Moon Bathing

The moon woke me from a deep slumber in the early hours of morning luring me outside. I sat on my deck inhaling its energy. It was a clear night. I could see the stars brightly shining on our property. The breeze danced through the trees in the forest. The wind chimes sang their songs. Each breath I took seem to lead me into prayer and then deeper into meditation. I closed my eyes and began giving all to the light. I opened my heart widely and poured out the love to the universe.

I could feel the vibration from the light healing me, reactivating intuition, and sending me to a place of peace. I live for these moments in full connection and harmony with nature. There is presence. I heard ruffling below as if I had an audience witnessing this bathing of my soul.

What happens when we open so widely to the world around us? Every single cell expands in gratitude. We become magic. We embody the mysticism of all there is and ever was.

I was out there for a long while. Time passed without consent. I don’t know where I went. I don’t know how I got to the place of serenity that encompasses my divinity. I am grateful not to have to logically figure it out. I don’t need to. God is an omnipotence force that embraces every cell in me. I am changed because I trust and release. I am whole because I faithfully believe.

The wind kissed me often, chilling me to the bone, then warming me back to life. It played with me for a long while until I had to come in even on a humid summer morning. I returned to the womb state cocooned in the comfort of my bed.

There was a mystical force under that moon so powerful that I could have stayed there forever. I saw me. I saw the world in that moon.

There is a collective shift that feels mystical. We are evolving into higher dimensions. We are expanding into our truths. We are BEcoming what we came here to BE. We are truly on the edge of something powerful. It started a few years ago and now I am witnessing as it moves quicker. Manifesting faster. Letting go without resistance. Metamorphosing into all that we are required to be.

Allow yourself time to moon bathe. Give yourself permission to listen to all parts of you under the night sky. When all else is quiet you can feel your truth rise to salute you. It’s not just magical, it’s part of your existence. Release and surrender. You are not surviving. You are living in divine light, experiencing through love, lessons and ultimate humanitarian compassion. You still have tonight to experience this enchantment…go play. Dance in the moonlight!~ I love you.

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Solar Eclipse of the Heart

Ohhhh today’s Solar Eclipse!!!

Remember the 80s song Total Eclipse of the Heart?

Yeah…that!

Are you feeling the expansion?

Sweats, heart racing, nasty headaches, nausea and some other body spasms? The last few days have been a programming of ups and downs full of lots of emotions. Heart blasting ones. Memories from the past have felt like an eclipse of time.

You aren’t going crazy. There are several retrogrades in the cosmos as well. It’s some yummy intense energy in the esoteric realm pushing awareness and waking the body up. It’s asking (actually it’s begging) us to pay attention and open ourselves to love and truth.

How do we grow? Through discomfort most of the time. It’s unfortunate but a true observation.

Allow for these discomforts to show up and move on. Don’t overdo it. Be gentle with your body. Be kind to your thoughts. Meditate. Be still but do something that brings you joy. Stop beating yourself up for what you’ve done or don’t do. It’s truly remarkable to be in your spiritual body and recognize that this is not real. You are a spectator of your movies and drama. Do not second guess yourself.

Now go hug your spirit. It’s working really really really hard this week trying to stay in this human chaos.

I love you. Love yourself as well. Have a blessed day.

Please Be Kind

Please be kind to one another. Be gentle with someone who is going through a tough time. No judgment or criticism is gonna make things better. You don’t know what’s going on in their lives. You might have made up your own story. The truth is that no one knows the heart and soul of another. We cannot imagine the mental anguish that goes on in life. Find love even when it’s impossible. Find compassion, especially when it seems improbable. We are all taking each other home. I will say it again and again, sounding ridiculous and redundant, “I love you!”

Be the love you want to see in the world. I fail…OFTEN. I fail and fall and fracture just like everyone else. I then have to check my ego and put it back in the place where it is of service for the important aspects of survival. We are here to learn and expand in a cosmic journey. So ego serves nothing when it comes to compassion and love. Have a safe and loving week. Give your heart to another who needs it. What a gift it is!

Coming Into the Light

I had a moment that lasted over 8 weeks. And, it turned into an ongoing sense of grief. Nothing, including meditation, allowed me to step outside of myself. No amount of nature seemed to help soothe me either. I was taking things one moment at a time.

I hid it for over 5 weeks pretty well. I thought! I began to slowly retrieve into aloneness. I began to use excuses to be with me. The demands of motherhood to young children at the age of 50 is daunting at times. I’ve been a mother for over 30 years. And it’s in middle age that I am consciously seeing the true work of parenting with its detrimental future outcomes. I can see how every choice and action affects these little ones. I have lived it from my older adult children.

I began having a giant pity party…which I loathe with a passion. I just couldn’t get out of it. I couldn’t figure out what was causing my deterioration. I could not talk myself into moving past it. I could barely even verbalize it. I continued showing up as happy, loving and supportive. I continued to spread love and inspiration on a daily basis but inside I was miserable. I was not me. I was someone I no longer recognized.

I had to stop. I had to breathe and stop pretending that I was “fine” when I wasn’t. And, I had to stop bulldozing myself into feeling better. I was actually contradicting the law of attraction because I was focusing on the lack of everything. And to me…this is unacceptable.

How could I cheerlead the world when my sadness was consuming me? I am really good at hiding shit when I don’t want to deal with pain. It’s my default programming.

But I went with it. I entered the dark night of the soul with a vengeance. In all Aries-woman fashion I gave it my all. Not a healthy suggestion for anyone (I promise it’s not for sissies). I wanted no help. I demanded seclusion. I expected the world to just know this, accept it, and conform to it.

I am grateful for the love and support around me. I don’t know how my seclusion has affected those in my small circle. And to be honest, I just couldn’t deal with those extra emotional concerns. Luckily I have some incredible friends who honored my wishes. They listened to the silence and the in-between aches. They knew my soul needed to just be.

I started a new job which is physically demanding while putting on hold my dreams of working for myself being an Intuitive Life Coach and Story Tender. I have a new schedule which has taken adjustments. Relationships around me began to crumble because of my lack of time and attention. And, there have been other components that added to the sadness. Many other revelations that I’ve avoided for decades. I began to notice how I allowed disrespect in many areas of my life. This was not really new but I had become tolerant to it. The truth is that what we resist does persist. No way around it but through it.

I was spending too much time apologizing to others for not being available which then angered me for having to use my little reserved energy in reassuring others. It began to take its toll on me. It was a lot!

I also felt ashamed and guilty. I couldn’t deal with the complexities of being “selfish” with my me-time. I couldn’t understand why I was living Groundhog Day every single day. What was I manifesting by my emotions? What was I putting out there energetically? So I began to question the universe about everything, but I refused to wait for answers. Once again, all in Aries style!

I learned something invaluable: I had to make my world tiny and take care of every single need that required my attention. I needed to take care of me for once. And every time I would venture to help someone I would get sick. My body felt physically ill by the extra output. This has been new territory of exploration. I had to learn to be compassionate with myself first and foremost. I had to learn to give to myself in the same loving manner I give to others.

Things began to unravel in ways that had gone unnoticed beforehand. I began to see. Really witnessing what needed addressing and changes in my life. The outside distractions weren’t there to filter these events and situations.

I began to understand that I am a wizard at avoiding hard experiences. I began to accept I needed to address old traumas. I started to take things apart and re-examine them like a forensic psychologist. I dove into my psyche during lunch hours. I began to see things differently. I don’t think I’ve ever done such deep work with myself (by myself). Who wants to have to address stinky old crap? I tend to move forward and not dwell back there. I took calculated analysis of the how’s and why’s while turning them into powerful lessons. The deeper I walked into the dark forest the harder it was to turn around and find the exit…so I kept going….

Hardly sleeping. Barely eating. Not much writing (which is therapy for me). I just decided to put on a costume of joy for the 8 hours at work and then take it off when I was home. It required intense energy and concentration. It has been quite the existential adventure. I’ve walked with faith holding on to a thread of hope…that I could muster through the muck. I wanted to know where God had been through all of it.

(He was always there. The Divine is mysterious but we must take time to listen).

This is the epitome of self-care. If you must recluse do it without explanations. Our society has programmed us to be at everyone’s beg and call. Technology makes it so. We feel guilty for not answering the calls, emails, and messages. We underestimate our desires for aloneness and healing. The truth is that we don’t owe anyone anything. We are responsible for our emotions alone. I cannot help anyone else when I’m barely making it throughout my day. And yes, we have folks who count on us. Those need to be taken into account but the rest of the world can wait a bit. You need to take care of you. You need to put the oxygen mask on first in order to help those next you.

I can only lead myself in and out of the journey. I can share with you my stories, but I cannot tell you what you should do. You, alone, get to decide how you heal from hurt and traumas. You get to put on your armor and figure out when it’s time to fight the demons from the past.

Self-care is self-love. I felt it was not so much a need as much as a survival necessity. There were moments I would check out emotionally and my spiritual body would begin to slowly realign. I recognized that depression was definitely trying to teach me something about me. It was getting my attention and I was going to listen.

It’s been a powerful few months. Pretending was a facade I could no longer continue. Weeks off social media helped me focus on so many things. The moment I began to deal with years of denial and loss I began to take on a new outlook. I began to write letters to the universe for clarity and forgiveness. I began to see my way out of the thick and dark wilderness. I began to stop questioning my purpose and find the depth of passion for living.

Because there is purpose. There is magic. There is light. There is love. There is connection. There are so many reasons to live for on a daily basis.

May your real life be as wonderful as the one you live on social media because you deserve happiness. Vulnerability is not weakness. It’s actual authenticity. Speaking your truth to those around you is imperative. You deserve to be the best version of yourself for yourself and not just for the world to witness. You deserve to be raw and unapologetic for all that you feel.

I love you. Thank you for sticking around here. I am slowly returning but without the tolerance for fake facades. This is me unapologetic. To pretend to be anything else is total bullshit. I promise to always be as real as I can be without static. I promise to keep showing up and provide a spec of light on a daily basis through this form of gathering.

Now you…get out there and shine. Let’s be lotus flowers emerging from the depth of muck and darkness into a new dawn.

Purpose is Fueled by Desires

What brings you joy? What is the one thing that stops time for you, and makes you come alive? What would you be doing if you had all the money in the world to pursue? What is the hobby or dream or talent that you wish you could do always…all day long?

For me it’s writing, especially about meeting people. It’s the words that come alive on the screen as I piece together a story…and the things I feel take shape in a way that transport me to a single moment in time.

It’s memories and how a touch, a smile or someone’s kind word transforms me. Those moments get to live in my computer or journals. They flow effortlessly out of me as I tend to them with sentences.

I’ve done many things in my life. I’ve worn many different hats. I’ve owned companies and have worked myself into pure exhaustion. I’ve gained and lost and expanded. The one thing that brings me back to life is writing every morning after my meditation practice. It’s in these times of pure conscious awareness/awakening that I can clearly see my purpose.

Then it’s gone. It leaves me quickly when life begins to reappear outside of my little Cosmic world.

The kids need me. The bills need tending. The laundry piles up. The house has to get clean. I have to get to work. The hubby needs something. And life happens. To each one of us, it’s one thing or another.

There is purpose in the mundane routine but it doesn’t make us come alive. Cleaning a toilet for me isn’t as inspiring as sharing a story or writing about speaking to my higher self and guidance. Folding laundry isn’t as fulfilling as speaking with someone who needs a cheerleading session in love or a lift to feel that they matter.

Pay attention to those things that make you smile and fuel your passion. One day (soon as I continue to super manifest) I will be collecting stories, full time, from different corners of the world.

Now you…go write down those things that you dream about and start working on making them real. Reality is always available once we place our purpose on our top priority list. And remember not to stop living in the now by obsessing about tomorrow or regretting yesterday. You have purpose in all you do, and you deserve to live a life that brings you endless love and passion.

I love you.

We are moving through toughness

I sat with my coffee mug snuggled inside both my cold hands while I was in a lotus position on my sofa this morning. The only light in the room was a salt lamp. I felt the heat from the mug rise to my face.

I’ve been cold.

I’ve been lost.

I’ve been sad.

And I’ve been questioning every single thing in my life. I have been tracing and retracing decisions, analyzing them in a forensic manner. It’s not like me. Yet, for weeks I’ve done nothing but try to fix past choices.

I’ve gone back in dreams trying to redo wrongdoings and the outcome never changes.

I know this is beyond ridiculous. But one thing that has shown up is that I’ve let go of regrets and resentments during these moments. It has helped clear up old karmic connections.

I have cut cords and allowed things to just be.

I entered meditation earlier this morning. The sound of darkness engulfed me. I felt the sting of grief come up again. It’s been coming and going for a bit. I felt the five stages come up in intervals: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. The meditation was more like a release than a sacred ritual. And, that’s okay too.

I have no reasons for moving through this dark night of the soul. I’ve gone through this so many other times. I don’t know why it has reappeared. But, I do know that it won’t just disappear until I allow its course without resistance. I must do the work in the same manner that I tell my personal clients during intuitive counseling sessions. I’m no different than anyone else. I cannot help another if I don’t walk the same paths of least resistance.

I have a new day job. I’m working with infants. It’s been several weeks. I’ve moved from mental health nightmares to pure light in newborns. It’s been draining and exuberant simultaneously. It’s a bizarre contradiction. My days are long and physically draining. Before this they were long and emotionally vampiric.

I’ve experienced the duality of what makes us human. I’ve seen darkness and, now, light. But a part of me is in the middle asking and demanding all sorts of answers from the cosmos.

A friend gave me an intuitive reading months ago. She said I would be entering one of the darkest periods of my life. I told her, while laughing, that I have experienced those before. It surely cannot be that bad. (What a way to contradict experiences before they even happen)! I promised her I would be gentle with myself. I don’t do victim mode at all. I have little patience for pity parties. Yet, here I am. I find myself struggling with the most mundane decisions: hair up or leave it down. So I try both ways and instead of choosing a style I spend part of my day obsessing with it. Up and down. And the same goes for what I wear, what I need to say, and what I should be doing with my life.

This is not me. I have the impatience of a two year old with myself. I get shit done. I move to the next thing. Not lately! It seems as of everything is moving in a slow escalator and I must wait to get to where I’m going because it’s full of people and I can’t pass them. I’m at the mercy of the universe.

I had to remove myself from social media. I deactivated Facebook. I deleted Instagram from my phone. In order to survive whatever this is I have to make my world super small. Except for those who need a session, I’ve had to cancel commitments, events and just concentrate on this very single moment.

This is not for sissies. I told a dear friend this weekend to check on her friends…the ones who suddenly disappear and retreat into their world because it’s dangerous. I feel the more awakened one becomes the more disconnection shows up from the 3D world. It’s hard not to question everything. It’s hard not to want logical answers for the reasons we must struggle.

I have endless questions and then have to remind myself to just be.

Darlings, I’m feeling your heaviness. I read your messages and emails. I feel the collective and how this spiritual ascension is triggering us all. We are having to revisit old crap. We are having to let go and forgive. It’s okay. You are not alone. I have to believe we will be better once we get to the other side of this. I feel it. But in the meantime allow for the discomfort. Make time to be alone. Put your tiny world in the utmost priority. Put yourself in a bubble of self love.

I am with you holding you in grace….

I love you!

The Now

There are three days very important in our lives: yesterday, today, and tomorrow.

When we focus on yesterday we get lost in regrets, excuses, resentments, and bitter sweet memories for not having been more…. We relive the things we cannot change.

When we focus on tomorrow we are overcome with uncertainty, anxiety, doubts, and an array of unsettling emotions for what’s to come and how to handle it. We lose ourselves in trying to manipulate and control the outcome of what isn’t here yet.

But, when we focus on today, this very moment, without dragging yesterday or borrowing from the future, we get to live fully in the magic of what is…evolving in the NOW. We don’t have to anticipate or feel guilt. We move through everything that is and isn’t. Joy and grace become vehicles for accepting.

Which day are you living constantly? How is that working out for you?