The Unfolding

My life has been unfolding lately in ways I never imagined. I am meeting like-minded individuals who are energetically pushing me to be more of me than any other time in my life. I am leaving the safety of my comfort zone and truly reinventing a new self. That’s not the right word: “reinventing.” It suggests that I have not been me all along. I am “recharging and reconnecting” to parts of me I had forgotten. And, this is magical in ways I had only dreamed of when I create space for manifesting the life I desire. I’m meeting empowering souls who cheer me on and expect nothing from me but to just share space. I love this!

When I let go of old patterns I began to make space for this. When I forgave myself and others, I began to create a path to get here. It didn’t happen overnight. It started in the summer of 2015. I had to really recognize how I consciously played a role of the “fixer and caretaker” in so many lives. I had to stop and remove that label. It’s great to help others, but in the process I wasn’t helping me. I wasn’t happy. I was quite annoyed, hurt and deeply unsatisfied with how things were playing out. I accepted how I enabled many folks around me by constantly mothering them. They had their own journey to travel and they needed to do it without me. Now, as a woman who loves to love wholeheartedly this isn’t an easy task. I let go. I struggled with not fixing the alcoholics, the drama, and all others who (I felt) needed to be loved. I had to, for once, shut it down and concentrate on me healing myself.

Loving someone doesn’t require that you stop loving yourself. Loving someone doesn’t give you the right to stop their growth. When we love it is whole. You begin to accept all the crap that those around you embody because that’s part of their spiritual growth. You begin to not take this personally. And…so I let go. In the process I lost many friends and family members. The year 2016 was one of the most challenging years of my grown-up life. But, guess what? I learned powerful lessons and released the old programming of people pleasing. Now, two years later, I have made sacred space for those who are in alignment with my soul. I have allowed new energy that doesn’t require me fixing or saving. I am able to be me without apologizing or trying to mold to the masses.

You are a magnet to all that you have around you. If you don’t like how things are appearing in your life, please step back and make some radical changes. It doesn’t have to be as drastic as walking away from it all in one shot. Or it might just have to be…I don’t know! I did that too several times in the past. But, I can promise you that by taking responsibility for your choices and actions you are allowing Divinity to create a new adventure for you. Listen to your soul. If drama is constant in your life…shut the damn play down. QUIT the production. You can create a new play and recruit new actors. Your life is yours to create to the highest form of love.

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Your Loss is Felt

We went to Yorktown in Charleston, South Carolina. My husband loves the Navy, having been a corpsman in his youth. He wanted us to see the ships there. I have a hard time entering places with stagnant energy. It was hard to be in the ships. Lots of memories stored in the small spaces. A lot of times I just went outside.

We were up on top. My husband went to see the planes. I sat on a bench. The heat was horrible this past weekend. A woman asked if she could share the bench with me. I scooted over and we sat there in silence.

“It’s so hot here!” She said. “I’m melting away.”

“Here it’s okay. It’s an oven in there. I don’t know how these souls do it while out at sea. I admire their dedication. After seeing this I have a whole new respect for them.” I shared this as she began to fan herself with her hand.

“My son was in the Military.”

Her head lowered and I felt the grief. I felt her loss immediately in between the gaps of breath. I felt that inexplicable break that arrives when your heart has been ripped apart. Nothing else was said.

I went closer to her. Held her hand and said I was sorry. I looked into her.

There on a deck we sat in quietude. It was short lived when out little girl ran over to me. I let go of her and she thanked me. She got up and met her husband to leave. But I didn’t let go of her heart until that evening when we finally arrived home.

We have stories within stories. Some we share. Others we vault up in compartments that allow us to survive. The scars are deep and sacred. They connect us through humility and other levels of faith.

My heart goes out to all you folks who have lost someone. I can promise you that they are always with you. A part of them is left inside the cellular walls of your heart. You are never alone in your struggle. There are threads of love stitching us all together.

I’m here. I see you. I feel you. Others do as well. I love you. ~m.a.p.

Divine Teacher

I’ve been fortunate to be in the presence of some incredibly spiritual folks. They have a beautiful aura of complete tranquility surrounding them. Yesterday I sat in front of a teacher of such sacredness. I sat there holding in tears for the duration of our coffee meet-up. Her magnetism had me vibrating at a much higher frequency. She is divine. She walks among us but with such sacredness that I could immediately feel my spirit join her demeanor. It’s a rare treat! There is no static when you sit with these souls who embody divine guidance.

I am not driven to follow gurus. I never have been. We are all imperfect humans finding our way through the most loving journey. Some folks have had more lessons and experiences to pass on. I learn from those. Being in her space allowed me to see…feel…touch… true love. I felt loved. I felt her love. I can’t describe that any better. Her ego wasn’t there and that’s refreshing to witness. There are many “spiritual teachers” out there who talk a lot about the ego-less mind, Christ consciousness, and terminology that describes the shedding of the human chit-chat, while entering a state of complete awareness. I have been among many folks who have declared themselves to be just that. I have also been led wrongly by them and have lost my power on many occasions. But, yesterday I was in the presence of such pure guidance.

I woke in the middle of the night to enter meditation and I still felt her eyes gently caressing me. She’s a teacher. And she walks her knowing.

I hope you are able to find these true spiritual teachers in your life. I pray they enhance your inner power and guidance. A true spiritual teacher brings out the best in you. They allow you to truly reach divinity through love.

Anger and Grief

Last week I re-read a memoir I started writing many years ago after an accident that erased my memory. Now, so many years later, returning to it caused me a great amount of emotional distance and the ability to finish it. Life has truly had some wonderful turn of events. But after reading it I was deeply angry for several days. On the drive to the beach I shared the range of emotions with my hubby. I explained I wasn’t so much angry with those who hurt me as I was with myself for allowing it to go on for so many years. We talked about those things in the intimate manner that only someone who knows the real you can support.

Slowly the anger showed up as grief. I mourned the parts I lost. But I also rejoiced in all that I gained. I sat with those things outside last night under the yummy scenery and let go. With every mosquito bite, or chiggers sucking at me, I released parts of the grief. I left them by the river. I allowed the new me to emerge through self-compassion.

That’s the thing about time and anger: it disguises itself in the most perfect of ways. I’ve done a LOT of release this year, huge strides in healing. I’ve mostly forgiven me. And in that surrender I have met some deeply powerful and authentic humans. Because of doing the work, I am meeting magnificent mirrors. I love you all. I get to see the real me through such divine guidance.

Allow yourself the gift of surrendering, sitting with the emotions, and making friends with them. Send them love. Don’t sensor your waves of ups and downs. That’s the soul expressing itself through spiritual growth.

You must confront those things in order to let them go.

Live Fully

I was afraid. A lot. Like, I lived through constant fears of something happening to my children, me dying, losing everything and living at the mercy of others…I was afraid. I was afraid of criticism and hateful judgments. But, when you looked at me you would never know this. You would never know the anxiety I embraced on a daily basis. I would have everything perfect because, God forbid, I had an accident and someone came into my house and saw cushions misplaced on the sofa, or a dirty ring in the bathtub from soap, or one dish in the sink. I was afraid of not being seen as if I had it all together. I needed to do it all and never ask for help.

That’s some craziness right there! The energy I utilized to keep a house in order, take care of six kids, pets, a business, and myself was astronomically stressful to my soul. So guess what happened?

I lost everything. I died. I had children who needed constant care. I had to allow others to help me. I was granted all the things I feared. I gathered them up within several years and tasted them fully. I drank the sorrows and losses. I took them all in. I learned from it all.

I survived. Because that’s what you do when the worst arrives. You rise above it all.

Life is meant to be lived fully, not feared. It is meant to be savored, not wasted. It is meant to be enjoyed, not dreaded. Life is a precious gift.

Stop wasting it on the dirty dishes, the unmade beds, the extra dust bunnies under the sofa…. those things can be tended to when the important parts are done. When the laughter has been addressed. When the fun has been tucked in at night. When the love has been embraced. When all else has been lived. Your job on this earth is to squeeze the yummilicious moments.

STOP wasting them on insignificant shit. It’s not yours to fix. Your purpose here is of a higher calling. When you start allowing, instead of fearing, all else aligns to your frequency. Love becomes the end result to so much. And with love there is no fear. Love is trusting.

GO LIVE and LAUGH! Have a great weekend.

I Speak From Heart

I speak to you through here, through the vastness of love frequency, and the spaces between the words.

Listen…

Here is the thing…to shut yourself off from the world is insanity. It is a great injustice. We are not made to live without love. We are not made to put up walls. We are to continue growing through those losses. I’ve lost no more and no less than anyone else. I have lost physically and mentally while in those losses I have doubted my humanity, my self-worth, and my ability to keep going. I have loved time and time again and have been hurt. I’m not exempt from heartache. I have left the warmth and comfort in not wanting relationships to then dive in and get hurt. I have been ruptured and stitched up again. I have seen the beauty in mindful love and the downside of giving all that I am. It’s been worth the ride.

I remember telling someone that a break like that truly feels like a giant crack inside. I believe it is then that the fracture allows for the heart to expand and grow to love deeper. Perhaps I am delusional. I just know that the times that I have ended relationships, or death has taken someone, the pain is so immense that my soul needs time alone to recuperate. I literally feel the ache coming from my chest. It is in those moments that the tears wash everything out and I realize that faith is the only means of transportation. I have no regrets because the child in me only wants love and to be loved. If that entails loss…well that’s a mighty hefty price that needs to be paid. Love is part of conscious living. You must give it in order to breathe.

We are not exempt from disappointments, deaths, breakups, tragedies, and anything under the scope of loss. Loss is the vulture that cleans our insides. While its in there anger, resentment, guilt, shame, and a kaleidoscope of emotions rise. Loss eats every aspect of hope and then allows for new cells to rebuild. If we live long enough we will see the immense power of hatred as well as the magnitude of love. This is your life. This is my life. This is life. Do not confine yourself to a prison of safety by not opening your heart to the world. You will miss out in other ways that Spirit can gift you through the magic of love. You are not alone. May you find the courage to love again and again for the rest of your life!

Love, darling. Love with all that you are and continue feeling it all. Don’t stop or shut yourself through fear. Through love you find the Divine. ~m.a.p.

The Ego is a Lunatic

Why do we sometimes allow spirituality to take a backseat? Why do we ignore the soul’s desire to spend quiet time alone? We start placing others’ needs before our very own.

I had forgotten what it was to live in that hectic pace until recently. I have to remember not to compromise my spiritual needs over the physical ones. I have to remind myself that the discomfort of certain things lately is all a matter of perception. Nothing is real but how I observe and own it.

I feel that the reason we forget to take time to contemplate is that we think it isn’t necessary every day. We can perhaps squeeze that time in the shower, driving, or right before sleeping. Spiritual nurturing requires time and effort just like physical work, career, family catering and entertainment.

Spirituality is the center of the soul. When we avoid those moments of centering, we are doing a huge injustice to ourselves. We become imbalanced.

What can possibly require us to avoid quiet time? Avoidance. Fear.

Fear of the unknown, anxiety, and the ego fighting the endless battle of narcissism create scenarios that don’t really exist. Finding a place, making a small space, or even just stopping for five minutes allows the spirit to center itself. Nothing is that important that we cannot meet the needs of our spirit to be still. NOTHING! Believe me that when the soul asks, you need to listen.

I have forgotten this with so much going on. The constant irritation of trying to make more time has reminded me to breathe and meditate right now. There is no appointment. Things cannot be postponed. My physical body has been calling for it through exhaustion. I am not ignoring it. I cannot handle the pain and move forward to stillness through avoidance. I know my stubbornness gets in the way of my spiritual growth like a mosquito attacking me in every direction. It’s incredible how something so small and annoying can get the blood boiling. But just like a mosquito, I can choose to slap it away. Silence, meditation, prayer, hiking, yoga…whatever you can find to escape the ego, is necessary for balance and harmony. Ego will keep you busy with shit that is unimportant. I promise. Shut it down. The soul needs to recharge and find stillness. It’s not just during sleep. Spirit needs to find connection with the universe during waking hours as well.

May you find a space that can bring you to inner peace. Pausing throughout the day (many times if needed) brings my spirit to a place of awareness, serenity, and self love. My humanness and relationship with others is enriched by the conscious connection with Divinity. It just takes one step in front of the other and deep breaths…then I find God echoing through all of me.

Answers come when we let go and make room for them. While we try to control the outcome we cannot hear. The only way is to step out of the mind and be led through the essence of my heart. In that space is where truth lies for me!