Gasping for Air

You had a bone to pick with me…

digging out,

unleashing an ugly truth

of a perception

brought on by my words,

nasty monologue,

and the lack of expressing my side

of a story I believed to be one way.

I allowed it,

even owned it for a while,

until the realization sank

that you don’t know me

anymore than I know you.

 

Lessons come in moments,

days, weeks and narratives

cascading through emotions…

nothing is ever what it seems.

Smothering closes in,

spaces are confined,

and both sides race to a finish line

while neither voices

their suffocation,

lack of air stretch,

in the freedom

we know as the reality

of our lives.

 

We are never the sums of half truths,

untold substances,

made up by the what if’s

brought on by past experiences.

Neither of us lived in those scenarios,

never intertwining into each other.

We never touched the same terrains,

walked similar journeys,

or ventured in each others’ timelines…

we cannot be expected to adhere

to the tension of any physical attractions

when the rest of us doesn’t quite fit

the puzzle pieces.

They should all have fallen easy –

no force or manipulation.

 

Words escaped me at that moment,

paralyzing the little girl in me,

when I wanted to protest,

feeling raw and exposed

to explain what I don’t know

in this and that of two strangers.

 

Egos have a way of taking over,

multiplying, enhancing and dictating

instead of allowing

our authentic selves to speak.

 

It’s okay.  I now understand.

The past is a cosmic web

threading us to new experiences

that push and pull the psyche

forcing growth.

I am thankful for the test

as I stand back watching

a movie replay…

for this path I shall never walk again.

The Ness of It All

Tucking my hair behind my ears,

caressing my bangs over my eyes,

you checked in constant assurance

that I always heard and saw you.

Your hands guided my chin upward

so my eyes could share

the unspoken truth…

I was forever present with your one-ness.

Memories immortalize moments,

freezing scenes of tender-ness,

loving-ness and kind-ness

while all else now falls

in helpless-ness  to a backdrop

of what is now real life.

Words echo,

I was everything to you

and I haven’t been ever since

to anyone else…

Oh, yes, there have been lovers

who crafted beautifully the arts

of rapture,

passion,

ecstasy,

gratification…

but the nothing-ness,

the ever so encompassing-ness

of allowing me

to love endlessly

without holding back

buried itself with you

long ago.

When I permit myself

the act of giving

I am returned with akward-ness–

a full disclosure

that you are not in them,

and I am not in me as well.

Luckily stories re-enact

in little sleepless nights

through visions

of what may never be again

but always live in fond-ness:

I was truly treasured

in whole-ness by you.

Cosmic Souls

 

The moon peaked into our room

watching us with envy,

infusing and detailing the scent of musk.

I moved to your hands

feathering my back,

counting every freckle,

tracing every scar,

until you finally took me,

devouring inch by inch

the territory of flesh.

I searched for your eyes,

with that giant light as my witness,

to see them smiling

like no other I’ve ever seen.

You were the one…

the only one who expected nothing,

accepted even less,

while longing my body,

entering my soul.

Our bodies united,

intertwining without beginning or end

as the wind rhythmically guided

our dance.

You had me. You were my essence,

I was yours,

and one day we will meet again

in the cosmic world of

the in-between.