Unconditional Love

unconditional love

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Embrace your Fabulousness


“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves: Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be?”~ Marianne Williamson

Matt, my husband, rolls his eyes and laughs most of the time when I compliment him.  It bothers me that he doesn’t see his fabulousness.  I find this man not only physically attractive but highly intelligent and stimulating.  He brings out the best in me as I am always in awed of him.  When I ask him, “Do you know how amazing you are?”  He asks me to “please stop.”  I tell him to take it and own it.  When the tables reverse and he compliments me I ask him to “please stop with the nonsense and go check his eye sight.”  Imagine that!  I have come to realize that we are the sums of those traumas from the past and all the peeps we handed our worth on platters.  It is time we take it back and stop fearing our greatness, fabulousness, and awesomeness!

I have never had a healthy acceptance of compliments, especially about my body or talents.  We can spend hours analyzing the root of this issue.  If hundreds of hours in therapy did not correct it I doubt that this post will.  But here is the thing I have learned about compliments and self-worth:  we truly fear them.  For the most part we hide behind what society expects from us. An older woman who was my neighbor at 18 (she was 94) said to me, “My sweet young woman, when someone hands you a flower what do you say?  You say ‘thank you.’ So, when a person compliments you look at them in the eyes (even if you don’t believe it) and accept the gift.”  Almost thirty years later I get the reason why.  If you are forced to share the moment and look at that person (stopping everything else in your head) you may see that they are genuine. We have been accustomed to disregard our worth, the natural beauty in our existence, and beat ourselves up because we can’t fit in some kind of social acceptance or perfection.

Body images change with fashion and fads.  Decades determine if size 10 is a healthy average woman’s size or size 2 is the new size 6.  Should your collar bones stick out so you can use them as soap holders? Should you plump up your lips like a bee stung them?  Is it healthy now to let your eyebrows grow out or should we still be plucking them into an arch that puts the shock factor on your face along with botox?  I can’t keep up, can you?  I stay away from those fashion magazines. I have never been good at following directions.

When I look in the mirror lately I don’t see myself.  It isn’t that I sit there examining.  I stare at the reflection brushing my teeth, often times in la-la land but catch a glimpse of a middle age woman who has come into her own.  I feel sexier now than I did in my twenties when I had a breast reduction, liposuction and the insane habit of dieting until I would faint.  I have many more laugh lines, wrinkles, freckles, and age spots. Each one of them maps out some incredible lessons.  I have a flabby but healthier body that climbs mountains, drinks wine, loves lattes, and at times indulges in some delicious dessert that I can’t pronounce.  And, yes, a few times a year I give everything a break and detox the middle age part of me giving up everything for a month or two or four until my friends beg that I go back to carbs, “please” because I am nicer when I eat junk.

I love watching the love of my life move.  I love studying his strong middle age body.  He might not like it but I find that each scar, dimple, and extra space is what allows more of him to love me.  Each time I embrace him I feel like I am with the sexiest man alive and I can’t understand why a magazine hasn’t posted this on their front page.  To me it is headline news.

As Marianne Williamson writes, “who are you not to” see yourself as beautiful?  Don’t let society determine what is beautiful. At what age do we stop worrying about body image, and what needs to be done, tucked, fastened, or covered up?  You are beautiful: curves, flab, scars, more or less.  It is the body given to you to journey on this life.  I don’t want to be perfect.  Hell no!  That’s a lot of pressure.  I want to be loved by those around me because of how I reflect parts of them.  If I can make you smile then I have done my part for the day.  These days when you hand me a compliment I will take it as a flower, put it in a vase, and relish that someone thinks I am special, beautiful or whatever else your spirit sees in me.  The returned words, “thank you” are magical in so many ways connecting us to each other.  Now go flaunt your spectacular-ness into the world.


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Why Not

I sat drinking coffee alone in the hotel lobby Sunday morning waiting for Matt to finish getting dress. A man about my age says, “Hello!” I look up and return it with a smile. He grabs a cup of coffee as I continue to read my book. He asks, “Rough night?” I answer, “Excuse me? I am on my honeymoon… I had a fabulous night.”
“Oh, congratulations…because of all the glitter in your hair I thought you had been partying.” He says pointing at my head.
“Nah…that’s been there for a while.”
“You have tinsel in your hair and it’s been there for a while?” He asks a bit confused.
“Yeah, it’s fairy hair.”
“What? Fairy hair? But your hair has a lot of other colors too.” He gets closer and sees the blue…
I smile.
“Are you a hairdresser?”
“Nope…just love my hair to be lively like my personality.”
“Why?” he asks confuse.
“Why not?”
This took him aback.
He kept on walking to get food and returned. “Yes, why not? Why are we so rigid, right? Why do we complicate things? I’ve never seen anyone with fairy hair. You are unique, huh?”
I smile without moving from my seat, still holding the book in my hands. “Why NOT are powerful words. They are filled with endless possibilities, not just for hair color or fairy tinsel…but for everything.”
He steps back, smiles…then laughs and thanks me. He leaves with his three kids back up to the elevator. I continue to remember the many “why not’s” that have changed my life. I reminisce over the thousands of choices that those two words have catapult me into new adventures.
We live in a society stuck on perceptions and ideas of what is expected to fit in. When you meet someone who isn’t conforming to the “normal standards” there is immediate judgment. Judgment cannot exist if there is compassion. All it takes is one person to be kind in the midst of a moment of a possible critique. It’s that simple. With a kind smile and a “why not” we say yes to all that the world is used to saying no to….and that’s all that we can give another. Each person is filled with a million “why not’s” that can transform a day, a year and a lifetime. Try it! It’s liberating….!

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There is a moment of impact

when the collision is everything

that matters.

I gasp…

Hands finding home.

I groan…

Fingers moving slowly.

I greet the part of you

that raptures me




with the weight of silence

between us,

holding our breaths,

touching our hearts,


I die a little in your arms

and you whisper,

“I love you, babe….”

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Loss of Laughter

minions laughing

The holidays are upon us. This is the time of the year that brings up all sorts of emotions to many. The winter weather (unless you live in Florida) seems to add to the struggle of disconnecting from others and the self. A dear friend of mine is a writer, a healer and a teacher. She is also creating classes and helping others move through worth issues and breaking old-thought programming. While having a discussion with her via email she sends me some of her questions and thought-provoking exercises. She ends an email with “I have this HUGE sense of loss.”

I am always amazed at how things come up when you are working on the self…you grab a hold of something over here and then another thing pops up over there. This thing of being human is tough and we make it even tougher when we don’t acknowledge the issues that come up. I ask her where the loss comes from, is it this or that? I send her several questions and she writes back:

Loss of never knowing how to laugh…Not sure…Definitely will explore. Someone who just finished her PhD asked on Facebook what people did for fun because she had forgot how…  I don’t know that I ever knew. Grew up in the country as an only child. By 6th or 7th grade I started planning my escape so that I could create my “perfect” little family… And I guess it was but not what I thought it would be… definitely not Ozzie and Harriet… but through all the planning and making things happen there was no time for fun and when there was an opportunity… it was awkward.”

We weren’t taught to laugh in many families. There was a sense of compliance, responsibilities, and duty. Laughing wasn’t part of the dynamic. I spent a lifetime thinking that laughter was a sin…that was not accepted because of duties. When I turned 40 I said, “The hell to all this crap. I am going to enjoy my life.” I made drastic changes. I went overboard deleting and creating a different course and life path. Some of my children resisted. Some went with the flow while feeling resentful that I removed them from a privilege life. There was money. Then there wasn’t. There was comfort and safety and definitely abundance of all types. Materialism was all around us. And then there wasn’t. For them laughter was always available. They laughed all the time…they didn’t feel or see the sadness in their mother. Now years later they all see it. The difference in a life is not measured by things but by the joy in simplicity. I learned to laugh and enjoy without guilt. My children were taught to play and laugh and continue playing throughout life. They are seeing it now in me like they never did in their childhood. I had a huge sense of loss and emptiness. I couldn’t figure out what I needed when I had so much.

To read these words from my dear wise friend I was transported back to a time that I can’t relate to at this moment in my life. Laughter is the best medicine. It raises our vibration and spiritual frequencies. Back then I wasn’t authentic to my spirit. I was fearful of others and what they thought of me. And now I see that there is a huge sense of loss from a lot of folks. I see the subject in emails and messages. It’s across the world from here to Norway, Mexico to Australia, France to India and then some. I read the words and feel the sadness and the sense of not knowing how to bring joy into their lives. I feel the pull of many who want answers and an easy solution. I cannot tell anyone what they need to do. All I can say is “You know the answers. Meditate and ask you higher self for guidance.”

We have been taught to be responsible, go after what we want, serve our families, study, work hard, etc. But, we aren’t taught to play. Watch a child playing and it’s a marvelous feeling of joy. They don’t worry about anything else. They are wholeheartedly focused on whatever they are doing. They don’t care how silly they look. When did we lose sight of play and laughter? At what age did we stop pretending and imagining? What happens to the soul when we shift our true awareness into the programming form of social experiment driving us into fear and anxiety? I don’t have any answers. I haven’t a real solution except to fake it until you make it. I have spent the last 7 years playing in the dirt, wearing tutus with boots in public, fishing for heart-shaped rocks in rivers, having colorful fairy hair, taking wrong turns exploring back roads, leaving loving messages on windshields, leaving funny messages inside books at stores, and truly giggling at the simple things in life. I have laughed with strangers, hugged more, and felt like a little kid tickled pink when someone notices my toes all have different colors. I don’t know how to show anyone else how to laugh but I can surely play. I can now be silly without worrying about what others think. I don’t care cause they are not me!

I believe we need to take more time for play and express joy through creativity. Something has to be put into place as part of the everyday list of things to do. Write it …follow through with it. Honor your spirit with joy. If you can’t figure out how to do something…well, Google it! Research it! Pinterest it! Treat laughter and play as you would a new job. And as your last resort come play with me on a sunny day. We can go to a Goodwill and try on ridiculous clothes and hats….oh…wanna laugh? It’s belly busting time! Create your own magical moments. The world is truly your playground so stop making it so hard to do something that’s naturally implemented into our DNA.  You got this.  EnJOY these holidays while seeing the magic of wonder. It’s not fun being an adult if you can’t also play like a child. 

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Recognize your truth

recognice your truth

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Sometimes a broken heart

brings courage,

a destitution that allows growth,

and the ego-less truth of self.

Sometimes a broken heart

brings a hiatus

to show how real compassion

dances intimately

with selflessness.

Sometimes a broken heart

is a disposition,

a clarity of temperament,

and the response of spirit.

Sometimes a broken heart

is just a break

that needs the fracture to

force the heart to expand,

to reach inner wisdom,

without the distraction

of someone else’s needs.


sometimes a broken heart

brings you to your knees,

closer to the Divine,

praying for forgiveness

while negotiating

for another chance

at seeing the world

through the eyes of love.

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