truly take my Sunday’s into sacredness. I space out the day in my mind to accommodate God and pray. Even if I’m out with the kids in the yard, I am in my most spiritual presence sending love and healing into the energetic fields. I am mindful and extremely present in my day. I take in the journey from the edges of humanity and really try to breathe love into all the corners.
Today I am empty. I have nothing. I woke not knowing anything while trying to figure out how we will move through the state of our country and the world. I watched some of the protest videos. I ask myself, “What is all of this mounting to? Where will we be in a few weeks? How can we resolve what has been here unjustly forever? What will be on the other side…?”
So for a bit I will just entertain the idea that our lives are massively evolving into something indescribable. We are awakening to a totally different world. We are leveling up as avatars in some cosmic game. Each level gets more complicated and challenging. We will utilize our truths and knowings to move on and evolve. We will heal. We will find a way towards peace. We will rise together from the flames of many injustices. The last few months have had many folks living in fear. That was nothing in comparison to what needs to happen.
Continue keeping your peace. Continue raising your frequency to love and forgiveness. Let’s remain humble. Let’s hold space for others who are experiencing so many emotions at this time. It’s chaotic. It’s intense and we are experiencing new levels of perspectives, awareness, tied to our own individual truths. Sending love to all.
I’ve had months of shedding tears … usually at the most importune times. For the longest time my heart has literally ached. The isolation was the beginning of an emotional turmoil. The uncertainties added in not knowing how we would navigate a deadly virus. Then there was the caring for small children without a break. I had to put my goals on hold and I recognize I wasn’t alone. I have mourned it all. And it hasn’t stopped.
I have felt the shifting of global energy during the last three months. I have felt major conscious awakenings in me and others. The woo-wooness has been grand. I have felt intense energy at times foreseeing a major war in each of us. It has been liberating and brutal at once.
We are in the midst of chaos and the tipping scales get determined by how we show up. Every single decision alters our reality.
We must change. We have to rise to a new level of living together without hate, racism, judgment, and apathy. This isn’t new. This is an old paradigm that requires a major overtaking. We are here together in this perfect storm to eradicate this division once and for all.
I have cried. I’ve been sad. I’ve been frustrated. And at times I’ve been angry. I’ve been beside myself while pulling roots from the earth and in myself. All the emotions have triggered other releases. I have been prudent in finding the precious lessons in it all. I feel helpless in my pursuit to show up. But I am here. And I see the break across our land.
I have witnessed the disappointments in others. I am feeling it all through the inconceivable heartache in our country. Being a minority I have lived indifferences and discrimination. I fight it in my own way through love. It’s not that I am a pacifist (or unrealistic) as much as I am a true believer that hate has never won a war over love. Ever. Never.
I don’t care what race you are it is absolutely atrocious to witness the injustice at this time. But I am also giddy at experiencing the expansion of what’s coming. Change is coming. We are no longer going to put up with any of it. It’s taken all these recent human losses for a radical revolution.
But… We must let go of the fear. We cannot fix a single issue if we move through fear at this moment.
It is time to rise. We are exactly where we are suppose to be. Please use your anger and hurt to fuel this opportunity in a loving and constructive manner. Hatred towards hate will just create a wild fire that cannot be contained.
Let us take these moments for shifting through benevolence, compassion and grace. And, no, sitting here wishing it away won’t do it. Actively participating in educating, interaction, communication and bringing the darkness to light will create a profound ripple effect. It means getting involved with changing laws. It means standing up and using your voice in an intelligent and loving manner.
I see you. I feel you. We can utilize this moment to teach the world how we transform hate through unity as one nation. United we stand, divided we fall.
Put your love and compassionate shields up, darlings. Something is shifting. Huge waves of division in timelines happening. The gap is growing. Remember who you are and what you represent. Anger is a wonderful catalyst for change but it can also destroy the foundation of what you may be trying to transform. You cannot take all that hate and expect it will turn to love without destruction. It will attract more hate. Fear will fuel it and it will spread like wild fire through a forest.
Put your heart in gear. Ground yourself. This may get really bumpy. We have a serious pandemic evolving. All of this is part of the crumbling of illusions. Do whatever you are pulled to do but return to the highest frequency of divine understanding.
Life is truly transforming. Love will win. There is so much that needs to crumble. Things cannot get better by doing the same exact thing.
Love you Mucho. Holding space for the sacredness of peace.