A New Day

It’s a new day. It’s a new opportunity.

I have spent several hours in meditation throughout the night. I’ve gone deep into the wilderness and other realms. I have found that there is static all over the place. Something is happening. It’s massive in both the dark and light…the duality.

There is a collective sadness. There is much anger. There is exhaustion. And add that times millions and we have an epidemic. But we also have massive release on a spiritual and cellular level.

I don’t know how to help. I keep asking guidance. I don’t know what I can write that will help start the release and healing for those who need it. I don’t know how to hold you if I’m here and you are there. But…

I believe in mindfulness. In sacredness. In the profound effects of love and forgiveness. I believe in Divine guidance and universal forces. I also believe that we can raise the energy to joy and compassion. We can shift.

Find others who are vibrating at a higher frequency. Spend time healing while doing things that bring you gratitude. Work on you and attract the things you want. We always have choices to remain or move into a new emotion. We truly have the most amazing gift and ability to evolve at all times…and grow into newness.

I cannot tell you how to begin healing. Or letting go. Or surrendering the hurt and anger. I can, however, hold space with you from here.

I feel that is one way we begin collectively healing ourselves and others.

I might sound like a childish broken record but just love. Love with what and who and where you are. Love heals. You cannot love and hate simultaneously. You cannot stand in darkness and call it love. Compassion and kindness are flames of pure light. Let’s start there.

I am holding you…from here. In this realm and others. Prayers are waves of yummy frequencies. They reach the heavens and all the places beyond.

Join me…with each conscious breath stating the love to the world and we will make ripples in the fabric of the universe. It starts with the energy of gratitude and joy and mostly…love.

I love you from here and there and everywhere.

(Image taken yesterday morning over the Blue Ridge Mtns)

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The Magic of Perspective

What we see and how we interpret it determines how we live our lives. We accept and understand from the level of our experiences. This is why we are all coming from different levels of awareness. The lens of intaking information and processing are always shifting.

Many years ago I took this picture of my husband as we were hiking. The picture captured a completely different perspective of what I was experiencing. Was my reality wrong? Was he entering a portal and I didn’t see it with my naked eyes? My eyes saw what I could understand which were leaves through a beautiful forest. There are so many different views to everything around us…at all times.

We capture everything around us, including conversations, based on examples of past similarities.

We have the capacity of truly being mindful even when we disagree. We can see things differently and still love one another.

Perspective is ever changing. You can heal your past by seeing with different lenses. Darlings, allow yourself the ability to shift and heal based on what you want in the future and not old programming. You get to decide how you see the world around you, how you process information and how you utilize it for your life.

Make it magical. Open your eyes and your heart to find the divine around you.

I love you.

Embrace Your Gifts

I had some sweet gifts as a little girl from the age of four. My mother didn’t know what to do with me when speaking to our dead ancestors. She took me to a spiritualist on the island to get whatever was inside of me out. When that didn’t work she took me to a psychologist. She demanded I stop the nonsense.

So I did. I stopped it for decades. It caused anxiety. It gave me migraines. I was so stumped that my energy was toxic…to myself.

Finally when I moved to these mountains of Western North Carolina, leaving an old life behind, the “gifts”began to unfold. I was in my early 40’s.

I ran to a therapist and asked her to test me to see if I was schizophrenic. I knew I must be. My mother, who had long passed, kept those insecurities alive. I was blessed to have a therapist who allowed me to embrace the “openings and expansions.”

I wasn’t crazy. Okay…maybe a little loonie but not in a harmful way. I am eccentric. 😝

See, my darlings, you aren’t bat-shit crazy when you clearly feel and see and sense other realms. You are gifted. Stop being afraid of what others think. I struggled with that all my life.

I love you. Embrace your individuality with your spiritual body. This is your superpower. Use it to help light the world. You’ve got this!

Moon Bathing

The moon woke me from a deep slumber in the early hours of morning luring me outside. I sat on my deck inhaling its energy. It was a clear night. I could see the stars brightly shining on our property. The breeze danced through the trees in the forest. The wind chimes sang their songs. Each breath I took seem to lead me into prayer and then deeper into meditation. I closed my eyes and began giving all to the light. I opened my heart widely and poured out the love to the universe.

I could feel the vibration from the light healing me, reactivating intuition, and sending me to a place of peace. I live for these moments in full connection and harmony with nature. There is presence. I heard ruffling below as if I had an audience witnessing this bathing of my soul.

What happens when we open so widely to the world around us? Every single cell expands in gratitude. We become magic. We embody the mysticism of all there is and ever was.

I was out there for a long while. Time passed without consent. I don’t know where I went. I don’t know how I got to the place of serenity that encompasses my divinity. I am grateful not to have to logically figure it out. I don’t need to. God is an omnipotence force that embraces every cell in me. I am changed because I trust and release. I am whole because I faithfully believe.

The wind kissed me often, chilling me to the bone, then warming me back to life. It played with me for a long while until I had to come in even on a humid summer morning. I returned to the womb state cocooned in the comfort of my bed.

There was a mystical force under that moon so powerful that I could have stayed there forever. I saw me. I saw the world in that moon.

There is a collective shift that feels mystical. We are evolving into higher dimensions. We are expanding into our truths. We are BEcoming what we came here to BE. We are truly on the edge of something powerful. It started a few years ago and now I am witnessing as it moves quicker. Manifesting faster. Letting go without resistance. Metamorphosing into all that we are required to be.

Allow yourself time to moon bathe. Give yourself permission to listen to all parts of you under the night sky. When all else is quiet you can feel your truth rise to salute you. It’s not just magical, it’s part of your existence. Release and surrender. You are not surviving. You are living in divine light, experiencing through love, lessons and ultimate humanitarian compassion. You still have tonight to experience this enchantment…go play. Dance in the moonlight!~ I love you.

Solar Eclipse of the Heart

Ohhhh today’s Solar Eclipse!!!

Remember the 80s song Total Eclipse of the Heart?

Yeah…that!

Are you feeling the expansion?

Sweats, heart racing, nasty headaches, nausea and some other body spasms? The last few days have been a programming of ups and downs full of lots of emotions. Heart blasting ones. Memories from the past have felt like an eclipse of time.

You aren’t going crazy. There are several retrogrades in the cosmos as well. It’s some yummy intense energy in the esoteric realm pushing awareness and waking the body up. It’s asking (actually it’s begging) us to pay attention and open ourselves to love and truth.

How do we grow? Through discomfort most of the time. It’s unfortunate but a true observation.

Allow for these discomforts to show up and move on. Don’t overdo it. Be gentle with your body. Be kind to your thoughts. Meditate. Be still but do something that brings you joy. Stop beating yourself up for what you’ve done or don’t do. It’s truly remarkable to be in your spiritual body and recognize that this is not real. You are a spectator of your movies and drama. Do not second guess yourself.

Now go hug your spirit. It’s working really really really hard this week trying to stay in this human chaos.

I love you. Love yourself as well. Have a blessed day.

Please Be Kind

Please be kind to one another. Be gentle with someone who is going through a tough time. No judgment or criticism is gonna make things better. You don’t know what’s going on in their lives. You might have made up your own story. The truth is that no one knows the heart and soul of another. We cannot imagine the mental anguish that goes on in life. Find love even when it’s impossible. Find compassion, especially when it seems improbable. We are all taking each other home. I will say it again and again, sounding ridiculous and redundant, “I love you!”

Be the love you want to see in the world. I fail…OFTEN. I fail and fall and fracture just like everyone else. I then have to check my ego and put it back in the place where it is of service for the important aspects of survival. We are here to learn and expand in a cosmic journey. So ego serves nothing when it comes to compassion and love. Have a safe and loving week. Give your heart to another who needs it. What a gift it is!

Coming Into the Light

I had a moment that lasted over 8 weeks. And, it turned into an ongoing sense of grief. Nothing, including meditation, allowed me to step outside of myself. No amount of nature seemed to help soothe me either. I was taking things one moment at a time.

I hid it for over 5 weeks pretty well. I thought! I began to slowly retrieve into aloneness. I began to use excuses to be with me. The demands of motherhood to young children at the age of 50 is daunting at times. I’ve been a mother for over 30 years. And it’s in middle age that I am consciously seeing the true work of parenting with its detrimental future outcomes. I can see how every choice and action affects these little ones. I have lived it from my older adult children.

I began having a giant pity party…which I loathe with a passion. I just couldn’t get out of it. I couldn’t figure out what was causing my deterioration. I could not talk myself into moving past it. I could barely even verbalize it. I continued showing up as happy, loving and supportive. I continued to spread love and inspiration on a daily basis but inside I was miserable. I was not me. I was someone I no longer recognized.

I had to stop. I had to breathe and stop pretending that I was “fine” when I wasn’t. And, I had to stop bulldozing myself into feeling better. I was actually contradicting the law of attraction because I was focusing on the lack of everything. And to me…this is unacceptable.

How could I cheerlead the world when my sadness was consuming me? I am really good at hiding shit when I don’t want to deal with pain. It’s my default programming.

But I went with it. I entered the dark night of the soul with a vengeance. In all Aries-woman fashion I gave it my all. Not a healthy suggestion for anyone (I promise it’s not for sissies). I wanted no help. I demanded seclusion. I expected the world to just know this, accept it, and conform to it.

I am grateful for the love and support around me. I don’t know how my seclusion has affected those in my small circle. And to be honest, I just couldn’t deal with those extra emotional concerns. Luckily I have some incredible friends who honored my wishes. They listened to the silence and the in-between aches. They knew my soul needed to just be.

I started a new job which is physically demanding while putting on hold my dreams of working for myself being an Intuitive Life Coach and Story Tender. I have a new schedule which has taken adjustments. Relationships around me began to crumble because of my lack of time and attention. And, there have been other components that added to the sadness. Many other revelations that I’ve avoided for decades. I began to notice how I allowed disrespect in many areas of my life. This was not really new but I had become tolerant to it. The truth is that what we resist does persist. No way around it but through it.

I was spending too much time apologizing to others for not being available which then angered me for having to use my little reserved energy in reassuring others. It began to take its toll on me. It was a lot!

I also felt ashamed and guilty. I couldn’t deal with the complexities of being “selfish” with my me-time. I couldn’t understand why I was living Groundhog Day every single day. What was I manifesting by my emotions? What was I putting out there energetically? So I began to question the universe about everything, but I refused to wait for answers. Once again, all in Aries style!

I learned something invaluable: I had to make my world tiny and take care of every single need that required my attention. I needed to take care of me for once. And every time I would venture to help someone I would get sick. My body felt physically ill by the extra output. This has been new territory of exploration. I had to learn to be compassionate with myself first and foremost. I had to learn to give to myself in the same loving manner I give to others.

Things began to unravel in ways that had gone unnoticed beforehand. I began to see. Really witnessing what needed addressing and changes in my life. The outside distractions weren’t there to filter these events and situations.

I began to understand that I am a wizard at avoiding hard experiences. I began to accept I needed to address old traumas. I started to take things apart and re-examine them like a forensic psychologist. I dove into my psyche during lunch hours. I began to see things differently. I don’t think I’ve ever done such deep work with myself (by myself). Who wants to have to address stinky old crap? I tend to move forward and not dwell back there. I took calculated analysis of the how’s and why’s while turning them into powerful lessons. The deeper I walked into the dark forest the harder it was to turn around and find the exit…so I kept going….

Hardly sleeping. Barely eating. Not much writing (which is therapy for me). I just decided to put on a costume of joy for the 8 hours at work and then take it off when I was home. It required intense energy and concentration. It has been quite the existential adventure. I’ve walked with faith holding on to a thread of hope…that I could muster through the muck. I wanted to know where God had been through all of it.

(He was always there. The Divine is mysterious but we must take time to listen).

This is the epitome of self-care. If you must recluse do it without explanations. Our society has programmed us to be at everyone’s beg and call. Technology makes it so. We feel guilty for not answering the calls, emails, and messages. We underestimate our desires for aloneness and healing. The truth is that we don’t owe anyone anything. We are responsible for our emotions alone. I cannot help anyone else when I’m barely making it throughout my day. And yes, we have folks who count on us. Those need to be taken into account but the rest of the world can wait a bit. You need to take care of you. You need to put the oxygen mask on first in order to help those next you.

I can only lead myself in and out of the journey. I can share with you my stories, but I cannot tell you what you should do. You, alone, get to decide how you heal from hurt and traumas. You get to put on your armor and figure out when it’s time to fight the demons from the past.

Self-care is self-love. I felt it was not so much a need as much as a survival necessity. There were moments I would check out emotionally and my spiritual body would begin to slowly realign. I recognized that depression was definitely trying to teach me something about me. It was getting my attention and I was going to listen.

It’s been a powerful few months. Pretending was a facade I could no longer continue. Weeks off social media helped me focus on so many things. The moment I began to deal with years of denial and loss I began to take on a new outlook. I began to write letters to the universe for clarity and forgiveness. I began to see my way out of the thick and dark wilderness. I began to stop questioning my purpose and find the depth of passion for living.

Because there is purpose. There is magic. There is light. There is love. There is connection. There are so many reasons to live for on a daily basis.

May your real life be as wonderful as the one you live on social media because you deserve happiness. Vulnerability is not weakness. It’s actual authenticity. Speaking your truth to those around you is imperative. You deserve to be the best version of yourself for yourself and not just for the world to witness. You deserve to be raw and unapologetic for all that you feel.

I love you. Thank you for sticking around here. I am slowly returning but without the tolerance for fake facades. This is me unapologetic. To pretend to be anything else is total bullshit. I promise to always be as real as I can be without static. I promise to keep showing up and provide a spec of light on a daily basis through this form of gathering.

Now you…get out there and shine. Let’s be lotus flowers emerging from the depth of muck and darkness into a new dawn.