Moving On

I have moved A LOT in my life. I’ve moved without kids, with many of them, and with little ones. I’ve moved homes, businesses and relationships. Each time the moment arises I get down to it and just pack. I am a Tasmanian Devil quickly getting it done.

This time it feels different. My husband and I finally bought a home together. There seems to be a shift in this new move. There is a sacred settling. A peaceful awareness that this home is OURS.

I am not an easy person to live with. My head is way out there and I tend to retreat myself into seclusion when I am overwhelmed. And when I’m stressed I am on autopilot and tend to get sick. My husband watches and supports as needed. I love that he truly allows me to be me in entirety. He also knows exactly when to shift my mood with laughter.

Our lives, as a couple, changed drastically July 19th, 2017, when he almost died in a car accident. Whatever happened to us before that crash (because relationships take work and sometimes take drastic changes) catapulted us into something mystical. We grew together. We buckled down and reached to the core of some intense love that hadn’t been there before that crash. He began to align our dreams, merging into many that have been manifested this past year.

And here we are…two kiddos, moving, traveling, expanding spiritually and through faith. It’s been a roller coaster ride lately.

Within a month we got our little boy from Florida, got him situated in a daycare, fought the system like a motherf**** to the point I got sick (because there is corruption in Florida and their privatized child/foster laws), and purchased a home we will close in two weeks. And I am beyond grateful for a job whose folks support every movement I make. I couldn’t do it any other way!

There has been a busyness that has sucked the life out of me. But this morning, two little ones in tow, I began to pack up an entire house as my husband left to be with friends (always easier when I am alone)! When he returns most of the house will be packed…(maybe it’s an unrealistic goal but by God, the Aries in me will try)!

Life is full of miracles. This last month has proven just that. I am surfing the cosmic highway with seatbelts on and my hands freed to pack and care for two demanding little ones who also have been sick.

Moving forward. Moving on. Just moving…has been the theme. With each bin I fill, a box I throw out, a drawer I take apart, I am reminded of the life I’ve built. I am greatly and gratefully aware of how sweet my life is. I never imagined this…not like this. I had no point of reference for this type of bliss and awareness.

Thank you all for the constant prayers you all give me through this journey. I am blessed and truly feeling the loving support of my tribe.

To my readers…you keep me going.

I love you. ~m.a.p.

Advertisements

Move Mountains

This morning on the way to school, Kali asked me, “Mama, why does the moon follow us when we are in the car?”

Me: The moon is magical that way.

Kali: I’m magical too.

Me: Me too.

Kali: Yeah but you don’t move mountains (apparently she believes she does…and I giggled at her superpower).

Me: Have you ever seen me?

Kali: Wowwww. (deep sigh and admiration).

When a four year old believes that she has the power to move mountains you better allow her to believe she can change the world and you will help her. Our conversation went right to how we can do whatever we want to make this world a better place. Cause we got this!

She gave me a high five and we agreed to move all the stones together.

Stick with the Magicians

I recently had a conversation with a friend about someone who has returned into her life from the past. She is angry with herself for allowing him to return. I asked her if she had learned anything new this time around and she had this aha moment over the phone. I could feel her wheels turning. I asked her if perhaps this person returning was to finalize the closure she needed…to see how much she’s grown emotionally and spiritually. When we revisit the past, with the same dramatic people (continuous actors who keep repeating same scenarios) we get to decide if we are learning or if we are settling?

You are not required to entertain every person who comes into your life, whether they are from the past or new! You get to decide if you want grief or magic. If you want love or despair. If you want peace or chaos.

I, for one, surround myself with magicians. Those days of allowing others who were dependent on me fixing them are over. I now attract the mystics, the creators, the lighthouses and the lovers of life.

The Photographer

This morning I went to retrieve personal items from a new client’s home who is now in a facility. Before everything goes to auction personal things need to be taken to him. I went in expecting the worst…complete chaos, disorder, and whatever else shows up when you deal with elderly clients stricken with dementia and brain injury.

It was surreal to see the neatness and orderly of this man. Things were picked up and left as when he was sent to the hospital. He was a photographer. I don’t know if this is what he did as a profession. He had cameras and other equipment around the house. There were pictures on the wall of some places but nothing personal. I searched for something…a story. I looked throughout his apartment for photos of a woman or a man or a dog. I craved to see love and loss because those are the colors of our lives. There were no albums or letters or anything indicating the existence of living there for twenty years. There were no footprints of his life. His drawers neat, his bedroom with a twin bed and two small nightstands. But, over all there was no proof of his journey which deeply saddened me as I scurried through his things.

He has no one. He now has a guardian. He has a staff at a facility. He has no legacy of folks who will sit with him and share his personal stories.

I sigh. Deeply and profoundly.

He is a sweet gentleman whose memories are being wiped clean. We wanted him to have something that he could hang onto. I found several old cameras and I grabbed them while leaving the expensive equipment to be sold in auction.

I retraced his life…I tried to desperately look for something that allowed a glimpse into his history. I searched through his cabinets noticing the placement of things as if he was photographing them…stacked and in rows.

What does this say about his life? Beneath all the minimalism there are stories of his likes and dislikes, his hobbies, his desires to see the world…. I don’t know. I can fill in the gray areas. I returned to the office with a car loaded of bare minimums. I don’t know if he enjoyed his life. I don’t know if he loved deeply. I don’t know anything about him except his cameras and the lenses…without traces of how he really viewed the world. My only clue is that he saw life through black and white with compositions of movement in orderly fashion.

Place Inside

There is a place inside of you that isn’t part of this world. It is the entire universe. You reside in it dormant waiting to remember your power and enchantment. You believe you are separate from all but you are the ALL.

That place is of great mysteries.

I reach it in meditation. I visit in sleep. I feel it in nature. I see in human connections through their stories. I am reminded through dejavú and other synchronized events. And in the moment of awareness I am magic. I can see how fast I manifest and create what I desire. I trust that every fiber of my being is aligned to my dreams.

Stop giving your power away to others. Stop believing that you are separate from Divinity. There is magic in your veins, in your cells, in every single particle of your existence.

Love yourself enough to return to its source because when you believe in yourself, the way you believe in others, you are unstoppable. And that’s when you begin to understand your purpose. ~m.a.p.

Dark and Light

I met Nikki in Starbucks this morning. She was three people behind me in the line. Once I ordered I walked towards her and whispered, “I’m sure you get this a lot but you are absolutely gorgeous.”

She looked into my eyes and told me she didn’t.

“What’s wrong with people?” I asked smiling.

“Thank you so much for that compliment.” Her eyes began to tear up. “I don’t feel well today.”

“Girl, you fake it well.” I asked her for a hug and she began to cry.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, sweetheart! It’s only one day. You fake it well. Actually that’s such shit, you know. That whole statement of faking it till you make it. It’s like stomping vulnerability in fear that the world will witness your humanity!”

She cried while nodding in agreement. I reached for her hands.

“Talk to me. Tell me what’s aching in that tender heart?”

She shared…right there in line, after she placed her order. She let go briefly of something so harsh and it came out in small syllables. So we hugged. We connected. I told her it was one day. It was one month. It was just life….but that came short of what truly aches in her. I will never know the entire story and I don’t care to. What I know is that she was hurting.

I felt the break. I kissed her cheek and told her I would send her loving light and prayers. She accepted them. And just like that…it was over.

It only takes one second to smile or reach towards another. She needed that release. I happened to be the catalyst and it could have been anyone.

Mary Oliver’s line is always one I use to remind myself that in darkness there are gifts just as many as in light. It’s all how you show up and allow for the lessons to unfold. Don’t let one situation dictate your entire life. Life fluctuates between the dark and the light….and they are both encompass by love. ~m.a.p.

Allow the Universe

Someone told me a story today about a professor she had many decades ago in college. The professor was going blind and my friend became her assistant to check papers and run errands for her in the university. We had been discussing what we knew for sure. She said her professor would always say that the only thing every morning she knew to be true (that she could count on daily) was that 2+2=4.

I looked at my friend and she said that she needs certainty in her life. Now in her 60’s she wakes every day with one or two things she can count on, including that 2+2=4.

I went silent. I allowed her to give me a long explanation of why she needed to know things for certain…because there were too many unknowns already in our lives. She needed to have something to control as she entered each day.

She asked me if I needed something of certainty daily. I told her I already had it. I know when I wake daily I am given a gift…one more day. One more blank canvas to serve the world. I didn’t need to add or subtract. I didn’t need to hold on to something for sure…. I like the surprises that appear in the journey. It’s more fun that way.

She smiled. She recognizes that I am airy-fairy. She is of logical sound mind. I am not. I walk on serendipity and synchronicities daily. I know that I know nothing. I don’t need assurance because the moment I wake I have been provided with magic.

What do you need to know for sure on a daily basis? Is there something that you have to know? Do you require lists and control elements to move through your day? Do you need reassurance daily from loved ones?

And, what if you didn’t have to take inventory of what you know? What could you do with all that time you surrender to the unknown and the mysticism of your life? Please share.