Creation

When my second son, Patrick, was about 11 or 12 years old he got in trouble with his English teacher. Pat has always been an inquisitive and empathic soul. He has always desired to know the why’s, how’s and what’s of everything.

Now imagine this call from the school: “Patrick has been disrespectful to me today and I won’t stand for it any longer. I need you to come in and have a meeting with me and the principal.”

Next morning I was there with Patrick and the teachers. I had already heard what had happened from him. Mrs. Hernandez was pregnant and only a month away from giving birth.

“Patrick looked at me yesterday and in the middle of class asked me how it felt to have someone inside of me.”

I explained that Pat was fascinated with her pregnancy. He had watched the miracle of life every day and her stomach growing. What he intended to say, which he failed to do, was ask how it felt to have a new life inside of her stomach. My son sat there and shared deeply with the principal and teacher. Their eyes watered as he went on to discuss the beauty of being a woman, the power of giving life to this world, and the exquisiteness of creation.

It wasn’t pornographic as she thought. It was fantastic to see a young man wonder about the human body and the miracle of creation. He shared that “this miracle is something men will never get to experience. My mother had me and my brother and she adopted 4 more children because her body couldn’t make anymore babies…. We are all miracles because of women.”

I have never forgotten that moment sitting in that school at 7am. When I see a pregnant woman I always think of my son (and he’s 34 y/o). And I think daily of the amazing creators that we are even if we don’t give birth to a child.

We are magical beings. We have the power to hold divinity within us. And not just in birthing children, but in creating a life through authentic purpose. We are magnificent at constructing dreams and supporting others through love. We are mothers, daughters, teachers and lovers of the world. And together we are rising to make the world a better place for those we leave behind.

I love you!

Millie

Be Brave


We tell others to be brave as if it was a choice. But, bravery is a commitment between your spirit and the heart to keep going. It’s a relationship that requires acceptance while releasing any sense of victimization or blame. 

So, next time you whisper to someone, “You are brave! I love your courage! I admire your strength.” Feel it in the core of your own existence. Courage comes from falling while not allowing yourself to permanently stay there. 

This life requires you to be courageous and vulnerable and compassionate. It requires you to clean the nastiness when you fall and get hurt while still move through love. Yes…love unconditionally especially yourself. Be brave and be daring. That’s where the magic is created.

Go Seek Love

through love

Last night I had a remarkable dream. I dreamed that I was LOVE. I had no body. I was free like the wind without being able to hold on to anything. But, I was LOVE. I had no judgment, intolerance, bigotry, or negativity. I was just LOVE. Every person who came in my proximity felt me, sensed me, but couldn’t explain their openness and divinity that allowed light to penetrate without a single rejection, opinion or heartache. It was just love. Because I was like the wind, they couldn’t hold me. Because I was vastness, they couldn’t contain me. Because I was invisible, they couldn’t judge. I was able to mold into their souls and radiate truth of self-worth, authentic power, and appreciation for humanity. It was mystical. I fit inside every spirit and still had unlimited abundance of love to give. I was endless. I was the energy of the cosmos. And, in a moment of truth…while giving to those who forgot their love, I lost myself and became my human form again. I returned to my body while holding on to a homeless man begging on the corner of a busy street. He and I wept allowing the simple truth of our humanness.


We are forever connected through LOVE. We are divine beings who have forgotten our worth and how much we are affected by each other. In our consciousness we know that love is the origin that seeds us all together, planting hope for our future. But, we have forgotten how to portray this to ourselves.  We have become stagnate in thinking that loving ourselves too much is selfish.  It’s not.  It’s imperative.  How can we love another if we don’t value ourselves to the most ultimate level?  How can we give if we don’t own it?  

Go seek love inside.  Go seek love in yourself and truly see the beauty that you are.  I love you. I love you. I love you with all that is truth, magical, faithful, and instrumental to your existence. Know your worth! You are powerful. We are connected through this lifeline of goodness. Remember! Don’t run away from it. Embrace it…and return to LOVE! Most people close up because they’ve been hurt.  The hurt comes from expectations.  But, when you truly love another you have no expectations.  You accept their greatness and those things that do not resonate in you.  We learn from these challenges.  The thought that you are alone is an erroneous perspective. It’s an illusion. Breathe and feel your heart expand and connect to all there is. You are the ALL!  Together we are ONENESS!

Declaration of My Power

I will not allow someone’s dictation

to become my own

as the voice in my head

in order to make themselves feel superior;

in order to fulfill their inferiority.

This is permitting the entrance

into my spirit,

the core of my essence and truth,

to rape me of all my will

so that they can feel better;

feel less empty

while carrying in them

the energy of me and all I really am.

I will not give another my power,

virtues, dreams, or thoughts

while allowing them to dictate

the decisions I make

and make me feel

that I have no voice,

whisper, or strength in my words.

I was given this body,

and this mind,

and this awesomeness,

and these thoughts

not to become a puppet

to anyone else

but to be the instrument

intended to find

the music in the world.

I am the notes,

the strokes, and the composition

that make me whole.

I am the oneness

of all through divinity

and another has no way

of robbing my humanity

unless I hand it over

willingly

with the belief that I am

not worth it…

because I AM.

Life is a Salad Bar

salad barLast night my best friend and I watched the endearing movie, “Heaven is for Real.”  It’s a story about a little boy who has a near-death experience and goes to heaven.  At the age of four he teaches those around him about faith. After the movie Bobbie asked if after all these months I can still feel things that I did when I came back into my body in January.  I explained to her that I would never be the same prior to that date.  I have no fear of dying.  I also have no understanding of what others experience.  Anything and everything I knew before January 15, 2014, is null and void. My participation, involvement and personal narrative have nothing to do with anyone else.  No two people can experience exactly the same thing. Every action and circumstance is different.  Our lives are as unique as fingerprints.  My faith has been strengthened.  My ability to reason has been rewired.  And, my knowing of what I knew to be true has disappeared.  I can read things from a year ago and I cannot relate to the b.s.    I know nothing.  I knew even less then.   Every rough edge in my being seems to be smoothing out.  I returned with a deep compassionate heart for me.    Always having been the worrier of everyone else, I realize now it has nothing to do with me.

I was once standing at a salad bar.  My children were all getting the same toppings, yet every salad was different.  We all had the same ingredients but no two salads were identical.  That’s life!  We can all share the same jobs, family, losses, circumstances, course of events, and so on but no two lives are identical.  It is foolish and arrogant to say that “I know exactly how you feel” or “I understand completely.”  Impossible!  We can empathize and sympathize with one another but our emotions, decision making, processing, and a million other factors make it impossible for anyone to know “exactly” how you are feeling.  Besides I truly believe we all have the answers we need at all times.  All we have to do is get out of the way and let Spirit guide us.  If you are fortunate enough to have someone listening to you as you process an issue you will come to the conclusion on your own.

We are here on borrowed time.  Even with time being a huge illusion it is still the indicator of our livelihood.  Eighty years (if we are lucky to live them) is not that long.  In the scope of desires, dreams, and wanting to live fully that seems like a really short lifespan.  At the time of death things that mattered in our lives seem insignificant.  It’s all about lessons, experiences, and the connections we make while here on this planet.  I am often reminded of Tim McGraw’s song “Live Like You Were Dying” and how perception plays a huge role in the way we live.  If you knew you had an expiration date what would you do differently?  How would you live the rest of your time? Would you consider it a privilege and gift?  I bet money wouldn’t be an issue, or the degrees you didn’t get, or even the material life you thought was important.   But, you might look back and regret not saying more “I love you’s,” “I am sorry,” “I am proud of you,” and so on.

Heaven is for real.  You create it every day.  Hell is for real as well.  You create it every day.  You get to choose which mental location to live on.  Do you want joy or do you want hatred?  Do you want peace or do you want war?  Our internal factors are a switch away.  You get to decide how you live your life.  And, if you believe for one minute that you cannot change the way you are living, then sweetheart, you are definitely living in hell.  Let divine wisdom, God, and your faith dictate the way.  What others say or think really does not matter.  Be aware of the endless possibilities in your dreams!  Awake each day to being present and the amazing gift of another day.  You came into this world knowing your mission but have forgotten it for a bit.  Sit and search for your truth. You got this!

Birth of a Woman

birth

When a woman is born

from the awareness of lost love

hope finds a nest in her heart

and memories no longer

reside with bitterness.

Each turn, curve, and path

become the journey towards peace

without regard of destination

as she arrives there solely through forgiveness.

 

When a woman is born

out of darkness and sorrow

Divinity steps in with a golden lantern

shining light never seen before

on the future now guided by wisdom,

grace and love.

 

When a woman is born

from truth and authenticity

the world respects her

and nothing is ever viewed the same

because it isn’t what is seen with eyes

but captured through heart and soul.

 

Love lies in the self knowledge

of femininity, fertility,

and intimacy mirroring

in such a way that she doesn’t recognize

her transformation…at first.

 

When a woman is born

from the frailties of pain

her angel wings grow wider,

her muscles stronger,

her heart elongates to touch the essence of God.

It is in those moments that all doubts resign

and the “I AM” returns to the world

in the form of motherhood to herself.

Emotionally Honest

Tex, our Bipolar cat, switches from nice to mean in a split second.  I make the comment to Matt since she’s been in his life for eight years that she is “mean.”  He replies to me while holding her gently and cradling her body, “She’s just emotionally honest. She knows what she wants, when she wants it, and how she wants it.  She is honest with all of her feelings.”

I thought to myself before getting up and showering, “How many of us are emotionally honest?”  A healthy part of living authentically is being emotionally available and sincere with our self and others.  We fear judgment, criticism, and rejection so we adjust and modify to the expectations of everyone else.  I can look at this crazy cat and understand that she truly is honest with her feelings as she rides the Bipolar Express.

When we are emotionally unavailable life is a huge struggle.  We show the strength in our spirit as soon as the walls start to cave around us.  Strength is not shown in moments of comfort and happiness.  It appears in moments of trials and difficulties through the courage of letting go.  Challenges push us to stay in hot water and brew to develop into something magically unavailable to us in other instances of our lives.  We become authentically in nature if we allow the self to live in honesty while honoring our truths.

I believe that we learn through the challenges of feelings.  We are pushed to escape our egos and allow the Divine to help.  When things are going well we rarely go to Spirit.  It’s as if we need to find pain in order to fall on our knees and get closer to God.  It’s ironic.  The lower you are the higher you become.   Being emotionally honest allows the freedom to celebrate Spirit, the core essence of our being.   I find that the older I get the more emotionally available I become with myself.  I am not running.  I embrace the emotions, sometimes holding them too tightly to finally allowing them to subside.  My humanness craves for the liberation of principle.  I am accepting me in the perfection of being the best version of me there is.

Our hearts have to break, pain has to be somewhat present, and then we grow.  Sitting with my therapist yesterday I shared a painful story about my adopted children. I had no clue where it came from but the words slipped softly with naked truth. I stopped midway and said to her as tears clouded my vision, “I know logically that emotions live in my brain, but somehow I can feel my heart breaking into pieces when I go to that moment where there is no attachment to reality.  I know that physiologically feelings lie in the cerebral cortex but this area (as I clenched my fist against my chest) feels as if it has been reworked, retouched, and grown.  I guess it’s like when you have a broken bone.  It has to be broken back into place to then set and settle.  The bones begin to fuse and we are whole again.”  She smiled and said, “I think emotions are really stored in the heart.  I’ve never given it much thought but I have to believe they live in there. They move us to open widely.”

I’ve come to realize that’s how it is with strength and God.  There is such beauty in allowing the truth to come through our weakness.  The more we allow ourselves to feel the discomfort, the easier the journey becomes.  I vow to become more emotionally honest like Tex and speak up when the pain appears, when joy embraces me, and when Spirit speaks to me.  I wish you freedom as you gift yourself the ability to honor all emotions and live authentically.  Life is too short to pretend, hide, neglect and reject the emotional roads that lead to truth.

Honoring the Rawness and Ugliness

mom and daughter holding hands

I woke this morning and hit a wall (literally and figuratively).  I was half asleep walking out of my room when out of nowhere the wall socked me on the forehead.  I stood back and looked at it is dismayed.  What the hell?  I continued walking down the hall rubbing the spot like a magical lamp, waiting for a genie to pop out and grant me a wish.  It was there and then I broke down.  I sat at the kitchen table sobbing.  My daughter returns today from seeing her father.  She has been gone a whole week.  The last time she visited him was last Christmas with her brother.  When they returned my son decided he couldn’t live with me any longer.  Things were promised to him that were beyond my reach.  Now, I wonder how her behavior will be when I pick her up at the airport this evening.  Will she find the grass is greener in Miami?  She’s my last child, the baby of the family.  I cannot give her the material things her father can.  All I can give her is love and time.  He has a way of facilitating love with money and substituting it for the absence of time.

I sat down holding my head between my hands.  I can’t do this again!  This is not something I do easily.  I can’t fight the emotions that come up when I think of my children and how two of them have chosen to keep me out of their lives.  I understand that they arrived later in age and never adjusted to having a structured family. Regardless of their choices I love them and hope one day they can accept my unconditional love as a guiding light.  No matter what I do or say it will never be of their acceptance.  The only thing I can do is remain distance and send prayers every day.

There are moments in our lives that require a good head knock.  We are constantly going and going and going while avoiding the emotions.  I spent the entire week of Thanksgiving avoiding emotions.  Yesterday I got up, bundled tightly with warm clothes and trekked up a mountain.  I walked the 3-1/2 miles with such speed that when I got to the top my hips ached with strain.  Each movement required me to suck in the tears.  I didn’t know how I was going to come back down another hour and a half.  Something happened while I was on top of the world.  I sat down on a boulder and stared at the view.  I was closer to God.  It was there that I realized what was bothering me so deeply, why I had been so moody for days, and why I was so overly sensitive.  Heading back down, knees giving out every so often, pain on my hips causing a huge discomfort with the descending steps, I allowed myself the gift of meditating.  Walking meditation has always been a powerful tool for me.  I put my instrumental music on my IPOD and I don’t know how I made it back down.  Before I knew it I was walking into my house.

This morning’s head smack allowed the pent up emotions to subside.  This season of giving is not fun when the finances aren’t there.  My daughter will return with an abundance of “things” that I can’t provide at the moment.  Now with my head throbbing, my body aching from yesterday’s hike, I can’t fight the inevitable: I have to honor the rawness and ugliness of events from this past year.  I sit with tears trailing down my face.  All I have are prayers and faith that whatever happens is meant to happen.  Love is a powerful emotion.  It is strong in binding and letting go.  Love requires the soul to surrender. Its only expectation is that you listen attentively to yourself.  My ego has been non-stop bickering and all I can do now is sit patiently and allow whatever is meant to happen.

You, reading this, perhaps have gone through similar experiences.  You are not alone in disappointments, hurt, betrayal, ugliness, judgment, bigotry and distrust.  You aren’t alone on your walk.  There is a point that we require peace with our mental stability.  I have avoided going to see a therapist for almost a year.  Today, the head banging knocked some clarity into my stubbornness.  I am too far inside my own emotions to see the light.  It is time. With the holidays upon us it is not the best time to go solo in testing my strength.  My hippie-unicorn mentality can’t fix this imbalance alone.  My wish for you is that if you are in a similar space that you accept someone to help you.  It isn’t failure.  It is about self awareness, surrendering and love.  The hardest thing to do for most of us is ask for help.  You are not alone…ever!  Mucho love to you.