Welcome Home

“Welcome home!” I want my life to say that. I want it to salute every person who enters my space, not just my home, but my presence while feeling the simplicity of those words. I want to create an atmosphere of love, blessings, comfort and peace. Whether they enter our home, or I enter their own space, I want to believe they feel those words. I hope you can grab a chair, squat and share.

Home is the heart of our spirits. A house is a building, but home can be anywhere your spirit welcomes another. “Welcome home!”

Welcome home to that place of simplicity, love, serenity, joy and communion. Welcome to the life your spirit craves to share with you and others. I am learning that the purest form of an authentic life is in allowing others to love and feel loved no matter where they are…no matter at what level of consciousness they are experiencing.

I will never forget a famous quote by the author Toni Morrison: “At some point in life the world’s beauty becomes enough. You don’t need to photograph, paint, or even remember it. It is enough.” The beauty of arriving to the place of love and salutation is the best legacy you can leave for another…especially in this season that has been forgotten.

Welcome home, my friends, welcome to your life. Find the joy in the simplest of things. I promise that the spirit of divinity projects an amazing light from that place. I invite you to come and enter as you share the story of you…!

Have a deliciously wonderful day.

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Expansion of Consciousness

I am grateful. Every cell in my body feels the honor and privilege of being here. I have a charming life. Even when there are obstacles and challenges I know I have a wonderful life.

I have a sweet meditation room. It’s a large closet in our new house that I converted into my sacred space. It’s a portal of sorts. Every time I sit to meditate I leave through its openings. I go off into other worlds. When I return to my body I recognize the gift that my life is. I become even more grateful. I make my daily intentions before getting up from the floor, right when I am blowing out my candles.

“Make me an instrument of your love, God. Show me how I need to serve….”

This morning was no exemption at 4am. The worlds opened up for me. I saw the universe. I visited the deep places in my consciousness that allow for healing work through me and out into the world. It’s magnificent.

It’s magical and mystical and…oh…so very yummilicious.

I work in the mental health profession and if folks hear me express all the “visions” I have I might be institutionalized. Because…we are a race consumed by fear. We must label everything. We must make sense of what we aren’t accustomed to experience ourselves.

I cannot help anyone if I don’t help myself with love. I cannot hear, feel, or touch the heart of another if I don’t live it through me.

For decades I went around like a lunatic trying to fix everyone. I needed to have focused on me first. When I finally dealt with my own darkness I was able to help light others.

Compassion is a gene that needs to be expanded at all times. It always starts with our own healing. It’s a light always available to shine all around us. It’s in the smallest of acts.

That’s why I wake at the hour that I do daily and go off into my other realms. I am a better spiritual being navigating this human experience.

Sending out abundance of love into the world today. I feel you. I love you.

Sacred Expansion

I’ve come into my own silence, sacredness, expansion. I’ve visited with those things that required attention and I kept locking them in a chest. I’ve dealt with them one soul consultation at a time making sure to find closure. During meditation I’ve allowed the locked chest to open and I have visited with each fear and past event.

This is what I’ve done since I got off social media (Facebook and Instagram) two weeks ago. Plus I’ve read several amazing books. I’ve caught up with friends. I’ve taken time to be without chit chat or worries. I’ve come into my own space of love.

I’ve lived without interruptions. I’ve noticed how much more time I’ve accumulated.

It’s bizarre to acknowledge that I have been distracted by everyone else’s life so profoundly while disregarding mine. Meanwhile, I’ve navigated one of the busiest years in a decade. One that has brought sweet surprises while gaining a tremendous respect for my faith in humanity.

Magic…is all I can say. It’s been a magical experience.

My writing feels deeper too. My voice is not constricted. I am able to say and feel and share for me. Because when I write it is a channeling of sorts from my spirit to my humanness. The spiritual aspects of my incarnation sit with the human aspects and shared I’ve come into my own silence, sacredness, expansion. I’ve visited with those things that required attention and I kept locking them in a chest. I’ve dealt with them one soul consultation at a time making sure to find closure. During meditation I’ve allowed the chest to open and I have visited with each fear and past event.

Taking time for me and my family is imperative. It’s in the small acts. Nothing big. My life has not changed drastically by not being on social media. It’s just relaxed. I don’t pick up the phone in the middle of the night to read about others. I lay there and listen to the silence. I force myself to sleep again. I reach over to my husband for warmth. During the day I don’t impulsively check to see what’s happening, who can I help, what can I do? My concerns and interests consist of my own life and those in my inner circle.

This was the 80’s and 90’s. This is how I remember my younger years before internet. And, yes we are connected on a grand scale, able to touch millions. But we are also slaved to that connection, addicted to news and changes.

It’s truly a love-hate relationship for me. As a writer it is a conundrum. The world doesn’t stop because I am not available. It’s lovely to feel it. Life doesn’t cease to exist because I don’t participate in every conversation or answer every message or return every call.

All of it can wait till I return next year. Whenever I do return to the chaotic world of social media I can quickly shut it off. With each passing week I am aware of the massive peace my empathetic body feels. This is my Christmas gift to myself. And detaching is absolutely mystical.

Slow down, darlings! Be present in your life and with your loved ones. Everything else can wait. You don’t have to participate in every single thing every day. Allow the holidays to be a time of gentleness, love and awareness. Give attention to you.

I love you.

Letting Love Live

This morning I had a memory of the first time I was stung with uncensored and unconditional love. I’m sure I had hundreds, or perhaps thousands of moments, but that evening seemed to stand out loudly.

My husband and I had been dating for a few months. I spent the night at his place. We had made love and only a candle lit the room. He had fallen sleep on his stomach. I turned over and saw him. The light from the candle enhanced his back muscles. I gasped. He was beautiful. I looked at his bare back in pure delight. Tears formed and I allowed for their release. He was sound asleep. I became very aware that he was mine, for however long that would be, and he was lovely. Not just because of his body but his sense of humor. I was falling in love. I was falling into a known territory that felt remarkably unfamiliar to all others.

I traced my fingers on his back softly following the shadows. He woke and turned over to his side while I kept rubbing him with my nails. At some point I fell into a slumber wrapped by his arms. The next morning as I drove the hour and twenty minutes home, I kept thinking of that moment that allowed me to fall so profoundly that every cell in my body felt the expansion of love. I literally felt a huge break in my chest.

Then I started to freak out. I felt I was losing myself. How could I? I’ve done this dance many times before. I had given all of me for years and not been reciprocated but what amazing lessons I had learned. I regret not a one!

As I watched the stretch of mountains ahead my heart felt a tingle and a pull. I was safe to fall. I was safe to rise towards the delight of being me…my authentic self without censoring from a man. The sun was rising over the landscape and I knew I had permission from the heavens to just feel the love that was to grow. I remember this many years later. I remembered it this morning as I watched him sleep in his stomach bundled under warm blankets.

Driving over the mountains that morning I recalled twenty years before when I was dating a lovely man. After we made love I fell asleep in his arms. Sometime after that I woke to him watching me sleep and the blinds wide open. He said, “The moon looks beautiful on your back. It makes your freckles look like stars!” He meant every syllable of that sentiment.

I buried my head on the pillow in embarrassment. I had a hard time taking in any kind of compliment.

I had never been seen…Or so I felt. He saw me. And when he died a year later a part of me died with him. Now noticing my new lover and his divine essence naked in front of me I felt all the love in the world that had been given, shared and exchanged. I felt it intensified and released in my soul. It wasn’t just a physical or emotional connection. It was a spiritual one.

At midlife I was finally me without apologizing.

And I allowed for all that was to come. He was mine then. He continues to be mine now. It has taken a tremendous amount of work and dance to stay in that love but it’s been so worth it. Because that’s what marriage entails. We are on the other side of that mountain of uncertainty and doubts. We are led by stars and candlelight through the darkest of obstacles.

We are in it because of the raw vulnerability from one another. We show up not always in perfect lighting. It’s in the unmade beds, crazy sleepless nights with kids, messy days, hard obstacles, little moments and unconditional love without judgment. It’s real life naked and fully clothed behind closed doors. I’m blessed.

Coming Undone

I was next at the check out counter in the grocery store. A woman with three small items came up behind me and I immediately asked her to go before me. She thanked me and was a bit shocked.

“This would never happen where I’m from!” She said.

“Where are you from?” I asked.

“Florida.”

I told her I was from there too. I laughed. The cashier said she was from there as well. I told her it had nothing to do with where you are from. It had to do with conscious kindness. She had three things. I had many more. I don’t even think about it as location or origins. I don’t think. It’s hard enough waiting in line. It’s not a big deal.

She looked lost in her thoughts. She began to come undone while putting her credit card in the machine. She complained about the weather being too cold, just moving here to Asheville, coming to live with her mother, having to start all over again. In less than three minutes I knew her life. She was younger than me. She was beautiful in a broken way that my heart wanted to grab her and cuddle her through love and compassion. She was completed disheveled by the act of skipping over me. I asked her to stop for one minute and just be. I asked her to just be with the moment. I refrained from going too close to her. She said thank you, paid and left. My words triggered something deep and she just couldn’t be.

I was getting in my car when I saw her still struggling with herself two cars down from me. I told her to have a good evening. To be gentle with herself. Tears formed. She waved and got in her car.

She didn’t want to be seen. She resisted the humanity. She was so deep into her own world of disappointments that she couldn’t get herself comfortable with anyone, let alone my presence. She couldn’t accept. She was way down in too much pain to feel me holding a candle for her release from darkness.

It’s okay. It’s okay to not want to come undone in front of a stranger. But, I hope that you come undone in front of someone. I hope you accept kindness and love and acknowledgment from someone. I hope you have a someone for this. It’s hard to witness and even harder to feel the feels of it all.

And this is what the holidays seem to bring up for so many. They feel forced out of their comfort zone and have to pretend.

So don’t. Don’t do anything you feel goes against your beliefs or your stability. Stay in the now. And make zero excuses for how you feel.

I love you.

Just this Moment

There is an easy flow to this morning. The schools do not open till later due to the ice and cold weather. By this time I’m at work but today I sit across a playpen with a little boy eating his cereal and a little girl snuggled on the sofa watching her favorite cartoon. I never imagine my life at fifty like this.

I actually never imagined my life at fifty…at all. I didn’t think I would be here by then.

We have little deaths in our timelines. We get sick or completely reinvent ourselves. We move or stay or just wake up one day feeling different. It’s all magical and exactly how we intend it to become.

A million contracts are paid in our lives. Those contracts we designed before even incarnating. The lessons were created to expand our consciousness. The journey is up to us.

We hold the wheel. We maneuver ourselves to the next destination, watching carefully for mud slides or cracks on the road. The older we get the more aware we become…at least I hope that for everyone.

So this morning, all plans are out the door. I need to go see clients. They will wait for later. I need to be at a meeting which may be done through conference call. Everything is interchangeable, relatable and temporary. Right now I am exactly where I’m suppose to be.

I’m here watching the light hit the trees out back. I am watching the frost swirl with the wind in the porch. I am snuggled by one cat and another walking around wondering why we are still home.

The simplicity of life is in these moments. Things can change in an instance. And it’s okay. We breathe through it. We become grateful to the present. We are gifted these moments to take in what’s important and release what is not.

Right now it is me and my kiddos holding on to a few hours of free time.

Divine in You

The day will come when you won’t be looking for faith outside of you. When you stop looking for God in temples and religion. You will notice the Divine staring back from the reflection in the mirror. You will see it smiling at you in a homeless person or a loved one taking his last breath. You will find Source in your children as they laugh out loud. You will feel spirit in the kiss from your mate. You will finally recognize our connections and how important it is to be kind and compassionate to everyone. Even when they don’t accept it. You will find the silence and ability to walk away. This will be when you have reach the loving understanding of your purpose through unconditional love. I see you. I feel you. I know the God in you. And in me. I love you.