Letting Go

This morning I visited an elderly client with dementia who is very sick at the hospital. She’s dying. When I walked in she smiled. I asked her if she knew who I was.

She said, “Of course. I’ve been waiting for you. I’m your favorite. I’ve never been anyone’s favorite before.”

I smiled and hugged her, kissing her forehead, “Yes you are, darling. You are my favorite.”

I sat next to her and held her hand. We spoke of many intimate things. I asked if she had regrets, if she needed to forgive anyone? For all humanitarian concerns she has not been a good person. I didn’t know her until a few months ago, but I know part of her history. I see an elderly woman, weighing less than 75 lbs. but in her life she created a lot of hurt, chaos and destruction. But, lying in that bed, she’s a little elderly soul ready to transition.

“I do have regrets. I’ve been a nasty woman. I have done horrific acts!” Her eyes watered.

I patted her hand with mine. “I know what we can do today. We can forgive together. We can hold each other in grace and let go of things. Do you want to let go of all that?”

“Oh, I do. I just don’t know how to.” She laid her head back on the pillow and closed her eyes. I held my tears inside hoping not to show how her brokenness felt in my chest.

So we sat there in silence for a bit. I moved to her bed and sat at her feet rubbing her legs. I waited. Eventually she broke the silence letting me know that life was hard and she was ready to go. I told her I saw her. I felt her. I knew her pain. I told her that I loved her for who she was at that moment. I didn’t care what she did before this time. She said that this was why she liked me…why she was waiting on me. (I don’t know who she thought I was or who she was waiting on but we had an appointment with Source).

I asked her if I could take a picture of her hand because it reminded me so much of my mother’s. That touched her to tears. She asked about my mother. I told her the good parts… the memories that have allowed me to be a good mother myself, the bits and pieces of compassion and love…. She smiled and thanked me.

Together we held each other until I had to leave. She thanked me. She held my embrace and I told her if she had to “leave” that I would remember her for her honesty and her ability to show up in my presence.

Because, really, isn’t that what we all want to be remembered for…to show up through love. What was done yesterday will not fill us today. Allow divinity to heal those wounds. Start new. I love you.

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