Intensity of these Times

The news of Anthony Bourdain’s death left me speechless this morning. My son had worked with him in the past filming shows in New York City. He shared how great the man was, witty, kind and low key. I know that right now, in this particular time in history, the intensity of conscious shifting/awakening is hard to comprehend. It’s difficult to navigate at times. Emotions are flared and magnified by esoteric changes. It’s freaking chaotic. Not that depression and suicides haven’t been part of our lives in the past, but at this moment it’s super intensified.

Two weeks ago while driving to Baltimore and Washington DC, I zoned out into a meditative state. I could see the grid lines in the horizon, in the landscape, over mountains. I was seeing the collapsing of something powerful and the density of energy that wasn’t this apparent years ago. We are in the midst of merging timelines, darlings! Those flux emotions you keep feeling and lethargic body times are not to be ignored. So, I ask that you reach out when you feel the sadness overcome you. I beg you to seek help because bottling old traumas or new ones isn’t going to raise your frequency to where you need to be as we move through this time.

What can we expect? I feel we will see a lot more until something in us completely awakens. We are spiritual beings navigating in a human form. Let’s get real here…we tend to forget this shit because we are sucked into a system that has been selling untruth. We have the power to change everything.

The imbalance of earth and its folks has to find meaning other than the superficial acts and hatred motives. It’s not about religion. This isn’t a God thing. This isn’t a political one. It isn’t a human thing either. It is a matter/energy one. We can’t fix the world through anger and sadness. We can only do it through love. And I know that I get a lot of eye rolls when I mention “Love” but it is the highest form of vibration. True love for the self and others forces all other frequencies to take backseat.

I’m here. You are here. Let’s be here together. This is a tribe. We are all in this together. Our job here is to truly keep pulling one another out of the slums, out of the pits of hell when we take a detour, and into light.

Get out there and be in nature. Pray. Meditate. Eat right. Correct your alignment with the past by making full loving intentions for your soul and how you want to live. And, for heaven’s sake please see a professional when it gets too much. I love you. I believe in you. Ultimately you must believe in yourself!

~m.a.p.

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The Magic in You

I am rarely shocked by anything or anyone. There’s really not much that can shake me up and deeply put me in a state of deep word-less-ness. At the same token there are things that others say they are impossible and I claim them to be probable. It’s in that place of astonishing amazement that magic moves. It’s in the moments of mystical surprises that we evolve and surpass a place of bewilderment. Our passion fuels us and heightens our perception. What we know to be true changes constantly. Our desires and dreams move from where we are now into what we aspire for tomorrow.

Follow the heart’s desires. It knows more than the logical mind. Nothing exciting ever happens in the comfort of conformity and dullness. Venture into the unknown and trust that the Universe has your back at all times. I promise you that in the moment of surrendering you are transformed through faith and grace.

You got this! ~m.a.p.

Playing Musical Chairs

Yesterday my wonderful co-worker shared a story about one of her clients who recently departed our world. We were talking about doing volunteer hospice work if we had money to spare. I told her I was fascinated by the end of life and folks transitioning, especially those who are ready. And those who struggled allowed me to just sit in sacred space and hold their hands.

She said one day she went to visit her client and she asked her how she was handling her ending?

Her sweet elderly woman, who had been a missionary for many years, a woman of huge amount of faith, said…“I’m moving from one chair to another. Is that not okay?”

I stared at my co-worker. My eyes began to water. That was such an insightful and beautiful analogy of end-of-life transition. I got chills. From that statement I knew she was a woman who had lived on grace.

I feel life is like that: moving from chair to chair trying to find the most comfortable one.

It takes pure divine “knowing” to accept what all of this is about. It’s in the simple awareness that we are just moving from one form of matter into another.

The joy of life is to continue moving from chair to chair while finding the magic of what it holds for the spirit. The trick is finding the greatest chair while playing your music and enjoying it as long as possible in complete love and joy. ~m.a.p.

Rise Above It All

Many years ago I had a lot of money. In a matter of a day, right before 9/11 we lost it all. Millions. The stock market plunged. Our business also struggled after 9/11. There was no money or sources to pull from. At the time we were in the midst of building a new home and mortgaged my older one to the max.

I had an accident November of that year. I lost my memory. I was 33 years old but I woke up thinking I was 19. Six children and a partner were unrecognizable to me. I was devastated feeling like a stranger in my own house…a house I couldn’t conceive as mine. I felt as if I was in an alternate reality. Nothing made sense. The more people tried to tell me what and how I needed to feel, the angrier I became. My reality didn’t match up with what I was experiencing. I ended up in the psych ward of a horrible state hospital until they recognized that I was not crazy. I had amnesia from being whacked on the back of the head in a park. But since I didn’t know what had happened to me I couldn’t tell them how I lost my memory. I couldn’t remember a single event past the age of 19. Slowly the memories began to unfold. It took a long time. And, still I have no recollections of a lot of events from the past before the accident.

Let me tell you what happens when you have lost all that you know. You either give up or you fight to get back to a place of optimum security. You either die or live. There is no in-between. At the moment of pure desperation, heartache, and shock the ache will force you to choose.

I’m here to beg you to rise above it all, darling! Choose life. There is always a solution once you take accountability for your life and your story. Because that’s all it is: a story. It’s not permanent. It changes moment to moment.

Your story is created every second of the day. Don’t get stuck in victimization mode. Don’t blame another for your choices. You are responsible for you. Forgive and allow your soul to lead the way.

Please know you have folks who will help. Rise!!!! I believe in you. I know your struggle is real but your presence here is a miracle. ~m.a.p.

I Crave

I want more time to chase fairies, play, paint, sing, chant, and dance. I want to connect with sweet souls, whether one-on-one or in a restaurant for five minutes. I don’t want to hear about negative world news. I don’t care for complaints cause they don’t inspire me. I want to know how you are surviving your journey, how you play this game called Life, and interconnect with others. I want to hear your dreams from past and future. Show me you! Show me your love through words, actions, and authentic truth. I want more sharing of healing arts, talks about consciousness, mystical experiences that have no logic, and laughter that makes my belly hurt and my cheeks burn. I want to know what aches and strengthens your soul. I crave for human touch, jokes, and play time. The sillier, the better. Yes…I want to continue sharing and caring beyond anything out there. Join me…let’s do it together and make sure we continue loving beyond words with the most openness of hearts.

Cause, darlings, that’s what we need more of….love, acceptance, and acknowledgment! We need to realign with Divinity while loving fully. This is how we raise consciousness. This is how we shift our world to better. This is how we fully show up…. ~m.a.p.

Open Heart

And there…in the school parking lot I broke. The flood gates opened. I sobbed. I was overcome by grief and anger like I hadn’t in a long time. Frustration hit my core and I felt my heart being pulled in every direction. For hours, since early morning, I had been fighting a migraine. I rarely get them. I had taken plenty of Tylenol but it had been nagging and I knew there was an underlined monster coming to visit. There, in an empty church lot, about to drop my kiddo at daycare, I allowed it all to come undone. 

Her silence broke eventually. “What’s wrong, Mama?”

“I’m sad and angry!” I said softly in between deep inhales and exhales.

“For my baby brother?”

“Part of it. Other parts too!” I kept seeing flashes of my daughter, Kali’s mother, doing what she’s not suppose to do. The anger kept pushing through and I stopped myself from it all until I could get Kali in school and I could leave. 

“I’m sorry, Mama. It’s gonna be okay!” She said from her car seat.  I got out, unbuckled her, and she gave me a giant tight hug. I stood there, her legs wrapped around my torso, holding my daughter’s daughter. Holding a precious gift she gave me and another one about to arrive into our arms. There, I stood holding my lifeline and hers while she kissed my cheeks. My heart grew wider. This parenting business is not easy…ever. 

“I’m gonna be okay, Kali Bug. I am having a bad morning. That’s all.” I looked at her. Her own eyes filled with tears. She feels hard. She knows beyond her years. But, she doesn’t really know the sorrow of her past, or how her birth mother is mentally ill and has intellectual disabilities; how I adopted her mother from a Romanian orphanage at the age of 9; how her mother won’t rationalize or understand the trail of damage she keeps leaving behind. She gives birth to a third child this week. She turns 28 on Friday. Kali doesn’t know of any other mama. She only sees me. She only understands our love…and that she has a new baby brother arriving soon. She doesn’t ask where he’s from. She doesn’t care. 

She only knows love. Her life is fully integrated with it. We make sure of it…every single day.

“I know, Mama. You always okay.” She gave me a thumb’s up. I dropped her and she waited by the glass door until I threw kisses before getting in the car. We do this every single morning. She counts to see how fast I am until I get out to the car and then I throw kisses with my hands and she catches them from inside. Today I threw my heart at her…and she caught in for safe landing. And, that’s all I needed her to do.