I was at a women’s retreat two weekends ago and most of the ladies there are following their soul’s purpose. From an herbalist, acupuncturist, massage therapist, reflexologist, Reiki master, sound therapist, and other modalities, these women are on their loving paths. They have followed their dreams and passions. It was a bit intimidating to sit among them and still not know what the heck I am suppose to be doing. My identity was tied to the motel/retreat center for over five years. Before that, it was tied to the business world of industrial parts distribution. And, now, here I am in the second part of my life and I haven’t a clue what I am suppose to do with my life.
Here’s the delicious thing about not knowing what to do: others have no problem letting you know what you should be doing because they see your strengths in places you can’t recognize. So, I made my rounds with these magnificent women asking for help. I would ask, “What should I be doing? I feel so lost in my professional path.” They all had one good suggestion after another…most of which I didn’t really want to do. They didn’t feel right, even though they sounded so yummy. Then a sweet lady said to me, “You are a fairyologist! Oh my God, what more do you want to do?” I had to laugh out loud until I almost peed in my pants. Seriously? She was actually serious about this. This fairyologist title was an endearing label that came as a joke from my husband back in April for my birthday. He paid for a fairyology online class. I passed it and Bang…I became a fairyologist. It’s a funny story. It’s not a profession. Yes, I talk to fairies, rocks, trees, and anyone who will listen to my excessive jabber. That doesn’t make me a professional in something. It just heightens my eccentricities out to the world to witness and poke fun at.
I looked at this woman who is a professional and had to seriously question her insight. Then I chugged the entire conversation and asked her again what she thought a fairyologist does for a living? She hadn’t a clue. That ended that series of thought-provoking-life-changing Q&A’s.
I think about the many folks who have asked me these type of questions: “What should I be doing with my life? What’s my purpose? Should I go back to school? Should I move and start over somewhere else…?” When I had the retreat center those were some of the many intriguing questions. Everyone is looking for answers. And I would always give them the same response: “What do you feel like doing? What makes your soul come alive?” Most folks would honestly answer, “I really don’t know.”
But we DO KNOW. We are just afraid to tap on that source and be led by it…until we are brave enough to entertain the idea without feeling guilty over the million responsibilities we have in our lives. Unfortunately, we’ve been taught in this society to put everyone first before our own dreams.
And right now that’s my own answer. What I feel like doing is traveling, meeting folks all over the place, and writing about them everyday. Sort of like the Humans in New York blog. I want to write about people from all walks of life because we learn from each other. I want to be present in their presence. I want to share stories that pull and push compassion, kindness and empathy out into the world. And, I want to get paid for doing it. (This is important because I have a little one who will be going with me on this trip and a husband).
“What would that look like? How would I start? What needs to be in place to get this dream in motion? How can I make money from the road doing what I love: talking to people, taking their pictures and sharing their stories?”
I haven’t a clue…yet! But I DO KNOW that it will show up soon.
I don’t do labels well. As in a previous blog post, I am not into titles. I have a hard time adjusting my fairy ass to one label. It isn’t who I am. I have a psychology degree and have worn many hats in this lifetime. I get asked who I am and what I do and I freeze like a possum playing dead. Seriously, it’s sad! I can never remember that I write, or that I have raised six children and redoing it for the seventh time. Like, my brain goes dead when someone asks me what I do. The question should be, “What haven’t you done thus far?” The list might be shorter and my brain may actually work with an answer. I have led a charming interesting and passionate life. I have done a lot of things that I don’t recognize as important but to me they were invaluable. And I thrive on doing more of what brings me pure ecstatic joy on a daily basis. If it makes me laugh, it’s even a larger dream come true.
But, for all of you who are on the same path of self-discovery, I urge you to dig deeper. Go to retreats and classes. Surround yourself with people you admire and see how the magic begins to unfold. It’s in sharing and exhaling with others that we find our authentic powers. Google the crap out of possibilities and spend time alone researching what feels good for your soul. There is no right or wrong answer. There is just an endless path of possibilities. Also, get rid of expectations. They serve nothing but disappointment. Just do it...like Nike suggests!
Have your gatherings. Have your reunions. Exchange information and recognize who you are and what feels good when you are among others. The right angel and person will show up. I have a meeting with Destiny soon in regards to my life’s work. This I know. I feel it. Until then…I am who I am making my way home just like you, paying my dues, and cleaning out old karmic debts. Have a blessed day!!!