When I Grow Up


This afternoon I went to see a little sweet lady in her mid 90’s. She’s a hoot. Oh my gawd, an itty bitty firecracker dressed as an elderly person. She’s wise and lovely. She always confuses me with being her nurse. Says I’m her favorite. (I recognize that language)! She was asleep and I waited around for her. I sat in a room with other elderly folks observing the generations before me. A nurse came by and we spoke about my client. He said that last week he witnessed her tenacity and spunkiness as she walked herself in the wheelchair to another elderly resident, grabbed his face and put her tongue in his. There they were making out. It caught me by surprise and before I knew it the lack of filtering shouted, “She’s my hero. She is my new mantra for life. I want to grow up and be her! Hold nothing back!” The nurse, caught by surprise, had one of those belly laughs that is highly contagious. He shook his head in agreement recognizing the freedom of living life without worrying about what others think. 

Laughter is magical. Before I knew it some of the residents were laughing along with us without a clue to what was funny. The harder I laughed the louder they became. 

My spunky client is truly a composition of letting go and living fully. She’s out lived everyone around her. She has no filtering, no finesse, and no reason to hold anything back. She’s a warrior and a zen master wrapped in less than 85 lbs. 

Who do you want to be? How do you want to live by the end of your life? Make it memorable and lovable. Make it wild enough that those around you laugh the moment they see you. The ride is absofreakin delicious. I can only imagine being eclectically spectacular without giving a crap what anyone thinks! Yeah….that and lots of glitter and sparkles.

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Freedom

 

freedomOkay, let’s start today finding inner freedom through strength and wisdom. Follow your divine guidance. You do not live in a prison…except for the thoughts you carry and entertain. Set them free. At any given time you have the choice to see the light or the darkness. Which one will you choose?

The Gentle Flow of You

I’m on my yoga mat completely conscious of my breath, the space in between the gaps, and then something breaks. It’s loud. It is so loud that I think the entire room hears it. This explosion of deep emotions rushes up and I can’t control the tears. My heart literally feels like it’s cracked open. No one notices. I am in the back of the room. They are also in their own explosions and thoughts. I am aware that certain poses, especially the most gentle ones, reach the crevices of memories. I begin the stupid game: “what’s real right now.” Breath becomes my anchor. The child’s pose is all I can do as I wet the mat. This is all I can do right now without judgment.

I don’t know, especially in a wonderful happy Saturday, why I am visited by such depth. It’s okay. I don’t recall having made an appointment with my emotions but it’s okay. I make room for this visitation through gentle flow of practice. 

We want to be heard. We want to know someone has us in their thoughts. Before I entered the class I received a beautiful private message from an incredible sweet woman I admire. She said the most loveliest things…. Things that are hard to hear at times for me. But I received them with joy and gratitude. So there on my mat I exhale the spaces of worthlessness from the crevices of my cellular memories. 

“F@*k this sensitively! Toughen up, buttercup!” (And a few Spanish nasty words come through as well). I think so clearly in deep ache and I feel anger rise for a second, or minutes. But I recognize the exquisiteness of being an empath. We feel deeper and wholeheartedly, especially when we don’t want to deal with our own bullshit. Cause God forbid we are truthful with the reality of what’s truly going on in our lives. We want to be loved. We want to be seen and heard. We need to feel supported. There is a human necessity to know that our purpose isn’t just love, but the connection between one soul. 

This is absolutely unacceptable. We are not to place our worth on anyone else to reflect it like some funhouse distorted mirror. We are responsible for our own power so to feel the need to give another the right to tell us how they see us, how we come across, and who we are, is freaking ridiculous. 

Isn’t it? Really? So egotistical of the mind to expect gratification for our greatness from another. F*€k that!!!

If you can today, pls love yourself so deeply that any love out there doesn’t come close to your own love affair with self. You are magnificent. You do not need to label your worth by how others see you. Don’t freaking toughen up. Be gentle with you. Let it go and allow your light to guide others. I love you.

The Deepest Place of Truth

goddess truth

I have been through a significant growth spurt lately and I can feel it through an expansion of my heart. I have come to a simple understanding at this age. I am more comfortable with me and how I carry myself. I feel lighter from all the hang-ups, past voices, and self-sabotaging that controlled me in my twenties and thirties. I am living true to myself. I am honest with what I see and how I translate it. I have shredded the labels from society and expectations of how I am supposed to be. I am not so worried about how the information is consumed by another or how they perceive me for that matter. I have also “cleaned house” in relationships, friendships, and toxic emotional vampires.

You see, I now know something that my younger self refused to see: truth. You can’t know truth until you live authentically to your soul’s yearning. You will never know that you have been sleeping until you awake. This awakening is nothing more than the acceptance of everything inside of you: weight, health, humor, sadness, anger, fears, and all the yuckiness that comes with being human. It’s all an illusion. When you finally let go of the lies you can learn the truth of happiness, love, and compassion for yourself. When all deception of the ego is gone that’s when your true self emerges. I know it’s difficult to understand this but it is part of the healing process. The healing part can get nasty. In order to pass from any dis-ease you have to release. Self-hatred is the nastiest of all diseases. Recovery can be a lonely place…but you are never really alone.

Unfortunately, we have bought into the programming that we only learn through pain. Pain is only a catalyst from one point to the other. It’s like being stuck inside a well and not being able to get out. You see the light up above but you can’t climb out. It’s only when a rope from above is thrown down that you grab and can get out. That rope is faith. You cannot have faith and fear participating simultaneously. Fear is the act of separation. Fear isolates any kind of spiritual growth. It keeps the ego in business.  Forgiveness is the first step in reaching faith. And, let me explain that this “faith” has little to do with religion.  It is the embodiment of Christ Consciousness and awareness.

Who you are evolves from where you are right now at this very moment. Your thoughts, your wishes, hopes and dreams come from that place of now. Until this moment every negative thought has been a deception. Love yourself. You cannot love another if you can’t manage to love you with all your light while accepting the perfect imperfections.

The truth is that you are a perfect being that has no need for control. You are divine. You are God. You are love. And, most of all you are the only YOU that will ever exist. Everything you’ve done has brought you here. Choose joy, love and light. You will never know truth until you live authentically. There’s nothing in this world that cannot be attained when you are honest with YOU.

Where I’ve been,

what I’ve done,

is unimportant

to where I am right now.

Who I’ve become

from long ago

is irrelevant

to how I am today.

The lessons and experiences,

painful and degrading,

have taught me

the meaning of perseverance.

I am here now,

removing the veil of deception,

completely awake,

while empowering truth

in all I will ever become.

I am finally real.

I am that which is free.

I am the embodiment of perfection.

I am joy.

I am love.

I am light.

I am All.