Be Gentle

Remember not everyday is filled with rainbows and butterflies. Some days are full of aches and scars. They require a little more heart expansion. Others require forgiveness. While still some allow you to feel the bliss from humanity and how we are the collective of something much bigger than ourselves.

Be humble. Be available to sit with all that arrives. Don’t let it paralyze you. Be gentle. You are meant to always show up and rise to the occasions of your life. But…please take care of yourself.

Today I heard of a distant friend who took her life this week. She was always there for everyone. She never ever shun away from listening or taking time to help another. From the outside you would’ve thought she never ever worried.

And that’s the thing about depression. That’s the thing about empaths and how we take on the woes of the entire world. If we aren’t careful we lose ourselves in the process.

There are days that compile several emotions from all corners of the heart. The world doesn’t prepare us for those moments of pure joy and heartache that happen simultaneously. The heartbreaks are so intense that you feel you cannot survive. They are invaluable experiences that force us to move into compassion without judgment. Huge heart pulls. Those days are truly sucky.

I ask that on those roller coaster emotional days you truly be gentle with yourself. Don’t discard the emotions. Don’t bury them. Don’t try to process them all at once. Go be with you in the same loving manner you provide for those you love.

Just be. Life is preparing you for such an incredible strong journey. Reach out to others in your circle. Be authentic and don’t let shame and guilt dictate your decisions.

Believe me, tomorrow may just be the best day you will have so far. Don’t judge your future by the experiences you are having today. Don’t criticize the moments because you fear them. Don’t carry them alone because of how others may see you. They aren’t walking your path. You might be giving them an experience they need for their own journey.

May you always be led by faith and grace. Things always have a way of working out. It requires you to shift perspective. It may require some time alone to figure it out. Your higher self always asks of you to show up and be gentle with you. And in that process you will see things in a different light.

I Don’t Have to Know You to Really Feel For You

believe-in-yourself

I don’t know you, personally. I don’t have to in order to feel your pain when you feel lost. I don’t have to know your story to understand that you feel broken and shattered. You feel alone and depleted. I recognize the fake smile, the “I’m fine” comment, and the gestures that arrive when you are hiding something because of guilt or shame. It’s universal. It is not just English. It’s Spanish, French, Arabic, Italian, and every other form of dialect in the world. The echoes in your soul are transparently opened to another who is feeling the same way. I know you. I might not be able to touch you, but I know when I see someone holding on to the edge of a rope next to the end of their life…begging to be saved. I know that look, that blank stare of frustration, that only someone who has been there recognizes. There is little hope, and I know that too. You aren’t the only soul to have a bad week, a horrible month, and a frustrating year. This is all crappy sometimes. It’s not an easy job to be in this human race.

I’m here to remind you that you are playing a game that’s created by your own programming. You are not a victim of your circumstances. You are the creator of those challenges in a subconscious level that requires some amazing awareness. Your sense of loss is very real but you get to decide if you stay holding on to the rope, let go into faith, and soar above everything else without certainty. It’s simply that easy. And, yes, faith can’t be seen, and at times, it can’t even feel real. It is a matter of trusting something other than yourself. It’s feeling the awesomeness of the universe holding you up…it’s waiting to catch you once you let go.

I don’t have to know what you feel. I don’t even need to be in your presence to understand that you require a shift in perception. You require a change of scenery. You need to abandon this moment of chaos and give yourself a break. Just do it!

Go for a walk. Go stand under a tree. Go talk to the clouds, to a friend, to your dog, or to anyone. Go chase a sunset and welcome a sunrise. You got to distance yourself from the drama of what seems to engulf this sadness. Cause, darling, there is always a way out without thinking of checking out. There is always a person who can adjust your sails and send you back on course. Reach out! You are not alone with this devastation of loss and hopelessness. I promise you that!!!

You are love. You are divinity dressed in this freaking magnificent human form. You can create anything you want…but first you must believe in YOU. Believe in every cell that consists of your physical body, every emotion that has created your spirit, and every aspect that has brought you right here, right now. Go be the most amazing form of you the world is yet to witness….! You’ve seen some spectacular things in your life (some not so great). We’ve all have…but keep going cause the best days are still ahead for you!

Going Home

This morning I am at a loss.  A dear friend committed suicide Sunday night.  A beautiful soul with so much light and love moved on as her spirit was yearning to go home.  We spoke that same morning and I asked her to come visit this weekend for energy work, girl’s time and to be in nature.  She was excited and told me she would let me know during the week.  I had witnessed through her writing the past few months a spiraling downward of hurt, faithless moments of pulling away, and agony for the unknown in this life.  With pure desperation she tried to hang on.  It was too much.  I am saddened by this news.  She will be missed immensely.

She and I never met in person.  She came here last May while I was at a friend’s wedding in San Francisco.  Immediately she reached out on Facebook.  We would write to each other personal messages of inspiration, discussing spirituality and lessons.  We would exchange sites on something that moved us to grow and expand our minds.  In Christmas she sent me a beautiful book by Mark Nepo called The Book of Awakening which I will cherish every day as I read the meditations.  She was an extraordinary woman who got lost in the dark corners of her mind.  But, even with such façade of being upbeat the underlining terror remained.  This is why I reached out to her to visit soon.  I feared the worst.

I, too, have been at that point of hopeless desperation watching the ripple effect of decisions all turning to darkness.  I know everything affects everything.  My checking out would mean I would leave a terror of psychological disturbances for my children, family and friends.  It has been many years since I felt this on my bathroom floor at 3AM.  I understand the need to find peace and consolation.  There are no easy answers. Every person is their own universe trying to explore new terrains, getting lost, and finding a place to land firmly for a while.

Dying is not courageous.  Living is courageous.  The minute we take our first breath it is a journey towards death.  It takes bravery, faith, and desire to remain here.  Often times our spirits have had enough.  This woman knew this as she had a near death experience several years ago in a car accident.  She understood the peace that happens once your soul lets go.  She wasn’t afraid of moving on.  She was exhausted in hanging on.   One of her last messages mentioned how she just didn’t fit here anymore.  I sent her a message of hope.  She thanked me and told me to pray for her.  My spirit somehow knew she was letting go, my humanness couldn’t really grasp it.  Her honesty reminded me of some dead-end moments in my distant past.  On Sunday she seemed better, hopeful, faithful in her words of encouragement.  I will never know what happened during that evening.

Her death has awakened many from the coma of oblivion.  We move through life with our own dramas, twisted plots and characters.  I hope that if anyone is at this place of giving up to please reach out to someone.  My heart expanded last night to her two children.  Her son left a beautiful and powerful message on her Facebook wall.  It touched me with such depth because she left in him the same spirituality she carried within her.  In honoring his mother he will find strength to mold a life of substance and purpose.  I believe it strongly.  She was an amazing mother.

There are moments we look at our reflection and wonder if this is all there is.  Where is youth?  What will happen tomorrow?  What’s the purpose of this terrifying struggle?  What is the meaning and purpose of my life? We have so many questions.  Sometimes the questions are much more relevant than having the answers.  In questioning motifs, decisions, choices, past experiences, and the complexities of our stories we reach a level of growth and understanding.  There are moments we find clarity and moments where there is no light.  Regardless of religious beliefs or spiritual practice we are still humans.  Doubts arise.  The terror of living in continuous pain is too much to swallow.   In our own convictions we turn to God and believe that He will have mercy on us in whatever way we choose to exist…here on earth or in the afterlife.

We will never know the answers to her desperation.  My only wish is that she finds the safety and warmth of Divine light as she returns to the place of Source.  We cannot judge another for the decisions they make.  She will be missed by many.  Her soul was absolutely lovely.  As I return to my prayers this morning I hold her dearly in contemplation.  Rest in peace, my dear friend!  The legacy of your love and life will forever be remembered.  May you guide us to the light when our time arrives! We will be reunited one day….!

“To live in the hearts of others is never to die.”