Recharging

 

Tranquility

Something happened as of late…I hit an emotional and spiritual wall which affected my physical health. I felt it and I disregarded it. I have gotten better at detecting these moments, but I still ignored it. I woke a few days ago in a panic…exhausted to the bone and with an unwillingness to move. I couldn’t meditate (and this is huge for me). I recognized it then.

The knowing.
The guidance.
The red flag.
I listened and took it seriously. I am too old to ignore this. In the past it would cause me to end up in the hospital.
I kept hearing for weeks that I was “off” somehow. I felt it as well. So, I have moved into the mysteries and investigation of finding out what is “off” with me. Mary Poppins has vacated the premises. The PollyAnna sweetheart is MIA. It’s not that I’m short or nasty. It’s not that I’m unhappy. But, my frequency has shifted and I am tired. I cannot entertain one single thing.
I need a break from the world.
This week I’ve cancelled all appointments other than going to work. I cannot do anything else afterwards. I have been at this go-go-go schedule for months now. I have to take inventory of my spiritual guidance and emotional necessities.
There is such a thing as doing too much. There are repercussions for those actions. I refuse to bulldoze over my soul’s needs for one more week, one more day, or one more hour. It’s yelling for attention!
I listen. I am listening.
It’s in this magical space of detachment that I find the answers. It’s in the afternoons before my husband and child arrive that I can clear my energy and find bliss in sitting outside, listening to the birds…or going into my meditation room and sitting in quietude.
I need my time to create my own magic.
We all need space for recharging. We need sacredness. We need reflecting and allowing for answers to visit. We also need to crumble down the things inside that are asking for egotistical answers. The past calls, but you do not have to answer!
May you have a peaceful week! May you enjoy your time alone, or with others, but remember to honor your spirit. Go play. Go be in joy. You need it. We all do.
I love you…~m.a.p.
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Time is in Your Favor

holding time

It’s the middle of February. Already! I don’t quite know how things are happening so fast. We are emotionally and spiritually spinning in giant vortexes. Friday night I didn’t sleep. I was in and out of meditation most of the night…swirling up and down and all around the universe. I was feeling the universal forces in motion and it felt like my heart was going to give out. Not a good feeling for an empath.

It feels as if timelines are collapsing. Every day I hear of another suicide close to me, or someone six degrees from me. The bodies and minds can’t take the changes. It’s okay to not have the answers. It is NOT okay to give up without trying to reach out. I work in mental health and I am experiencing a higher degree of de-fragments. I am witnessing emotions dictating actions and creating deadly reactions.
I wish I could say I am sleeping well. I am not. I am moving from one timeline into another. My night activities are as chaotic as the waking day time ones. I’ve concluded that even through meditation I cannot slow down the times. They aren’t suppose to be slowed down because we are shifting and it’s part of mass consciousness upgrades. Discomfort pushes growth.
But what are we being pushed into?
I don’t know but when I go into the space of love and peace…when I enter sacredness I see a different world. I can hear John Lennon’s song, “Imagine” in my heart. And this, darlings, is what I feel is the pushing. Things are changing, especially when you detach from the news and media. You will find just by looking around your tribe and circles that we are returning to authenticity and truth.
I urge you to be gentle with yourself. Old traumas and programming are coming up. We are being asked to clear the things that are toxic in our lives. We are required to cut cords of things that cause us pain. We are being redirected to notice what sets our desires on fire: creativity, travel, gathering with like-minded folks, family, nature, spirituality and so much more. It’s no wonder we are being stripped of hurt, shame and guilt.
Our lives are changing. Technology has clearly forced us to live at a faster pace but it can also be utilized to slow down. You do not have to depend on it for every little thing. If the phone rings, you don’t have to answer. The emails and texts can wait. Social media doesn’t have to be touched all day long. We have become slaved to the things we complain about…too much stimuli.
What’s happening OUT THERE is also being felt immensely in here. Politics, religion, and everything else is keeping you in a prison of mind control. You are being given what to think and digest instead of you searching for what you really want in life.
So, once again…I am retrieving for a bit. I am experiencing a lot of chaos around me. The external noises are as loud as the ones I visit at night in sleep or meditation. Something has to be done to slow it down. I write everyday and I feel I need to return to journaling and the simplicity of pen and paper. I find that in times of real healing and release it is the pen that shows me truth. It never fails since I was a little girl.
Find your center core. Time is in your favor…you get to decide how you move through these challenging times. Bring love and forgiveness to it. Let go of old should’ves and could’ves. You are here for a reason and it isn’t to punish yourself for past experiences. It isn’t to torture your soul for sins that pushed you to grow. Let that go and allow the new you emerge in peace. But, please, if you can’t find someone to talk to I am here. Email me…I will check periodically dharma.1111@hotmail.com.
I love you…
Millie

Make a Life

birthIn our society we are taught that success is measured by the things we’ve acquired.  The categories of “success” are based on education, money, materialism such as a house and a car, career labels, what and how you wear certain clothing, etc.  But, success goes deeper than the concrete evidence of such categories.  It truly cannot be measured by “things.”  It has an abstract definition that is based on accomplishments.  Who made materialistic things the success-o-meter?  When did the consumption of these things become the status for our happiness?

The question I keep asking myself since I was one of those folks with the big house, fancy cars and money in the bank for extra spending, is are you making a life or making a living?  Do you allow success to be measured by class and materialism?  Or, do you allow triumph to be that which brings you a peace of mind and who you are is not what you do?  Most people seem to be living based on what they do and labeling themselves to that class.  In our tough economic times, I’ve heard of stories of professionals who have lost their corporate jobs and now are cashiers in the nearest supermarket.  There is nothing wrong with that.  Unfortunately, for those individuals their definition of success is tarnished.

Making a life brings joy, peace and a union with Divinity.  Making a living and placing all status and forms of success is temporarily.  You never know when things in life can change and your “status” will turn within moments.  If we travel down the path of this life consciously allowing for growth, through experiences and lessons, we can make a life.  Making a living is just that…you are making money to survive.  Don’t place your worth on what you have (or don’t have).  Place your worth on what you can give and receive from humanity.  You are the pilot of your life.  Success is measured by those moments that bring others into your space and light.  Look around and marvel at the people who surround you.  Are they bringing you down or lifting you up?  Are your children healthy and walking a path of joy without the pressures of society telling them they have to have a PhD. (which there is nothing wrong with having a doctoral.  It is a tremendous accomplishment but it shouldn’t define you)? Can you get out of bed each morning full of excitement to receive the day while doing what you love?

All the stress from economy, political agendas, religion and mass media is enough to bring anyone to a state of depression.  Start making a life for yourself.  Work because you must put food on the table but don’t let the job measure your triumph in this life.  As I am getting closer to ending this chapter of my life and not really knowing what is ahead for me, I am deleting the strains of over-thinking and putting a label to my career.  It’s freeing and sometimes frightening but it’s a way to truly live the moment.

Have a blessed day!

What Do You Want To Do With Your Life?

 

follow-your-dreams

I was at a women’s retreat two weekends ago and most of the ladies there are following their soul’s purpose. From an herbalist, acupuncturist, massage therapist, reflexologist, Reiki master, sound therapist, and other modalities, these women are on their loving paths. They have followed their dreams and passions. It was a bit intimidating to sit among them and still not know what the heck I am suppose to be doing. My identity was tied to the motel/retreat center for over five years. Before that, it was tied to the business world of industrial parts distribution. And, now, here I am in the second part of my life and I haven’t a clue what I am suppose to do with my life.

Here’s the delicious thing about not knowing what to do: others have no problem letting you know what you should be doing because they see your strengths in places you can’t recognize. So, I made my rounds with these magnificent women asking for help. I would ask, “What should I be doing? I feel so lost in my professional path.” They all had one good suggestion after another…most of which I didn’t really want to do. They didn’t feel right, even though they sounded so yummy. Then a sweet lady said to me, “You are a fairyologist! Oh my God, what more do you want to do?” I had to laugh out loud until I almost peed in my pants. Seriously? She was actually serious about this. This fairyologist title was an endearing label that came as a joke from my husband back in April for my birthday. He paid for a fairyology online class. I passed it and Bang…I became a fairyologist. It’s a funny story. It’s not a profession. Yes, I talk to fairies, rocks, trees, and anyone who will listen to my excessive jabber. That doesn’t make me a professional in something. It just heightens my eccentricities out to the world to witness and poke fun at.

I looked at this woman who is a professional and had to seriously question her insight. Then I chugged the entire conversation and asked her again what she thought a fairyologist does for a living? She hadn’t a clue. That ended that series of thought-provoking-life-changing Q&A’s.

I think about the many folks who have asked me these type of questions: “What should I be doing with my life? What’s my purpose? Should I go back to school? Should I move and start over somewhere else…?” When I had the retreat center those were some of the many intriguing questions. Everyone is looking for answers. And I would always give them the same response: “What do you feel like doing? What makes your soul come alive?” Most folks would honestly answer, “I really don’t know.”

But we DO KNOW. We are just afraid to tap on that source and be led by it…until we are brave enough to entertain the idea without feeling guilty over the million responsibilities we have in our lives. Unfortunately, we’ve been taught in this society to put everyone first before our own dreams.

And right now that’s my own answer. What I feel like doing is traveling, meeting folks all over the place, and writing about them everyday. Sort of like the Humans in New York blog. I want to write about people from all walks of life because we learn from each other. I want to be present in their presence. I want to share stories that pull and push compassion, kindness and empathy out into the world. And, I want to get paid for doing it. (This is important because I have a little one who will be going with me on this trip and a husband).

“What would that look like? How would I start? What needs to be in place to get this dream in motion? How can I make money from the road doing what I love: talking to people, taking their pictures and sharing their stories?”

I haven’t a clue…yet! But I DO KNOW that it will show up soon.

I don’t do labels well. As in a previous blog post, I am not into titles. I have a hard time adjusting my fairy ass to one label. It isn’t who I am. I have a psychology degree and have worn many hats in this lifetime. I get asked who I am and what I do and I freeze like a possum playing dead. Seriously, it’s sad! I can never remember that I write, or that I have raised six children and redoing it for the seventh time. Like, my brain goes dead when someone asks me what I do. The question should be, “What haven’t you done thus far?” The list might be shorter and my brain may actually work with an answer. I have led a charming interesting and passionate life. I have done a lot of things that I don’t recognize as important but to me they were invaluable. And I thrive on doing more of what brings me pure ecstatic joy on a daily basis. If it makes me laugh, it’s even a larger dream come true.

But, for all of you who are on the same path of self-discovery, I urge you to dig deeper. Go to retreats and classes. Surround yourself with people you admire and see how the magic begins to unfold. It’s in sharing and exhaling with others that we find our authentic powers. Google the crap out of possibilities and spend time alone researching what feels good for your soul. There is no right or wrong answer. There is just an endless path of possibilities. Also, get rid of expectations. They serve nothing but disappointment. Just do it...like Nike suggests!

Have your gatherings. Have your reunions. Exchange information and recognize who you are and what feels good when you are among others. The right angel and person will show up. I have a meeting with Destiny soon in regards to my life’s work. This I know. I feel it. Until then…I am who I am making my way home just like you, paying my dues, and cleaning out old karmic debts. Have a blessed day!!!

Nakedness of Letting Go

letting go

The other day a friend of mine stopped by to bring the baby some Valentine’s Day gifts. He and his girlfriend love our baby girl fiercely. This time when we spoke he was better than I have seen him in a long time. His energy was clear. He was on fire as he shared his recent accomplishment with his business while detailing the ins and outs of his goals. I told him that I was so happy because the last few times we visited he seemed truly depressed, down on his luck, and the feeling of overwhelming dread. Even though he always kept his spunky personality up, I could read through the charades. I understand what it is to put up a front. I also understand what it feels like to know there’s something more to the present circumstances.  It takes time to come to terms with loss and then rise to the new passions of endless possibilities.  You don’t have to reinvent the wheel but you can truly reinvent yourself.

We shared stories about loss, the destitution of having had money and then depending on others fore bare necessities. He shared how he had to be stripped of everything, including his car. This I know very well since I had to get rid of everything years ago. And, it is in that vulnerability and nakedness that power is born. We have no choice but to go up. So, to hear him express his newly business passion was awesome. It made me hopeful for my own goals. This period of time of uncertainty has slowly been passing. Doing nothing has allowed my spirit to chill and make no sudden irrational changes. I feel a mystical transformation arriving and it feels good.  Having my friend here was like having my own personal motivational speaker while being a cheerleader and pulling me with his newly found glee.  I, too, was left on fire with hope of a new way to reinvent myself.

Somehow we forget to surrender. When we are in a depression, embraced by anger and disappointments, we forget to just let go completely. It’s easier that way but we choose to fight easiness all the way to the bank. Often times we don’t allow ourselves the break of just being. Things will work out! My friend needed that time in order to find what really mattered. He had lived a successful life for many years. I believe he had to experience the side most people live on a daily basis. We all struggle through these economic times, personal losses, and the hardships of parenthood and adulthood. Many of us have to be stripped of everything materialistic in order to allow the ego to shut up. When you lose the extra baggage something magical happens: you are left to ask Spirit for help through an open heart of love. The money follows passion for helping others.  You want others to succeed.  You want others to have abundance with the freedom to pay it forward as well. We become vacant of everything but what truly matters to the soul.  It is then that the authentic self rises to the occasion and a new person is born.

I have had several moments in the past few months when I have doubted my own professional path. “What am I doing here? Why am I still in this place without barely making ends meet? What am I suppose to be doing? What can I do to to bring passion to my life again? How can I contribute to my life’s purpose?  What am I waiting for?” I know in the core of my essence I wasn’t put here just to pay bills and suffer month to month wondering if we will make it through another winter.  I know nothing during those times of mind struggle. I have nothing….oh, the questions and answers move around in a vortex.  It is through meditation that I find peace and quietness to deal with the nothingness and feel no guilt for wanting to stay there.  And, it is also through the winters that I find the real meaning of what comes next.

Today, remembering my friend, I am cutting myself some slack. I am sitting back watching the icy grounds, the sun melting the droplets from the trees, and enjoying the quietness of a winter mountain day. I am able to hear my little girl playing in her room, humming to herself, and every so often coming to sit on my lap. We have watched the dog run across the snow in the front lawn. We have laughed. I have no plans for today. I am cutting myself slack for the constant need of doing something productive. I don’t have to know the answers to my life this minute. I don’t have to know what will happen tomorrow. It’s in this nakedness of nothing and acceptance that I can enjoy today.  I keep letting go.

For the first time in months I am sleeping better. I am falling asleep and staying in dreamland throughout the night. The moment last week that I allowed myself to listen to his story I was reminded that I have been there…and now I am here. Give yourself permission to not have all the answers. But at the same time take time to meditate and reach the level of passion for the life you want. You have been placed on this earth for greatness…no matter what you do make it great!

Rough Mind Chatter

I have a bad habit.  Well, I have a few bad habits but this blog site is not equipped to be a confessional.  I have a tendency of shutting down when my brain can’t handle chit chat.  I can become rather quick in finishing others’ sentences.  I tend to rambunctiously ask a question and when the answer doesn’t come out quick enough (at the speed of light) I end up answering it myself…even if it’s wrong.  So I am trying to slow down (and abolish) this bad habit.  It doesn’t happen every day.  When it does I am realizing I just need to step back and not be with others.  Today is such a day.  Rather than lose my lack of patience with others I need to travel inside of me to see what is causing the brain fart and detachment.  Why is my brain circling in a vortex?  What is going on that I need to rush through? What is missing from my spirit?

I was programmed and trained by my past experiences (the CIA of Life) to be a multi-faceted, multi-tasker, multi-everything woman.  I could do just about anything at high speed.  I would be cleaning the house, home-schooling my children, cooking dinner, writing a paper for school, and magically running a successful business.  I don’t know how I did it.  I only know I don’t ever want to be that person.

I had a guest once point out that multi-tasking was not a good trait.  If you multi-task then you are only giving a percentage of your energy to a particular project.  If you multi-task you aren’t providing your 100% effort.  I believe this true.  I have to be conscious of what and how I do things while finishing one thing at a time (that goes with conversations as well).  I don’t have A.D.D.  I don’t suffer from Tourette’s Syndrome (although at times the words that come out of my mouth would indicate a contradiction).  I do suffer from impatience.  If I don’t get a good night’s rest, I get cranky.  If there are others expecting things from me that I can’t finish on time, I get cranky.  If it’s too damn cold and gloomy, I get cranky.  If people are dishonest with me, I get cranky.  If someone tries to force me to see things their way against my better judgment, I get really, really cranky and shut down.  Other than that I am pretty happy.

We are so wired to do so much to fit into our days.  We take short cuts to save time.  We use technology to facilitate with our days.  My question is where is all that time accumulated at that we spend saving by rushing through things?  When my brain starts going that fast because I am thinking of all else I need to do it is an indicator that I need to step away for a bit.  I have to take a walk, a hike or just sit in silence.  Something has to be done to stop my anxiety.  And, for the most part I am aware of it quickly when I step away.  The anxiety becomes the barometer for exploring a particular fear.  Usually this fear is about not finishing things to the best of my ability.  Once I pin point it I get to return to being a “nice person,” rather than a lunatic who thinks she knows all the answers.

I hope you find a place in your life where you can go and sit quietly when the chit chat starts to overwhelm you.  I gotta go be in nature now…the earth is calling.