I love you…Millie
I had a walk on the beach with God this morning. I went into meditation using some amazing music a friend in Finland has created. I found myself walking along the shoreline of this gorgeous beach.
I wrapped my arm around my bodacious tall black woman with Caribbean accent as she held me close. Our feet parted the water, sinking into the sand… taking in the salty air, the sound of birds, the hollowness of wind moving through the trees.
Me: “I am so happy to be here with you again.”
God: “Me too, ma’ child.”
Me: “I am struggling. You know! I feel like I am failing somehow with being a parent.”
God: “I understand (she giggled). I know how you feel. I am always witnessing my own creations and wondering how my children don’t ask me for more help. I am only a thought away. Children want to know answers without really waiting for them. They ask and ask and interrupt and not make time to listen. You make the time to sit and find me. You are one of my favorites, Mildred America.”
Me: I laughed loudly. “I say that all the time to people about being my favorites.”
God: “And where you think you got that from, ma’ child? Every thought of joy, compassion and love comes from me.”
Me: still laughing… “True! I never thought of it that way.”
God: “What has been your favorite thing in this life?” (She held my arm tightly. The water began to wet her white linen pants. I smelled the Rose scent that always arrives from her as she moves with ease). “I know you have many, but I want to hear you tell me your top favorite one.”
Me: “My children. My kids are definitely my favorite of all things. Even in their challenges and struggles and distances. They’ve made me more compassionate. They’ve been my favorite teachers.”
God: “Ain’t that something! Me too. My children, each one of you, are my favorite of all creations!”
I held tighter to her arm. We stopped and looked out into the vastness of ocean and mountains around us. I took in the silence between us and she hugged me tightly. I felt the immense essence of love and safety. I was being cradled by the ultimate omnipotence source of creation. I broke the silence: “I never take these moments for granted with you in my dreams or in my meditations. Thank you for sharing this time.”
God: She wiped my tears and bent down to kiss my forehead. And in the most endearing accent she said, “Now gwan… you is late for more mamahood. Mi soon come when you need me!”
And so God let go of me and sent me back to this dimension with several answers to my questions as the smell of roses lingered on. There is always a prolonged peace after our encounters. Her words echo throughout the passing hours. Her touch reaches my heart as if I am being supported by something extra in my story. I am made new… and I am transformed from doubt into a deep faith in the unknown.
I had a dream two nights ago… really profound. I dreamt with Keanu Reeves.
I know, right?! Keanu!!! That in itself is magical. Do you know how hard it is to get him in a dream? He’s in high demand these days.
He was on his motorcycle and he stopped right in front of me on a street in a small town. I was over the moon excited. I mean, it was Keanu in his leather jacket looking all Keanuie. My body melted. Imagine Keanu stopping to talk to ME? He explained that he wasn’t really Keanu. He was God but he was using his body as a vessel to get my attention.
Oh! He got it. I was impressed.
He asked me to climb on the back of his motorcycle. And I did, wrapping my arms tightly around him. He gave me a helmet and it had a microphone so we could converse.
So, there I was on the back of his motorcycle and we rode through the desert. I could see the Grand Canyon up ahead. The vastness of space was spine-tingling. And he said to me, “Let go. Put your hands up.”
I hesitated, but I did it. I tightened my legs against the bike. I feared falling off. I could feel the heat against my skin. I put my arms out and let the wind guide me. The speed was enough to knock me off but I balanced myself against God and the unknown.
Then he said, through the microphone in our helmets, “Millie, let go and feel the wind. I am guiding you. You aren’t in control. Just feel the freedom and enjoy! This is how you need to live.”
I yelled, “Weeeee!” I was so full of carefree giddiness.
He laughed. And he reminded me again that He is always guiding me. All I need to do is trust. I need to move with the flow of what is and let my knowing lead.
So… God, looking all sexy on that bike, said a few more things I can’t remember. I do remember the feelings. I felt like I could do anything. And I can.
Last week I visited with God as a bodacious black woman with a beautiful Caribbean accent. I met with her during meditation. She was in a cabin in the middle of a rainforest. She invited me for tea. I smelled the sweetness coming from the kitchen and she came out with my grandmother’s delicious bread pudding. And so there we were… chit chatting like old friends, God and me.
In less than a week the Divine has found a way to connect with me. I feel something magical happening all around us. Do you? We are always so in tune with guidance. The trick is to make time to listen. And when God shows up… drop everything and tune in.
I spent a large part of my life hiding. Recently, after a healing session with an incredible soul, I recognized the patterns and programming. I shared with an old friend who immediately said, “Oh honey, you’ve been hiding all your life. I’m so sorry!”
Her sorry was genuine and my tears flowed out again. She saw me. Really saw the trail of bullshit left behind by a Narcissistic mother. And I’ve been working on cutting cords for so long. I tend to listen to the voices of the past when I try to lead my children in the now. I don’t want to be like my mother. I second guess every single major decision in spite of what my heart and intuition show me.
In spite of all my deep awareness and knowing I am not exempt from all my human lessons and challenges. I am always on the trail of mending.
Healing is about release. It’s surrendering to the now while letting go of what has kept you captive. This can be physical, emotional or spiritual. I don’t believe in examining and re-examining the past because that story is no longer there. We create new ones but at some point ancestral wounds need to be cut.
Sometimes we don’t really know what’s inside no matter how much we work on ourselves. It takes an outsider to guide your spirit on a new journey and quest.
Here is what I continue to learn daily: unhealed people hurt through their unknowing-ness. They don’t recognize they are hurting anyone, especially a child. As I continue to feel seen the vulnerability is heighten. I am no longer a little chubby scared girl feeling judged by the world. I am no longer a 20 something woman walking on eggshells afraid of what others think of me.
The healing sticks when we become aware of how we allow toxic energy from others. Those folks continue to show up to remind us of our growth. I am blessed they continue to show me how to set healthy boundaries.
I hope you can also see them and send them love. You don’t have to participate in their dramas. I see you. I honor you. I love you.
I woke this morning sick of my stories, the drama I repeat, and the never ending struggle to find peace among the storms that are not real but living in my little head. It’s sickening. This being, and just allowing, is not for sissies. No one said that the spiritual walk was meant to BE a walk in the park! It takes massive amount of discipline and I don’t follow orders very well…even when it’s from the esoteric world. So…I got up…did my meditation…had to stop right in the middle and said, “F*@k this crap! I can do this. I have manifested incredible experiences in this lifetime. I can let this go and move on without this struggle. This is my own ego creating this shit! I am more than this scene, this stage, and this production!!!”
I got up turning the “cannot” into “will do.”
We have the complete capacity and power to change our thoughts. In those moments I feel the swirl of energy directing me into joy, faith, and love. The heart opens up when I let go of the toxic stories I retell myself. It’s just a shift in perception. I promise.
Aren’t you sick of your same old stories, drama, struggles, and total bullshit (because it is just crap)? Then change the channel…tune into the mass consciousness of love…for you and the world. Get out of your head. Get out of your way…you got this! I know it may all feel heavy at this moment.
Put it down. Stop giving it power. Move away from it for a little while. You may come back to it at another time.
Onward and outward, darlings. Take one breath at a time and move through your knowing. Accept your magnificence and inner guidance. That is your internal GPS. Reroute if you must. But keep going.
Have a blessed day! I love you.
Living a life full of conscious awareness is not easy. We have to take responsibility for our lives and everything that happens in it. We cannot blame the world for what happens, will happen or never happens. We have choices. These choices are part lessons and part programming. The spiritual process of letting go requires shutting up the ego and living by faith…the knowing and accepting those things that aren’t in the comfort zone. It’s a matter of accepting the ugliness, the failures, the shame, the disgust and also all the wonderful experiences. We are made of duality. We need the dark in order to have the light and vice versa.
A simple definition for insanity is repeating the same thing over and over while expecting a different result. Detect the projections of others and your participation! Accept your responsibility in your story! Reject the same markers of dramatically filled egos! You got this. You do NOT have to continue living through past markers. You have the power to change the programming and move forward into a life that’s free of hurt and loss. We are not meant to struggle in such a way that we become paralyzed to the freedom of self-love and self-acceptance. Our worth is NOT suppose to be sacrificed. On the other side of this backward mind belief is JOY waiting to be embraced. Your authenticity is powerful and you are the only who can get you there…stop looking at the rear view mirror…you don’t live there anymore! Check out the beauty ahead!!!
“Consciousness is the highest word you will ever utter.” -Michael A. Singer
Here we are experiencing the expansion of consciousness. Every single day. Lately more intense than other times. Some folks aren’t handling it well. It’s that extreme. The more empathetic you are the harder it feels to stay grounded.
So we feel it in the physical body. We feel it in our emotional stories. We are navigating some amazing times and it’s conjuring up lots of release and old paradigms.
Stop beating yourself up for the past. Stop replaying the stories from yesteryears. Stop trying to make the past fit into your present life, and adjusting it to recreate in the future. Whatever belief you have will manifest quickly so be mindful of what you want. Energy doesn’t lie and it also doesn’t decipher from negative or positive. It attaches to all that is happening now. We are evolving and ascending to higher realms of consciousness.
If you are struggling recognize that you aren’t alone. We are here for each other. Reach out please. Sending love to all.
It’s time to shift your awareness and perspective. It’s time to truly be the most amazing version of yourself. The world needs it. It needs you to heal and help others heal. We are being asked right now to do so.
To blame others for my full participation in the drama is moronic. I cannot blame someone for me staying in a toxic relationship. I can blame my inability to move away from the fear and manipulation from that person while giving away my power. But he or she were not holding me captive. My perspective of the obstacle was my enemy.
I cannot blame someone else for screwing me up in business. I participated knowing that person’s character. But I did it anyway.
Most of the obstacles, events, and experiences that we believe are happening to us (while in victim mode) are actually happening through us.
Read that again if you can’t grasp it!
You have created a life that is comfortable even in the discomfort. You know it fully. You might hate it. You might be stuck in the past beating yourself up for mistakes and then taking it out on the world. You continue to blame everyone around you. But I can assure you that when you spiritually connect to your truth you will figure out that no one is to blame for many of the things you endure. Your past determines a lot of your future choices so be mindful of the journey. You get a tremendous opportunity, daily, to shift gears and make something out of your life.
Have courage. Rise above the victim mentality into something that teaches you invaluable experiences.
And yes, there are cases of abuse and violence that you didn’t ask for, or consciously attracted. There are diseases and so much that we don’t get a say on. There is still bad in the world.
We have duality in our lives. We move through the dark into light a million times. We get to choose how, when, and where.
Blaming everyone else for not having the right job, or being in a shitty relationship, or not having enough money is truly inexcusable. Pointing fingers at everyone else instead of moving inward and finding the answers is pure avoidance.
Your stories are your biggest motivators and inspirations. Learn how strong you are. Accept how magnificently you create life around you.
You have the power to change your circumstances one step at a time. When you leave the victim mentality you will begin to take control of your life. Trust in your capacity to manifest. Believe in your innate and divine ability to set healthy boundaries. Most of us were not taught this early on. It’s all about reprogramming your wiring.
Show up. Keep going. Manifest your desires. If you feel you have fallen take a breather and get back up again… and again. You are in control of your thoughts and actions. Start to shift into a higher vibrational frequency. The planet is pushing everyone of us to do so.
You’ve got this! WE got this!