What is

Some folks come in and highlight past triggers. They push the dark emotions up and about. In my case I get a few who remind me of my mother and how judgmental and controlling she was. I revert into the little girl. I find myself avoiding confrontations. Then I step back and realize the unhealed parts of my inner child.

I embrace it. I become aware of the role they are playing. That doesn’t mean I attack the person triggering me. It doesn’t mean I am nasty or passive aggressive. It doesn’t mean anything because it’s not about them. It’s about me and how I allow the energy to show up.

I get to decide how I perceive things. I get to choose what I allow and what I release. People are amazing teachers. I am always asking what is this person teaching me? What is the message here?

What I am learning is that when we don’t heal those parts of ourselves we are opened to the teachers coming in more frequently. Until we forgive and set appropriate boundaries those lessons will keep showing up. Until we learn from them we cannot graduate to something else.

So stop and detect. Breathe through the moments without reacting. Allow the present moment to dictate instead of the past. You can’t change what happened back there. You can, however, change what happens now.

We have choices every single day to show up and not overthink. We are always evolving. We aren’t stuck in any one stage. It’s an ongoing journey. There is no good or bad…only a perspective of how we view the world.

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Marriage is Loving Work

I adore my husband.

He loves me.

Not in the way he says it. In the way he cares for our children. In the way he does things when he doesn’t know I’m watching. In the way he makes breakfast when he’s exhausted on a Saturday morning. Or the way he tells me to leave them with him so I can go run errands. In that he runs me a warm bath (and feeds the kids) because I’m in severe pain after work. In the way he tucks me in after he’s tucked our little girl. In the way he gets my favorite foods and drinks. He loves me in spite of my idiosyncrasies or woo-woo-ness. He loves me when I’m heavy or shed the weight. Whether I have red or purple hair. Even if I am a hot mess. He loves me because he found that my love for him will move mountains. He has felt my admiration and profound affection. He has seen what love looks like and it came dressed as a short-middle-aged Puerto Rican woman who doesn’t always speak perfect English (and she’s not Scarlet Johansson)!

Marriage isn’t perfect. We work at it. Some days more than others. Some months with anger, exhaustion, and annoyance. We forgive. We work at it when we are levelheaded, or when we allow space for other shit to surface. It’s not easy. It’s having a long term roommate. It is a constant work in progress. We continue to work through our baggages from past relationships. In all our years we’ve had maybe a handful of arguments. We are sarcastic and humorous. We both have sick killer wits. We are silly and loving. We compliment each other because huge opposites do attract. We can share deep conversations about the world and still not feel attacked with our differences. He’s a warrior and I’m a love-pacifist. But we both have similar beliefs.

He has become a father to children who aren’t ours. He has shown up to be the most attentive dad to them. He never (for one moment) has regretted it or wished it was different. And if there are more to take in I know he’s the first to grab a bag and go get them. There is a partnership with all of us in our home. It starts with commitment and working through so much of our human crap at times. Our egos sometimes take leadership but we are blessed to call each other on it even if we get butt hurt for a moment.

I never ever thought I would ever marry again or be in a committed relationship. It was not in my life goals or desires. I just wanted someone to be around and do things with, head to a movie, hike, and have fun. I got a lot more than that. He trusts my intuition and when I speak of our future together he rarely disputes on how the messages show up or how I am manifesting our next project.

And if I, or the kids, were in any kind of trouble, or someone messes with us, I feel sorry for that person. He’s not only our bodyguard… he’s a true galactic warrior at heart. He would do anything for us. I never had that before. I was never shown what true commitment looked like. I had nothing to model. My eldest son always says he is a man of chivalry and admires him for it.

So if you have this please do whatever it takes to keep it. Make sure you let the bad days come and go. Allow for them. They make for excellent lessons. Put down your insecurities (which is hard at times). Fight for what you love, who you love and what is yours. Love isn’t wrapped in perfection. It comes in the most fascinating and strangest of ways. This man saw something in me that I never saw in myself. And he continues to show me the many aspects of my personality through his perspective. I get to witness his own soul growing and expanding into a magical loving knight.

Celebrate the Temporary

There are things I have stopped doing because of time limitations. I used to send cards in the mail to friends. I loved doing it. The act of writing a short note made me so happy, but down time now fulfills me more. I am stretched at times between long hours at work and family. Even the thought of entertaining during the weekend becomes a chore (which I love as well).

Yesterday one of the volunteer grammas in the classroom said something and I told her that nothing lasts forever. Things come and go. She used the perfect phrase at the moment of hearing this: “celebrate the temporary.”

Being in the moment of what is can free up the guilt and shame of not being able to do what you have been programmed to believe that you have to keep doing. If this means letting go of sending greeting cards for now…then be it. If it means not visiting with loved ones…it’s not forever. If it means letting the laundry pile up or the dust bunnies take over for just a little bit longer…it’s okay.

Our addiction to busyness is excessive. It’s sickening and exhausting. Nothing lasts infinitely except how you perceive things. You get to shift that thought process. This is the art of living mindfully while celebrating the temporary. Celebrate the now and give it your best. Tomorrow things may change. The job will not demand so much. The debts may be paid off. The illness may turn to full health. The situations and challenges will evolve. They might not be how you wanted or expected but they will change. Life is fluid. It’s made of eternal fluxes of movements.

Look back at all the crap you’ve survived. Here you are. Right now. Celebrate that! Let go of what you think you should be doing and feel what you are living in the moment.

I love you!

(Note: this meme says so much about how we always feel the need to explain ourselves to others. DO NOT! That simple).

Walking in Someone Else’s Shoes

I’m always surprised (and shocked) at how easily folks on social media react to certain posts/opinions/memes/comments. People aren’t afraid to show their asses via this forum. This gives them the freedom to be reactive to the smallest things. They use emojis or say the harshest things that, I truly don’t believe, in person they would be saying face to face.

Listen, darlings, when you read something that doesn’t resonate and align with you there is still ways to keep on scrolling. A nasty reaction and comment can create energetic havoc. I don’t entertain it in any of my pages. I will delete the comments. I will put a stop to the inappropriate battling over stupid nonsense. It’s truly unnecessary. We can agree to disagree without clawing our emotional bull shit over a post.

I don’t post political or religious things. I stay away from anything that can cause arguments. So when someone reacts over a post that is uplifting I shake my head in disbelief. Then I stop and take a deep breath. I recognize that the trigger goes way deeper than what is being conveyed.

Take time to recognize our diversities. I don’t agree with everyone so I keep scrolling. I sometimes wonder about that person’s walk…the shoes they wear (who ties their shoelaces) and their background. We get to the place of compassion through loving awareness. We don’t have to like our choices but we sure can find a middle ground.

The empath can accept, detect and reject without making a spectacle!

This is how we start to shift the collective consciousness of our world. Instead of reacting to the ridiculous small things we can start to focus on the larger ones. The world needs our frequencies to be higher and arguing over petty crap is truly ridiculous.

Don’t sweat the small stuff. Have a blessed day.

Note on photo: I took this picture a while back while at the beach. The shoes were far from the crowds. Love the way the just sat there in the wilderness.

Life is a Journey

I’m reminded, often, that when things start to run smoothly there may be a fork on the road (or a sink hole in the path) and I must learn a new way to navigate. I must become mindful of how to continue traveling.

It’s life.

It consists of ups and downs. It has mountains and valleys. It has really beautiful terrains and some very challenging ones. It has amazing weather and catastrophic storms. I have learned to trust in what I can’t see…but wholeheartedly feel.

I am led by magic.

And I pray a lot. I meditate daily. I also freaking negotiate with my higher guidance, counsel with God, and hold deep meetings with angels because I am, after all, the CEO of my life. I need all the help I can get. I am not alone on this spiritual walk in this human vehicle.

This doesn’t exempt me from worrying. It doesn’t separate my ego from the equation. I have lessons to learn along the journey. Some are brutal. Some are mystical. Some are intimately sacred. Some are full of more questions than answers.

Today may be okay. Tomorrow may be amazing. The next day may just be the worst of all days. But it all evens out if I am willing to view (and accept) this life as an adventure of extraordinary gifts.

Don’t let a bad season determine your worth. I have to remind myself of this too. Trust in your knowing. Stop the naysayers from influencing your emotions. Detox your life from everything and everyone who doesn’t lift you. You know you, and your life, better than anyone else.

You have so many delicious days ahead. You get to design the life you want by the choices you make. You get to show up on this journey and decide which path you take. Take the one with least resistance. Believe me!

I love you.

Do Not Allow Anyone to Steal your Peace

Last week I came across someone who deeply hurt me years ago. The friendship ended and it was brutal. I had trusted and loved this person with all my heart. The relationship dissolved. There was so much loss that it took a year just to pull myself out of a dark hole. There was never closure and I was okay with that because I avoid confrontations. It took several years to really trust another woman like a sister. And even now…I am guarded at times.

The moment I saw her my immediate feeling was joy. I sent the love and compassion out with elation. I smiled most of the day. She did not see me. I was just happy to know she was doing so well. I know (and felt) that part of our parting ways was traumatic issues of abandonment from her past. I could not fill her needs and I had my own journey to travel and heal.

We aren’t here to fix anyone. We can extend a hand but we cannot be the bandaid or stitches for them. Because what happens is toxic. You cannot fill them up with what they are lacking.

But, I was truly grateful to have seen her from a distance.

Then I slept on it.

My compassionate heart had allowed ego to talk some senseless bull shit script. I woke the next morning beyond angry. I didn’t recognize myself. I felt nothing of the precious love from the prior day. There was definitely unresolved wounds there. And, boy, was I gonna dig deep to remove that last root! It’s been years. I take full responsibilities for my own downfall in that relationship. In all relationships!

I spent several days sending her extra love and forgiveness. I dedicated my meditation practice to her and released any false expectation that I felt I deserved. I had moved past closure years ago. I was able to just be without the chit chat or what would I have said to her had she seen me. I stopped the fantasy of a conversation that does not need to happen.

It worked. After five days I was back to feeling a sense of peace. The toxic energy moved on. That’s the same toxic energy that consumed us the last few years of our friendship.

I recognized the peace and calmness that transitioned when I was at a distance. And this returned with a deeper love and appreciation for her. I wish her well and sent all my love…from here.

If you find yourself returning to an old wound please accept it’s not healed. When you heal you don’t feel the hurt so deeply. You can detach from it and move on. If the hurt continues then it’s time to cut energetic cords and really send love. Hate never trumps love. Never. Love truly is the highest vibrational tool for healing.

Healing requires the utmost vulnerability of authenticity. It asks that you be honest. It whispers that you honor your soul. Write those letters and burn them. Send your good intentions and release them.

You got to do what is best for YOU. If this means breaking up with your old habits, programming and ideas…then let it be.

Love yourself enough to walk away from all that no longer serves you: a job, a relationship, or anything else. Feel what you feel and make no apology for it. But truly validate yourself. You deserve the love you give to everyone else.

I love you.

Be Gentle

Remember not everyday is filled with rainbows and butterflies. Some days are full of aches and scars. They require a little more heart expansion. Others require forgiveness. While still some allow you to feel the bliss from humanity and how we are the collective of something much bigger than ourselves.

Be humble. Be available to sit with all that arrives. Don’t let it paralyze you. Be gentle. You are meant to always show up and rise to the occasions of your life. But…please take care of yourself.

Today I heard of a distant friend who took her life this week. She was always there for everyone. She never ever shun away from listening or taking time to help another. From the outside you would’ve thought she never ever worried.

And that’s the thing about depression. That’s the thing about empaths and how we take on the woes of the entire world. If we aren’t careful we lose ourselves in the process.

There are days that compile several emotions from all corners of the heart. The world doesn’t prepare us for those moments of pure joy and heartache that happen simultaneously. The heartbreaks are so intense that you feel you cannot survive. They are invaluable experiences that force us to move into compassion without judgment. Huge heart pulls. Those days are truly sucky.

I ask that on those roller coaster emotional days you truly be gentle with yourself. Don’t discard the emotions. Don’t bury them. Don’t try to process them all at once. Go be with you in the same loving manner you provide for those you love.

Just be. Life is preparing you for such an incredible strong journey. Reach out to others in your circle. Be authentic and don’t let shame and guilt dictate your decisions.

Believe me, tomorrow may just be the best day you will have so far. Don’t judge your future by the experiences you are having today. Don’t criticize the moments because you fear them. Don’t carry them alone because of how others may see you. They aren’t walking your path. You might be giving them an experience they need for their own journey.

May you always be led by faith and grace. Things always have a way of working out. It requires you to shift perspective. It may require some time alone to figure it out. Your higher self always asks of you to show up and be gentle with you. And in that process you will see things in a different light.