Love is What Saves Us

My son and I were working outside in the yard yesterday evening. He’s axing away at a tree. I’m clearing a heavily dense area into what will be a secret garden. I’m tired and sweaty.

The silence breaks with him, “Mom, you are doing an amazing job with my sister’s kids. You are raising them to be loving and healthy children.”

“Baby, where is this coming from?” I asked because it took me by surprise.

“You have to wait for them to go to bed in order to come out here and work on what you love to do which is nature. You sacrifice a little bit of you to help them survive. They are constant. They don’t give you a chance to breathe during the day (he giggles). I know this is not what you had in mind at this time of your life when we were all gone….”

I interrupt and stop pulling at the earth. Breathing heavily, I sit on the ground next to him feeling defeated. “Nelson, I truly don’t think I’m doing the best job for them or for me. Your sister was hard because of all her mental issues. They have so much of her running through their blood. I’m not the same woman I was then or have the same amount of energy….”

“You are better.” He stops clearing the tree and sits next to me, “You are giving them life. They would be dead with her. You and Matt have created a foundation and loving home. And you always say that love is all we need. They are a LOT. I admit that it’s overwhelming at times but they truly love you so much. They are smart and they are constantly challenging you and the world around them.”

He hugs me. I shed a few tears. Mostly of gratitude for recognition.

That was the pause needed to just finish for the day. It was getting dark. My body ached but I felt great to have done so much with his help in a couple of hours.

This second act at mothering children is different. It’s conscious parenting. It’s a lot harder than before. It’s also a lot easier than before. These children are thriving and I have zero expectations for them except that they feel loved. I’m trusting they continue to find the magic in the world and give love to it.

And that they are.

When my 31 year old recognizes the journey it does make it special. He’s been here five weeks…the longest time he’s spent with them. We spoke a bit more. He was kind and loving and full of insight. The adult in him acknowledges the adult in me.

Walking back to the house the earth seemed to sink us into it with gratitude for tending to her on Earth Day. At that moment I thanked the greatest mother of all…Gaia…and all the lessons she teaches me.

Genetic Needs

divineloveOur souls are driven by basic genetic needs: the sense of survival, the power of love, acquiring freedom through peace, acceptance for our existence, and enjoying ourselves in the process. When in doubt always choose happiness. Allow yourself to live in the core of joy. You are your thoughts. Return to the basic needs of your spirit.  It occurs to me that being hurt, living inside of a past bubble of regrets, causes a shut-off valve in your heart.  It depletes the rest of the body and emotions to flow easily.

One drop of kindness, forgiveness, and letting go creates an ocean.  The ripple effect is a tsunami of love.  Returning to our basic needs time and time again is powerful.  It is liberating.  The same way we create our own demons, we can choose to create mystical wonders.

Awareness of what we desire is stronger when we aren’t in alignment with how we are living.  Not fulfilling something allows the “what if’s” to obsess the very core of our spirit.  What stops us from reaching out to the stars of desires and wishes?  Fear!  Fear of the unknown.  Fear of past traumas repeating themselves.  Fear of having too much fun and not being responsible.  Fear of worthlessness.  Fear of not deserving the unlimited love from the universe.   Fear stumps our spiritual evolution.

This morning I woke to the sound of my cat purring next to my ear.  She kept nudging her head towards mine.  She wanted nothing but to be loved.  She expected nothing less than a cuddle and embrace.  She just wanted to enjoy the moment of my hands touching her fur and scratching her ears.  She’s not afraid of what the day will bring to her.  She picks a spot near the sunlight by a window and plops herself to comfort.  That’s her life.  She goes out in the yard, does her cat things, enters the house with the only thing available to her…safety and love.

Just like the cat, I remind myself to return to the basic genetic needs.  When anxiety knocks at the door of my spirit I remember that I have no control of anything.  I am just like the cat wanting to be loved, enjoying the process, and finding peace somewhere in this existence.   After all, love is all that we need to co-exist. Joy is the way to open it up in others.  Make a point to return to your truth time and time again.  That intuition poking at you is Spirit calling you home through divine wisdom.  Follow it every time!

Intimacy

We are missing this. We are missing FROM this. We move through our days without physical connections while connecting to strangers in the screen. We are exhausted from our days, escaping into another world that might just get us. No matter how you slice it it is a form of intimacy. It is fulfillment for millions who fear rejection, avoidance and judgment.

But…when was the last time you spoke heart to heart with someone? Or allowed tears to fall in their presence? Or merely sat in silence holding their hands because words were too heavy to carry? How long has it been that you openly shared a heartfelt story, a wrenching shameful memory and just trusted because your soul needed it more than your ego?

The injustice we have created while living in fear of bigotry and shame separates us. Don’t you think?

There are so many different ways of connecting to others. Each act of kindness is a window into their intimate world. You never know how you will touch another emotionally and spiritually until you allow your own rawness to show.

So I will continue to pour my love to whoever I can. I don’t care if it’s accepted or rejected. Somewhere in between their walls and discomfort is a door that allows me to be in their Sacred intimate space of light.

Please Be Kind

Please be kind to one another. Be gentle with someone who is going through a tough time. No judgment or criticism is gonna make things better. You don’t know what’s going on in their lives. You might have made up your own story. The truth is that no one knows the heart and soul of another. We cannot imagine the mental anguish that goes on in life. Find love even when it’s impossible. Find compassion, especially when it seems improbable. We are all taking each other home. I will say it again and again, sounding ridiculous and redundant, “I love you!”

Be the love you want to see in the world. I fail…OFTEN. I fail and fall and fracture just like everyone else. I then have to check my ego and put it back in the place where it is of service for the important aspects of survival. We are here to learn and expand in a cosmic journey. So ego serves nothing when it comes to compassion and love. Have a safe and loving week. Give your heart to another who needs it. What a gift it is!

Find Yourself

There are times that we find ourselves in the middle of nowhere without any direction of where we came from and where we are going. We stand alone even in the midst of twenty people. The loneliness enters us through a single thought or opportunity that rattles the rest of the time spent with others. We stand alone in this place that is all part of our daily reality. And, the thoughts and emotions become very real. We become engulfed in the drama of the mind. It’s hard to move on. We begin to second guess every choice and decision. It’s all a vicious circle of uncertainty in the middle of illusions. We have no control of a single thing but how we react to our stories.

And, then there are those times that in the middle of nowhere we find our true selves. This can happen in one second from a stranger reaching out. Or, from a memory that catches up and everything becomes clear. We realize the patterns and synchronicity in our past and present. We know exactly who we are and what needs to be done. These are priceless moments. We get lost in the moment and return to the wonder of surprises that the Divine is holding for us. The present becomes the one and only generous gift that matters.

You never know what’s around the corner. Stay open to the endless world of possibilities. Have a blessed day!!!

Just Allow Love to Be

Last night my heart felt a small crack of old brokenness. I allowed for it. I was deeply hurt by a loved one who continues to love me in her own manner but I expect her to love me differently. After a few hours I let it go. After release of tears I forgave my own heart for desiring things to be differently.

She loves me the way she knows how to love. It’s demoralizing and unacceptable for me to expect her love as I love. It’s also not fair to her for me to expect anything. It’s my shit. Not hers.

So I truly let go of the expectation of what love should look like. From children. From family. From friends. From my mate. I love as I love. That’s it. To expect otherwise is egotistical and irresponsible. That’s a personality and labeling that does me no justice.

Love because that’s your job. And let go because that’s also your job.

Love you!

Message in Meditation

Trust is an emotional mechanism that was placed in our DNA when we began creation. The collective and society, through fear and other low vibrational frequencies, have caused it to downgrade. We question it. We don’t use it as we should. There is a default programming in its place. So we no longer just trust. We struggle with it. We have been shown over and over that it isn’t a means to survive. We don’t trust or allow for intuition to guide us.

When we return to our origins, through love, Trust will be the first input to be upgraded again. It is still in our DNA. It’s been muted. It’s been centuries of misuse and abuse. It is about to return as our guidance. Soon! We are being awakened slowly. It was designed to be right now in this time.

Humanity needed to experience all that it has endured. We are a stubborn race. We have more followers than leaders. And the leaders have guided through manipulation of fear and repression. They know how to play the part. The followers have also played their role. The imbalance is soon to tip the scales.

Trust will return with ascension. It will be intuitively available to guide us again. It is our internal GPS. Those who are ready will begin to feel it in their solar plexus and use it to create a new world. You are experienced the massive amount of energy at this time. Many will not question what the masses are leading. And in this trust we will once again become whole as one. There will be millions not ready to awake. It’s not your job to provide the push for them. Those are their lessons and contracts before coming into this incarnation. Your only job is to love and show love through your own journey. People don’t learn through words. They evolve through experiences. They see and imitate what feels good.

Don’t judge. Don’t manipulate. Don’t enforce your beliefs. Don’t attack. Don’t hate. Don’t do anything to force another to think as you do.

Love…over and over… is the key to open all the unlocked passages in humanity. Forgiveness heals through love. Trust opens because of love. We change and expand because of love. When in doubt just love. Accept it as the answer to all there is and all there ever was.

Our Spiritual Truth

The source of divine guidance is ever present waiting patiently for us to remember of our power within. Once we open up to it, accepting there is no outer power separate from the self, it all starts to materialize.

We hold our world. We get to mold our lives. We cannot blame anyone else for fully participating in our creation.

Spiritual truth is acceptance of our decisions. It is knowing and believing that we are creators.

I’m seeing the miracles in that place full of clarity and knowing. It is the multiverse energy of truth. It’s the Christ Consciousness. It’s the Buddha mind. It is all that we’ve been taught to be without the dogma. It is all in us. It’s all that we were created to be.

Open up to it. Allow for it. Remember your power comes from within. You are not without anything. You are the greatest alchemist.

You want to know your superpower?

It’s love. It’s all about compassion, acceptance and love.

We use terminology that seems puzzling, like matrix or ascension when we talk about spiritual awakening. It’s not that difficult. There is part physics but the rest is who we are. The words are designed to trigger a memory, an emotion, that opens us up. It allows consciousness to expand and we vibrate into truth. The words we use also give power to what we create. Every syllable is magnetic. It attracts everything we want and need.

We are designed to grow and evolve into these human bodies. We are having a human experience while returning to our source of divine spirit. We come in through consciousness of pure love and leave via the same manner to become the heart of the collective. To be the All of Truth. To be the source of divinity and transpire into deeper love.

I love you.

Letting Love Live

This morning I had a memory of the first time I was stung with uncensored and unconditional love. I’m sure I had hundreds, or perhaps thousands of moments, but that evening seemed to stand out loudly.

My husband and I had been dating for a few months. I spent the night at his place. We had made love and only a candle lit the room. He had fallen sleep on his stomach. I turned over and saw him. The light from the candle enhanced his back muscles. I gasped. He was beautiful. I looked at his bare back in pure delight. Tears formed and I allowed for their release. He was sound asleep. I became very aware that he was mine, for however long that would be, and he was lovely. Not just because of his body but his sense of humor. I was falling in love. I was falling into a known territory that felt remarkably unfamiliar to all others.

I traced my fingers on his back softly following the shadows. He woke and turned over to his side while I kept rubbing him with my nails. At some point I fell into a slumber wrapped by his arms. The next morning as I drove the hour and twenty minutes home, I kept thinking of that moment that allowed me to fall so profoundly that every cell in my body felt the expansion of love. I literally felt a huge break in my chest.

Then I started to freak out. I felt I was losing myself. How could I? I’ve done this dance many times before. I had given all of me for years and not been reciprocated but what amazing lessons I had learned. I regret not a one!

As I watched the stretch of mountains ahead my heart felt a tingle and a pull. I was safe to fall. I was safe to rise towards the delight of being me…my authentic self without censoring from a man. The sun was rising over the landscape and I knew I had permission from the heavens to just feel the love that was to grow. I remember this many years later. I remembered it this morning as I watched him sleep in his stomach bundled under warm blankets.

Driving over the mountains that morning I recalled twenty years before when I was dating a lovely man. After we made love I fell asleep in his arms. Sometime after that I woke to him watching me sleep and the blinds wide open. He said, “The moon looks beautiful on your back. It makes your freckles look like stars!” He meant every syllable of that sentiment.

I buried my head on the pillow in embarrassment. I had a hard time taking in any kind of compliment.

I had never been seen…Or so I felt. He saw me. And when he died a year later a part of me died with him. Now noticing my new lover and his divine essence naked in front of me I felt all the love in the world that had been given, shared and exchanged. I felt it intensified and released in my soul. It wasn’t just a physical or emotional connection. It was a spiritual one.

At midlife I was finally me without apologizing.

And I allowed for all that was to come. He was mine then. He continues to be mine now. It has taken a tremendous amount of work and dance to stay in that love but it’s been so worth it. Because that’s what marriage entails. We are on the other side of that mountain of uncertainty and doubts. We are led by stars and candlelight through the darkest of obstacles.

We are in it because of the raw vulnerability from one another. We show up not always in perfect lighting. It’s in the unmade beds, crazy sleepless nights with kids, messy days, hard obstacles, little moments and unconditional love without judgment. It’s real life naked and fully clothed behind closed doors. I’m blessed.

Divine in You

The day will come when you won’t be looking for faith outside of you. When you stop looking for God in temples and religion. You will notice the Divine staring back from the reflection in the mirror. You will see it smiling at you in a homeless person or a loved one taking his last breath. You will find Source in your children as they laugh out loud. You will feel spirit in the kiss from your mate. You will finally recognize our connections and how important it is to be kind and compassionate to everyone. Even when they don’t accept it. You will find the silence and ability to walk away. This will be when you have reach the loving understanding of your purpose through unconditional love. I see you. I feel you. I know the God in you. And in me. I love you.