November Full Moon

I wrote today. A lot. We had a snow day and the kids gathered around me playing, watching TV, while I ferociously got words out into pages of my journal. I don’t know how I could possibly have so much to say. But I did. Each line flowed into the next. Every so often I would put the journal down to feed them and stains of food would find way into pages. Signs of motherhood I guess.

And I wrote some more, on this full moon, creating and manifesting. I’ve asked with full intentions from my desires. I wrote until they took naps. Then I meditated. I lit my candles, burned my sage, and said my prayers.

There is magic getting dreams out in the open. There is mysticism that seems to align quicker when words or pictures are present.

Tonight take some time to manifest. This moon is powerful and directing us to find truth. It’s almost the end of a year. It’s been one of the hardest and most challenging for me in about a decade. It’s taught me more about myself than any other time. I’ve falling in love with so much that I never knew I wanted, and I’ve let go of so many other things that had me hostage.

Today I took a lot of time to cater to those things: the good and bad. It was a beautiful way to spend the day.

Sending love to all.

Intimacy

We are missing this. We are missing FROM this. We move through our days without physical connections while connecting to strangers in the screen. We are exhausted from our days, escaping into another world that might just get us. No matter how you slice it it is a form of intimacy. It is fulfillment for millions who fear rejection, avoidance and judgment.

But…when was the last time you spoke heart to heart with someone? Or allowed tears to fall in their presence? Or merely sat in silence holding their hands because words were too heavy to carry? How long has it been that you openly shared a heartfelt story, a wrenching shameful memory and just trusted because your soul needed it more than your ego?

The injustice we have created while living in fear of bigotry and shame separates us. Don’t you think?

There are so many different ways of connecting to others. Each act of kindness is a window into their intimate world. You never know how you will touch another emotionally and spiritually until you allow your own rawness to show.

So I will continue to pour my love to whoever I can. I don’t care if it’s accepted or rejected. Somewhere in between their walls and discomfort is a door that allows me to be in their Sacred intimate space of light.

What You Want

If I ask you what you want how long will it take you to answer me without giving me what you DO NOT want? Most folks know exactly what they want to get rid of, or move from, or what is shattering their souls into pieces. It’s hard to come up with what you want with complete confirmation because maybe it’s out of your perception. Maybe it feels like a fantasy. Or maybe it is just hard to reach it.

I can always give a list of the things I don’t want really fast. Those are the things I carry and I don’t want the continuous feeling of struggle. Then I immediately become conscious of my negative thought process and shift to all that I want. I begin to feel the magic of creation.

Sometimes we need someone to just ask the questions. Someone to be there to hold our hand and nod and smile. And perhaps this is what we all want. We want to know that what we desire is of value. Even if it sounds silly. Speak it. Share it. Allow for it to materialize. There is power in your words and the moment you verbalize them, or write them, they begin to birth into reality.

What do you want? Take paper and pen. Make your list. Start to visualize it. Start to birth your dreams. I promise you that once you put all your emotions into it, without doubt or fear, you become the mystical powerhouse of creation. You align with divine forces.

No Explanations Needed

Several years ago I owned a motel/retreat center. I met so many amazing folks. There was this gentleman (in every sense of the word) who would call me up every few months to book the same room. He would ride up on his beautiful motorcycle for the weekend and just stay on the property. He would sit alone around the lake and smoke his cigars. Then he would leave and give me an idea of when he would be back.

He was in the banking world by profession. He wore a suit and was distinguished. When he would ride up the mountains he wore his leather jacket. He had tattoos all down his arms and legs but you would never know it with his business attire.

He came to unwind and find peace from the big city. He would take these trips alone since his wife didn’t like the mountains.

We would often sit and chat around the campfire on Saturday nights. What I learned was never to underestimate the content of a book by its cover. You cannot judge someone by the way they dress. He was still the same person all tattooed that he was in a bank. He shared with me that the older he got (he was in his late 40’s) the more he became who he was meant to be. What he did during the week, in the corporate world, was not who he was. It was how he made a living to support his family and to pay for his expensive motorcycles. He said that people reacted to him quite differently when his “costume” would come off and the real him would be exposed.

He never cared what others thought because if he had to give explanations for who he was then they weren’t worth his time. He truly lived by this golden rule. He had been educated by Ivy League schools but he wasn’t willing to conform to the norm.

Throughout humanity we judge others based on immediate perception. And we can only meet another at their level of awareness. So never waste your time having to explain who you are. EVER. As long as you are clear of your authentic truth you owe no one an explanation for who you are and what you do.

Your Inner Child

These showed up again in FB a few days ago as TBT. That little girl had such an innocent view of the world. She believed in the moments when love held her hand. She believed she would have many children. At that age I said I would have 10 kids. I drove my mother crazy when I saw a baby in a store. She believed in happy endings. She believed that she could shift a person’s mood by just holding their hand. I look at these pictures and feel my way back there. They were only a year apart. But that one year left me empty. My father left the day before Christmas and never came back. He went to get cigs and disappeared. The little girl with short hair was the cause of chopping my pretty hair off because he loved it so much. I cut it off myself and then had to get it fixed.

It took a long while to return to the heart of the little girl with the long hair.

Your inner child is always there. He or she sits waiting to be acknowledged. Make sure you take time to play. Forgive the past for not being able to know what you know now. Also forgive all those who hurt you.

Return to love. Return to who you were before the world turned you into someone else. You deserve love and peace…then and now.

No More Hiding

I spent a large part of my life hiding. Recently, after a healing session with an incredible soul, I recognized the patterns and programming. I shared with an old friend who immediately said, “Oh honey, you’ve been hiding all your life. I’m so sorry!”

Her sorry was genuine and my tears flowed out again. She saw me. Really saw the trail of bullshit left behind by a Narcissistic mother. And I’ve been working on cutting cords for a bit now. I tend to listen to the voices of the past when I try to lead my children in the now. I don’t want to be like my mother. I second guess every single major decision in spite of what my heart and intuition show me.

Healing is about release. It’s surrendering to the now while letting go of what has kept you captive. This can be physical, emotional or spiritual. I don’t believe in examining and re-examining the past because that story is no longer there. We create new ones but at some point ancestral wounds need to be cut. And they are!

I purged all day and night. Literally letting shit out. That’s how my body always works when I start to release and forgive. It’s mystical in how deeply connected I am to receiving energetic healing from Source.

Sometimes we don’t really know what’s inside no matter how much we work on ourselves. It takes an outsider to guide our spirit on a new journey and quest.

Here is what I continue to learn daily: unhealed people hurt through their unknowing-ness. They don’t recognize they are hurting anyone, especially a child. As I continue to feel seen the vulnerability is heighten. I am no longer a little chubby scared girl feeling judged by the world. I am no longer a 20 something woman walking on eggshells afraid of what others think of me.

The healing sticks when we become aware of how we allow toxic energy from others. Those folks continue to show up to remind us of our growth. I am blessed they continue to show me how to set healthy boundaries. I am grateful their narcissism is so prominent that I can see it coming miles away.

I hope you can also see them and send them love. You don’t have to participate in their dramas. I see you. I honor you. I love you.

Forgive Yourself

Almost six years ago I had a near death experience. When I woke the next day in the hospital the neurologist spoke to me and told me that stress can kill us. I knew this. But in spite of knowing something we don’t always practice it. She said, “You don’t know what you don’t know until you do!” She had witnessed grown men who had been in the military turn comatose after the shock. She had witnessed completely healthy women have heart attacks from broken hearts and then have strokes. At that moment I realized I had been given a gift. And this gift was to be mindful of how I carried the weight of the world on me. I don’t have to fix every single thing or person. I don’t have to even try. I just need to continue trusting that I get to be where I am suppose to be daily and I serve humanity in the simplest forms. I get to forgive myself when I want to reach and be there for another but I’m too exhausted. Or when I don’t call or communicate to loved ones as much as I should. I get to honor my mind, body and spirit without the guilt I used to have. Then…only then…can I continue living a life that’s a delicious blessing.

Forgive yourself for what you think others expect from you. Forgive yourself for not wanting to over-extend your energy. Be mindful that you are only required to show up and love. You take care of your immediate family in the best way you can. The rest of the world will continue living. Be gentle with you. Let go of all that past programming. You’ve got this.