Follow Your Dreams

For as long as I can remember I have ached to live and travel to all corners of the world. I have yearned to hear stories told and shared from everywhere. I’ve wanted to touch and inhale the essence of humanity, the borders of humanness. I’ve wanted to study empathy and compassion and what moves us to be who we are. I’ve been fascinated by spiritual and philosophical issues.

Reality has stopped me. I have had many lives in five decades. I have lived splendidly in ways that could fill several lifetimes. However, the edge of civilization is still waiting. It is luring me strongly. The gypsy in me has been held captive for most of my life. And this is alright! No shame in living a magical life full of lessons and experiences because that has brought about my authentic evolution. But, as of late, something has occurred: the calling has now become a scream. There are no whispers nudging at me to go out and reach the world. It’s more like speakers in constant noise screaming full blast, “It’s time now! Do something, woman!”

How does one follow these voices and nudges that bring us to the edge of the unknown? Responsibilities come first. I have a four year old and a one year old arriving soon. I have a husband. I try to shut it off. I have done everything to stay within this world of responsibility with no regrets because I truly love this life. Yet, nothing stops the purpose that has also been yearning and pushing me to find more stories. And, they do show up through serendipitous moments. They unfold right in front of me all the time. I am always in a state of awesomeness hearing the three things the human form searches: joy, love and faith. It is still not enough right now. Maybe this is a midlife crisis. Ever since returning from Peru my soul has been deeply restless dreaming and manifesting. Perhaps this yearning is an existential one. I don’t know!

I must stand back and really take time to figure things out. I know in the core of me that I am to merge my life with the world. Even in small dosages. I am on the edge of answers. I feel them knocking in meditation. I see them evolving in dreams. Signs are all over the place and guidance is slowly showing me. I need to sketch the details, ironing out financial responsibilities against the dreams and trusting I am always being supported for me and my family.

Don’t you feel the massive changes happening as well? Don’t you feel the bursting out and metamorphosis? It’s powerful.

I am slowly figuring out how to move through this point. I don’t know how or why this is happening now. It happened several years ago as well and my life changed drastically. I do know that something is about to explode, expand, and take off from me in order to reach my soul’s yearning. It’s been slowly building up and I am paying close attention. I am no longer able to stop this excitement or craving. I am setting the Muses free without restricting myself. I always feel that when we truly sit with the feelings, rather than avoid them, we create. We must iron out the doubts and fears. Write out everything so we can see it all…and then wait for the magic to take form.

I see it. I feel it. I can taste it. I am honoring it. I might not know how it will all come together but I am holding on to the feeling of it excitement.

Magical Encounters

I had one of the most fascinating flights ever. I sat next to a lovely young woman. She had the window. I was in the middle and Matt in the aisle. Before the plane took off we began to exchange stories. We talked for five out of the six hours. I asked what she did for a living. She said she had 2,800 snakes. You are reading correctly. She studies snakes. Venomous ones. She was coming to the Amazon for two weeks to find them with a film crew. Then she was going to Machu Picchu.

She’s like Dr. Dolittle. She’s an animal charmer and much more. She sure charmed me. She is a powerhouse but I don’t think she recognizes her magic. I sprinkled some fairy dust on her without her noticing. I feel after this trip to the jungle her life will change in extraordinary ways.

So imagine Tinker Bell meeting the little kid from the Jungle Book talking about her zoo and animal farm! She has three alligators. She showed me pictures of her feeding them and how intelligent they are. I will save you the details. She has wild cats that are magnificent. She understands animal spirits deeper than people ones. Her face lit up with every story she told of her many bites, coma, experiences and challenges.

When she was 15 years old she got bit by her first snake. Her body went into shock (and she gave me all the technical lingo of what happens). She was saved and became intrigued. That was the beginning of her journey. She made it her life’s purpose to study them. She says that what you fear pushes you to face those things otherwise you are paralyzed. Sort of like getting bit by a venomous snake. And only you can fix it. You hold the key.

By three hours into the flight we had discussed mysticism, energy, magic, people, passion, purpose and so much more. It was mind blowing. She’s done lots of shows in relationship to incredible things. This is not really who she is. She is this multifaceted being that has been transplanted into our world and she’s finding how she can help others but doesn’t quite know how. Yet…So…we looked at that too.

My sweet husband sat there reading a book the entire time. Every so often he would look up, make a comment and return to his novel. He was happy his wife was high on life.

I was transformed. She has this zest for life that’s rare. Her passion for saving animals is the same one I have for telling stories. We talked about that…the things that make us come alive. The reason we are here. The forces that push us to do what we do.

I fell in love in the sky. She is intelligent and stunning and full of energy that is rare. And, not so rare because we just want to be heard and understood. We want to know that we are not freaks. I got from her sharing that her life is not easy with people being intimidated by this strong and powerful spirit.

I begged her to continue sharing her stories and explore how she can change the world. I asked her, while holding her hands in mine, to find more of life that others are fearful of exploring. Cause she’s not. She fears nothing.

Oh, darlings, you just don’t know the magic of a divine appointment. Neither of us was suppose to sit together. At the last minute, when we got to the airport, Matt and I were switched. We were going to be sitting apart. She was suppose to be in another seat as well. But, the universe said, “It’s time! These three people need to meet. They need to connect!” And bang!!!! A new experience happened. Stay open to it all. It’s ahhhhmazing.

Reflections

My husband and I were gifted a weekend at the beach with our kiddo. While out there these two young souls were so sweet to watch. They kept whispering to each other. Neither was dressed for the beach. They were enthralled in the ocean and in each other. I was touched by witnessing new love. I was moved by the endless possibilities of their stories.

A little while later, while Matt and I played with Kali on the shoreline, a beautiful older black woman walked by with her mate. She commented on Kali being so pretty. I stopped and looked at her. She radiated. She had a gorgeous bald head and her essence was nothing like I’ve seen in a long time. Being in her presence brought up something intense in me. I found myself needing her hands in mine. I had to ask her story.

I asked her for a hug. She told me her name, “Zelma with a Z.” She was from Washington. We stood as the waves slapped our legs. Two strangers arm in arm watching the ocean be in the moment…doing what it is to do…just being through need of acceptance. There was little words exchanged. It was lovely and simple. I felt the thread that holds us together tighten because we’ve known each other, another time. And we both felt it.

This weekend brought gifts. It created new bondings. It allowed me to shift perspectives. It did what travel always provides for me: Distance from normalcy and the mundane in order to find myself. It removes what I think I know and teaches me that I really don’t know much. It also brought a huge awareness and reminder that traveling with a three year old is not so much a vacation but a jig saw puzzle of how to keep them entertained away from their environment.

As we headed up the mountains I watched my sweet little girl return to equilibrium. I witnessed my husband creating new stories in his head for the novel he’s been working on.

I am deeply grounded. I am exhausted but blessed for having had the moments to laugh, cry, and play. Time away from reality allows me to return to my truth….always.

The Canvas

 

There is a composition unlike any other
in perfect harmony
that only its artist could create,
without duplication,
stipulation,
colored to perfection.
This is the canvas of my soul,
in hues of purple and pink,
with hints of mint and greens
splashed to run against the light.
There is a sanctuary
upon the curves and lengths of its frame,
so full of imagery,
of love,
of a silent language spoken from the heart.
There is an arrangement of places,
among the horizon
that landscape the shapes,
shades,
mosaic of my thoughts.
There are feelings covering its values
and depth painted in the chromatic of truth
proportionally expressing all there is.
And, somewhere in its tones
there is undeniably the casting of faith
grasping to the atmosphere swimming
in a composition of integrity and serenity.
This is the canvas of my spirit,
with all its illustration,
a Renaissance of antiquities,
that lies deeply only in me
while the Creator watches
and smiles at His one-and-only masterpiece.

Rumination

rumination

Breathe silence,

exhale peace.

Breathe love,

exhale joy.

Enter the center

of the universe

allowing the “I”

in “I am”

to solidify,

mystify,

and move beyond.

Come…

exhale,

inhale,

fly through the cosmos

searching for divinity

in the only

place

it exists…

inside of

Y

O

U.

Returning to this World

 

Last night the rain shivered beneath the moon

and I fell asleep staring at the silhouettes of trees

dancing across the field, lost in the wind of chances

until I drifted without thoughts and illusions

into a dream land that called my name from the other side.

 

This morning I returned to this world,

woken with memories of another life I left behind

and as I stared into the morning light

a quiet whisper left me without doubts:

my thoughts are the small journeys

that bring me back to reality

and I am exactly where I am supposed to be.

 

I return to this world surrendering to the universe.

Some days there is peace of mind.

Some days there is utter chaos.

Some days I thank God for the rain inside

that washes over me and fills my spirit

with such certainties and assurances.

The dreams intertwine with past lessons;

the past intertwines with the disillusions

and then I am back to this reality:

This is my one-and-only spectacular life.

Snug to Perfection

You got off the plane

snuggled loosely  in those

old-worn-out Levi faded jeans

caressing your derriere

like a perfect set of cashmere gloves

and a smile surpassing

every other person in the terminal.

 

You caught my eyes

with some silly coquette gesture,

tongue sticking out slightly,

and I could smell you

from across the room

while thinking of how I was going to

get home quickly to remove

that gorgeous

black turtle neck sweater

so you could finally be

the second layer

of me

needed to bring life

into this cold gloomy day.

Sounds of Nature

 

nature

This morning I woke to silence

immediately losing myself

in the vastness of body and spirit.

I am reminded of the reason

I love this place.

Within seconds

I heard the echoing of a rooster

through the mountains.

I heard my body breathing,

the rain drizzling gently against my window,

the birds chirping their morning welcoming,

and the water flowing through the creeks

emptying into the vastness of space.

This is morning. This is magic.

I have become so accustomed

to the noises that I no longer hear them.

They are a background nature-filled symphony

and I don’t want to ignore them.

I am becoming a silhouette in the darkness of a rainy day

praying that I never forget this beauty.

I am content to be here

just as a musician hears notes

playing inside.

Summer is everywhere,

the heat clinging,

and each waking moment

brings sensory stimulation.

I cannot go back to the imbroglio of city life.

This is the ebb of me.

I rise and fall to the sounds of this mystical place,

gracefully dancing to all the melodies,

and the calling of my spirit

connecting to the Divine…

I am…home.

Passageways

 

pathways

I love passageways.  I love pathways that lead to mystery, beauty, and places not seen before.  Pathways take us from here to there.  Sometimes they have crossroads, forks in the end that require a decision, and other times they end nowhere.  That “nowhere” is still not the same spot you began on through the journey.  Life is never about the destination.  We learn through the journey, each step leading into another.  That’s the greatness.  That’s where all the lessons of our timeline reside.

It is one thing to travel on a path alone.  It is another to believe that you have been alone on that journey or that the passageway is the only path.  Life is an illusion.  We are never alone.  There’s a higher force drawing us to those unseen places in our soul.  There’s not just one path. Sometimes you don’t really know what’s leading you where.  That’s life!  How you travel that path is more important than what you see at its end.  This is why people go on spiritual pilgrimages.  There is sacredness in the expedition.

We live in a time of accelerated anxieties and fears for uncertainty.  Even though we continue to grow spiritually, we still hold on to the humanness of needing to know everything beforehand.  We choose to carry toxicity in backpacks full of grief, discomfort and heaviness.  Instead of releasing the things we don’t need we piggy-back them to the next place, adding more into the backpack.  Enjoy the process of moving into the mysteries.  It isn’t easy.  It isn’t always lovely.  But, what I am learning is that the path leads you to where you are to go on this life.  Uncover the beauty of what’s hidden through walks, hikes, and pathways.  Life is too short to be carrying the things we will never control.  Walk tall and proud while holding grace, faith and love in your heart!  That’s all you are asked to do from the Divine.  Have a blessed day!

“No single decision you ever made has led in a straight line to where you find yourself now. You peeked down some roads and took a few steps before turning back. You followed some roads that came to a dead end and others that got lost at too many intersections. Ultimately, all roads are connected to all other roads.” ~ Deepak Chopra 

The Art of Getting Lost

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This morning on the way down the mountain into Asheville there was a traffic accident. I had a choice to sit through it or take a road less traveled on an adventure. Yeah, you already know what I did! I took a road into an unknown destination. And, the magic began to appear through every curb and dip into an area I had never visited. I was going down the rabbit hole, and I just knew I would never be the same again. Each scene took my breath way. Today is just lovely!

That’s the beauty of taking adventures…it’s the getting lost part that’s mystical.  There is a true art to purposely getting lost and challenging your spirit to thrive with enjoyment. I live for the excitement of finding treasures through serendipity. I began to see farm houses with mountain views, horses on scenery that belongs in movies, and endless amount of greenery. It was an explosion of wonder and all this so close to my house…and yet…so very far. All of this in a world of its own.

These are the moments my husband refers to as Millie’s Fairy-Ass Moments when the “aha’s,” “wow’s,” “look at that,” “Oh My God!” and so many other childlike words escape me. These are the moments I drive through the curbs yelling, “Weeeeee!” It’s in those specific moments that I am reminded that the gypsy in me is always ready to take flight and explore. These mountains have a way of turning you around even when you think you are going the right direction. The longer I drove the clearer the awareness arrived, “This is what I want to do. I want to write and travel. I want to hear stories from strangers in all corners of the world while giving our little girl an experience of a lifetime.” This morning brought up that confirmation that things need to work towards that so I can get lost without an agenda. I need more of this because it makes me come alive.  I need to continue manifesting this awareness into my reality because it is a vital facet of my soul.  This is who I am.  I have felt stuck for so long that when I do get lost I feel like I find my grounding.

When was the last time you got lost? Do you enjoy experiencing new places or does it cause you anxiety? Can you get up on a moment’s notice or do you need planning? I urge you to take the road less traveled. Don’t have a plan. Enjoy one morning without it. Make time to breathe outdoors, talk to strangers, and share in this space with get to call home.