yours and mine,
touches me in the middle of the night
as I long to reach under the warmth
miles of blankets and pillows
to feel your fingertips rubbing mine.
Between the snores, movements,
and exasperation of the room
I lay still
hearing your heart beat against
the fullness of silence
engulfing me with your past stories,
dancing with your present words,
desiring a moment of exhale
where you can be free from the traumas.
I think I loved you before we ever met.
I think I will love you even after this….
In spite of what you hear: natural disasters, political mumbo-jumbo, war news, human cruelty, and the million other subjects (not negating they are all important) there is still a huge Omnipotence Presence around us. There are miracles happening every day. New lives are coming in. Others are finally releasing, transitioning, and returning to peace. And while illnesses, losses and heartaches are part of our human existence, there is so much goodness as well. We have been taught to look for the drama…because that is what sustains us. We have stopped looking sideways to neighbors, forward to those waiting for love. But, we have no problem obsessing about the past. We have zero issues with trying to change what has already been done. How can we learn to move forward if we are constantly focusing on what has happened? I get it. Completely. I have had several moments of that recently. It’s okay to examine the life that has appeared before. What’s not okay is to regret and resent the decisions that have brought you here.
I have a client who is a sweet elderly man. He whistles all day long. When I go visit him that’s my cue that he’s feeling fine. His dementia is extremely advanced. He knows that he knows me but cannot pin point it and so we just sit in silence for a bit. Some days I am a fellow mechanic. Other days I am his niece. At other times I am his secretary. Last week, in a visit, he said I was the most beautiful woman he had seen in a long time. He was a gentleman about the comment. He grabbed my hand and told me that he had been a really bad human being. I was surprised. This is never a subject we discuss, because he was an alcoholic and had spent some time in jail in his younger years. But, the man I visit is not a shadow of who he was back then. He doesn’t sit there and contemplate that. He just whistles. But, last week he did. He shared a few intimate details about his wife at the time. He said, “I could have been better. I could have been so much kinder. I just didn’t know how. So I did what I did without knowing I had the choice to be a better man.”
I held his hands. I felt God moving through us in that cold hall. His blue eyes shared a depth I hadn’t seen in the few years I have visited with him. Would I have judged the man he was before? Probably. I also didn’t know better years ago. I would truly have seen a disturbed soul. When you are willing to be vulnerable in receiving the gifts of grace, the world begins to introduce people who teach you. It’s remarkably beautiful how the instructions begin to unfold. I marvel at those moments when I think of one thing and it turns out to be a huge divine surprise in guidance. This man has been one of my most beautiful lessons in my job. He was the first client I acquired and has continued to show me that inside of us there are always choices. Even through cognitive impairment he still continues to show me that the face of judgment is a choice we make every single day.
Look around! Get outside of your story. You are who you are because of the decisions and choices that have molded you thus far. Stop the drama for a bit. There is a tremendous spiritual shift happening when we remove the ego out of the equation. Watch the world around you. You do not have to partake in every single news segment or dramatized event that shows up in your television, family or social feeder. Pay attention to the underlining issue of humanity through your senses. Listen to the silence. Learn to distinguish what is real and what is mass manipulation causing fear. We are controlled either through love or fear. The choice in your reality is based on how you act and react to those two.
Give with your heart by allowing to receive with openness. I am grateful for your experiences that mirror mine and make me feel alive with joy and love. Every single person is an opportunity to enter a classroom. Use those moments to find God teaching you valuable lessons.