I woke this morning to this message from my publisher.
“Millie, you did it! At 1:00 a.m. January 14th, your book became a #1 Bestseller.
Congratulations! Your book is touching lives and inspiring resilience in all who read it. Thank you for trusting us with your story. We’re honored to be your publisher. ”
WE (you all included) made this happened. Thank you. I’m deeply moved. I am speechless. It’s a lovely honor and I pray the book touches you and resonates with you. Labels and categories are great but, to me, what matters is that you recognize your inner strength to overcome challenges in your life. That you don’t give up when things get hard. And, that you recognize your love and light in this world.
We are so hard on ourselves. You notice that? How deeply ridiculous we treat ourselves at times? We aren’t always that hard with others.
Saturday I was sent the final edits for my memoir, Erasable. I opened up the manuscript and became paralyzed. There wasn’t much to change but the idea of having to re-read this story (MY STORY) oh my gosh… it brought me to my knees.
I had to relive parts of me I had forgotten. I wrote the first part of this memoir 20 years ago, right after my accident. I worked on it 2 years ago and redid a lot of it. But it’s been a long while since I went detail by detail, line by line, word by word, mano a mano.
I was still under the weather dealing with the crud. I was struggling just to take care of the kids and myself. And, here in an email, comes this manuscript with a timely deadline in order to get it out on 1/11/23.
So, I cried. I let the publisher know that maybe this wasn’t a good enough book to finish. The editor and publisher immediately returned my email with suggestions and loving support. I understand a lot of authors at the last minute fear their words being put out there. They talked me off the ledge. They suggested I call a mutual friend of ours (who had put out a book earlier this year). She held my hair and my hand throughout the day from many miles away and she was vital to my ability in moving through all the emotions.
I worked on it Saturday and Sunday and it was sent back.
Was it hard? Not once I started! Was it emotional? You betcha! Does it share a message that others will understand? I have no doubt! It is me at my most vulnerable. It’s raw, and real.
To read of the woman I was then and the woman I’ve become now in a book… it’s something. It’s transformational.
The secret to change is always in the awareness because once you know better, you do better. Once you become responsible and accountable for your decisions, your choices, and your life… the world opens up in a very different frequency.
Fear will stop us from succeeding. Had I let that fear of being seen take over, there may not be a book. For that matter, I wouldn’t be writing the way I write daily. I believe that stories connect us. Words comfort us, move us, and allow us to recognize that we aren’t alone.
It’s becoming real! Just got off a Zoom meeting with my publisher. My memoir: Erasable, has a tentative publishing date of 1/11/23 (which is my favorite number 111). It’s almost here.
It took me 20 years to write this book. T-w-e-n-t-y! It has been a labor of love, vulnerability, trust, courage, and acceptance. In the process it has released and healed me. Each word navigates my sacred journey from invisibility to clarity.
I cannot wait to have it in my hands and available for you to read it.
Woohoo! It’s happening. I am giddy… can you tell?
I am beyond grateful for the support from my community.
It’s been a minute, or two, since I last came to this blog page. Recently, Facebook deactivated my account because it violated some kind of community standards. I don’t know what that was because I stay away from anything controversial. I only write uplifting messages and a lot about love. So, perhaps “too much love” is the violation for them. Or, it can be that empowering people on a daily basis is also frowned upon.
What this has created for me is lots of space. I also quit my job two weeks prior to the deactivation which was creating social media content for clients. It all happened in perfect timing. I cannot imagine what I would have done with being locked out and managing other people’s accounts. This has all been a gift. The sense of freedom is not lost on my spirit. Truth be told I have always had a love-hate relationship with Facebook.
I have been remembering what it felt like to come here daily and write poetry and messages. When I started this blog in 1/11/11, I never expected to have it grown into what would be Sacred Journey page on Facebook with over 181,000 followers. I cannot access that either and that’s okay! Some folks have a theory that the page has been hacked. It’s really difficult to get through Facebook to help in any way. I have let it go.
My divine messages keep bringing me back to basic. “Return to your first love,” was expressed in my morning meditation. My first love was poetry and essays. I remember how healing it was for me. My life has shifted and changed so much in the last eleven years.
I trust that whatever transpires will continue to do so. I am working on finalizing my book deal with a publisher for my memoir, Erasable. I am excited about this! There are two other books being done as well.
So, thank you for staying with me. I am also blogging in my professional page: www.sacredjourneyinward.com/blog if you want to follow me over there.
It’s nice to be back! This feels like home again. WordPress is a sweet community. I also changed the site name back to Moments with Millie. Let’s create some yummy magic together!
I wrote today. A lot. We had a snow day and the kids gathered around me playing, watching TV, while I ferociously got words out into pages of my journal. I don’t know how I could possibly have so much to say. But I did. Each line flowed into the next. Every so often I would put the journal down to feed them and stains of food would find way into pages. Signs of motherhood I guess.
And I wrote some more, on this full moon, creating and manifesting. I’ve asked with full intentions from my desires. I wrote until they took naps. Then I meditated. I lit my candles, burned my sage, and said my prayers.
There is magic getting dreams out in the open. There is mysticism that seems to align quicker when words or pictures are present.
Tonight take some time to manifest. This moon is powerful and directing us to find truth. It’s almost the end of a year. It’s been one of the hardest and most challenging for me in about a decade. It’s taught me more about myself than any other time. I’ve falling in love with so much that I never knew I wanted, and I’ve let go of so many other things that had me hostage.
Today I took a lot of time to cater to those things: the good and bad. It was a beautiful way to spend the day.
What brings you joy? What is the one thing that stops time for you, and makes you come alive? What would you be doing if you had all the money in the world to pursue? What is the hobby or dream or talent that you wish you could do always…all day long?
For me it’s writing, especially about meeting people. It’s the words that come alive on the screen as I piece together a story…and the things I feel take shape in a way that transport me to a single moment in time.
It’s memories and how a touch, a smile or someone’s kind word transforms me. Those moments get to live in my computer or journals. They flow effortlessly out of me as I tend to them with sentences.
I’ve done many things in my life. I’ve worn many different hats. I’ve owned companies and have worked myself into pure exhaustion. I’ve gained and lost and expanded. The one thing that brings me back to life is writing every morning after my meditation practice. It’s in these times of pure conscious awareness/awakening that I can clearly see my purpose.
Then it’s gone. It leaves me quickly when life begins to reappear outside of my little Cosmic world.
The kids need me. The bills need tending. The laundry piles up. The house has to get clean. I have to get to work. The hubby needs something. And life happens. To each one of us, it’s one thing or another.
There is purpose in the mundane routine but it doesn’t make us come alive. Cleaning a toilet for me isn’t as inspiring as sharing a story or writing about speaking to my higher self and guidance. Folding laundry isn’t as fulfilling as speaking with someone who needs a cheerleading session in love or a lift to feel that they matter.
Pay attention to those things that make you smile and fuel your passion. One day (soon as I continue to super manifest) I will be collecting stories, full time, from different corners of the world.
Now you…go write down those things that you dream about and start working on making them real. Reality is always available once we place our purpose on our top priority list. And remember not to stop living in the now by obsessing about tomorrow or regretting yesterday. You have purpose in all you do, and you deserve to live a life that brings you endless love and passion.
For as long as I can remember I have ached to live and travel to all corners of the world. I have yearned to hear stories told and shared from everywhere. I’ve wanted to touch and inhale the essence of humanity, the borders of humanness. I’ve wanted to study empathy and compassion and what moves us to be who we are. I’ve been fascinated by spiritual and philosophical issues.
Reality has stopped me. I have had many lives in five decades. I have lived splendidly in ways that could fill several lifetimes. However, the edge of civilization is still waiting. It is luring me strongly. The gypsy in me has been held captive for most of my life. And this is alright! No shame in living a magical life full of lessons and experiences because that has brought about my authentic evolution. But, as of late, something has occurred: the calling has now become a scream. There are no whispers nudging at me to go out and reach the world. It’s more like speakers in constant noise screaming full blast, “It’s time now! Do something, woman!”
How does one follow these voices and nudges that bring us to the edge of the unknown? Responsibilities come first. I have a four year old and a one year old arriving soon. I have a husband. I try to shut it off. I have done everything to stay within this world of responsibility with no regrets because I truly love this life. Yet, nothing stops the purpose that has also been yearning and pushing me to find more stories. And, they do show up through serendipitous moments. They unfold right in front of me all the time. I am always in a state of awesomeness hearing the three things the human form searches: joy, love and faith. It is still not enough right now. Maybe this is a midlife crisis. Ever since returning from Peru my soul has been deeply restless dreaming and manifesting. Perhaps this yearning is an existential one. I don’t know!
I must stand back and really take time to figure things out. I know in the core of me that I am to merge my life with the world. Even in small dosages. I am on the edge of answers. I feel them knocking in meditation. I see them evolving in dreams. Signs are all over the place and guidance is slowly showing me. I need to sketch the details, ironing out financial responsibilities against the dreams and trusting I am always being supported for me and my family.
Don’t you feel the massive changes happening as well? Don’t you feel the bursting out and metamorphosis? It’s powerful.
I am slowly figuring out how to move through this point. I don’t know how or why this is happening now. It happened several years ago as well and my life changed drastically. I do know that something is about to explode, expand, and take off from me in order to reach my soul’s yearning. It’s been slowly building up and I am paying close attention. I am no longer able to stop this excitement or craving. I am setting the Muses free without restricting myself. I always feel that when we truly sit with the feelings, rather than avoid them, we create. We must iron out the doubts and fears. Write out everything so we can see it all…and then wait for the magic to take form.
I see it. I feel it. I can taste it. I am honoring it. I might not know how it will all come together but I am holding on to the feeling of it excitement.
In the midst of all turmoil
I find love folding over us
like a love letter
sealed with a kiss
and fragrance with
the sweetest smell of lust.
I find your words wrapped
around my skin
in continuous poetic phrases
savoring my very essence.
I find your tongue licking
my paragraphs and whispering
sweet and dirty nothings
before signing your name
on my back
and folding me in tiny pieces
to carry in your pocket.
”
Moments with Millie 