You Don’t Need Permission to Be You


I have fallen outside of consciousness several times in my life. During these moments I haven’t had the awareness of my human factors. I don’t know anything but truth. A little of this also happens during meditation. But the last time it was profoundly evident was two years ago when it truly showed me how easy it is to detach from human ego. There is no chain holding us in the body. There is no vault holding us tightly to this costume. Consciousness and the soul move out quickly. I have had the privilege to be around others when they die and it’s just a blink of an eye. It happens in a way that our timing and perception cannot gather or comprehend. To fall outside of this consciousness has allowed me to see things in a different light. I recently realized how much I avoided in my life.

I was afraid of everything. I was paralyzed by anxiety and judgment for anyone thinking that I was nuts. I couldn’t step outside of my truth and I became a prisoner within guarded relationships who reminded me I was possibly insane. I picked these characters to hold me back from being in the light. These folks were placed in my life for security by no one other than me. As long as I knew I couldn’t step outside of my authenticity no one could reject me.  I lived based on what I thought would be “normal” for everyone. Imagine the injustice I created for over 40 years? What an amazing time wasted in worrying about others instead of living my truth.

I share this because I know so many who are falling in and out of consciousness and feel the claws of insanity judging them. You owe yourself full respect, love and acknowledgment. You don’t owe anyone your stories, your trial and tribulations, or apologies with excuses for being you. Be quirky. Be whimsical. Be outrageous. Be freaking full of love. You will never make every single person happy. That’s very improbable. But, you can make yourself content by being you. If that looks like a hippie, a psychic, a religious fanatic, a political loud mouth, an artist, a musician, a homeless man, Superman, Wonder Woman, or whatever…that’s your choice. When you finally embrace all your qualities, greatness, and magnificence…oh my God! you will be in a place of freedom. Be happy with you. You are here to live out truth. Fear arrives when we stop ourselves from consciousness by adhering to everyone’s demands. Stop asking for permission from society to be you. Go achieve your greatness. And, if you lose people along your the path towards your freedom…well…they were lessons. Let them go. Let yourself go too!

Halos and Laughter

Conversation between my boyfriend and I last night.

Me: “Babe, if I get senile before you please leave me. Don’t stick around for that. Go on with whatever you have left of a normal life.”

Matt with a smirk: “Oh, I am totally gonna screw with you. I would be like, hey, good morning I am Jesus Christ.”

(I was hoping for some sweet answer like…”Babe, I would never leave you…I would totally be by your side taking care of you and making sure you would be alright.” I was hoping for something out of a Nicholas Sparks’ novel not SNL).

Me: I would look at you and ask, “Where’s your beard, Jesus?”

Matt answered without skipping a beat: “When I died and went to Heaven I shaved it. It was a fire hazard with all those halos around me.”

Me: “I am so naïve that I would introduce you to everyone as Jesus. Yes, this is JC he had to shave because you know in Heaven halos can burn beards and you blow up.”

There was a long laugh and then on to another ridiculous subject. It was then that I realized how much I love this banter between he and I that I have never had before.

A few years ago I made a promise to myself that I would only allow those individuals who contributed to the best of my life. I was through with all the crap of people who were emotional vampires. I wanted a community, a family of friends, who were there for the good and the bad. I wanted people who allowed me to be me at all times without judgment and likewise I would relish in their uniqueness. The Divine provided much more than I had intended because I have wonderful people in my life. And, I also have an amazing man who cracks me up over the silliest things. I have no clue where it comes from but his lack of filtering causes me to constantly be giggling.

When we realize the old patterns in our life, the way we choose situations, and accept (with full blown responsibility) that we attract those people who hurt us because we participated in the drama, then the Universe moves on to what the heart truly needs. I’ve changed and with those modifications I have allowed like-minded people to enter my circle. These are giving individuals who truly care about friendship. I am truly blessed.

If you have people in your life (whether it be a mate or friends) who don’t bring out the best in you, take a look at your behavior. Take note of your actions, how you treat others, and seriously decide if they are projecting your individuality. The root of criticism in others is usually the reflection in ourselves. We attract that which we put out. You don’t want drama, look to see if your life is one stage act after another full of chaos. You don’t want selfishness then see if you are reflecting things only being about you. You don’t want craziness, well then I suggest you start to define what normal is for you!

Life is marvelous. It is too short to allow others to dictate misery in your life. Fill those special moments in your life surrounded by things and people that matter. Setting boundaries is hard, at least for me. Those vampires from my past disappeared as soon as I decided that I was worth loving in a manner that allowed the best of me to shine. These people know my laughter, sorrows, sarcasm, goofiness, bitchiness, kindness, creativity, love and the things that create the totality of me. They are there when I need a shoulder to cry on and a wine glass when I need to unload my craziness.

We’ve lost the sense of unity and community in our lives. Society has become so busy that we forget to get together for a simple meal, or just a cup of coffee. I love how the Italians and the French in Europe live their lives. They work hard but they also know when to quit and gather around their loved ones to enjoy the simplicity in sharing their lives. There is an easement and therapeutic element to sitting with others while allowing laughter, tears, and expression as the only agenda. I am with a man that can make me pee in my pants from laughing at his ridiculous answers…oh, but how I love those belly shaking laughs!

**Note: If by any means this post has insulted anyone please forgive me. It is not meant to be taken seriously or in any religious manner.


True Identity

My nephew (his father and I have been friends since we were 11 years old.  He’s my brother from another mother) sat at the breakfast table yesterday.  I asked, “Christian, what do you want for breakfast?”

“Soup.  I want soup!” He answered loudly while fidgeting on the chair.

“What kind of soup do you want, baby?”

“The wet kind,” He answered as a matter-of-fact.

Well, of course, I thought.  What other kind would there be?  At 3-1/2 years old he knows what he wants and how he wants it.  Most children at that age have very little filtering system.  As children we think more concretely.  It is somewhere in between eight and eighty that we lose the finesse of being honest about what we want and how we want it.  A lot of times we have no clue of what we really want.

Reading a book called Soulshaping by Jeff Brown some time ago, I came upon a sentence: “Never confuse conscious effortlessness with conscious laziness.”  Just that sentence brought up a huge amount of questions inside of me.  I began to think, “how do you know what you want if you don’t know who you are?”  Confusing our conscious wants without realizing the conscious consequences is a mistake we all make.  And out of pure laziness we expect our wants to materialize and fix everything.  Our identity morphs into our surroundings, environments and deviate from our truth.

It is always difficult to battle with resistance from our human perspective.  Our ego’s main job is to make certain that we continue to fight.  What we want is not always what completes us.  We seem to depart from our original wants and then blame the universe for not getting what we think we deserve. Somewhere, somehow, in our busy lives we have detoured from the simplicity of our plans.  We make excuses but not follow through.  We expect, with arrogance, that the world owes us things.  The truth is that until we can reach the essence of our identity we cannot know what we want.  Whether it is soup, a family, a car, or peace, we cannot reach what we do not know.

These are the nuts and bolts of living a life in separation versus unity.  Our wants can’t be met if we don’t know who we are.  We don’t sit long enough to take accounting of our desires.  We think that needs are the same as our wants.  What we need and what we want are in constant battle with our Spirit.  God speaks through our strengths the most compelling way.  We spend our lives not feeling the truth of who we are, and not really knowing consciously what we want.  Whenever we do come in alignment with our desires and the Divine, then we must take a look at the reflection and realize that whatever we manifest is exactly who we are meant to be.  The illusion of control, law and science melts because life just is.  We learn to see the world as it is, not how our perception creates it from our egotistical wants.

Christian’s father, my darling brother, said that when he was in the army his mentor said to him, “Now Frank, when you get to the fork on the road keep going.”   He said at the time, in his early twenties, that this did not make sense.  But, now he knows he has to be true to himself and let intuition guide him to which path he must take.  May you find your true self at the end of the fork so you can pick the one Spirit has laid out for you!