Vulnerability

Vulnerability!

That’s the word of this week since my book came out. I have been sent photos of friends holding my book, Erasable. I have had endless text messages about how the book made them feel. I have had an outpour of love beyond what I can ever wrap my head and heart around.

I don’t know much about how it is received by strangers. But, I do know one thing for certain: it’s a book about overcoming tremendous challenges. It’s a story similar to yours. It’s you in many ways. Take whatever resonates.

We read books, watch movies, and listen to others tell stories because we want to feel seen, understood, and accepted. Mine is no different.

I have been asked about the foreword. My dear friend, Rebecca Saltman, was kind enough to write it. She introduced me to the publishers when I contributed a chapter in her and Jade Redher’s anthology, U Empath You, back at the beginning of the year.

When I was in a moment of getting ready to pull the entire project and close shop, my publisher suggested I let Rebecca read the book. Only three other people had read this book before (many years ago): Angelica Pizano, Michael Thomas, and a professor in Durham, North Carolina, who mutilated the first draft (so much so that I hid the manuscript for almost 3 years in a desk drawer). But, he did me a favor because it was the exact healing I needed from this memoir. I had not come to terms with loss, rape, grief, heartache, and all the delicious joy that has come from this incredible life. I am blessed to have this life, the children who call me Mom, and the folks who raise me up to believe in myself… daily!

The professor was kind enough to show me that I still had to shift the voice. My first draft was written in stream of consciousness because I wrote it right after I lost my memory… and it was the only voice I had available. It read as if you were in my head and many times it was lost in translation.

So, Rebecca sat and read the pdf, pulling me from the doubts and insecurities. She had a stern talk with me, basically letting me know to put on my big girl panties on and move through the publishing process. I cannot imagine having anyone do the foreword as she knows the process of writing and publishing. Her foreword is a love letter of sorts as she retells the story of how her deceased father, Jack, came to me on one of our first conversations back in the summer of 2021.

I am beyond grateful for the love and support, not just from those who know me, but many who are reading this story. I have had friends from years ago reach out asking why I hadn’t shared the tidbits of my life. Why I never told them of my accidents?

I live forward. I don’t live back there. The story isn’t about survival. The story is about thriving even in the midst of turmoil. It’s about you. You taking every step with faith and a certainty that no matter what happens in your life you have the will and choice to make it through. You are invincible… not invisible. You matter. You aren’t erasable even when you feel unseen. And, if you aren’t feeling it then please look around and see what needs shifting in your life.

Thank you for the messages, emails, texts and phone calls. I had so many reservations about my story for two decades. I also knew that in order to be really honest I needed to put away any expectations of how it would be received. In the end, Erasable has healed the inner wounds that had me imprisoned for so long. It has lightened my heart with massive release and forgiveness. I feel free for once in this lifetime. I am stepping into a divine journey of self-love and acceptance.

I am in love… with you all! Thank you!

Millie

#1 Amazon Best Seller

I woke this morning to this message from my publisher.

“Millie, you did it! At 1:00 a.m. January 14th, your book became a #1 Bestseller.

Congratulations! Your book is touching lives and inspiring resilience in all who read it. Thank you for trusting us with your story. We’re honored to be your publisher. ❤

WE (you all included) made this happened. Thank you. I’m deeply moved. I am speechless. It’s a lovely honor and I pray the book touches you and resonates with you. Labels and categories are great but, to me, what matters is that you recognize your inner strength to overcome challenges in your life. That you don’t give up when things get hard. And, that you recognize your love and light in this world.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you! I love you.

Millie

Today is the Day

It is here. Today. The day my memoir, Erasable, is out on Amazon.

I woke earlier this morning with this giddy sense of anticipation, and finally calmed.

For weeks, thinking about this book launch date, I was stricken by anxiety and hesitation. I cannot count the amount of times I wanted to ask the publisher to stop it all.

Fear! It got a hold of me like it hasn’t in decades.

I will be seen. I will be judged. I will be felt in the story. Once it’s out there…. The ego has a lot to say!

I do not feel that today. I feel like I birthed and released a massive part of my life.

Last night I sat and wrote more in my next book, a metaphysical woo-woo novel. Finishing Erasable has given me a zest for the next project.

Thank you all for the love and support. Erasable was completed because of the massive tribe I have that keeps pushing me to come out of my shell and share.

The special book price won’t last but a day.

I love you!

Erasable: A Sacred Journey of Invisibility to Clarity.

https://a.co/d/9ke3H7p

Declutter Your Life

About a year and a half ago I had lunch with a wonderful author in Asheville. He was staying in the area for a month and luckily we were able to meet. I have loved and admired him for a very long time on social media. Sitting across from him I told him that his book shifted my perspective immensely.

He asked, “How so?”

I shared that the underwear chapter was a big AHA moment. To which he laughed. (I am sure he thought I was nuts but he appreciated my candor).

In this chapter he wrote that as he was sitting that day to write, his underwear bothered him. He realized he had allowed so many things in his life to bother him. Underwear shouldn’t be one of them. (I am paraphrasing). So he wrote that he stopped the process of writing, went and took off his underwear and threw them out.

I read that chapter and closed the book. I felt like someone had given me permission to release things that didn’t feel good on my body. I got up and went through my drawers. I threw away a lot of underwear and bras. Then I tackled my closet. Anything that didn’t feel good was going out. I must’ve spent a week going through all my things asking myself if it felt good. A bunch of jewelry, towels, sheets, you name it. I had already begun the process of releasing toxicity out of my life. This was just another level.

A few days later I was in the kitchen getting my mug for coffee when I realized I had too many I didn’t like. I have a thing about coffee mugs. I like them big and wide and able to not be super hot when I put them in the microwave. I hadn’t realized how many I owned that didn’t fit that category. I began to see the way I allowed so many things around me to dictate how I felt. Everything is an extension of us.

So, here I was sitting in front of this delicious soul (while he giggled) sharing about the underwear chapter.

He said, “Life is too short to be wearing underwear that crawls up your ass!”

The reality is that life is too short to be putting up with things, experiences, people, and places that make us uncomfortable. Anything that displeases us needs a resolution. And, unfortunately sometimes you need permission to see that it is okay to purge. I know I did! I got it from a book and a man I had no idea I would be meeting in person some day.

It’s a new chapter, beginning and year. What is holding you hostage with discomfort? Get rid of it. If it is crawling up your ass (figuratively or literally) let it go. We ain’t got time for that!

I love you,

Millie

Erasable – Hard Copy

I am feeling it all at this very moment. My publisher messaged me that the book was in my mailbox since Friday. I ran across the dark street gripping the envelope. Once I opened it… OMGosh.

No other book I’ve written has had such an impact. Nothing else has felt so intense and healing simultaneously.

When my publisher reminded me that it is next week, the 11th, it became even more real. Holding it seems surreal. Twenty years all inside a computer waiting for the perfect timing.

My five year old climbed in bed with me as I was tearing up. He took the book from my hands. “Mommy, you wrote a book.” I said, “I have written several. But this one is about my life.”

He sounds out the title which is a big word for a kindergartener. He starts to tear up. I see the puddles of tears in his green eyes. He hugs me.

“Can you read it to me like a bedtime story?”

“When you get older. It’s a big-people book!”

He smiles while wiping his tears. “You did good, Mommy.”

I read the acknowledgment part to him about all my kids and he smiles and thanks me. Then we lay together. He wanted to go wake his sister up. I told him that I would share with her in the morning.

Sweet tears. Sweet love. I am blessed. Not by anything but the recollection of a well-lived and loved life. His reaction will forever be tattooed in my heart.

I love you all for the constant support and love your give.

Millie

New Beginnings

Hello darlings!

I don’t want to wish you a Happy New Year. It’s just a day. I want to wish you a happy new beginning. Make the next few days a priority in your life to write down those things you really want. Carry over the ones from 2022 that weren’t available. It’s not about making resolutions that are impossible to fulfill. I urge you to make realistic goals that once you clarify on paper, you can truly work towards them.

Cheers to all those things you work hard to attain. Kudos for reinventing yourself, especially the last few years. I am here praising you on for all you have done. We have all been in major time-outs waiting to birth a newness in the collective consciousness. 2023 is a year of stepping into your dreams. It’s a time to gather up the courage to do the things you have been afraid to tackle.

I have chosen two special words for my year: ease and flow. The last two years have been about change and growing and lots of forgiveness. 2022 was a year of pure release and awareness. Oh my gosh! Did I ever release! It wasn’t just the ending of a marriage, or shifting careers, or now being a part-time single parent again since we share the children 50/50. There has been a huge overhaul in my identity. I can’t recognize the woman I was two years ago, or even a year ago.

I recognized my participation in all the challenges, struggles and drama. I took responsibility for allowing people to force me to grow because of betrayal, and other matters. It’s not always easy to take accountability for the shit storm. I have! I know where I failed, especially in stopping the issues before they appeared. I feel the last two years have been amazing teachers and gave me tremendous opportunities to grow and heal. Taking the leap to work for myself as a writer and a healer was massive. It’s not always been pleasant, but so worth it. I am not one who needs constant security, but there were times that I wanted to disappear from all the struggles. (NOTE that my words for this year are ease and flow because I am done with anything that is NOT!)

I am in a constant state of love. Loving myself. Loving others. Loving all parts of anything that are hard and a bit impossible at times. Loving the journey of forgiveness. All of this has allowed me to finish my memoir book, Erasable, that is coming out 1/11/23.

Last night I had a dream that I was pregnant. I dream a lot about pregnancies or having more children (which stresses me a bit since I already have 8 and I am too old to have babies). Then I realize that we have been undergoing an intense pregnancy of sorts for a while. Now it’s time to give birth to all that you desire, the things you are passionate about, the joy that you have put away for some time. It is the most incredible time in history because of all that is moving astrologically. And the world, the collective, has truly experience a window to see what is possible. There will be many who are going to awake this year to what is important, and truth.

It’s time, my love! It’s time to stop stopping the unstoppable. The fire is rising in you and even if you can’t figure out what the yearning is asking of you… it’s there ready for a new exciting initiation. Isn’t that exciting? Isn’t that magnificent? If you are feeling anxious or full of unknown anticipation, please ride the wave. It’s all the energies. I promise it will be your year!

Happy new beginnings. Happy laboring. Happy new chapter. Call it whatever you want, but get out of your comfort zone and create the life you truly aspire to have. You get to choose it all! I believe in you.

I love you!

Millie

**I am still keeping the intuitive reading session rate ($77 for a half hour) another month since I’ve had many inquiries. You can reach me at sacredjourneyinward@gmail.com or text me 828-707-8897.

I Don’t Have to Be Right

I used to have to be right. It would bother me if a person didn’t see things like I did. If there was a misunderstanding I had to beat it (usually in my head) until I was heard and seen as correct.

It doesn’t matter at this point. I don’t have to be right to anyone. I don’t have to go above and beyond an exhausting point of fixating on it. I don’t have to feed the ego to make another person see things my way. I am also able to see the bs around me, especially if I’m causing it without truly owning it. And I do.

I know that I don’t know. But, what I do know is that I don’t have to argue a point to someone who comes from their own past experiences. We are all coming from our own perspectives. Not everyone matches. Not everything has to fit.

I stopped giving away feeling small by trying to act big.

I know I don’t have to make it about me. Or them. I just have to move along and mind my own business. I take ownership of that.

Be gentle with yourselves this holiday season. Folks are stressed and frustrated. Others hurt and depressed. Stay in your lane and don’t argue what you know you won’t win because it’s useless to do so. Let it go. Set it free. Put it down. Move on.

I love you. 

Conversation with God

I had a long sleepless night last night. Sometime in the middle of the night I dreamt with God or maybe I was in a deep meditation.

We were somewhere in the thick woods where I always meet Her (Cinthya). She appeared right by me.

Me: God, I’m scared.

God: It’s okay.

Me: What if I fail?

God: You won’t.

Me: How do you know?

God: Because I know you. I made you. You don’t consider things as failure. You see them as lessons. You experience them as mile markers.

I stopped walking and looked at Her beaming light: But maybe it will be the first time I see them as failure. (I had tears coming down my face)

God smiled her radiance: You are not afraid of failure. You are anxious about success. The not knowing for certain is daunting to you. And then all the changes that will appear.

Me: Huh!?

God: You will be great. (She held my hand. I felt her unbounded energetic frequency. I sensed the truth in her).

Me: How do you know?

God: Trust me! Now, rest because you will be really busy…!

*********************

If you feel like you can’t see light right now, be kind. We are all transitioning and evolving into newness.

I love you,

Millie America