I used to have to be right. It would bother me if a person didn’t see things like I did. If there was a misunderstanding I had to beat it (usually in my head) until I was heard and seen as correct.
It doesn’t matter at this point. I don’t have to be right to anyone. I don’t have to go above and beyond an exhausting point of fixating on it. I don’t have to feed the ego to make another person see things my way. I am also able to see the bs around me, especially if I’m causing it without truly owning it. And I do.
I know that I don’t know. But, what I do know is that I don’t have to argue a point to someone who comes from their own past experiences. We are all coming from our own perspectives. Not everyone matches. Not everything has to fit.
I stopped giving away feeling small by trying to act big.
I know I don’t have to make it about me. Or them. I just have to move along and mind my own business. I take ownership of that.
Be gentle with yourselves this holiday season. Folks are stressed and frustrated. Others hurt and depressed. Stay in your lane and don’t argue what you know you won’t win because it’s useless to do so. Let it go. Set it free. Put it down. Move on.
There are nights I lay awake thinking about my six adult children and these two little ones in my care. I am certain other parents go through the list of questions: What didn’t I do right? What could I have done differently? Will they look back and realize that love was always given in abundance? Will they have taken into adulthood the knowledge that material things don’t really matter? Questions gather and release. And, as I toss and turn, churning on the mattress, I come to listen to my inner guidance. I have done the best I could do under my limitations and capacity.
People will always look inside glass houses, attempt to judge, criticize, and belittle. No one knows your path, the struggles along the way, the many times you had to bulldozed your way to the other side. These thoughts come and go during nights that sleep eludes me. And, then, another miracle appears: as daylight enters the room the Divine visits with assurance. I take deep breaths, thank the Universe for allowing me to redo all the wrongs, and continue learning. I go outside and enter the church of nature. It is there that I find the peace to comfort my spirit and quiet the many unknowns. I am the best possible version of me and I whisper to God, “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you!” I am whole again.
Asking for a miracle is allowing God to align your wishes with what you deserve. It is a faithful act of letting go and releasing to the unknown. It is in believing that we are entitled to the impossible. Once you know and feel the awareness of illusion in that everything is okay the world opens up to your every desire. We have no control of what can and will happen. That’s the miracle. As Lemony Snicket says, “Miracles are like pimples, because once you start looking for them you find more than you ever dreamed you’d see.” Allow those little pimples to pop and show you the beauty of your wishful heart.
Be gentle with you. Let the thoughts come and go but don’t try to control the what if’s and what you’ve could’ve done. Those days are gone. Today is a new day. Today is a miracle in the making. I love you.
I am so excited to finally announce the details of this retreat with David Holt in Costa Rica on April 17 – 21, 2023.
Come join us on a beautiful spiritual journey for a few days. I am grateful for Metamorphosis Retreats hosting this event for us.
Feel Your Soulgasm!
Feel more Love, Passion and Aliveness than you believed possible!
A Wellness Retreat Like No Other…
This retreat is about experiencing your Soul directly. Where you feel more Love, Passion, and Aliveness than you probably believed was possible. It’s also Peace, Joy, Laughter, Fun, Reverence, and sheer Awe about who you are. What’s also known as a ‘Soulgasm’!
We are so hard on ourselves. You notice that? How deeply ridiculous we treat ourselves at times? We aren’t always that hard with others.
Saturday I was sent the final edits for my memoir, Erasable. I opened up the manuscript and became paralyzed. There wasn’t much to change but the idea of having to re-read this story (MY STORY) oh my gosh… it brought me to my knees.
I had to relive parts of me I had forgotten. I wrote the first part of this memoir 20 years ago, right after my accident. I worked on it 2 years ago and redid a lot of it. But it’s been a long while since I went detail by detail, line by line, word by word, mano a mano.
I was still under the weather dealing with the crud. I was struggling just to take care of the kids and myself. And, here in an email, comes this manuscript with a timely deadline in order to get it out on 1/11/23.
So, I cried. I let the publisher know that maybe this wasn’t a good enough book to finish. The editor and publisher immediately returned my email with suggestions and loving support. I understand a lot of authors at the last minute fear their words being put out there. They talked me off the ledge. They suggested I call a mutual friend of ours (who had put out a book earlier this year). She held my hair and my hand throughout the day from many miles away and she was vital to my ability in moving through all the emotions.
I worked on it Saturday and Sunday and it was sent back.
Was it hard? Not once I started! Was it emotional? You betcha! Does it share a message that others will understand? I have no doubt! It is me at my most vulnerable. It’s raw, and real.
To read of the woman I was then and the woman I’ve become now in a book… it’s something. It’s transformational.
The secret to change is always in the awareness because once you know better, you do better. Once you become responsible and accountable for your decisions, your choices, and your life… the world opens up in a very different frequency.
Fear will stop us from succeeding. Had I let that fear of being seen take over, there may not be a book. For that matter, I wouldn’t be writing the way I write daily. I believe that stories connect us. Words comfort us, move us, and allow us to recognize that we aren’t alone.
About 21 years ago my ex and I hit a horrific financial pitfall. We owned an Industrial Distribution company and when 9/11 hit we pretty much lost A LOT in the stock market. Just like millions, we lost the ability to trust in what we couldn’t see. I ended up moving from South Florida to Central Florida with six kids while he stayed behind to salvage what was left. I worked on the business from my tiny rental home. Slowly we began to figure out how to navigate the storms.
That Thanksgiving there wasn’t much money. A week before the holiday, I woke one morning to a voice in my little head that clearly stated to help those in need in Orlando. Truth be told I was one of the needy ones. I went into meditation and I was shown exactly what needed to be done. I wrote a list.
I went to the Dollar store and bought all sorts of food and created 20 baskets. I went into our glass-change jar for this. After a few days I took the baskets to the police station in the worst area and asked the officer to please distribute to whomever he thought needed it most. I explained they needed to have children and/or elderly folks. I had written notes in each basket with personal love cards from God.
He asked if I wanted to schedule a right-along. I told them that I felt he had it. I didn’t need to be there.
Because I followed Guidance, that Thanksgiving ended up being absolutely beautiful. A week later money began to come into our accounts from sources I didn’t even know. We had food. We had shelter. We had health. We had the necessities.
What changed? My perception of the situations.
How did I overcome the loss of our home, the deterioration of our business? I walked one step at a time into the sacred journey. I was held tightly in a conviction that Spirit was guiding me.
It’s in the moments of despair that we find strength. It’s in those moments of uncertainty that Faith shows up and holds our hands. It’s those challenges that teach us how to trust in something omnipotent. We are never quite broken as much as fractured for a bit. We heal and we rise. We are absolutely a tenacious bunch.
Gratitude opens us up to abundance (and this doesn’t necessarily mean money, it could be health, joy, ease, etc.). You don’t have to literally give anything. You can sit and send prayers to those in your life, to the planet, to your ancestors. I sit with 12 months of wonderful experiences, especially the challenging events, and recognize their lessons.
For so many of us, the last few years have actually changed us into new versions of ourselves. We have been polished into new beings because of those experiences.
I love you. Be kind always. Stay in the moment of wonderous gratitude and watch how the Universe/God/Guidance show up in return.
The day will come when you won’t be looking for faith outside of you. When you will stop looking for God in temples and religion. You will notice the Divine staring back from the reflection in the mirror. You will see it smiling at you in a homeless person or a loved one taking their last breath. You will find Source in your children as they laugh out loud. You will feel spirit in the kiss from your mate. You will finally recognize our connections and how important it is to be kind and compassionate to everyone even when they don’t accept it. You will find the silence and ability to walk away. You will feel divinity in nature and inhale her wisdom.
You will accept yourself fully and all the power of infinite love.
It is then when you have reached the loving understanding of your purpose through unbounded love. The expectations of anything outside of yourself will dissolve around you.
You will see you. And you will walk this earth seeing love and compassion in all things without judgment. You will feel the truth of your existence.
I see you. I feel you. I know the God in you is also the God in me. I love you.
For several years now I have shifted my language. I used to say “I hope” and now I say “I trust.”
To me there is a difference in the way I use the words. When I use hope it feels like a desire and expectation. It doesn’t feel like it is very reliable.
Trust is confident. It is faithful. Trust is believing that things will manifest. It is knowing that things happen in divine timing.
Hope does not feel that way. It feels like it lacks something. I don’t know but try it out for yourself.
I share things with trust rather than hope. Sometimes “hope” is the only thing another person can understand. We relate to what we’ve been programmed to hear.
I trust that things happen. I have faith in them. When I pray or meditate I go into the practice with trust, not hope. Hoping for something feels powerless. Trusting in something feels very empowering.
Trusting you have a deliciously magical day. I love you.