The Secret to Change

The secret to change is in the awareness.

We are so hard on ourselves. You notice that? How deeply ridiculous we treat ourselves at times? We aren’t always that hard with others.

Saturday I was sent the final edits for my memoir, Erasable. I opened up the manuscript and became paralyzed. There wasn’t much to change but the idea of having to re-read this story (MY STORY) oh my gosh… it brought me to my knees.

I had to relive parts of me I had forgotten. I wrote the first part of this memoir 20 years ago, right after my accident. I worked on it 2 years ago and redid a lot of it. But it’s been a long while since I went detail by detail, line by line, word by word, mano a mano.

I was still under the weather dealing with the crud. I was struggling just to take care of the kids and myself. And, here in an email, comes this manuscript with a timely deadline in order to get it out on 1/11/23.

So, I cried. I let the publisher know that maybe this wasn’t a good enough book to finish. The editor and publisher immediately returned my email with suggestions and loving support. I understand a lot of authors at the last minute fear their words being put out there. They talked me off the ledge. They suggested I call a mutual friend of ours (who had put out a book earlier this year). She held my hair and my hand throughout the day from many miles away and she was vital to my ability in moving through all the emotions.

I worked on it Saturday and Sunday and it was sent back.

Was it hard? Not once I started!
Was it emotional? You betcha!
Does it share a message that others will understand? I have no doubt!
It is me at my most vulnerable. It’s raw, and real.

To read of the woman I was then and the woman I’ve become now in a book… it’s something. It’s transformational.

The secret to change is always in the awareness because once you know better, you do better. Once you become responsible and accountable for your decisions, your choices, and your life… the world opens up in a very different frequency.

Fear will stop us from succeeding. Had I let that fear of being seen take over, there may not be a book. For that matter, I wouldn’t be writing the way I write daily. I believe that stories connect us. Words comfort us, move us, and allow us to recognize that we aren’t alone.

I love you. Thanks for always being here with me.

Millie ❤️

Telling Stories

Someone asked me a while ago if I ever get tired of telling stories, to which I replied, “Do you ever get tired of breathing?”

We both laughed. Humor is underrated you know. We need to lighten up.

Telling stories is about connection. We have aha moments confirming our own journeys. We don’t feel alone. We are struck by divine lessons and raised to awareness of all sorts of yumminess. Sharing a story is humanness. It is how we learn and teach. It’s how we expand and shift consciousness.

We all have them… stories. We all know them. But when we read, or hear a story, a part of us opens up to endless possibilities. That’s story telling at its best. That’s why we read novels and watch movies.

I hope and pray you never ever stop telling your stories. I hope they continue to change others and inspire growth. I love those stories that are tended and polished from the core of spirit. They are freaking yummilicious! I love the stories that are also not told but carried like scars on you as proof of your badassery. Those stories taste and smell and look like magic to me. All of them. And of course there will always be some stories that are lovelier than others. We receive them from our point of reference. We relish them when they mirror our own journey.

So no! I don’t get tired of sharing stories. I love humanity and how it shows up in the most vulnerable of moments. Those are my favorites… when the person doesn’t know that they are creating magic for others to witness. The majority of people are truly wanting love, to be loved, to share love and live through love.

It’s really that simple. Two things interest me: love and connections. If I can bring them for others together, I am in heaven. If I can sit and share space with you so you can show me your soul, darlings, I am made for that!

I love you,

Millie

Vulnerability

It’s in the deepest state of vulnerability that we find truth to all the answers. Even if while taking chances with another you are hurt… that in itself gives you answers.

It’s all about accountability and how you show up. Would you rather play it safe and give up on all those things you dream about? Or would you get out there and courageously take the chance?

I’ve chosen to live my life connecting with others even if it feels like a challenge. I’m not interested in staying out of the arena of true authentic living. I want to live life fighting for what I want. I want those around me to join me there. And it might get bloody and painful. It might be nasty at times. But a life living with openness and courage is vital in my world. It’s also one that requires healthy boundaries and a constant amount of self-care.

Join me in this arena. Let’s cross that bridge of uncertainties and fears together. Live from love and compassion. Talk your talk. Share your life. Stop being paralyzed by what the world may think of you and put yourself out there through authenticity and vulnerability. There is no shame in that! We got this. The time is now. We are no longer able to stay in the safe zone because there is so much more on the other side as we create a new world.

I love you,

Millie

Shine On

Many years ago riding through Tuscany I fell in love… with the landscape… with sunflowers. It was early morning and I was mesmerized by the way the fields of flowers all saluted the sun, turning slowly to greet it. They would turn to each other as well. I thought to myself then, “I want to salute the light everyday like that! I want to be that kind of beauty!”

And, it’s a choice. I get to mindfully choose that as often as possible.

It’s a conscious shift in perception. It’s about pausing and taking in a sacred moment.

So today I rise to light and follow it with beauty. I recognize my own strength and Divinity. I search for that in others. I look into you and me… and them for it, always witnessing the soul turning towards that higher illumination of divine wisdom.

I see it and smile when I meet a stranger. I look through infinite eyes for it. The divine in me recognizes the divine in others.

Follow that light from within. Follow your intuition. Remember your power. You are exquisite. Yummilicious. Lovely. And full of sunny rays of hope, faith and love.

Shine on, darlings!

You Perceive Through Experiences

Yesterday in the kitchen my oldest son shared a few messages from his friends for me. Then we got into an in-depth conversation that his friends (in their 30’s) are feeling blah. There is a funky lethargic energy. I told him that even with all this extra time people aren’t feeling motivated. He agreed. He said that this should be the time we should be really diving into artistic creativity, but it isn’t happening for many.

There is a sense of nothingness and uncertainty. People feel as if they are moving through Dooms Day. Others as if they are being controlled.

We can motivate and inspire a million times over but until this is over not many will feel it. It’s easier to be numbed out. The little bit that’s asked of us is a lot at times. Even as simple as staying put and social distancing. We are not made to isolate. And this is why so many folks are struggling.

Yet, there are those who are able to do and move through this. We are being asked to sit with the unknown and trust. We are being told one thing and experiencing others.

Follow your knowing. I don’t care how many people tell you to look at things their way, if it doesn’t resonate you do not have to follow it. You are your best judge of character.

Stay safe. Stay in your truth. If you are motivated…yay. If you are not… yay. Your soul knows what it needs. Be gentle with yourself.

Soul Teachers

Some folks come in and highlight past triggers. They push the dark emotions up and about. In my case I get a few who remind me of my mother and how judgmental and controlling she was. I revert into the little girl. I find myself avoiding confrontations. Then I step back and realize the unhealed parts of my inner child.

I embrace it. I become aware of the role they are playing. That doesn’t mean I attack the person triggering me. It doesn’t mean I am nasty or passive aggressive. It doesn’t mean anything because it’s not about them. It’s about me and how I allow the energy to show up.

I get to decide how I perceive things. I get to choose what I allow and what I release. People are amazing teachers. I am always asking what is this person teaching me? What is the message here?

What I am learning is that when we don’t heal those parts of ourselves we are opened to the teachers coming in more frequently. Until we forgive and set appropriate boundaries those lessons will keep showing up. Until we learn from them we cannot graduate to something else.

So stop and detect. Breathe through the moments without reacting. Allow the present moment to dictate instead of the past. You can’t change what happened back there. You can, however, change what happens now.

We have choices every single day to show up and not overthink. We are always evolving. We aren’t stuck in any one stage. It’s an ongoing journey. There is no good or bad…only a perspective of how we view the world. Every single soul in your path teaches you about YOU.

I love you. Now love yourself even further.

Being the Spectator

I took a Kundalini yoga class early this morning. It was the perfect gift for entering a new week.

With each breath cycle, prana, I allowed the life force in me to clear out stagnant energy. Every pose allowed for the vibrancy to rise and fall.

I became the spectator of my stories for that hour… releasing and returning to me with each passing minute.

I am learning the gentleness of me. Of not pushing what doesn’t feel right, even on the yoga mat.

May you find yourself in the driver’s seat witnessing it all without judgment.

I love you. Mucho.

Choose Wisely

The psychology of spirit is pretty simple. Think good and good will arrive. Think negative and most likely you will get it. Think of thinking either and one way or the other you will get the negative. Negativity is a lower frequency. It takes a lot more to create and manifest from higher frequency. Positive energy requires joy and trust.

There are moments that truly push us to the edge of our spirituality. There are others that put us back on track. And, yet in other circumstances we are reminded that these are always, “Good times!” I don’t care how bad it gets because the truth is that we are here placed on this earth to learn, evolve and love in the process of living. With or without our awareness we are here to have a good time.

Be mindful of what you think when you are having a pity party. Be clear on how long you will allow the party to go on. Don’t let a bad day turn into something that will clearly become some kind of victimization attitude. This life is not created for that. These are, indeed, great times. Obstacles appear as reminders that you can overcome anything. Each challenge is an opportunity for growth and expansion.

If you don’t show up to your highest spiritual capacity take a look at what is holding you back. Most likely it’s you. You are holding yourself back from moving forward. No one else is to blame.

Always take full responsibility on how you act and react. It’s time you stop the victimization or martyr mode. Time is wasted on such dysfunctional behaviors.

Enjoy the spaces between the highs and lows. Enjoy the not knowing until you do. You are growing, darling! It isn’t always easy. So just be. Let’s make these moments good times. These are extraordinary times and we get to decide what holds us, what keeps us, and what lets us go. Sending blessings to you!

Precious Acceptance

Yesterday after we dropped Kali off at school Luke (2-1/2 y/o) says loudly from his car seat, “Mommy, your daddy says hi!”

“Your daddy?” I asked.

“Nooooo! My daddy at work. YOUUUURRR daddy. He’s sitting here.”

I answered with strain as tears flooded my eyes, “Okay. Tell him hi for me too.”

I looked through the rear view mirror as he looked at the seat next to him and he said, “She say hi.”

My dad transitioned over 26 years ago. When I had my near death experience several years ago he was the only one who showed up to send me right back here. My father wasn’t much in my life. But I knew he loved me dearly. Luke’s message was endearing. Luke has never seen a picture of my father but I’m certain he knew exactly who he was.

I went to take a Kundalini yoga class right after I dropped him off at school. I’ve never had that kind of yoga before. I realized how deeply I hold my breath. I felt I was holding my breath the entire way to the studio. And I released, shedding old tears onto the mat, curled into child’s pose and grateful for no judgment there. Something opened up like a flood. It was beautiful to just allow it.

Memories visited. When I was Luke’s age I was visited by loved ones who had passed on and I never met. I met them in my room daily. My mother didn’t know what to do with me. She took me to doctors. To therapist. To spiritualists. I learned to block it out. I learned early on that this was not a gift. It was obviously something bad. At around 6 I finally stopped seeing or feeling. I would close my eyes tightly and wished they went away.

I don’t want that…ever…for my children. His message was profound in its simplicity. I had been thinking about my dad during the weekend. It was a sweet confirmation that those who pass are always nearby.

I hold sacred space for loved ones who have transitioned. I don’t always see them but I feel them, or hear them. They come in as flashes. Or knowings. I’m not a medium. I have just learned to pay attention to guidance. And most loved ones have such quirks and sweet ways of letting us know they are near us.

How about you? Do you see dead people? How have you dealt with it in this society? Please share below.

Trust in the Process

Fear paralyzes us. It holds us captive and imprisons everything we know to be true. I read somewhere that without fear there is no courage. But when you are stricken by panic and despair it’s really difficult to see bravery.

The woman I am today has no clue how I lived in fear for so long. I just don’t know why I didn’t move forward and abandoned all the things that kept me hostage.

I didn’t know better. I didn’t know how. I felt the aches and pains of loneliness and responsibilities. Shame and guilt lived simultaneously drowning me. I couldn’t breathe. And one day softly within I heard the words, “Fear not! Fear is Forgiving Everything, Acknowledging Release.”

I turned my comfortable life upside down and then right side up. My family believed I lost my mind. And guess what? I did. I had to let go of the old me in order to transform into a new one.

I am who I am because of each story inside of me. Each single event led me here. I have courage, tenacity, perseverance, and a forgiving heart. Just like that I have learned to release. And, just like that I will continue to move forward.

Freedom is on the other side of thoughts. You cannot live in fear and truly trust. Fear is doubting the process. It has no trust. I have learned to shift my perception and thoughts. All the time. Every day. Some days it requires all of me to be present with deep breaths and trust the path.

Something magical happens in this midlife point of a woman’s life. Like you can’t stand the bullsh*t anymore. You won’t tolerate the excess noise of other people’s opinions or judgment. At least this is been true for me. And I guess that’s also part of feeling courageous.

May you always find the spark of courage that turns your darkness into sunlight. You are never alone in your struggles even when your Ego tells you otherwise. I believe the Divine speaks to us through sweet whispers if we are willing to listen with an open heart. Forgive and release all! It’s never worth the weight of carrying around on your shoulders something that serves of no purpose but to belittle you even more. Every single experience has brought you here to evolve.

Trust and let go. You are divine wisdom walking around and bumping into love. All day…every single day.