Crossing Over

Yesterday I visited my sweet 96 year old who is barely there. She has been transitioning for weeks. She is all bones. When I got to her room with the med tech she was wrapped in several blankets. I spoke loudly to let her know I was there. I asked how she was feeling and she said she was waiting to go see the Good Lord. So I said loudly, “Go darling! It’s time. Go! You can dance and play with Him!”

Her roommate who is much younger, but has progressive dementia yells, “I wanna go. I want to go where she’s going!”

“No, sweetheart, it’s not your time. You can’t go where she’s going at this time. You go on a later date!”

My client started on her loop, “Don’t Rush me. I’m going as fast as I can. I have rivers to cross. I can’t get on the raft….” I touched her arm to calm her state of confusion.

Her roommate started yelling, “I wanna go where she’s going too. I know how to swim.”

The med tech looks at me with a scorn look and says, “See what you started?” We both smiled.

I heard someone come into her room in a wheelchair and the elderly patient was ready to also go on the field trip to wherever my client was going!

When you give consent and wishes to loved ones to go be with the Good Lord please be sure no one else is ready to join them. Seems there are rivers to cross and not enough room on the raft.

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Speaking Truth

I have had time to process this past weekend’s retreat experience. I suspect that within all the intense energies swirling lately I will be processing even deeper. I have released something powerful. Magical doesn’t begin to describe it.

Truth.

Spirituality is birthed through it. We are awakened by it. We are created to honor it. We expand in its presence.

I’ve spoken truth. Painful as it was I said it out loud. It was received without judgement. It was held in another person’s hands full of forgiveness and divine love. My heart felt the brokenness receive light through small actions of pure love and acceptance.

Cause…I’ve lied and cheated and participated in some sinful human experiences. I have carried it for decades searching for redemption. We all make mistakes, especially when you are young. Unfortunately, in the same intensity and depth of passion that I love I also, tenaciously, hold myself accountable. Passionately loathing things I’ve done while feeling that I’ve hurt another. I didn’t even realize the punishment I was doing to myself. Such horrific injustice wasting nights creating stories on how to ask for forgiveness. I wasn’t aware of the weight. Passion carries through everything I do so it’s painful when the energy is toxic, stagnant and sabotaging to my soul. Cellular memories hold things forever until we truly let go completely.

I starts with truth.

Releasing and forgiveness are powerful. I had been able to surrender so much in my life. But there was one thing that no matter how much I tried, how much therapy I got, or how many letters I wrote would not let go. I required those secrets to be faced in person.

My passionate heart needed to be holding that person in front of me. I needed to look into her eyes and say the words out loud. I needed to feel her. Even if she didn’t resonate with me I needed to take accountability for my actions. I needed to say, “I am sorry. I am deeply sorry for hurting you….”

I am blessed to have had the most cathartic and healing experience ever. Let’s face it we are our own worst enemy. We harbor shame and guilt while feeding it with self loathing. Most often it’s done in a subconscious level. We aren’t even aware of it until something brings it up. And then again we harbor the pain, unable to let it go. We return to memories like a time machine but unable to make changes for those experiences (the same experiences that provided growth).

Forgiveness is not just for another. It is for the self. In the process of asking for it we are surrendering to spirit. We are allowing the universe to sacredly create holiness through those experiences. Every action brings with it a reaction. In truth we are recreating from love.

The stories we create are painful. This is why sharing with full vulnerability is healing. The moment we speak up the darkness and shame loses power.

This weekend I was among angels. I was exposed to love and forgiveness through stories. So I ask you to please make amends with your past. Find a way to do it through a letter, a touch, or however your soul asks. Just do it! Don’t keep putting it off.

Once truth comes out you will ask yourself why you waited so long? You will feel a sense of remorse for not letting it go sooner. And you will laugh. Because that will begin to also help heal those raw wounds. Joy will replace guilt in no time.

We don’t have to be present in front of the ones we’ve hurt but it sure helps when the person is there to hear it.

Thank you, my dear sweet woman. You know who you are. You have allowed me to see me completely while seeing you. You allowed me to witness my own reflection in the love you have returned. I am able to feel love that I rejected because I thought I was not a good person. In your immense faith I, too, have acquired more. I love you. I love me. And in the process I love us.

Beautiful Retreat

Another delicious retreat came and went in Fort Lauderdale, Florida. This one was personally a growing expansion for me. Transformational. It allowed me to visit a giant monster in a closet that needed extermination.

Fifteen women shared space. We laughed. We cried. We heard intimate stories of hurt, shame, guilt and love. We had healing sessions, laughfests, cooked together, sang, and released intense energies.

We played. We loved. We hugged. We fed our souls and bodies. We had some mystical encounters that need no logical explanations.

The past can crawl in and out through the darkest places of our souls. We aren’t without sins. We are stitched together because of them. It’s important to understand that in groups we can accomplish much. In presence of love and acceptance we begin to shift awareness. Safe spaces full of love are created for these moments.

Hospitality is not about entertaining. Hospitality is an attitude of opening up your life so others can come in and join. It is about allowing love and kindness to flow through that space of sharing and being in the present moment with others. And when this happens it is magical!

I am blessed to have been in a sacredness of love and compassion. I have been blessed to witness no judgment or criticism for being raw and vulnerable. I am blessed for the love and support that grows from sharing. I love each and every one of these women.

Thank you for allowing me to be in your lives. Wow! I’m entering this year with the most yummy feeling of freedom. Returning home was coming to a new place of peace and acceptance.

Counting Blessings

I was walking the beach today. This gentleman was walking towards me. I asked if I could take his picture. He’s from India. His language was a bit difficult but his lovely daughters began to translate.

“May I take a picture of you? You are so lovely!” He smiled.

“Yes, but you know that I’m old.”

“I don’t discriminate against age. You are so handsome!” He was moved as his eyes watered.

His daughters shared that they are from California. He is 92. And he told them recently he will die at 97. One daughter said, “Our father is very determined. If he says it will be at 97 he will die at 97!”

We laughed. I held his hand. We shared several pictures. I hugged him tightly.

Harbhagat Singh told me his name translates to God’s disciple. And today I needed to come across him.

People are magnificent when they are seen but don’t expect to be recognized. They are delicious in moments of surprises as they are moving along life doing their thing. It is so magical to witness all these lives connected in one small world.

He truly touched my heart with his dark eyes and smile. He was a math teacher and today he helped me count my blessings.

Hand the Love

Yesterday was one of my client’s birthday. He’s ten years older than me but due to a horrific accident his mind is juvenile and he is paralyzed.

Nothing says “Happy Birthday!” like a four year old trailing along. So Kali and I went to get balloons and pie for him this morning.

Now, I know this man and his moods. It’s hit and miss. I walked into his room, Kali holding balloons ready for song and dance, while he was waking up. I could tell he wasn’t in a gentle mood. I can see it from a distance when the demons of the past (the man he once was) visit him.

“Hey darling, watch the cursing! My kid is here with me!”

He adjusted himself. We sang happy birthday. Gave each other hugs. He was till not in a happy camper. I understand.

I sat on his bed. I waited in silence while Kali sat on my lap. She was ready to get out with the tension flowing in his space.

“I love you!” I patted his legs.

He answered with a grunt, “I…know!”

So I raised my eyebrow as if saying, “Helllloooo, your turn!”

He looked at me straight in the eyes, “I love you too. Thank you for my gifts. No one else remembered my birthday!”

Holding back tears I told him I acknowledged him. He smiled and winked. He felt loved. He felt seen.

He asked me to reach to his dresser and give Kali a teddy bear. I handed it to him so he could give to her. It was a precious moment.

He said again (as he’s mentioned it several times), “I always forget you are human.” I laugh. He sees a fairy, I’m assuming. I see pure love emanating from his fragile soul. I see him. After almost a year of seeing him he has finally confided in me. He trusts me. He sees me in return.

Folks, it’s not difficult to show love. Throw it out to others like a lighting bolt. Feel it coming out of your heart on to every stranger. Say something nice. Acknowledge each other. You aren’t here alone. You get to walk through this life lighting the way through love. It beats the alternative.

We are here together. Let that love start with yourself and force it out like ripples into the wave of consciousness. You are responsible for this. I love you.

See? It’s not hard! 🦄🧚‍♂️😘

The Gift of Kindness

A few years ago for Christmas a dear friend gifted me an amazing book by Mark Nepo: ‘The Book of Awakening.’ It’s a daily meditation guide. The pages are worn and marked. The book now looks like it’s been put through a dryer. Every time I pick it up I find something else that I’ve missed the last three years. Words have a way of popping out just when they need to be acknowledged.

“There are many reasons to be kind, but perhaps none is as compelling as the spiritual fact that it is what we do. It is how the inner organ of being keeps pumping. Spiders sting. Wolves howl. Ants build small hills that no one sees. And human beings lift each other, no matter the consequences. Even when other beings sting.”

I cried when I read this. I’ve cried a bunch today. It’s been intense! But it’s only a day. I get it. When I started it was as if someone let the stopper out of the tub and I drained from it’s excess gasping for something that was unavailable now. It was powerful. And cathartic! I am able to move through it and recognize so many lessons.

Have we forgotten in these present times of “what we do?” Have we lost our way to understand that we are all on different spiritual paths and forms of evolving? Have we deviated from truth because of ideas, convictions and beliefs without once remembering that we must be kind to each other in order to make any form of transformation?

The hardest part of being an empath, or sensitive person, is the constant bombardment of others’ emotions. Even when I am not partaking in their issues, I feel the energy deep in the core of me. I am made to be kind. You are made for kindness. We cannot deviate from our authenticity. This is who we are. We learn how not to be kind, consciously or unintentionally…because we are born with love and kindness in our cells. That’s the starting point to each of us. That’s who we are. That’s what we come here to express to others. That is the web and fabric of our Unity.

Let’s try to return to THAT. Let’s….please…because the alternative really really really sucks! Tonight I am sending prayers to several folks really struggling in so many ways. I want to truly be present with them in spirit, in love, and in kindness.

I love you.

The Journey Ahead

Life is a remarkable platform for learning. Just when things run smoothly a bump on the road forces you to slow down. And then another. Before you know it the path comes to a halt. You can get out of your vehicle, breathe and take a few moments to recognize that things are out of your control. The road is now under construction. Your choices are simple: get upset over the road blockage, or take the time to realize there might be a reason for it all. Then from there adjust your position, grab your GPS and find another way. There is always another way. Even if it’s just looking at things differently. Your attitude should always return to gratitude for every lesson.

We are undergoing some major changes. The roads are getting blocked and dangerous at times. We must not only stay in our lanes, but also return to faith that there are other paths ahead. It’s okay to breakdown and get angry, but don’t stay there. It’s okay to feel sorry for yourself and those around you, but don’t allow it to consume you. The energy is beyond intense at this moment. Actually the energy seems to be coming from the fear of the collective…so try not to add to it.

I share the blockage story because it’s important to remember your soul is a vehicle and the world ahead is the path. You have little control over situations and obstacles at times. But, you have the ability to rise above it all and shift gears. You can choose your exit from those adventures. As you continue to rise in your spiritual evolution, the challenges deepen. You are being asked to return to love and forgiveness. You are being redirected to make wise choices from another place, therefore having to make new programming. The way you have been taught isn’t working. We are all having to remember what we instinctively knew before arriving here.

I hope and pray you have folks in your life who can help charge your battery, bring you gas, and even pick you up when you are feeling stranded. I hope you have a delicious tribe that can truly make you feel that nothing is impossible. I am beyond blessed to have mine. If you don’t have it…come over to my lane…I will help you.

I love you. Be gentle with yourself this weekend. This swirling and chaotic shaking in the esoteric realm is not for sissies.