Fairyologist on Duty

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I just recently became a Certified Fairyologist. Yes, there is such a thing and for my birthday my hubby enrolled me on Doreen Virtues’ online class. Now you may ask, “What does a Fairyologist do?” This is a valid question. I don’t really know what they do except what was taught on the class: history of fairies and how to live among them.  I can only tell you what I do and who I am in regards to nature. I am a play-in-the-mud-jump-in-the-creeks-sing-silly-songs-wear-tutus-and-love-everyone eccentric type of gal. I don’t take myself seriously.  I have a quick wit and find entertainment just about everywhere I go. I respect Mother Earth. I feel grounded being outdoors. I love to get lost in hikes, travel to new places, talk to people, hear their stories, and enjoy the silliness that’s out in the world. I am not here to tell you how you should live, but I can surely provide some entertainment on what works for me. I am not much for adulting these days. I have little respect for the stressful life, and anything that helps me release burdens…I am on that path.

I have raised six children and now raising a 2 year old (number 7). Now in midlife, she’s teaching me to revert into childhood and take no crap from social programming. She keeps reminding me what it is to view the world from the simplicity of innocence. She is reminding me how we all come in with such incredible awareness and gifts. It’s in those moments that she has become my hero. Children have a magical way of focusing on this. They react to the world around them with curiosity. “Forget that over there!” They don’t worry about tomorrow. They are consumed with the over stimulation of play and what’s right in front of them. They change their minds one minute at a time. They celebrate life through the smallest of things, like picking up a rock. They can observe a worm moving for an hour. They don’t see fear. They accept what is right in their vision. They are the greatest source of spiritual connection available to us.

As I finished the course and got my “certification” things have shown up. The ideas have run overboard and I am trying to find a way to organize the things I can do with my Fairy Whispers and Play. I want to do workshops on how to live life guided by the joy from your inner child. Let’s face it, this “adulting” business is pretty intense! We have forgotten what it is that we wanted to become as children. We forget how to play because there is always a to-do list, a set of rules, work, schedules, children, parents, spouses and the constant derailing of responsibilities. We forget that art, writing, music, and all sorts of creating weren’t gifts for childhood. They are gifts for our entire lives. We didn’t come into this life to spend the first 13 years, or so, being one way and then disregard our desires, passion, and dreams. That’s an instruction via society that is false and corrupted. We are here to follow our bliss, and when we do, mysticism follows.  We create our stories.  We are shaped by them.

I am embarking in a new life. I cannot describe the pathway. I can see it clearly but don’t quite know where it will take me. Meantime, I am putting together a program to see if I can actually help the contagious spirit of laughter, play, and creation. How did we ever forget that our happiness comes from our inner child? And, yes, many of you have had some disastrous upbringings. We have all been wired and programmed to believe that “growing up” means “not participating in child play.” That’s okay! The beauty of programming and beliefs can be altered with conscious awareness. You have the power to dream, visualize and create the life you always wanted.

How do you get there?

By being truthful with how you are right now. If you aren’t happy then it’s time to see what’s stumping your dreams. Things don’t change over night, but your perception and acceptance of decisions can begin to create a plan. This plan is what can help gather your wits, joy, freedom and a new beginning. Sometimes fear of success is what stops us from performing. We are all waiting for failure. That’s a given…but how many of us can actually move through the voices of our pasts and be willing to lose ourselves in our childhood dreams again?

Change starts and ends with your inner child. Holding that little girl/boy, and assuring him/her that you have a handle on this is the first step to creating a space of joy. Taking a new hobby, making time for yourself (even if only 30 minutes a week), or joining a group of like-minded folks is recharging for your spirit.  There are ways to open up the memories of who you are and what you have forgotten for so long.  There are tools to release the hurt and move through the joy. You are not alone.  You can finally set those dreams in motion.  It’s never too late to be what you were suppose to be before the world told you otherwise.  It’s never too late to be that child again.

I am working on a some things that can bring you joy. I hope you have allowed your little person to laugh today. I hope you have done something magical and empowering while looking at life just a little different. Go get yourself some multi-colored-silly glasses and let’s begin the adventure!  Let’s meet up in a playground soon!

Paint Me like This

Search inside the window of my soul

without placing the turpentine

to remove

the bright colors of me

and love me

like the artist loves

the strokes of paint

brushing slowly on a canvas.

 

Listen, but with your heart

not your ears

because love is like wind

felt but not touch,

flying invisibly without destination.

 

It is simply like this…

without expecting anything

but a beautiful composition

that comes from the mysterious

and my spirit reflects it all.

 

Touch me but without hypocrisy,

without ill-mannered words

that get caught in deception.

You are more than this,

more than those words,

poisonous thoughts,

insecurities,

that die inside of you.

 

Kiss me,

grab me tightly,

but not so much like a possession

of a car, house, or doll.

Place your hand over my heart,

notice the rhythm

and follow it.

Draw its lines,

its need for more,

full of life for us.

 

Love me, like this…

as love should be loved,

held with compassion

and faith leading the way

to wherever the Divine wants us to go.

The Art of Getting Lost

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This morning on the way down the mountain into Asheville there was a traffic accident. I had a choice to sit through it or take a road less traveled on an adventure. Yeah, you already know what I did! I took a road into an unknown destination. And, the magic began to appear through every curb and dip into an area I had never visited. I was going down the rabbit hole, and I just knew I would never be the same again. Each scene took my breath way. Today is just lovely!

That’s the beauty of taking adventures…it’s the getting lost part that’s mystical.  There is a true art to purposely getting lost and challenging your spirit to thrive with enjoyment. I live for the excitement of finding treasures through serendipity. I began to see farm houses with mountain views, horses on scenery that belongs in movies, and endless amount of greenery. It was an explosion of wonder and all this so close to my house…and yet…so very far. All of this in a world of its own.

These are the moments my husband refers to as Millie’s Fairy-Ass Moments when the “aha’s,” “wow’s,” “look at that,” “Oh My God!” and so many other childlike words escape me. These are the moments I drive through the curbs yelling, “Weeeeee!” It’s in those specific moments that I am reminded that the gypsy in me is always ready to take flight and explore. These mountains have a way of turning you around even when you think you are going the right direction. The longer I drove the clearer the awareness arrived, “This is what I want to do. I want to write and travel. I want to hear stories from strangers in all corners of the world while giving our little girl an experience of a lifetime.” This morning brought up that confirmation that things need to work towards that so I can get lost without an agenda. I need more of this because it makes me come alive.  I need to continue manifesting this awareness into my reality because it is a vital facet of my soul.  This is who I am.  I have felt stuck for so long that when I do get lost I feel like I find my grounding.

When was the last time you got lost? Do you enjoy experiencing new places or does it cause you anxiety? Can you get up on a moment’s notice or do you need planning? I urge you to take the road less traveled. Don’t have a plan. Enjoy one morning without it. Make time to breathe outdoors, talk to strangers, and share in this space with get to call home.

You are not your “likes”

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We have been reprogrammed in this techie era to believe that our worth is based on “likes,” “stats,” “comments,” and “views.” But, we are not any of these things. People resonate with you because of how you act and react. They look at your examples…not your pictures or your words. Character is still the number one quality in a person by how you treat another. So NO you are not the amount of likes that shows up on the screen. The real “likes” come from inside.

I write because I must. I wouldn’t dare post all that I write. I write because it’s in my veins, the words make my heart jump with joy, and I need to get them down. I write because it’s a lifeline to my spiritual practice. I don’t write to impress, be accepted, or have an ego boosting. This is not part of the process when I sit with the laptop at 3AM on the sofa typing away in the dark as a muse cheers me on. Most of the time I have no clue what has transpired. I don’t have to. It’s my way of meditating, contemplating and creating from a place of divine wisdom.

So, when someone points out that I have an X amount of likes on a page…I gasp. I don’t know what that is or what it needs to be. I don’t care. I share my words because I understand that most of the people feel this sense of loneliness with their emotions. I share because it’s a connection between one soul and another. And, because of those connections I have made some lasting friendships that have pulled me out of many personal dark times. Writing has done that for me. It has introduced a world of like-minded folks who care. I love my underdogs, misfits, hippies, introverts, tree-huggers, and geeks. I can relate to the odd balls because I am eccentric. I don’t belong in a box. And this extension of letters, words, and sentences has allowed for me to interact with a world that needs inspiration. I need the inspiring words of another when I read their thoughts. I need to confirm that I am not crazy…that what I am feeling is part of the human experience.

Don’t sit and stare at a screen to see who pushes “like.” Don’t wait around to figure out if you are accepted. Screw it. Write because you got some incredible wittiness to share. Write because your love and humor can touch one person. Write because if you don’t a part of you withers and that’s a death I avoid. Write because you have something your soul needs to share. It doesn’t matter if it’s liked or not. I think when we come from a space of love and truth everyone understands. It’s a place of authentic power. And those words empower another.

Thank you for the constant love and support. I appreciate all the wonderful thoughts. But, my friends, worth is not determined by how many folks stop by your page, your blog, or your articles. Worth is determined by how YOU live and see your own existence. If at the end of the day when you place your little head on a pillow you can answer “yes” to these questions you have lived a powerful life: Did I love myself to the full capacity? Did I make someone smile? Did I raise the vibration to those around me with a bit of joy? Did I do good today? Did I love wholeheartedly? Am I safe?

We are in this technology time together. Let’s use it to raise consciousness with good. Let’s utilize the magnitude of connection to a loving awareness that brings us to a place of pure divinity. Let’s make this magical gathering of tech-time a forum and platform to make the world a better place.  You do not have to buy into the negativity.  That’s your choice.  Create and allow others to express themselves. Have a great day!

You are the greatest Alchemist

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Spiritual practice, movement of energy, shifting vibration, prayer, meditation, walking, and journaling are all a few examples of manifesting with intent.  That which we think does become.  In most cases, if we look at past events, we can see that the doing was not the complete outcome of our desires.  Intention was pushing the wishes all along.  The action came after the thought.  Of course, we can have the most magical intentions in the world, but if we don’t put them to work, they will also not take us very far.

Often times we experience what we don’t want.  We live out our fears.  We place thoughts, doubts, anxieties, negativity and create those events.  Shifting awareness and thoughts create a different outcome.  We really are what we think!  It sounds like some over-used cliché but it is the truth.  Holding space for your words, be it through morning prayers, journaling, or just sitting alone is a way to alter the vibration of your thoughts.  Being present as often as possible creates a magnetic ripple of delicious effects.

I have been to places with a negative person who is constantly in the “woe is me” state of being. It seems that no matter how much I try to bring lightness and joy into the conversation that person can turn anything into darkness.  I have gone to eat at this restaurant a hundred times before and have always been treated with friendliness and southern hospitality.  Now I sit with this person and immediately the service is horrible.  The waitress forgets us, brings out the wrong food, and the food tastes horrible.  What changed?  It is the same thing I always eat.  Energy shifted!  I didn’t honor my food before it arrived because I was in a whirlwind of negative emotions.  I was holding this person’s dreadful negativity in the car, entering the restaurant, and sitting with at the table.  Intention is force, spirit, intensity, and projection.  I stopped being me and took on this person’s emotions.  My head began to hurt, my body felt attacked, therefore my food ended the cycle of these vibrations.  I call these folks emotional vampires.  They create chaos everywhere they go.

There’s an old saying that if you want success surround yourself with successful people.  Why is that?  Because the energy they bring to you is contagious.  You begin to feel successful.  Your thoughts change from “I can’t” to “I am successful.”  The simple intent of being in that energy pushes forth the desires, wishes and manifestations.  Any intention, loaded with love and kindness (especially for yourself) will manifest beautiful results. “When intent is rooted in pure love, your dreams will grow and manifest faster than you could ever imagine.”~ Dawn Gluskin.

Ask any successful individual what they believe.  They will tell you that they would not settle for anything less.  They “knew” that success was in them; that “knowing” will transform and align you with universal wisdom.  I have also noticed that successful people, who have reached their potential with integrity, are happy individuals.  They have allowed the lessons to guide them.  They have not quit at the first barricade of failure.  They have hurdled right over the wall with certainty and humor.  Happiness, joy, and laughter will always change your mood.  I love people who can laugh at themselves.  I admire their tenacity and sense of worth and their complete gratitude for everything.  Their intention is to live their truth and this is what carries them through their manifestation.   I have also noticed that they live out a mantra.  They repeat these words on a daily basis.  They know the power of thoughts!

Success is in each one of us.  We create it with our desires. The secret to traveling the road to all your desires is intention: the intent to do good, be good, share the good and be grateful for having it.  The simple act of voicing your intentions, writing them down, sharing them with spirit, is the foundation of the outcome.  We are the co-creators of our lives.  Be aware of thoughts, words, and the power of your beliefs.  Each thought is connected to another through the greatness of your spirit.  You are a master shifter.  Use that power wisely!

 

“With or without our knowledge, we are all alchemists.” ~ Eric Micha’el Leventhal

Printed Composition

I do not choose to write, whereas writing has chosen me as some sort of instrument from Spirit.  It is the extension of words projected in a form of kindness, humility, but familiar echo, in a release similar to meditation. The words that I write are woven threads into a quilt of human emotion.  They are not meant to shock or awaken anything.  They exist on a page as a thought-provoking tool.  Many times, they exist just to allow me to help myself.

There are times that I go days without writing and a part of me goes numb.  As soon as I start to write again, my spirit comes alive.  There are also moments throughout the night that a poem awakes me, nagging, pulling and wanting my attention.  The more I ignore it, the less I can rest.  It is only when I give into its calling that I can finally release magic into my life.

Do these words do their job?  I don’t quite know for sure but every so often something penetrates or touches the person reading it.  I don’t know how they come out or how I write them.  God speaks through each letter, word, paragraph and message.  I often read them and I am in awed at the simplicity, yet the complexity of some of the messages through poetry, essays or in my private journals.  Some are deeper than others, these conclusions and examples of my life.  Some are intended for me alone and I choose not to share them.  I am to hold on to them and years later (as it has happened many times) re-read them and the message has pertained with such faith and knowledge that it is beyond me to understand.

Looking back at the trail of human emotions in my life, I see the pattern of words changing; yet they are synonyms for the same messages.  They are right in front of my eyes and, like difficult pieces of a puzzle, the words must be placed in correct alignment.  It is easier said than done.  I don’t pretend to know it all.  I write to survive.  Writing is like morphine to my nervous system.  It calls on me to let the dance of emotions out onto a page.  I am surprised each time I finish a piece of work.  I am also shocked when I share it.  Finally in this stage of my life, I allow another to judge or witness my spirit through my writings.

I write because life is just like the poems — very complex and overly rated because we make it that way.  There are too many of our efforts side-tracking our intents.  I see my life from another view when I write.  I understand it much better.  I accept it easier.  With all my faults, neurotic behavior, and traumas there is peace inside. It is there inside my soul echoing to help others find their path if just by sharing a small example of an unfinished life.  We are connected in this way.  We get to travel similar paths.

This is my passion: these words on a screen.  As I write this, I pray for the many people who don’t believe in searching for their passion.  I write in order to survive my journey.  It has picked me.  I know that the many times I have avoided placing those words on paper anger and frustration becomes too much to handle.

Few things I know for sure and one of them is that I have been presented with this ability. I don’t take credit for it because it comes from Source.  I am just the messenger.  How and what I do with it is my choice.  As I write these words I know in the pit of my heart that I am deeply blessed.  There is no mistake about it.  I don’t suffer from depression but when the anxiety of the unknown kicks inside the only way to control the attack is to let go through the composition of letters, words, and paragraphs.  And I hope and pray that, you, reading this can find an outlet to the stories of your life and learn to live with passion.

I thank you for joining me here, in the space between the comas and periods. I am blessed for those who return and express that they have received a message of hope. This is why I write…to send my love out into the universe in hopes that someone catches it in their hearts. Mucho love….Millie

Writing your new chapter

new chapter

Our lives evolve into on-going stories. Every year there are chapters that read like a mystery, dramatic, whimsical, adventure, travel or romance novel. Within 365 days there could be several different styles of short stories all advancing into the evolution and growth of our lives. Here’s another year and we get a blank slate. The older I get the more aware I am becoming of the privilege that arrives from each new day and the chance to create and align to my dreams. If we are honest with our desires and dreams we can encourage the stories to be joyful, challenging, loving, and exciting (among other beautiful surprises). If we are dormant or dishonest with our feelings then another year will pass and the chapters will be uneventful and boring. Have you ever picked up a book after reading the back or the jacket and thought, “Wow, I can’t wait to get started on this journey?” Then you begin the adventure to find that it really isn’t a good novel so you struggle to continue to the end, or you just give up. Well Life is just like that…you have a choice to see the next year as a great story. You get to decide if it’s worth struggling to reach a goal or not worth the effort. You get to write your beginning and ending. NO ONE can do that for you unless you give them the pen. This is your life! Start today. Make the next 52 weeks about you. Don’t settle and don’t deny your dreams in order conform to another who is writing their own book. You are the protagonist of your story. And, also notice that if your stories hold several antagonists then you need to start dumping those characters. It’s not fair to your novel. Your higher self deserves the respect that it provides for you through those passionate ideas, dreams, and joyful moments. I believe this is a year of spiritual evolution for many of us. Let’s make it a memorable one.

T is for Trust

traveling

Two friends and I sat yesterday afternoon briefly discussing what we were going to do after our retreat center sold. I get asked a lot about my future plans. “I don’t know” is the only answer I can give. I have no clue. It’s the first time in my life that I don’t have a plan that sets my future on gear. I do know what I don’t want. I can feel my body constrict and heart palpitations take place when I think of settling down again in a house and in one place. I can feel my breathing get erratic when I think about being stuck immediately after getting out of this huge responsibility. So, yes….the I-don’t-know answer is accurate but it’s rarely received well by others. People need certainty. People are conformed and programmed to know. To hear a 47 year-old woman say, “I have no clue” is somehow perceived as an irrational and insane behavior. Some would think I was going through a major midlife crisis.

One of my friends who has been traveling extensively the last few years shared his story. He sold everything and just returned to the states from Italy. He said to me, “T is for trust. Trust is a marvelous design. It will never do you wrong.” And, I have to know that it is. Until this moment I have always known what I needed and wanted and follow through with every expectation.

All of my life I have been stable and responsible in making sure everyone around me was taken care of and was lacking nothing. In the process I stopped asking what Millie wanted. Now in view that there is open fields ahead I have nothing but the idea to take some time and leave the premises. The baby is small enough that she adjusts to anything. Matt (my fiance) can work from any place as long as he has a computer at hand. When I shared with him a month ago that I just couldn’t settle he took a deep breath and said, “We can make this work. We can do whatever you want.”  It’s priceless to have a mate who supports your wishes and desires.  He is excited to trek new mountains, fish in new ponds, and backpack through forests.  I am beyond giddy to experience nature through my own senses rather than reading of others’ experiences. 

The things I know for certain are based on dreams. My middle name is America, after my paternal grandmother. I was destined to travel this country and see every part that has been in my little head all these years. I own the label and title. But, the what if’s seem to start lurking throughout the nights as we get closer to reaching the new stage of this journey. As we close one chapter and another opens I get those familiar doubts visit me in moments of restlessness. Then I remember one of the most amazing quotes from the movie Letters to Juliet: “What” and “If” are two words as non-threatening as words can be. But put them together side-by-side and they have the power to haunt you for the rest of your life: What if? What if? What if? I don’t know how your story ended but if what you felt then was true love, then it’s never too late. If it was true then, why wouldn’t it be true now? You need only the courage to follow your heart.”

Follow your heart”…my spirit keeps echoing in moments of clarity when the world isn’t questioning my motifs. Follow my heart through intuitive guidance that lets me know I will make money writing and traveling (I don’t need to know right now how). Follow all that I know for certain: I cannot be caged like a broken-winged bird. It’s time to take flight and move through my dreams. I want to meet folks along the way and write their stories. I want to be touched spiritually by all that is out there. I have been an obedient student the past five years. It’s time. The voices answer through the nights, “Get through this stage of uncertainty and the world will open up with all the what if’s you have always questioned.”

I urge you to follow your authentic self, dreams, aspirations and childhood goals. Ask yourself what you want and work towards the urgency that screams inside. Don’t let the uncertainty or society tell you what you should do or not do. Go for it. Make it happen. My “I-don’t-know’s” aren’t really unknown. They lie inside with answers that I, alone, choose not to translate to others at this moment. And that’s magical! For the first time the not knowing is overshadowed by what I do know. I am well on the path to enchantment through the balance and alignment of mind, body and spirit. I am ready to begin living a life that is fulfilling to the little girl in me. I am ready to follow the what if’s and make them work for me….

Lessons from a Mountain Motel

No place like home by Nelson

Five years ago two women, whom had zero clue how to run a hospitality business, embarked on a dream. They bought a little motel in the mountains with high hopes of people from all over coming to rest and relax. Like any great expeditions the lessons learned have been endured through mistakes, guessing, failing, hard work and intuition. These two women have learned many valuable lessons during the journey.  Leaving the city life and retreating to the mountains was a means of allowing the Divine to work through them.  In the process they became great students.

When my best friend, Bobbie, and I told our attorney that we were going to purchase this motel his question was, “What do the two of you know about the hospitality business?”  Bobbie, still working for the airline business, answered, “I’ve stayed in many hotels and know what is acceptable.”  I answered, “I have run other businesses how different could this one be?” To be honest we were clueless and that’s what allowed us to learn throughout the past five years.

IMG_4232Lesson 1: Never judge a book by its cover.  There is a reason for this cliché. Our little retreat center needed lots of love and updating. It has been work in progress. With each renovation, clearing and cleaning we have been polishing a gem. And, just like the physical buildings each person who enters here teaches us something. Sometimes those who look edgy turn out to be the most amazing people. Their stories keep touching us even after they leave.

Lesson 2: “Breakdowns” are “break-throughs” in disguise. Things break all the time. Part of being an innkeeper is paying attention, thinking and listening to everything.  People are constantly amazing us with suggestions. Owning an old motel has its shares of challenges. Flooding issues, electrical problems, remodeling of all sorts have been needed.  We’ve learned that those breakdowns have led to better things. We have broken through valuable experiences. The universe has allowed us to see that things will break at the precise moment that extra money has been in the account.

Lesson 3: Real is just a matter of perception. Time is not an element in the mountains.  There are days I have absolutely no clue what day of the week it is. When you live your dreams there are no expectations for tomorrow. Mondays feel like Saturdays.  We aren’t trying to fix the world. Cutting the grass, cleaning toilets, and doing laundry are part of owning a home. These are chores. There is comfort in these simple acts. We don’t treat this business like work and therefore those who visit feel as if they are part of the place.  We make it look easy because it is enjoyable.

Lesson 4: “Thank you” goes a long way. People want to feel appreciated. They are visiting an extension of our home. This is not just a business. This place is a way of life. A smile and a thank you allow the channel of communication to extend and widen. Many guests enter as strangers and leave as friends.  There have been invaluable commodities of lessons and exchanges from every soul who has stayed in our place.

Lesson 5: Patience is priceless. Through the pursuit of happiness and the quest for peace there are things that will alter one’s patience. People are generally good. The more you allow them to feel as if this retreat center is a home away from home, the more they repay with gratitude. Unfortunately, you can’t please every single person every single time. Impossible! We have learned to make the most of those teachers. They provide invaluable lessons in tolerance and humility.  I know I am constantly learning not to take it personally. After five years I believe this has been one of the most important lessons for me.  It’s none of my business what anyone thinks of this place or me.  I have learned to set boundaries on my worth through this simple lesson.

Lesson 6:  Nature fixes most problems. I have a hard time understanding how people cannot sit outside by the pond and just chill. We can always tell who’s running away from problems by their avoidance with the outside world. We tell them about the trails in the back woods, the labyrinth, the creeks, and the look in their eyes seem to not comprehend the suggestions. Yet, it is these same folks that on another visit take advantage of the magical outdoors and feel renewed.  Contemplation is underrated.

Lesson 7:  Know when it is time to move on and follow the next dream.  I believe that life happens in cycles. There is a beginning, middle and ending to everything. When Spirit starts showing signs to move forward they appear through synchronicity and serendipitous events.  I began finding the strangest of things in rooms last year. These little objects began to give way to a universal and personal scavenger hunt. It was as if teachers were entering every few weekends with messages in their stories. And in following those stories we have realized that graduation is finally here. This little center has given us permission to move on and follow other creative avenues. I would had never began writing had I not found this place. I would have no clue what it was to unleash my creative process. Just like when something appears in a room that requires attention we must listen to our intuition.

Mountain LifeFive years in these mountains has allowed us to heal from the past.  We thought we would save a little rundown place and in turn the place saved both of us.  Bobbie and I are in awed at how things keep transpiring just because we did what everyone thought was crazy.  We climbed into the unknown and have been walking through divinity all this time.  The quest for peace is the journey.  The rest is just a bonus.  We are excited at the rest of the journey after this gem is passed on to another. I look forward to witnessing the changes and adventures that the new owners will experience. We have been blessed! Happiness is definitely an inside job. It starts with the self and extends to every soul who enters your space. May you find lessons in your everyday journey!

Shift in Perception

memoirs

I have struggled with finishing a memoir. It has sucked me dry at times, made me sick, and brought up many things that needed closure. That’s what happens when we take into account our stories without detaching. We all need closure. Writing this particular book has been about seeing the way I have tenaciously made it through trials and tribulations. I have been able to hold myself accountable for mistakes and successes. Heck, it’s called Life. We all have these stories with completely different subjects. It’s wonderful! Today I was reminded why I write, why I must finish this book (for myself) and why it has been important to go through it. The book has been my teacher and my therapist with each blood curling paragraph of past reality.

My friend, Aubrey, and I visited this afternoon. He came by and we sat on the dock on the first day of spring. It’s magical today. It’s been a perfect day. We shared our writing projects. Aubrey is a phenomenal author, consequently last night we went to watch a play he wrote over 30 years ago. To witness the birthing of his work with actors reciting his words…well I was giddy, joyous, and awe-stricken. As we sat, sharing the process of a novel he needs to finish and my memoir, things came to light. This is the reason we need writing groups and support. Writers get inside their heads twisting and turning out in the deepest waters. Every so often we need someone to throw a life jacket to bring us back to shore. We get deep into our emotions and forget the world exists. Writing a book is very different from writing a post or blog because it requires a tenacious dedication to finish a lengthy process of a subject. I love writing my blogs. I am in and out in a short time…until the next subject. But, writing this memoir requires consistency and discipline for the long haul. It feels like the never-ending story. Just when I think it’s done… it’s not!

My friend has read this book. He says it’s powerful. Whether or not it is is not important. It’s been a catalyst to me and for me. I have found myself perceiving things in my life that I had not addressed. It’s been therapeutic. I wish I had been braver a few years back to write it then. But I know that it’s being created exactly at the perfect timing because that’s how things work out. Aubrey asked, “What have you learned through this process? What is stopping you? It’s okay to let things go and then return. That’s the process of a writer….” Then out of nowhere he said a statement that has lit a fire again in my desire to finish, “The gift of being erased is that you get to draw yourself as you see yourself.” My memoir is about my memory being erased and returning to a life I didn’t recall. How I lived through the moments of not recognizing any of my children, my mate, and everything else that was not the life I had fourteen years before that moment. It’s about acknowledging the way others discarded my feelings and how I lived. It’s the truth of depth in feelings and how I have learned to love me through all the parts that have been erased and then remembered. His statement speaks volumes to anyone who has forgotten to place the self before any thing or anyone.

How do we perceive ourselves? Does perception change throughout the years? How can we learn through events and then detach without judgment? Do the stories we tell and retell change the truth or just add to the perception of who we are? Oh, the amount of questions that have come up! It’s funny because recently I asked my guidance why I should finish with this story. Then Spirit aligns someone else to enter my space and remind me why I need to write it for me. That’s how the Divine works when we need to heal. Others are used as cheerleaders and teachers so that we can move through the moments. A writer understands the madness and process. Ernest Hemingway wrote, “All you have to do is write one true sentence. Write the truest sentence that you know.” And with this I plan on writing many true sentences that will allow me to release and learn from the experiences. Perception has shifted yet again. It’s required the constant acknowledgment of consciousness and acceptance.  How AWEsome is that!!!