I read a quote today from Susan Abrams Milligan: “When writing the story of your life, don’t let anyone else hold the pen.” Powerful words! How many times do we allow another person to dictate our worth? How often do we change our thinking, our moods and our decisions because of another? Usually we do this in relationships, especially women. We do allow another to determine an unhealthy dependency. I decided a few years ago that I would not let anyone hold the pen. I spent a lifetime with others abusing my emotional state in order to take control. I made a point of not only holding the pen, but making sure there’s no other form of writing aids. I am the only one who could write the story of MY LIFE.
This past Saturday afternoon Matt and I sat for a bit looking at the pond in the retreat center. My cousin snapped this photo without us knowing. It speaks volumes to me of how I feel with this man, about this man, and for this man. We have this simplicity of allowing, loving, and accepting that I’ve never known before. We can sit for a long time next to each other without uttering a word. Every so often we will smile, ask for a kiss, touch one another lovingly, but return to the book, the story, or whatever else we are doing. The easiest way for me to explain is that he’s the wave and I am the ocean floor. We fit without expectations or needs but we flow together. Because we love the outdoors, books, movies and writing we share a mutual respect for solitude, serenity and space.
The picture also happened to be taken minutes before we moved to the red chairs on the dock. I took my cell phone out of my back pocket so it wouldn’t fall in the water but somehow it slipped out of my hands, and dove into a suicide mission never to be seen again (bubbles surfacing as it sunk many feet into muck). I laughed it off because I am the one always telling him to be careful with his phone! This wonderful man went inside the house, changed into shorts, and tried to go into the icy water. I assured him I didn’t need it. I could go get another one. He insisted that he could retrieve it (to get the TMNT cover he had gifted me) until he put his toes in the water and realized no way, no how was he going in! We both laughed. Our laughter is contagious. It is in those moments that I find the simplicity in him and the magnetism it brings out in me.
I used to ask myself, “Is there true love? Is there a perfect person out there for me?” I never doubted the answer. I manifested him years ago but it took time for me to heal, let go, and surrender to my desires. It takes time for dreams to align in perfect Divine order. He is more than I could’ve asked God. In his gentle ways he brings me to the truth of myself. I fell head over heels in love with his intellectual no-nonsense mind that is the other side of everything I am not. I don’t hide or hold back any emotions. He calls me on my crap and I need that. I need people in my life who can keep me in check. I don’t do phony well. I can’t handle superficial personalities. With us, what you see is what you get. There is no guessing what Matt is thinking or what I am contemplating. I definitely have no poker face!
Just like the picture there is a place in our presence that allows us to be together beyond space and time. Moments come and go without the need to force anything. He brings out the best in me without anxiety, fears, or pretenses. We are one of the same. It was a month or so after we began dating that I looked at him and my soul knew instantly that he was the one I had dreamed with all my life. As Emily Bronte once wrote, “He’s more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.”
Moments with Millie 
This is beautiful. Simply beautiful. Thank you for sharing. (And I love this quote!)
I thank you so much. I often hesitate sharing too much about my love life but this one kind of wrote itself. As always thanks for your kindness. Mucho love.
I didn’t think this was too much at all. How many times have we seen a vision like this picture of you and yours and in passing thought “awwwww”. It’s nice to have a narrative to something so full of love. 🙂
You are so right. I have often observed gestures, over heard strangers, and really noticed the pleasantries full of love. I thank you for that reminder. Have a wonderful day!
Thank you! 🙂
Beautiful post! there’s so much serenity felt from that photo, it’s nice to know happy endings…sorry! beginnings are real 🙂
Haha! Absolutely. Thank you for the loving words. Always touched by them.
Wonderful – magical – inspiring. Always love your writing Millie…. and this is one of your best.
Aw! I thank you so much for that. It is easy to write when it is from the heart. He brings out the very best in me. If anything the love overflows because I no longer need to hold back. Mucho love, my friend. 😄
“He’s more myself than I am. Whatever our souls are made of, his and mine are the same.” –This so frames the rest of the story above it! I like how you point out he calls you on stuff when you need it… that kind of self- and relationship understanding can take lifetimes. Beautiful. Great image. Renee
Renee, thank you so much. I appreciate your generous comments. Have a blessed day!
Love is never a relationship, love is relating. Congratulations!
WOW! Those words gave me an AHA moment. Thank you!
What a wonderful sharing! This story inspires the spirit and instills hope. Thank you.
Oh dear friend! Thank you for that. So
Greatly appreciated. Mucho love to you.
Thank you for sharing your experiences and discovery. Looking forward to many more stories. You are correct we for so long have spoken and written what we thoughts other wanted to hear. We have to think, recognize, speak, write our authentic self the impact on others and our own self is amazing… I would urge everyone to try it and tell your story.
Thank you my friend. I believe your authentic self, your truth, comes out when you no longer hold on to what others think. It is difficult at first, oh, but so worth releasing. Everyone needs to write their stories, share them and teach. We are all teachers and students for one another. Have a blessed day!
This is so beautiful. And so very true.
Aw! Thank you so very much for the comment and taking time to stop by. Greatly appreciated. Have a wonderful day.
Call you out on your crap, huh? What crap? Hehe!! Sam and I call each other out all the time, but then we’re both full of it! 😛
Seriously, though, I really really like this one! As you said in some of your replies, “it comes straight from [the] heart”. You can never say too much when it comes from the heart.
Oh…girl, I have my share of crap. I can drive a person insane at times with my sarcasm. Thanks for the love and constant support!