Sometimes it takes a while to recognize the most beautiful gifts another person has given you. Often times we take those things for granted because life happens. We have good days and bad days.
Last night, in the middle of tossing and turning, returning our four year old back to her bed (several times) I had a moment of full gratitude. I had a moment of retrospect.
Kali Rose is technically my granddaughter. She is the child of one of my adopted daughters from Romania. Tunde arrived into my life when she was nine. She suffers from bipolar, schizoaffective d/o and other mental disabilities. When social services called me to let me know that Kali (5 months old) was being removed from her care I was given a choice: I had two hours to go get her at their office or she would be placed in foster care.
I turned to my then boyfriend and before I could finish the sentence he said, “Babe, where do we pick her up?” He had no questions or doubts. He had never been a father. He didn’t even flinch. There was zero doubt of what needed to be done. And as time passed we made her ours and it took two and a half years to finalize her adoption. Matt did not care that she could have had HIV (since her biological dad did) or that she could suffer from mental illness from her gene pool. There was absolutely no question of what “we” had to do.
Back this April we got a call from Florida that Tunde’s second child was taken into foster care. Within a few hours we had a plan. Matt explained that this little boy needed to be with us. He was Kali’s biological brother. “We can do this!” And we did. It took months and fighting with the system but last month we brought him home.
I thought about this after all these years. I don’t know why but I laid in bed massaging my heart in gratitude. He never once questioned his decisions. This wasn’t my first rodeo. But it has been his.
What ruins us in relationships and other commitments in our journey is the abundance of irrational expectations we place for ourselves. We expect much from our loved ones and when it doesn’t appear as the perfect package we get angry and disconnect. We end the relationship. We stop growing together.
I share this today because sometimes in the middle of adulting we tend to forget the small significant details of what others do to impact our lives. It’s a habit. It’s old programming. It’s just life. Because, let’s face it, living in this human form is challenging. We take one step in front of the other unconsciously. We forget what we were here to remember.
Look back at those small increments of time. Acknowledge the love from another. Today I’ve thought about that particular day on May 28th, 2014. His kindness and determination allowed me to move forward knowing he had my back. No relationship is perfect or happy all the time. But, it’s in the brutal challenges and obstacles that you get to witness the integrity and support of another.
I love that. And I am beyond grateful. ~m.a.p.