Retrospective Observation from a Retreat

Twenty women from 20 to 82 years young shared space for 3 days. Not one single discord or negative exchanged was witnessed. Every single woman is from different background and faith, yet not once did I witness judgment or criticism for anyone sharing their feelings. We all laughed in the same language. We all embraced our differences. I am always blessed to be among such gorgeousness and tribe.

Amazing women have shared and entertained. We have touched upon all kinds of subjects, played games and truly loved. We have put our guards down. It’s been one of the most magical times in a while. The cackling of joy has been overwhelmingly silly and therapeutic. Omgosh!

It was a true no-judgment zone full of kindness and mutual ongoing respect.

Hospitality is not about entertaining. Hospitality is an attitude of opening up your life so others can come in and join. It is about allowing love and kindness to flow through that space of sharing and being in the present moment with company. And when this happens it is magical! I enjoy each one who shared that space with me at the Charleston Laughfest Retreat.

I walked miles of that beach with and without company. We shared with each meal and games. Everyone of those ladies took something magical home with them. And I took their friendships to a deeper level.

I am blessed to have been in a sacred space of love and compassion. Everyone needs that. It recharges the batteries. A weekend full of laughter is healing and therapeutic to the oomph degree.

If you don’t have a tribe please do make one, join one, or just reach out to me. I can help with that. I’m sure we can build one together.

I love you.

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Going Home

I visited my favorite 96 y/o this afternoon. She’s fragile. I went into her room and sat next to her. She asked to touch my face and immediately said what she always says, “Hello. You are my favorite nurse! What time is it? Are you giving me medicine?”

I kissed her. She held my hands. I told her I just came to visit. I asked her how she was doing.

“I’m going home. I’m ready. That’s how I’m doing?”

“Where are you going, darling?”

She immediately said loudly, “I going to be with the Good Lord. I’m ready! I plan on seeing my husband. I’m gonna dance again. I’m gonna get my vision. I will sing and feel young again.”

She’s ready. I’m not. Not quite yet. Not today. Maybe not tomorrow. So I let the tears fall without her knowing. I will miss her…her spunkiness and smart remarks are precious. I will miss her stories. I will miss her soulfulness and smile.

She shared more about love and life. She was tired. In a loving and gentle manner she let me know after a bit that she wanted to go to sleep.

I kissed her tightly. Her fragile bones wrapped around me. Her lovely fingers traced my face. And I left keeping it together trying to be professional.

Outside were leaves flying all over. The trees showed their beauty as they stand the test of time and weather.

She has lived through some major weather changes: storms, floods, sunrises, and seasons. Her colors are dimming. She’s ready to go home…dancing, whistling, swirling in the wind like the autumn leaves falling right outside her window.

(Photo taken outside of her facility. Reminded me of her love for life. Vibrant).

Redesigning Your Life

I look outside on this beautiful cool November day at the many naked trees. Leaves are falling fast. The forest is starting to look bare behind our house. In the process of it getting there I see how simple things make my life worthwhile. It is those sweet fundamental moments of being present while staring at nature that I feel grounded.

I’ve been working on redesigning my life this year. Every day!

In that state of creating I enter a place of divinity. Call it meditation, prayer, contemplation or a visit from a muse. These are the moments that make me come to the realization I am content and filled with gratitude for all that I have.

It is gratitude that creates magic.

Things such as love, family, work, resting, writing, sharing and living through this journey become my perfect reality. It is never easy to follow a dream that others cannot understand. But, if you are honest with yourself and those folks see how well you manage under the many obstacles they, too, will see the light of joy it brings in you.

You are better because of living authentically. I always say a line that makes people laugh, “I know my truth!” And, this is my truth. I am blessed I am not alone on this journey. I thank each one of you for being my beacons of light every day. Have a wonderful day! Tap into your imagination and create all that you desire!

This is Life

Hello sweet loving souls! Stepping away sometimes creates a different energy to move into a truth that otherwise gets distorted with opinions and criticism. Usually it’s our own judgment. In order to obtain your goals you must step away from judgment. No other way around it. We get what we create: drama, weight, health issues, money, and whatever thought you are obsessing on. The surest way to get really sick is holding on to resentments. Let that shit go! Someone hurt you…yes, see all the sides of the story. Someone criticized you…yes, you can see how hurt they are in their own stories while pointing the finger at you. Own your part in everything. Take full responsibility in the saga. Realize that it’s all a matter of perception. Also recognize how pivotal those lessons are for the evolution of your soul.

This is YOUR life. Don’t you forget that. It’s yours to live however you want with whom ever you please at whatever time you desire.

You have a goal, dammit go for it! Even when your ego is bitchy and negative. Because guess what? You create through your vibe. What you put forth with high vibration and frequencies is what makes the heart fill up with joy and becomes yours. The only obstacle in your way is YOU and how you perceive your choices. Are you worth it? Do you deserve this? Do you really want it? Get pen and paper and write the things you desire. Thank the Universe, God, the great mysteries for it all. Be grateful for them already being in your life even if you find it impossible. Do not try and control the outcome. Just BE! I promise that you will get that or better. Have a blessed day. Go create a life full of magic and mysticism.

Letting Go

My husband and I were watching the show, This Is Us, last night. For whatever reason, because the show is full of vulnerability, I began to share a memory that I’ve never, ever shared with anyone from when I was pregnant with my second son. I left his father soon after he was born. But, I kept that memory of my 22nd birthday tucked inside until last night. I caught myself saying out loud, “I’ve never shared that memory of that day with anyone.” He asked, “Why now? Why me?” In my silence I knew why. There was no judgment. He was just there, open to receive the message. We continued watching the show. Nothing else was mentioned. This is one of the many reasons why I adore my husband. And also why in the last year we’ve grown closer…because we’ve openly shared the layers of the past.

Memories visit us a lot. They entertain us with laughter and break us up with sorrow. They revisit when they need to be acknowledged and they also leave us when we no longer need the reminders. Whatever triggered that moment of me sitting on a park bench, 5 months pregnant while mourning my marriage, was needed to be released.

Why now? Why do such things come up when they need to? Why do we feel the need to share with someone and not with others? The mind, our conscious choices, and our essence are all tied neatly to this moment. We are brought back to traumas or issues and events because we require healing. We don’t have to entertain every single thought that passes through. We don’t have to block them out either. But, we do ourselves great injustices when we ignore the poignant messages that come through memories. Don’t.

DO NOT wallow in the darkness. Allow the detachment of the past to show you how much you have learned. How much you have evolved. It’s massive. We are moved by growth. I am forever grateful for my ability to forgive and let go.

Allow your heart to heal. Give permission to your higher self to help you. You are precious. And, you deserve to live in the moment without piggy backing any crap from the past. You no longer live there.

A Broken Heart

broken heart

A few days ago I caught up with a dear friend. He began to express that it’s been one of the darkest moments in a long time for him. I heard what was said and the underlining of what wasn’t. My heart was fracturing as I listened to him. I have had moments like this. I have witnessed friends lose their jobs after 20 years. I have seen some others drink their problems away thus creating a blockage and denying all the emotions inside. I have seen others just disappear into their own shelter without a word. I have heard from others whose health have deteriorated asking for a purpose to it all. I have experienced the death of some others who just couldn’t handle the massive shifting of life because sometimes it’s all freaking shit. It’s hard. It’s unfair. It can suck us thin while removing our faith in humanity. And, as if all this wasn’t right on the surface of deep empathy, I was then asked that same afternoon by someone else, “Can a person die of a broken heart?” I immediately answered, “Absolutely! We can die from anything we manifest through thought and emotion whether it is in abundance or the lack of it.”

For most of my life the answer to that question was an absolute “no!” I did not believe you could die from a broken heart. Grieving passes. We get through things. At least…we should. However, things have changed. I have changed and experienced the shattering of my heart several times. We all have. Our stories consist of fractures, brokenness, fragments and so much more. It’s part of being human. One important criteria for living is feeling. The more you feel, the more exposed you are to disappointments, anger, hatred, heartbreaks, dishonesty, etc. But, on the same token we are also exposed to joy, beauty, love, and the rainbows of a thousand delicious emotions. The darkest of hours and moments in our lives push us to either lock up or open up wider. It’s a choice…but we must endure it. Life is not really meant to be a struggle but we sure do a great amount of persistence to make it be impossible. There are always lessons in these experiences. Without sounding over dramatic, I do believe we can die of a broken heart that manifests into a heart attack. We can create illnesses, weaknesses and every imaginable bad thing that can be attracted by intention.

My father had several open heart surgeries. He was a man who loved deeply. He was a Casanova, that one guy that lit a room with his charisma and good looks. He was charming, funny, friendly and extremely loving. He was a womanizer and had a PhD from the Houdini University of Disappearing Into Thin Air. He knew when to take it all in but not know when to let go. My father’s heart was wide open. He wore it on his sleeve, apparently with everyone. And so, he died with heart problems, prostate cancer, and a solitary journey to his death that was long and painful. His mind left him years before he was gone. My father died of not only a broken heart but resentments, anger, and disappointments that he couldn’t express. He lived in his own hell. Each one of us has an incredible novel and his was definitely not boring. He punished himself till the very end for all that he thought he created to hurt others.

We are all going to die. It’s a given. The moment you are born that’s the point of destination. What we do with the in-between is called life. Allow for the darkest parts to guide you into the light. Let creativity step in. A friend sent me a sweet message in an email, “Create! Save God from Boredom!” If you allow your heart to stay open and you accept your presence as a conduit from Divinity you will not die of a broken heart. You will fly and your Spirit will thank you for being authentic to your purpose. Create doesn’t mean to make a painting.  It means create all that you want with intention.  Do not let your heart close up. Do not let it die before your time. Do not let the past dictate your future. You don’t live there anymore. If you are sad, sit with it.  If you are happy invite that to stay for longer.  We grieve, we love, we give, and we die. Amidst the gasps of it all lies the purpose and the legacy of who you are.

Surrender to the unknown!

Make it magical!

I love you!