Love Because

Every so often I get a message from a stranger asking for advice on their children. I answer simply with “I am sorry. I don’t know your sweet child. I cannot help you.” Then I suggest that they check out a nearby therapist or doctor. The reality is that I am not a license therapist and cannot evaluate anyone, especially children.

Now, if you want to know about fairies or theories on the multiverse and parallel dimensions, I’m your girl. If you want to laugh and hear me go off on some quantum tangent about how we are here but in other places…I am your girl. I can talk about consciousness all day, every day.

I can offer you empathy through your sorrow. I can hold sacred space for you. But, I’m not a child psychologist. I have experience in mental disorders from my own perspective of raising several children with challenges. That doesn’t make me an expert. And every child is unique.

So, if I come across as some kind of mother expert for raising children please note that I am not. Believe me when I tell you that I am clueless. Even after eight kids I am still making my way through infinite lessons…often times pulling my hair and cursing in my inner voice.

I am here for you if you need a shoulder. I am no expert at absolutely nothing but loving you. That…I…can…do!

**I don’t know who wrote the beautiful quote. It’s absolutely yummy.

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Get Up and Move

The trees behind our house block the sky. I can see pink through holes in the forest. There is a mystical luring to that small space. I love the canopy of nature blocking and enticing my eyes. However, I miss being able to see the distance of sky and horizon. I miss waiting for the rise of day and the sleep of sky at night. I love sunrises and I am giddy that our new home in a few weeks will allow for me to witness them.

I’m reminded of how we allow things to block our views. We settle for the viewing and find comfort. We forget what matters because we conform to our surroundings. Sometimes we complain about how we can’t see or be or do. But we have choices. When you can’t see you can open up another area. You can shift perspective. You can move. You can walk the distance to find what you desire. You aren’t a tree rooted in one place.

So go. Go find your sky. Go reach your stars. Go make your path through the forest. Light through the fog. You get to decide what you keep and what must go.

(Picture from a hike a year ago)

Expectations

Sometimes it takes a while to recognize the most beautiful gifts another person has given you. Often times we take those things for granted because life happens. We have good days and bad days.

Last night, in the middle of tossing and turning, returning our four year old back to her bed (several times) I had a moment of full gratitude. I had a moment of retrospect.

Kali Rose is technically my granddaughter. She is the child of one of my adopted daughters from Romania. Tunde arrived into my life when she was nine. She suffers from bipolar, schizoaffective d/o and other mental disabilities. When social services called me to let me know that Kali (5 months old) was being removed from her care I was given a choice: I had two hours to go get her at their office or she would be placed in foster care.

I turned to my then boyfriend and before I could finish the sentence he said, “Babe, where do we pick her up?” He had no questions or doubts. He had never been a father. He didn’t even flinch. There was zero doubt of what needed to be done. And as time passed we made her ours and it took two and a half years to finalize her adoption. Matt did not care that she could have had HIV (since her biological dad did) or that she could suffer from mental illness from her gene pool. There was absolutely no question of what “we” had to do.

Back this April we got a call from Florida that Tunde’s second child was taken into foster care. Within a few hours we had a plan. Matt explained that this little boy needed to be with us. He was Kali’s biological brother. “We can do this!” And we did. It took months and fighting with the system but last month we brought him home.

I thought about this after all these years. I don’t know why but I laid in bed massaging my heart in gratitude. He never once questioned his decisions. This wasn’t my first rodeo. But it has been his.

What ruins us in relationships and other commitments in our journey is the abundance of irrational expectations we place for ourselves. We expect much from our loved ones and when it doesn’t appear as the perfect package we get angry and disconnect. We end the relationship. We stop growing together.

I share this today because sometimes in the middle of adulting we tend to forget the small significant details of what others do to impact our lives. It’s a habit. It’s old programming. It’s just life. Because, let’s face it, living in this human form is challenging. We take one step in front of the other unconsciously. We forget what we were here to remember.

Look back at those small increments of time. Acknowledge the love from another. Today I’ve thought about that particular day on May 28th, 2014. His kindness and determination allowed me to move forward knowing he had my back. No relationship is perfect or happy all the time. But, it’s in the brutal challenges and obstacles that you get to witness the integrity and support of another.

I love that. And I am beyond grateful. ~m.a.p.

Believe in Yourself

I might not know you, personally. I don’t have to in order to feel your pain when you feel lost. I don’t have to know your story to understand that you feel broken and shattered. You feel alone and depleted. I recognize the fake smile, the “I’m fine” comment, and the gestures that arrive when you are hiding something because of guilt or shame. It’s universal. It is not just English. It’s Spanish, French, Arabic, Italian, and every other form of dialect. The echoes in your soul are transparently opened to another who is feeling the same way. I know you. I might not be able to touch you, but I know when I see someone holding on to the edge of a rope next to the end of the world. I know that look, that blank stare of frustration, that only someone who has been there recognizes. There is little hope, and I know that too. You aren’t the only soul to have a bad week, a horrible month, and a frustrating year. This is all shit sometimes. It’s not an easy job to be in this human race.

I’m here to remind you that you are playing a game that’s created by your own programming. You are not a victim of your circumstances. You are the creator of those challenges in a subconscious level that requires some amazing awareness. Your sense of loss is very real but you get to decide if you stay holding on to the rope or let go into faith. It’s simply that easy. And, yes, faith can’t be seen, and at times, it can’t even feel real. It is a matter of trusting something other than yourself. It’s feeling the awesomeness of the universe holding you up…it’s waiting to catch you once you let go.

I don’t have to know what you feel. I don’t even need to be in your presence to understand that you require a shift in perception. You require a change of scenery. You need to abandon this moment of chaos and give yourself a break. Just do it!

Go for a walk. Go stand under a tree. Go talk to the clouds, to a friend, to your dog, or to anyone. Go chase a sunset and welcome a sunrise. You got to distance yourself from the drama of what seems to engulf this sadness. Cause, darling, there is always a way out without thinking of checking out. There is always a person who can adjust your sails and send you back on course. Reach out! You are not alone with this devastation of loss and hopelessness. I promise you that!!!

You are love. You are divinity dressed in this freaking magnificent human form. You can create anything you want…but first you must believe in YOU. Believe in every cell that consists of your physical body, every emotion that has created your spirit, and every aspect that has brought you right here, right now. Go be the most amazing form of you the world is yet to witness….! You’ve seen some crap. We’ve all have…but keep going cause the best days are still ahead for you! ~m.a.p.

Shaken Up

We are being shaken up to wake in truth. The shift is happening in a large scale. We are women, mothers, sisters, daughters and friends. We are the divine feminine rising in masses. Stay in love and do not allow fear to consume you. This is happening on a massive collective soul level. Together we can heal and help the world heal. When one voice is heard it echoes across the world. So imagine what millions of beautiful voices speaking their truth can do to release old wounds? Regardless of these outcomes we can continue to show the world that truth prevails. And more than anything the light we continue to carry towards one another transcends this moment. We are making history every single second. This is one of the most powerful times ever. And we are witnessing our strength in numbers. I am healing my own traumas and deep treacherous memories. So thank you. Thank you to all the women (and men) for opening up and sharing their own stories of horrific assaults and events. I stand in awed of the magic we are creating. I love you.

Rise!

I want you to read that meme over and over. I remember four years ago when I died in the ER and was returned to this world. I recognized that the moment I woke I was different. As days turned into months and months into years, I had to remove anyone (and anything) that disturbed my sensitivity. I could not be responsible for making the world happy, especially people who sucked the life out of me trying to find happiness. They are responsible for their own journey.

Not everyone will approve.

Not everyone will agree.

People judge from the place of their own perspective and experiences. It’s not for you to try and mold them. Let them judge. Just don’t allow them to break you.

So I stopped…I made it a point of truly disengaging from those whose addictions and toxic energy were hurting me.

I woke to find me. And every day afterwards I’ve had to continue setting boundaries. Some are easy. Others feel like I’m the worst human on earth.

And that’s part of this human thingy. I keep standing in my knowing.

Rise, darling. Keep standing for your truth, awareness, love and your life. Keep rising to all that is to come when you live through your authenticity, when you move through love.

Whether they approve or not…rise and acknowledge YOU!!!

I love YOU! ~m.a.p.

Dancing in the Rain

The yummiest part of my day was taking my sweet elderly client to the Botanical Gardens. We walked slowly and cautiously on the trail. It was about to rain. He was concerned. I asked, “What would be bad about getting a little rain on us? It’s so wonderful, you know! It’s just water. I can get you back in the car and to the facility in ten minutes!”

He sighed. He smiled. “Well, you are right. I haven’t played in the rain since I was a child.”

“Well then it’s time. If it rains we can sit here and bathe under the forest!”

There was silence. I watched the wheels turning…a reprogramming of thoughts and beliefs.

He sat in deep ponder. He looked out to the creek. He gasped and shared his gratitude in a way that made me cry. I held his hand in mine taking in a mental input of the moment.

“I forget how fast 85 years have come and gone. And I still choose to live so rigid in my military thoughts.”

“Yeah, there isn’t time for that. I say we stay here and dance slowly under the rain!” I said giggling.

We waited. The rain never arrived. Just whispers from the heavens. But we were determined to dance under it so I allowed him to just twirl me for a second slowly on the grass. He showed me the most generous amount of presence.

My heart seemed to be in rhythm with the world around us.

Now you…go find joy in the simple things. You don’t have to follow such severe rigid rules. You are an adult. You get to be in bliss through the simplest ways like chasing a squirrel or butterfly….it might lead you into magic. ~m.a.p.