Purpose is Fueled by Desires

What brings you joy? What is the one thing that stops time for you, and makes you come alive? What would you be doing if you had all the money in the world to pursue? What is the hobby or dream or talent that you wish you could do always…all day long?

For me it’s writing, especially about meeting people. It’s the words that come alive on the screen as I piece together a story…and the things I feel take shape in a way that transport me to a single moment in time.

It’s memories and how a touch, a smile or someone’s kind word transforms me. Those moments get to live in my computer or journals. They flow effortlessly out of me as I tend to them with sentences.

I’ve done many things in my life. I’ve worn many different hats. I’ve owned companies and have worked myself into pure exhaustion. I’ve gained and lost and expanded. The one thing that brings me back to life is writing every morning after my meditation practice. It’s in these times of pure conscious awareness/awakening that I can clearly see my purpose.

Then it’s gone. It leaves me quickly when life begins to reappear outside of my little Cosmic world.

The kids need me. The bills need tending. The laundry piles up. The house has to get clean. I have to get to work. The hubby needs something. And life happens. To each one of us, it’s one thing or another.

There is purpose in the mundane routine but it doesn’t make us come alive. Cleaning a toilet for me isn’t as inspiring as sharing a story or writing about speaking to my higher self and guidance. Folding laundry isn’t as fulfilling as speaking with someone who needs a cheerleading session in love or a lift to feel that they matter.

Pay attention to those things that make you smile and fuel your passion. One day (soon as I continue to super manifest) I will be collecting stories, full time, from different corners of the world.

Now you…go write down those things that you dream about and start working on making them real. Reality is always available once we place our purpose on our top priority list. And remember not to stop living in the now by obsessing about tomorrow or regretting yesterday. You have purpose in all you do, and you deserve to live a life that brings you endless love and passion.

I love you.

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We are moving through toughness

I sat with my coffee mug snuggled inside both my cold hands while I was in a lotus position on my sofa this morning. The only light in the room was a salt lamp. I felt the heat from the mug rise to my face.

I’ve been cold.

I’ve been lost.

I’ve been sad.

And I’ve been questioning every single thing in my life. I have been tracing and retracing decisions, analyzing them in a forensic manner. It’s not like me. Yet, for weeks I’ve done nothing but try to fix past choices.

I’ve gone back in dreams trying to redo wrongdoings and the outcome never changes.

I know this is beyond ridiculous. But one thing that has shown up is that I’ve let go of regrets and resentments during these moments. It has helped clear up old karmic connections.

I have cut cords and allowed things to just be.

I entered meditation earlier this morning. The sound of darkness engulfed me. I felt the sting of grief come up again. It’s been coming and going for a bit. I felt the five stages come up in intervals: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. The meditation was more like a release than a sacred ritual. And, that’s okay too.

I have no reasons for moving through this dark night of the soul. I’ve gone through this so many other times. I don’t know why it has reappeared. But, I do know that it won’t just disappear until I allow its course without resistance. I must do the work in the same manner that I tell my personal clients during intuitive counseling sessions. I’m no different than anyone else. I cannot help another if I don’t walk the same paths of least resistance.

I have a new day job. I’m working with infants. It’s been several weeks. I’ve moved from mental health nightmares to pure light in newborns. It’s been draining and exuberant simultaneously. It’s a bizarre contradiction. My days are long and physically draining. Before this they were long and emotionally vampiric.

I’ve experienced the duality of what makes us human. I’ve seen darkness and, now, light. But a part of me is in the middle asking and demanding all sorts of answers from the cosmos.

A friend gave me an intuitive reading months ago. She said I would be entering one of the darkest periods of my life. I told her, while laughing, that I have experienced those before. It surely cannot be that bad. (What a way to contradict experiences before they even happen)! I promised her I would be gentle with myself. I don’t do victim mode at all. I have little patience for pity parties. Yet, here I am. I find myself struggling with the most mundane decisions: hair up or leave it down. So I try both ways and instead of choosing a style I spend part of my day obsessing with it. Up and down. And the same goes for what I wear, what I need to say, and what I should be doing with my life.

This is not me. I have the impatience of a two year old with myself. I get shit done. I move to the next thing. Not lately! It seems as of everything is moving in a slow escalator and I must wait to get to where I’m going because it’s full of people and I can’t pass them. I’m at the mercy of the universe.

I had to remove myself from social media. I deactivated Facebook. I deleted Instagram from my phone. In order to survive whatever this is I have to make my world super small. Except for those who need a session, I’ve had to cancel commitments, events and just concentrate on this very single moment.

This is not for sissies. I told a dear friend this weekend to check on her friends…the ones who suddenly disappear and retreat into their world because it’s dangerous. I feel the more awakened one becomes the more disconnection shows up from the 3D world. It’s hard not to question everything. It’s hard not to want logical answers for the reasons we must struggle.

I have endless questions and then have to remind myself to just be.

Darlings, I’m feeling your heaviness. I read your messages and emails. I feel the collective and how this spiritual ascension is triggering us all. We are having to revisit old crap. We are having to let go and forgive. It’s okay. You are not alone. I have to believe we will be better once we get to the other side of this. I feel it. But in the meantime allow for the discomfort. Make time to be alone. Put your tiny world in the utmost priority. Put yourself in a bubble of self love.

I am with you holding you in grace….

I love you!

Just Say It

One of my biggest character flaws has always been not speaking up; waiting way too long after getting sick; and then walking away. I am learning that being authentic isn’t only about just being me and sharing…it’s about speaking up when injustice is felt or when my spirit is being strained through toxic energy.

This week has been extremely challenging and when it got to be too much I spoke up immediately. I spoke lovingly and without anger…but I spoke up and said my peace. I didn’t even weigh out the consequences because I knew what I was feeling was not acceptable.

Guess what happened? It was received in a loving manner. It was appreciated as a concern and not a critique. It was addressed and I felt a giant sense of pride. This is huge for me, in relationships, jobs, and life situations.

I cannot allow time to pass and I get sick for not expressing what aches I feel. It’s an injustice to my soul. So…at that very moment I promised myself that I will never allow discomfort from stopping me to speak my truth. A month or so ago I allowed someone to discard my truth. I never spoke up and it has been aching inside. This week’s challenge allowed me to see that there is no perfect timing.

If I wait for “a perfect opportunity” I will be waiting forever. When you have to say it, say it. Say it with love. Say it with concern. Leave anger out of the equation because folks immediately feel attacked. Say it because you cannot hold on to bullshit. Say it because life is too short and regrets are emotional vampires that suck on your healthy body. Regardless of how your ego dictates your worth, please speak up. And it isn’t your business how they receive it. The world won’t always like what you have to say. You speak up for you. Let God take care of the rest. Just do it!!!!

Let me help you

When my husband and I started dating he shared a story about his ex-wife. He believed he would never measure up to what she wanted in a partner and husband. He told me that she expected him to be Jesus in a pair of jeans. She wanted the religious figure in a normal man. No matter what he did he would never be perfect.

No one is. No one will ever be. That kind of expectation is inconceivable. But this was his story of why his marriage didn’t end with a happily ever after. The more he tried the less she was willing to meet him.

I remember this conversation sitting across from him at a diner. I still remember taking it all in and how he looked as he shared the story. After all, it was his story. And I began to question my own past stories and how my ex possibly saw me (or the lack of me…for that matter).

What truly happens when we dive into the old stories is that we also return to the feelings via some magical time machine. We begin to experience it all over again. We allow the stories at times to dictate our current events. We get stuck in this toxic loop and we can’t figure out how to change the emotions.

But…they are…stories. They are chronological events that create our future, especially if we don’t learn to heal. They are part of our history. At times the further distance we have from these stories the more complex we make them; the more distortion we also create. We give them more power than those stories deserve. We continue to manifest that things we know as true.

I collect stories from all walks of life. Even when someone hasn’t verbally shared. I have some bizarre gift of just knowing increments of their history. It’s not always a wonderful feeling. Sometimes it feels like a curse.

We move into our daily lives based on our past experiences. We get to this present moment transcending from our history. How we perceive those experiences determines how we evolve spiritually, physically and emotionally.

My husband has moved past those experiences through heartache and acceptance. I have done the same. We have learned to navigate the past, molding new journeys that include our partnership. That’s the relating part of relationships. We, together, have learned to flow into one another while releasing the past. By being together we have moved on to new and improved stories.

I’m here, darlings, building a business based on helping others rewrite their old beliefs and programming. I can help you edit your story so you do not feel stuck or reliving the same challenges.

Send me a message if you want to schedule a session (face to face or long distance). Our stories are powerful. They are amazing. But, they aren’t meant to keep you in an invisible prison that doesn’t allow you to live your best life.

Let’s work together through deep intuitive counseling to reach old beliefs and help rewrite a freer you. You do not deserve to continue living in a loop of resentments and self-sabotage.

Email: dharma.1111@hotmail.com.

Monk

I knew a monk. An ex-monk. He was a father to one of my daughter’s friend. Before I knew he was a monk I thought he was a saint. His daughter (and mine) both have mental disabilities. Even though they were 14 years old at the time they acted like 8 year olds with no sense of stability or safety. And when they got together it was challenging but I wanted her to have the same experiences as her siblings.

We would alternate visits. And each time I met him I was immediately calmed and collected. He was a sanctuary just by standing in front of me.

One day I asked for the secret. I had 6 kids all under 16 years in one house. Four of them with special needs. So he shared that he had been a monk in South America for many years, way before meeting his wife. And apparently, from my observations, he was still very monk like. He never lost that.

“When you no longer label the problem or situation, it dissipates. It has no power over you.”

“Your awareness is your reality.”

“Do not focus on the negative because you will continue receiving more of it. Focus on this moment of gratitude….”

There were so many messages.

This was over 15 years ago. But lately I am remembering a lot of the small lessons he would share with me. At the time I truly didn’t quite grasp his wisdom. I was stricken by constant anxiety believing I would never be a good enough mother to my kids. I ran a business with my ex that was extremely stressful. And we had money, and lots and lots of worries about all we owned. The more we made the more we bought and then worked like animals to sustain it.

There was no peace. There was zero spiritual awareness of what was important. We were lost in the material world and its worth. My ex needed a lot. And my life was centered around the children and his high-maintenance attitude.

When the monk would visit to get his daughter, or I would get her from his house, I felt a common energy flow of pure peace. There was the complete essence of now. Even with how difficult his daughter was at times.

I needed it. I would try and buy it. I did it all in order to sustain it. I wanted that peace and I would read about it. Study it. And chased after it with a vengeance. I was determined to find it in every religion and doctrine. In theory I became an expert on philosophy and how to attain peace.

Ha ha ha. And I never found it in those movies or books or talks.

It isn’t until you lose all that you think (and believe) you need that inner peace is truly birthed. That was a powerful lesson years later for me. And the wisdom began to visit through the nothingness. It began to reshape my spirit. I had to stop labeling and analyzing every single thing in my life.

Logic went out the window. Mysticism began to lead. Oh…and the magic that appeared in believing and allowing!

Today I remembered the monk dressed in his Bermuda shorts and polo shirts always ready to be in complete sacred presence.

I aspire for more of that in my life…Pure mindfulness and presence with all beings who share space with me. I aspire to love and be a messenger of love whenever the opportunity arises.

We need more of that calmness and sacredness now in our lives. In our country. In our world.

Thank you for your presence here joining me daily through your words and wisdom. The amount of sages on my social media feeds are delicious. We are all aspiring for peace, love and the inner light of grace.

The Now

There are three days very important in our lives: yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

When we focus on yesterday we get lost in regrets, excuses, resentments, and bitter sweet memories for not having been more…. We relive the things we cannot change.

When we focus on tomorrow we are overcome with uncertainty, anxiety, doubts, and an array of unsettling emotions for what’s to come and how to handle it. We lose ourselves in trying to manipulate and control the outcome of what isn’t here yet.

But, when we focus on today, this very moment, without dragging yesterday or borrowing from the future, we get to live fully in the magic of what is…evolving in the NOW. We don’t have to anticipate or feel guilt. We move through everything that is and isn’t. Joy and grace become vehicles for accepting.

Which day are you living constantly? How is that working out for you?

Disappearing of a Man

I visited an elderly client yesterday with advance dementia. He had come back from the dentist and had a tooth extracted. There was still blood on his lips.

I kissed his forehead although immediately by his gaze I could tell he didn’t recognize me.

“How are you feeling after your dentist appointment?” I asked while holding his hand. I had knelt to his eye level.

“I haven’t gone to the dentist.” He answered confused.

“Oh, darling! My bad. I thought you went out today.” I smiled.

“I did,” he said. “I went on a drive through the mountains. (He paused)…with you!”

I smiled and hugged him.

We haven’t gone out on a drive in months because he has not been well. But at that moment he remembered me just a little bit. I don’t correct them when they share. I go with the flow and we return to the moment again.

I sat with him until he felt an ache in his mouth and asked if I would come back another day. I hugged and kissed him. I told him that I would.

“But you promise to come see me again, right?!” He asked like a little boy.

“I will, darling.”

I had to go to the facility’s restroom and let the heartache come out. I sat in there and cried. He has declined so much. And to witness his confusion is usually not this drastic. It’s life. It’s his life. And he’s pretty much alone except for the staff and me. He has me and will continue to have me for however long he needs a friendly smile.

I have learned so much working with dementia clients. I have learned to be mindful and present. I have learned to go with the flow. I have learned to embrace the moments of joy and laughter because they do disappear quickly. I have learned so much from each one of my elderly folks. I have heard stories of love, loss and regrets. I’ve been present when they return to another era and I get to be transported there through their words and actions. Sometimes it’s been like being inside of a time machine. Because…whenever they go back in time they are right there. And I can ask about smells, colors, music and feel their hallucinations as strongly as them. We get to feel the moments together.

They are aha moments. For both of us.

My life has been enriched by these powerful moments. I’ve been truly blessed by the connections that will forever be a part of my own stories.

Take advantage of your mental health today. Right now. Feel the blessings for being here. Tomorrow is not promised. I love you.